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9:09 am by Penelope

Foster to Adopt Stories – Adopting Siblings

Many children in foster care that are waiting for adoption are sibling sets.  By adopting siblings from foster care, Jeremy and his wife, Sarah, ensured that three brothers would not be separated from each other.

My wife, Sarah, and I have talked about adoption for the 26 years we have been together — her brother was adopted from South Korea. As a military family with constant moving between military bases, we didn’t think that we would have the stability to get through the adoption process before we would have to move again.

Adopting Siblings from Foster Care

Once I retired from the military three years ago, we finally began to actively pursue adoption. We have always had a big family so we thought that we should consider adopting siblings rather than just one child.  

We completed our initial paperwork for adoption, and then waited – for months – but weren’t matched with any sibling groups. Then we were asked if we would consider foster care.  — three brothers were in foster care but not yet legally free for adoption.  By adopting siblings from foster care, it keeps siblings from being separated and split up.  

While this route would not guarantee adoption, after much prayer and consideration, along with many questions, we said YES and welcomed the brothers into our home.

foster-care-stories-adopting-siblings Photo by amyelizabethquinn

Foster families cannot anticipate everything that will be required of them during the adoption process. We have had difficult times. There have been times when we didn’t all get along. There are many challenges that we didn’t expect along the way. But there has never been any wavering in our commitment to have these precious children as part of family.

My wife Sarah has been home with some or all of these children for 21 straight months. All day, every day. Rarely ever getting a break. She takes care of the boys, takes them to their appointments, and advocates for the services that they require. She has done all of this and still had a home to manage, other kids to raise, and is still able to find time for me. I think her day has at least 36 hours in it, but somehow, by the grace of God, she is able to make it all work. Sarah’s love is truly the glue that keeps this family together and the oil that keeps it running smoothly.

Faith in Adoption

This unrelenting commitment to these children comes from a deep place in our belief system. According to Scripture, God adopted us, Christians, as children into God’s family.

  • Having an Eternal Father I can turn to at any time for help makes me want to be that for all 7 of our children.
  • Having a Heavenly Father that has provided me with everything I need for life so I can provide for every child under my care.
  • Having a loving Father that loves unconditionally reminds me that, even when it is hard, love will never run out for these boys.

Every day, I am learning how to love my sons better.

Today, I stand in Court testifying that Dominick, Matthew, and Ronen are forever members of our family.

Today we will celebrate a milestone. These boys are legally our sons and permanently part of our family. We will take pictures, have a special meal, and celebrate this date for years to come.

Today is just another step in our journey.

  • Our journey of assimilation into a family.
  • Our journey of discovering the skills and gifts that God has put into our boys.
  • Our journey of understanding the endless love of God as we endeavor to love these children well.

Tomorrow we will keep moving, together, as a family, on this journey through life. There will be other mountains to climb, valleys to endure, and everything in between. We will make memories, make mistakes, and make-up. I will continue to love these boys with the love that God has shown to me. No matter what twists, turns, difficulties, or obstacles come along, we will always have enough love to overcome it.

We are a family.

Jeremy is the father of 4 biological children and 3 adopted sons. He and his wife, Sarah, fostered their sons for almost two years before adopting siblings.

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2:23 pm by Penelope

Can I Really Help My Adopted Child? Or Are Genes More Important Than Environment?

We have all heard that “know it all” parent say under their breath, “If that were my child they wouldn’t act like that.” You may hear it at the park, at school functions, and even at church.

Every day, parents of children with behavior problems, may ask themselves, “Am I the right parent for this child? If my child were being raised in a different home, would their behavior be different?” As an adoptive parent, I must admit that I have asked myself that question hundreds of times. I’ve felt embarrassment and shame and wondered if I was good enough to parent my difficult child.

Americans spend millions of dollars each year on books and seminars trying to find answers for their child’s behavior. Most result in little or no change. To say that the debate over “Nature vs. Nurture” is convoluted is an understatement.

Psychologist John Watson had this to say on the issue:

“Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own specified world to bring them up in and I’ll guarantee to take any one at random and train him to become any type of specialist I might select … regardless of his talents, penchants, tendencies, abilities, vocations and race of his ancestors.”

Any parent who has raised more than one child should find this nurture theory laughable. Every day we see children raised in the same home, taught the same morels and beliefs, turn out with totally different beliefs and convictions than those they were taught and of those of their siblings.

Moreover, as foster and adoptive parents can attest, changing the environment of a child doesn’t just take away previous trauma and neglect. A foster/adoptive parent may wonder: “How much of a child’s behavior is a response from previous trauma and how much could be from some sort of possible disorder?”

The Nature theory asserts that nearly all traits such as intelligence, personality, aggression, and sexual orientation are encoded in an individual’s genes.

Genes and Environment

According to years of genetic research on twins, Dr. Danielle Posthuma of the Neuroscience Campus in Amsterdam found that although a child may have a high genetic predisposition for a characteristic, whether physical or psychological, environment can still play a part.

However, prenatal exposure in utero is the most powerful environmental factor for foster and adopted children. Poor nutrition, drug and alcohol exposure, stress hormones of the mother, all can affect a child’s development and neurophysiology even before birth or experiencing other trauma as a child.

Dr. Posthuma’s study reported that conditions such as ADHD is 68% inherited, but environment is a factor in only 6% of cases. Surprisingly, the predisposition for cocaine addiction is 64% inherited, but environment plays only a small role (7%). Schizophrenia is 77% is inherited and only 1% due to environment (this is due to the late adolescent/early adult onset of the disorder).

Although the predisposition for behavioral/mental disorders may be passed through genes, if you were to take this theory to the extreme, one could excuse all behavior as simply a product of their genes and conclude that no one is responsible for any of their behavior.

Despite the apparent flaws in both the Nature and Nurture theories, after raising 4 children, I find myself on a daily basis leaning more to the “Nature” side of the debate.  Because of my experience and research, I lean less and less to the “Nurture” side.

Growing up in a Christian home, I believed that there was one God who controlled the universe. I believed that He was the omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent creator of everything. I believed that He loved and cared for all human life and that through prayer, our lives could be made better.

If a person believes this is true, then that same person cannot also believe that environment plays a major role in a child’s outcome. If we believe that putting a child in different home, with different parents, would create a better outcome, then we must also believe that this same God we say is in control of everything, made a mistake.

If a child would be better off in a different home, then why wouldn’t that same God put him in a different home from the beginning?

It cannot be both ways. We must either believe that a child is born with a predisposition for his behaviors and would have those behaviors no matter what.  Or we must believe that God makes mistakes.

If you are a person who believes that God is not capable of making mistakes, then you must believe that the child placed in your home is there for a purpose.

Although your child may have a high genetic predisposition for a psychological disorder, it’s not 100%. There are no guarantees that the end result will be different. (A child with sociopathic tendencies may still end up in jail).  But by giving a child the medical attention, therapies, interventions, and other help they need, your influence will make a difference in a child’s life.

This was a submitted guest post. 

11:42 am by Penelope

How Slow Cooker Freezer Meals Makes Our Dinner Less Chaotic

As a busy mom, dinner is the most stressful time of my day. What’s helped is discovering slow cooker freezer meal planning to take the guesswork out of dinner.

By dinner time, all the kids are wound up, parents are tired, and then there’s getting kids ready for 7:30pm bedtime. Here’s how it goes… 5pm begin trying to cook dinner while the kids are running around getting into everything – can you say distractions galore? Wrangle family to the dinner table. Eat dinner. Clear the table and load dishwasher. Homework. Baths. Bedtime routine. When kids are asleep, finally finish cleaning up the kitchen. It’s exhausting.

However, since I’ve discovered freezer meals, I spend half the time in the kitchen preparing dinner in the evening. This helps lower my stress level tremendously so I can spend what’s left of my energy focusing more on the kids than dinner.

slow-cooker-freezer-meal-plan

Since I’ve taken the Freezer Meals 101 course, I’ve discovered how easy freezer meal planning can be. Sharla Kostylek is the blogger behind The Chaos and the Clutter, and a busy homeschool mom of seven children through birth and adoption. In the Freezer Meals 101 course, she demonstrates her tips to make freezer meal planning efficient. She gives tips on how you can turn your favorite meals into freezer meals. It just takes some planning, and this course shows you how.

But don’t worry if you don’t have time to plan everything out! In the Freezer Meals 101 course, you’ll receive:
recipes,
preparation list,
shopping list, AND
printable labels so that you can enjoy more time with your family.

I tried out the crockpot slow cooker freezer meal plan that included the following 5 meals.

BEEFY RICE CASSEROLE
When I first attempted to make this beefy rice casserole, I learned a valuable lesson about the importance of using CONVERTED long grain rice in this slow cooker recipe. (hint: regular long grain rice becomes mushy in the crockpot slow cooker) I made this dish from ground turkey because it is healthier than beef and much less expensive.

slow-cooker-freezer-meals-rice

ROAST BEEF DIP
This beef pot roast recipe is absolutely delicious and makes a fabulous gravy! Because I love mushrooms, next time, I will add a can of drained mushrooms and cream of mushroom soup. We used hamburger buns to make roast beef sandwiches for the family.

slow-cooker-freezer-meals-roast-beef

TORTELLINI SOUP
This tortellini soup is a very hearty meal. I actually added a can of drained garbanzo beans to this recipe. For my particular bland taste buds, I would probably only add one teaspoon of Italian seasoning instead of two next time I make this recipe. (Lesson: I forgot to thaw the tortellini ahead of time so because I had been cooking the soup in the slow cooker on low, the tortellini took a good bit longer to heat up)

slow-cooker-freezer-meals-tortellini-soup

CHICKEN TACO SOUP
Chicken Taco Soup was so good! My husband raved about how much better this taco soup is than most restaurants. I added a drained can of hominy to the taco soup because this East Texas girl loves hominy. My son loves to make this dish into “Frito Pie.”

slow-cooker-freezer-meals-chicken-taco-soup

LAZY LASAGNA
Lazy Lasagna is absolutely the best way to make lasagna!!! So easy! I used to spend hours in the kitchen making homemade lasagna. This is so simple and my family loved it! However, next time I will double this recipe.

slow-cooker-freezer-meals-lasagna

Be sure and pin it for later!

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10:17 am by Penelope

We Are Adopting Again!!!

This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #NewBeneful #CollectiveBias

We are so excited to share the news that we are adopting again!!!

texas-aggie-dog-jersey

Our 9-year-old son, JD, has been bugging us to get him a dog for over a year now; however, we worried that our son’s high energy and rowdy behavior wouldn’t be conducive for a dog.

However, during my interview in the Adoption HEART Conference with attachment therapist Lindsey Bussey, she encourages families to have pets to help regulate traumatized children. She states that the repetitive nature of petting a dog is calming.

dog-adoption-therapeutic

So, after using a dog as an incentive for my son to improve his behavior this summer, we began searching online for a family dog using Petfinder.com. For weeks, we put in our search parameters for a small, family-friendly dog, and last week, a little 12-pound dog popped up in our search, and he was at our local animal shelter.

adoption-older-dog

We adopted Scamp this week!!! We are beyond excited to have our new furry family member. Scamp is an older, mixed breed rescue dog with an injured leg that doesn’t work. (Sometimes when using the bathroom, Scamp will balance on his front two legs!)

After just a few days, our little Scamp is already a special member of our family. We are just discovering his sweet personality and what supplies we need to make our Scamp feel he’s finally HOME!!!

adoption-dog-petfinder

Nine years ago, when JD was brought into our family as an 8-month-old foster baby, I suddenly realized what I didn’t know about caring for a baby – particularly in regard to feeding and then all the other supplies needed to care for a baby.

And the same feels true for me again as Scamp joins our family.
Here are some things we’ve learned we need to take care of our little dog.

SHELTER/CONTAINMENT: (This is our biggest challenge since we don’t have a fenced yard. Although, Scamp will be an inside dog, there will be days when we might be gone for a long while. We are looking at a number of options.)
Crate, dog run, kennel, dog house

ACCESSORIES: Collar, leash, name tag

GROOMING: Dog brush, toenail clippers, dog shampoo, dog toothbrush/toothpaste

SANITATION: Pee pads, urine remover

PEST CONTROL: Flea preventative, heartworm preventative

FEEDING: (Overwhelmed with all the choices in dog food, we chose reformulated Beneful which features meat as the #1 ingredient and no sugar added. As we transitioned Scamp from his pet shelter food to the new Beneful, he began eating better showing us that he certainly liked it more. We learned how to transition Scamp to a new dog food using these helpful feeding tips and tricks.   Beneful is available at mass and grocery retailers including Target, Walmart, regional grocers like Kroger and Albertsons, and even at pet stores. We found Beneful at our local Tractor Supply.)

Dog food, feeding & watering dish

new-beneful-dog-food-tractor-supply

 

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With Scamp joining our family, he is bringing a special calm to our family that we are enjoying. Scamp is already a dearly loved member of our family.

1:42 pm by Penelope

This Girl is in the 9 Percent That Accomplish This

Graduation is around the corner. Graduating from college is an accomplishment that is sadly reserved for only 9% of low-income students receive a college diploma.[source: CNN Money]

Our amazing niece, Lydia, has overcome many obstacles, including growing up poor, to achieve the incredible accomplishment of a college diploma. And she did it all on her own!

college-graduation-quote

Although, Lydia did have the emotional support of her family, her family did not have the financial resources to assist her in the overwhelming cost of attending college.

Her parents couldn’t buy her a car, so she did not have a car to get her to classes or to her job at Walmart. She relied on friends and public transportation. Her sacrifice in attending college was huge. Sadly, she even had to spend holidays alone, away from family, because she had to go to work to make her way through college.

We saw her grow up from a fangirl, to color guard, and now a college graduate!!!

college-graduate

All those sacrifices and tough times will cumulate as she walks the stage to receive her college diploma from University of North Texas on May 14th. Her road to success has not been easy, and we honor and celebrate her determination and accomplishment. We are so proud of Lydia!

college-graduate-determination

Through the years, I have struggled with graduation gift ideas. They say money is always good, but money isn’t a personal gift at all.

I wish I could give her my car as a graduation gift, but we just aren’t in a position right now to do that.

We moved to the Texas Hill Country a year ago, and I recently asked my husband if he had seen the diploma for my Master’s degree when we packed. Nope! It must be in a box somewhere, and hopefully, I can still find it! I have a Master’s degree and never framed it! After the five years I spent working full-time and going to graduate school at night – my Master’s degree is in a box…somewhere…hopefully I still have it!

That’s when I realized that the best college graduation gifts would be college diploma frames. We are so proud of Lydia, and now she can show the world her biggest achievement displayed beautifully on her wall, and not in a box somewhere (unlike her Aunt Penny).

diploma-frame-graduation-gift

But a cheap frame isn’t the way to display such a hard-earned diploma. I found that diplomaframe.com (Church Hill Classics) is a professional framing company that handcrafts officially licensed diploma frames in the US. They have a huge selection of custom diploma frame styles for more than 1,500 colleges — including the University of North Texas.

Check out the University of North Texas diploma frame that I picked out for Lydia. It has a green suede matting with the school name embossed in gold and a medallion with the school seal.

university-of-north-texas-college-diploma-frame

Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Church Hill Classics in partnership with The Motherhood.

12:02 pm by Penelope

Dr. Seuss Thing 1 and Thing 2 Party Snack

I lost my dad to cancer 29 years ago this week. One of my favorite memories of my dad was a funny recipe he created on Dr. Seuss’ birthday so many years ago. This memory still brings a smile to my face.  On March 2nd of each year, I have had my own private celebration to celebrate not only the life of Theodor “Dr. Seuss” Geisel, but to celebrate a particularly fond memory of my quirky dad.

Now, as I have children of my own, Dr. Seuss’ birthday is a special way to connect my kids to a grandfather they never met. And now, we also have the added bonus that schools celebrate Dr. Seuss’ birthday as National Read Across America Day with Seussibration week.

Each year for Dr. Seuss’ birthday, I create a new snack for our Dr. Seuss party menu.  This year I made Rice Krispie treats to resemble Dr. Seuss’ Thing 1 and Thing 2.

dr-seuss-party-thing-snack

I made the Rice Krispie treats recipe and sliced into thin rectangles.

To make Thing 1 & Thing 2 red pants, I melted red Wilton candy melts and spooned it over the bottom portion of the treat.

For the blue hair, I used blue cotton candy. (Note: the cotton candy disintegrates in room humidity so add the hair right before serving.)

I used these Thing 1 &Thing 2 printables here to make the Thing 1 & Thing 2 name badges.

My family loved these & my brother-in-law even remarked, “the red chocolate makes them even better.”  ENJOY!!!

dr-seuss-thing-party-snack-idea

1:08 pm by Penelope

A Trauma Mama’s Prayer

As a trauma mama to a traumatized child, I can sometimes feel so overwhelmed and hopeless when experiencing the secondary trauma from my child’s past. {Have you joined our private Facebook community?}

At our new church home in the Texas Hill Country, I joined a women’s Bible study based on The Warrior Mom Handbook.  For the first time in many years, I experienced something amazing and special – I quickly felt like I belonged with this diverse group of mothers.  The bond created during our weekly time together was due to a true sisterhood in Christ as we are on the same mission field as mothers.

Through this study, coupled with The War Room movie, I learned about prayer, spiritual warfare, and the true enemy.

A Trauma Mama’s Prayer

trauma-mama-prayer-warrior

This is the prayer I wrote to cover my traumatized child:

Oh Heavenly Father,

Please hold me, comfort me, and lift me up!  Our precious child needs your power to overcome the demons he faces each morning and every day. The demons aren’t his to fight alone.  You are God — the demons know this and tremble! (James 2:19)

via patheos.com

Help him see that he can depend on others to love him — that the world, and especially his family, love him and want to protect him and help him heal from his past.

Healing is what you can do.  All powerful healing. You perform miracles. You can heal all, Lord.

I lift up my child to you. Give the specialists wisdom to find an answer to his problems – answers that provide healing.

Your love overflows! Fill me up with your love so that it overflows into my son. Show me that sweet, loving boy again with that perfect little nose you gave him. His is such an amazing gift – and you gave him amazing talents. Please, Lord, don’t let those talents be wasted. Let those talents be a glorifying of your name because those talents are yours and yours alone.  This little boy is your masterpiece (Psalm 139:14), and I give you this amazing little boy who has brought me so much joy.  Flow through him so that he can become joyful again.

Dissipate that anger – anger that he doesn’t remember.  Resolve the anger, calm the anger, destroy the anger. He has a full life ahead that Satan is trying to destroy. Destroy the enemy! You are powerful! (2 Timothy 4:18) You can overcome this trauma for my son.

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The earth quakes but my soul is calm. You have the power to calm my fears, to make me a mother that can help guide my son through this darkness.  It won’t be dark here forever. Let your light shine through our lives that lights the path you want us to take. You guide our steps. All these decisions about my son’s care is up to you. Show us the right answers.

Shower us with your hope and blessings for our son. He is your child and I lift him up to you as a gift. Help me appreciate the incredible blessing of that gift. Every perfect gift comes from you.  I prayed for this child before you created this child that you knew would be my son.  Thank you for allowing me to be his mother. AMEN

trauma-mama-prayer-warrior-pin

10:06 am by Penelope

Sweet As Pie Adoption Party

I love celebrating adoption! It’s a time to celebrate finally becoming a forever family!  I’m not adopting this year, but here is an idea for a “Sweet as Pie” adoption party.

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I’ve only had the excitement of adopting boys, so,  I like to dream up ideas for adoption parties for sweet baby girls. (If you follow me on Instagram, you already know that we have a baby girl and her mommy with us now – so I’m getting my baby girl fix.)

Sweet as Pie Adoption Party

First and foremost, a sweet as pie party theme, must be all about the pie.  These small individual mini pies by Mr Kipling stay looking great on display and are easy to serve for any shower, party or celebration.

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To decorate the refreshment table for your Sweet as Pie adoption party, begin with cute baby clothes, baby toys, and/or baby supplies. For an easy but cute DIY fruit centerpiece to go with your pies, write individual letters to the word “SWEET” on apples by pushing whole cloves into the apples into the shape of the letters.

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And of course, serve pie!

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You can get these premium, quality pies from Mr Kipling for a short time at Texas Walmarts.   Mr Kipling makes their fruit pies (apple, cherry, fruit) with real fruit pieces, and all Mr Kipling pies contain no trans fat.

And don’t worry, chocoholics, Mr Kipling makes this incredible Mississippi Mud pie and “exceedingly good” as it states on the box is an understatement. So delicious! 

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Mr Kipling pies will be available in Walmart stores in Texas only for a limited about of time – once they are sold out, they are all gone!

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But even though Mr Kipling pies won’t be around long, FAMILY IS FOREVER! Congratulations to all the forever families created this year through the miracle of adoption!

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This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser.
All opinions are mine alone. #TryThePie #CollectiveBias

9:57 am by Penelope

When a Shopping Trip Becomes a Lesson in Thankfulness

Last weekend, my husband and boys went out of town for a few days. As a busy mom of two rambunctious boys, I was thankful for the chance for some alone time.  As a new resident of the Texas Hill Country, I was excited to visit Austin’s Barton Creek Mall for the first time in years, and finally have a chance to do some serious shopping – with no agenda, no time limit, and no kids to chase down!!!   Ahhh! But that shopping trip for relaxation surprisingly lead to overwhelming emotions I hadn’t experienced in over ten years. As I walked through the various stores adorned with Christmas decorations, I began people watching – couples walking hand in hand, a mom with kids in tow, a man rushing by.  And it was odd. All of a sudden, I felt invisible – just as I did as a single girl living alone in the big city of Houston for the many years until I married just before my 40th birthday. Although I enjoyed my carefree single life in the city, throughout those years, I would many times feel alone – and invisible.  As I got older and my friends began to marry, my Saturday nights became lonely walks through the mall – not necessarily to buy stuff but to escape the walls of my home that were closing in on me. lonely-shopping-quote-#ThankList But that loneliness slowly changed in 2004 with a surprising connection of long-lost friend from my youth. As a young teen, I became a pawn in my parent’s contentious divorce — forced to testify in court against both parents, and then blamed for the outcome.  I carried an incredible burden of responsibility and shame.  That summer, a youth counselor at church camp mentored me.  His guidance that summer helped shape my faith through those turbulent teen years. In a surprising twist, I married that youth counselor 25 years later. In our marriage, we’ve faced many challenges, including infertility, adoption loss, special needs children, and my cancer. He is my rock! I’m so thankful for him! wedding-kiss-thanklist Throughout this month of thankfulness, American Greetings is partnering with United Way Worldwide as part of the ThankList campaign to give back during the season of gratitude.   For each #ThankList shared on social media, American Greetings will donate $1 to United Way Worldwide. Funds donated during the campaign will be allocated towards hunger prevention.

Take our #ThankList #30DayChallenge and show #gratitude to all of the people who have helped to shape your life! Thank them in a post using #ThankList #30DayChallenge A photo posted by American Greetings (@amgreetings) on Nov 2, 2015 at 5:48am PST

thankful-love-quote-thanklist

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

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