Foster2Forever

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Introducing Our New Son

On December 15, 2009, I received a call that changed our lives. Mostly, it changed the life of this infant boy, only 3 months old at the time.

I fell in love at first sight. A first for me as I didn’t believe in love at first sight before that day.

Our Lil Bit is beautifully and wonderfully made!

Our Lil Bit scared us so many times. Numerous hospital stays and TWO broken arms!

Lil Bit loves his brother, Stinkpot, and asks for him first thing everyday! I love watching their relationship grow.

As our Lil Bit grows up, his smile warms my heart every step of the way!

23 months and 3 days later, he is our son!!! We are now officially a FAMILY!

Thank you for your support over the last two years. Every comment you have made, has made our journey easier.

May God shower you with His beautiful blessings as he has our family!

Much love and hugs!

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Our Lil Bit Has a Newborn Baby Brother!

In foster care, one phone call can instantly change lives. If you follow Foster2Forever on Facebook and Twitter, you already know that we received that call yesterday.

We are so excited to be adopting Lil Bit tomorrow and are busy preparing for the big day. I was blindsided yesterday morning when I received a call from our caseworker.

“Lil Bit’s birthmom gave birth to a healthy, full-term baby boy that will be released from the hospital tomorrow. The State is giving you the first option for placement.”

WHOA!!! Gulp! A day before Lil Bit’s adoption! A newborn! Another boy! Another probable adoption! Wow! Overwhelming! A decision that can change a life to be made quickly!

I called FosterDad. His assistant answered. He was in a meeting.

“I need FosterDad to call me immediately!”

She was concerned at the tone of my voice. I assured her that everything was fine, and told her about the call. We both laughed and agreed that FosterDad was going to freak out.  She assured me that he would be sitting down when he called back, and I asked her to record his reaction.

His reaction was disbelief and just flat-out overwhelming shock.  I could hear his assistant cackling in the background.

We had a huge decision to make. I reached out to our Facebook friends – you are the best!  I was struggling until I read what Shawn wrote:

“Look back to your post on Nov 10th at 11:43 am.”

That post was related to our situation with Stinkpot’s care and read:

When feeling down and confused, blessings from above can make you soar above the clouds! Thank you, Lord, for your unexpected blessings!

I cried realizing that this baby was an unexpected blessing, and there was a reason for this call.  Thank you, Shawn!

THEN I RECEIVED ANOTHER PLACEMENT CALL!

A caseworker from Austin called later in the afternoon:

We are calling to inform you that STINKPOT‘s birthmother gave birth to a healthy baby boy, and we would like to place the newborn with you.

YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! Both my boys become big brothers the same week!  TWO NEWBORNS???  TWO more boys??? Twins!!!

AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! Good thing I was laying down at the time. I AM ONE FREAKED OUT CHICK!

I stammered why I am laughing so uncontrollably.  Fortunately, this seasoned caseworker knew what was going on and promised to call right back.

His instinct was right – the message had gotten mixed up along the way and it was, in fact, Lil Bit’s birthmom that had given birth, not Stinkpot’s.  (I had thought she was in prison.)

A LIFE-CHANGING DECISION

We have a HUGE decision to make! FosterDad felt uneasy about adding the newborn baby to our family given Stinkpot’s current adjustment issues.  I felt uneasy about saying no to this newborn baby when we fought so hard to keep Lil Bit.

I needed to talk to the baby’s caseworker.

She called last night, and I shared our concerns and how much we are struggling with the decision. She understood. Apparently, the State has no other homes lined up for this baby.

My first concern has to be with Stinkpot, and that right now adding a baby may shake up his world  more than he can handle right now at this moment.

I asked to be kept informed of the case.  I feel sick for saying no.

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Ding! Dong! Here’s A Baby! – My Messiest Moments as a Foster Mom

One of the most challenging aspects of foster care is that your life can change at a moment’s notice.  Our lives changed instantly on March 4, 2008, when we received a call for an 8-month-old baby boy.  I was so excited! A baby!!!  (That never happens in foster care.)  It was only after our JD arrived that I realized – “I don’t know nothing about babies!”

I was handed a baby with only a few things.  What does an 8-month-old baby eat? I had no idea! There was some cereal & formula. Hmm! I guess this is what I’m supposed feed him.

Our baby JD was so sick! He was so congested that he barely could breathe. His eyes were matted with mucus. He had a diaper rash the size of his entire diaper!

JD’s sick little eyes when he arrived

Wow! Overwhelming to say the least for our very first placement.

He had a few prescriptions for antibiotics and a nebulizer for breathing treatments.  Because of all his breathing problems as a baby, JD was on and off antibiotics for most of his toddlerhood.  But with the antibiotics came the dreaded diarrhea. Not just “loose” stools but water-y projectile diarrhea!  And did it go away after he would complete a round of antibiotics? NO!

For two years, our JD would have occasional, unexplained brown river diarrhea. And, of course, it would hit at the most random times:

  • We would receive THAT call from the daycare saying: “You need to come pick up JD NOW. He’s had two bouts of diarrhea already today.“
  • While FosterDad was at home alone with diaper-changing duties, JD shot his “liquid weapon” across the room, hitting the crib, carpeting, nursery door, and anything in his way. For this round, JD got bonus points for shooting his brown shrapnel into his diaper bag and even in his shoes!
  • Even our teenager wasn’t immune to being on the receiving end of the mess.  One day as Bubba was keeping JD for a couple of hours, he called me frantic, “JD’s diaper came off during his nap and there’s crap everywhere!”  I gave him some simple instructions as I rushed home.  Bubba wasn’t exaggerating! JD was covered in crap as Bubba had a (as in one) diaper wipe trying to clean him up.
  • On vacation, at the Rainforest Cafe on Galveston Island. FosterDad and Bubba were changing him in the mens room as other restaurant patrons were dodging the brown spray.
  • Numerous other restaurants that we had to make a quick exit.
  • JD was constantly messing his clothes (and ours).

We should’ve bought stock in Clorox Disinfecting Wipes!

However, FINALLY, after 2 years of dodging diarrhea, we discovered the truth behind the turds after our JD began talking.  One afternoon, he asked for a glass of milk, and an hour later began complaining that his tummy hurt!

Our JD was lactose-sensitive!  Imagine that! All that misery that could have been avoided had we known a little more about JD’s medical history.

If I had only known….I could have avoided my messiest moments as a foster mom!!!

What do you wish you would have known about a child in your care?

What has been your messiest moment as a parent?

I received information about Clorox’s Bleach It Away campaign and am sharing my messy moment with The SITS Girls.  Check out www.BleachItAway.com – where you can share your messiest story, plus grab a coupon for Clorox® Regular Bleach.

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Adoption Month Blog Hop – Share Your Adoption Stories

November is National Adoption Month!

foster-care-adoption
Foster2Forever wants to celebrate by sharing adoption stories through a blog hop/carnival for the month of November. You can join in whether you’ve already adopted or even if you’re just beginning your adoption journey.

Write on any topic of adoption that you feel led: your adoption journey, why you adopted, opportunities to help adoptive families, how adoption has changed lives, challenges, etc.

  • Try to keep your post less than 500 words;
  • Add our Foster2Forever badge to your website or just link back here;
  • Grab the blog hop code to add to your site!

Read Other Adoption Stories!

Be sure and visit other adoption stories to give congratulations, provide support, or make new friends!

You can also join in the blog hop at The R House.

Here’s to National Adoption Month!

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Medicating Our Explosive Child

This breaks my heart. Our Stinkpot has now had two major out-of-control rages at preschool in the last two weeks. The preschool has informed us that they are not capable of handling a child that will punch their teacher in the face. And we understand. The school has to have an environment that is safe for everyone.

Last year, when Stinkpot got kicked out of his second daycare due to his rages, I took Family Medical Leave from my job and stayed with him more with him in Mothers Day Out part-time.

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Photo courtesy of Rodrigo Senna

We also took him to a child psychiatrist to evaluate him. As Stinkpot was literally climbing the walls, tables, and shelves, the doctor knew there was definitely some hyperactivity issues. He wanted to take a conservative approach toward medication. We like that!

The doctor prescribed a calming drug before moving onto psychotropic medications.

For the first two days our Stinkpot was on that medication, he slept.  And I cried! I didn’t want my energetic baby turned into a zombie!  FosterDad encouraged me to wait a few more days as Stinkpot adjusted to the medication.

Our Stinkpot did well all last spring and summer on that drug until a couple of weeks ago.  Now we have to re-evaluate the effectiveness of the medication with the doctor today and examine alternatives.

I realize that every child and every situation is different, but have you had to medicate your child? What was the outcome?

Thank you for helping me feel less alone in this!
Hugs!

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Applying for Foster Care Subsidy

We are adopting Lil Bit, our 2-year-old foster boy, on National Adoption Day!!!    Only 23 months and 3 days after that 3-month-old baby was placed in our home.  It took only 23 months…

On Saturday, we met with our State adoption worker. He gave us forms to complete for Lil Bit’s adoption.

The first form is a 4-page Child Information Form, which asks many detailed questions about the child’s personality, eating habits, bedtime and wake-up schedule, development, etc.  This form is mainly useful for children being adopted by a family other than the foster family.  However, we are still required to complete the form.  We completed this form for our Stinkpot’s adoption, over 2 years ago now.

I Actually Go By "Bob Visual Novel" Now

click for photo credit

The other form is the Adoption Assistance Request (Form 2250), i.e. request for subsidy. We did know that a minority or older child or sibling group was eligible for subsidy for medical coverage and Texas college tuition assistance; however, we did not realize that there could be monthly financial assistance to raise adopted children.  The adoption worker also pointed out that our attorney’s fees could be covered for the adoption.  We did not know about these incentives.

In Texas, the foster children eligible for subsidy generally are the harder-to-adopt:

  • Minority children (including Hispanic) over the age of 2;
  • Any child over the age of 5;
  • Disabled children;
  • Sibling groups.

However, even with these incentives, there are over 100,000 children in foster care waiting for their forever families.  Maybe you can adopt?

Thanks to our friends on Facebook for all your support! We are in the home stretch to adopt our baby boy! We will keep you posted as we go through this process…

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When Your Child Acts Out: Benefits of Play Therapy

 

Just when I was thinking that I had this parenting thing down, a week such as this occurs.  Our 4-year-old Stinkpot is a strong-willed little tyke and will quickly throw a fit to get his way.  Last year, he was thrown out of 2 daycares, and now, may be on his way to number 3.

Yesterday morning Stinkpot had a major meltdown at school. Growling, kicking, hitting, and spitting at the teacher. He was even biting himself! We’ve gone nearly a year without this type of incident.

The teachers are sympathetic, but shocked at his behavior. “He’s been corrected before and even had time-outs, and he’s never reacted like this before.”

I took off work and stayed home with him.  He was grouchier than usual, and growling.  I allowed him to take a long nap, and last night, the family had dinner at Burger King to allow him to “play out his energy.”

Here is the interesting part — This is the story he acted out in play therapy this morning:

Bad guys were taking babies, and Daddy and Mommy couldn’t fight off the bad guys. Luckily, after lots of fighting, the policemen and Batman eventually got the babies back! The story ended with Mommy, Daddy, Batman and Spiderman driving away with the babies.

A removal story as told through a child’s play! And what a happy ending!

It appears that the investigation into our foster boy Lil Bit’s broken arm is causing some deep fears in our Stinkpot due to his trauma in early life.

As we were leaving, I told Stinkpot that Lil Bit would be staying with us forever.  His reply was:

What about me?

I told him that he will always be with us forever.  He began questioning me, “Even when I’m bad?”

“Even when you do bad things. We love you and you are with us forever.”

Our job is to affirm our Stinkpot that he will be with us forever!

Fortunately, we meet with the adoption worker this weekend to begin the adoption process to become a forever family!

What ways do you affirm to your children that they will be with you forever?

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The giveaway winner of the Dinosaur Train Spooky Scavenger Hunt book from PBS Kids is:

Your Winner

(confirmed)

Author: amy deeter Comment: permalinki follow you on twitter

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When You Shouldn’t Adopt from Foster Care

 

This week, renowned adoption advocate, Russell Moore, discussed how not every Christian should adopt:

For years, I’ve called Christian churches and families to our James 1:27 mandate to care for widows and orphans in their distress, to live out the adoption we’ve received in the gospel by adopting and fostering children. At the same time, I’ve maintained that, while every Christian is called to care for orphans and widows, not every Christian is called to adopt or foster. As a matter of fact, there are many who, and I say this emphatically, should not.

He goes on to say:

…every adoption, every orphan, represents a tragedy. Someone was killed, someone left, someone was impoverished, or someone was diseased. Wrapped up in each situation is some kind of hurt, and all that accompanies that. That’s the reason there really is no adoption that is not a “special needs” adoption; you just might not know on the front end what those special needs are.

I certainly agree with this, and even go on to say that every child is a “special needs” child.   Just like us, no child is perfect and will have unique gifts and abilities.

Sometimes parents can throw their expectations onto a child, setting the child to continually be a disappointment when they don’t live up to those expectations.  We all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, even parents.  Some parents have unrealistic expectations of how a child should talk, act, and be.  A child’s traits can be positive: strong-willed (determined),  ADHD (energetic), clinginess (affectionate):

…we need Christians ready to care for real orphans, with all the brokenness and risk that comes with it.

If what you like is the idea of a baby who fulfills your needs and meets your expectations, just buy a cat. Decorate the nursery, if you’d like. Dress it up in pink or blue, and take pictures. And be sure to have it declawed.

Dr. Moore has written the book, Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families & Churches, a highly regarded book calling Christians to adopt children.  Another purpose of the book is to help equip Christian families going through the process.

I absolutely LOVED this book!!!  What are your thoughts?

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Homemade Dinosaur Halloween Costumes

I love Halloween! I love dressing up with the kids and going trick-or-treating, even though begging our neighbors for candy isn’t the best lesson for our kids!  On this spooky evening of goblins and ghouls, our normally, quiet, sleepy subdivision morphs into a HUGE Mardi Gras-like carnival.  Pumpkins, skeletons, cobwebs, and even bounce houses line our streets.  Trick-or-treaters even parade through our subdivision on hay rides! Cars have to dodge families walking through the streets going from house to house. We believe our entire city shows up in our neighborhood on Halloween night!

So when Costume Discounters invited me to review their kids Halloween costumes, I was thrilled! Given our Halloween costume theme for this year, I knew Lil Bit’s Robin costume would be difficult to find and Costume Discounters had it in stock!

My first concern was size. With the costume sized as 2T-4T, I was concerned it would be too large for our 2-year-old.  Fortunately, we had Stinkpot’s costume from last year in that size, and found that it will work well for our Lil Bit that is not too little now.

When I first saw the price of $19.97, I was astounded that the price for a child’s costume could be that much. I remember as a kid in the early 1970s when $5 was an expensive costume.  However, when I took a trip to Target and the local party store, I saw that the prices at Costume Discounters are competitive.

The costume arrived within a few days of my order.

The Robin costume is officially licensed by DC Comics. The fabric is a thin polyester which will work well for our warm Texas Halloweens. The costume comes with a black mask and detachable cape.

I will be ordering Stinkpot’s Batman costume from Costume Discounters along with my Catwoman accessories. The jury is still out on whether FosterDad will join us trick-or-treating as the Joker.

PBS CHILDREN’S SHOW DINOSAUR TRAIN :

Did you realize that in the PBS show Dinosaur Train, that young T-Rex, Buddy, is adopted by the Pteranodon family? A preschool show about adoption? The show’s main theme isn’t adoption, but Buddy only refers to Mrs. Pteranodon as MOM! A great lesson in that a family doesn’t have to all look alike.

Check out this video!

The next lines in the theme song are:

But dear old Mrs. Pteranodon said:

“Oh, this is your family, and I’m your mom,
you may be different, but we’re all creatures,
all dinosaurs have different features…”

Our boys enjoy watching Dinosaur Train and we’re excited about –>

DIY HOMEMADE DINOSAUR HALLOWEEN COSTUME PATTERN!

Dinosaur Train Costume – Buddy  

Here is a do-it-yourself costume for Buddy, kids’ favorite T-Rex!  Jim Henson’s Creature Shop have created this Buddy costume that can be made at home!  This colorful Halloween costume can be made for toddlers ages 3-4, and children between the ages of 4-6.  There is also a No-Sew option!


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