Foster2Forever

by

Changing the What-If’s for Emergency Foster Care Placements

Many times, children may immediately be removed from their parents if the situation is dangerous. What this means for a foster parent is that calls can happen at anytime of day or night.

One summer night, our phone rang at 11pm. As I groggily answered the call, a caseworker told me that she had a sibling group of 3 that needed a place to stay – a preschooler, a toddler, and an infant.

“Can you take all these foster kids?”

We only had 2 beds available, and I began feeling guilty, wondering where these children would wind up sleeping that night. But with quick thinking in my groggy state, I suddenly realized that the baby would need a crib and not a bed!

I SAID YES!

Because of the shortage of foster homes, these children were coming from two counties over – nearly two hours away. Because of the extensive travel involved, the twice weekly family visits were really difficult on these foster children.

After a week, the caseworker realized that the children desperately needed to be placed closer to family. The caseworker began looking for a foster home in their county that could take this sibling group. It took a few days, but she finally discovered a foster home in their home county through an outside agency. The kids left us a few days later.

As chaotic as our family life was those weeks, my heart rejoices in that these siblings didn’t have to be split from each other.

Sadly, this story is not unique, it is the reality for emergency placements in the foster system. There just aren’t enough foster homes, so unlike this sibling set, many siblings are split up.

  • WHAT IF children placed into foster care on an emergency basis could be placed in the best possible home for them and their needs?
  • WHAT IF social services have the time to identify that best possible family situation for these children?
  • WHAT IF children placed in foster care could stay in their community, and possibly their current school?
  • WHAT IF children placed in foster care could stay with siblings while the county finds a home for ALL the children?
  • WHAT IF children placed into foster care had a home to go to while the county conducts a background check on a family member?

A new short-term placement program in Adams County, Colorado is changing that for foster children in the area.

HOMES FOR HOPE is changing the “What-If’s” for children placed in foster care.

Adams County, which encompasses the Denver area, created the short-term placement program — called “HOMES FOR HOPE” — the first of its kind in the state, and perhaps the country, because this program is government-sponsored.

Adams County purchased and renovated two single-family homes that are now ready for foster families to move into. One home sits on 128 acres and the other on 17 acres. Because Adams County owns the HOMES FOR HOPE, host foster families will not have to pay mortgage or rent.

Now, when a traditional foster home is unavailable, children can go to a HOMES FOR HOPE instead. Caseworkers will have the time to search for the best permanent situation for the children – that could be with close relatives, a longer-term foster family or back with their parents.

  • Children can stay in HOMES FOR HOPE for up to 90 days until a longer-term placement can be found.
  • Siblings will be able to remain together because foster families will be certified for children 0-18 years of age.
  • Children can stay in their community and in their current school, lessening the number of disruptions to their life.
  • Caseworkers have more time to find the right foster home for these children instead of finding the first available bed.
  • One home is designated as a safe place for teen mothers and their children.
  • The HOMES FOR HOPE provide intensive care as the foster parents organize family, medical, and therapeutic appointments, and comfort children through early days of fear and uncertainty.
  • The children will be seen by medical professionals within 72-hours, so the child’s medical and developmental needs are met and addressed.
  • The right foster family best suited to meet the children’s needs can be found, should they need to remain in foster care on a long-term basis.

Nightlight is the certifying agency and supports the foster families upon placement. Nightlight is actively looking for interested families who are willing to become foster parents and live in the homes full-time. The ideal HOMES FOR HOPE foster parent is trauma-informed, has parenting experience, and is willing to move.

If you are interested in becoming a HOMES FOR HOPE foster parent:
Complete this survey to be contacted with more information; or
Contact Meaghan Nally at mnally@nightlight.org or (518) 369-2888.

To learn more about Homes for Hope, visit: https://www.nightlight.org/denver-foster-care-homes-for-hope/.

by

What Foster Parents Must Know About Instant Family

Instant Family is a movie specifically about foster parenting – I absolutely LOVED it!

WARNING: Instant Family is NOT a family movie!

When I mention in conversations that I’m a foster parent, what usually follows is a barrage of inquisitive questions.   How do you become a foster parent?  Why are the kids in foster care? What happened to their “real” parents?  For the most part, a majority of people don’t understand what it’s like to open your home to not only children, but to caseworkers, CASAs, inspections, etc.

The Instant Family movie will help debunk some of the mysterys and myths about what it’s really like being a foster parent.

The Instant Family movie was written by real-life foster parent Sean Anders, who wanted to show reality. The Instant Family movie follows a naive couple, Pete (Mark Wahlberg) and Ellie (Rose Byrne) through the actual complicated process of becoming foster parents.

Foster parents know that foster parenting is encased with awkwardness and the crazy emotional rollercoaster of a case, and the Instant Family movie doesn’t shy away from that truth. The awkwardness of meet-the-kids events, children you don’t know immediately moving in, the honeymoon period when all the kids are angels, the back-and-forth of a case, etc.

Foster parenting isn’t easy, and the Instant Family movie shows how hard it really is.

However, the Instant Family movie is NOT a family movie.

WHAT FOSTER PARENTS MUST KNOW ABOUT INSTANT FAMILY:

1. EXPLICIT LANGUAGE

If you are a seasoned foster parent, you already know that sometimes kids from hard places may come into your home with some extremely colorful language (no matter the age). The cast (both adults and children) use explicit language that is scattered throughout the film, including the f-word, and even the p-word. Most curse words are used only a few times.

2. SEXUAL CONTENT

Experts estimate that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before their 18th birthdays! (from Darkness to Light) This statistic is even higher for children in foster care. Although the heavy topic of sexual abuse isn’t the sexual content depicted in the Instant Family movie, the parents have to face teen sexuality. Pete and Ellie’s inability to discreetly handle the situation brings out side-splitting belly laughs. Again, this is a topic that parents of all teens in today’s digital age must broach. Learn a lesson from Pete and Ellie! 🙂

3. BIRTHFAMILY TRIGGERS

The Instant Family movie shows the reality of the rollercoaster of how a case easily can switch back and forth from adoption, to reunification, and back to adoption.  I got emotional watching the children get caught in this emotional turmoil on the screen (and I’m an adult). This particular topic could be very difficult emotionally for any child that has been in the foster care system. And even if your teen seems well-adjusted, this storyline could unearth all sorts of confusing emotions that will be hard for a young mind to process.

All this being said, I LOVED the Instant Family movie! And I encourage you to go see it with your friends.

Just remember that Instant Family is a movie for PARENTS, not children.

by

Siblings Adopting Siblings – True Stories

What happens when a family can’t be adopting siblings? Saying no is a guilt-ridden decision that can affect children long-term. Keeping the biological bond through adopting siblings can help children navigate their adoptee identity together. This biological connection can help minimize adoptee grief as the children get older.

adopting-siblings-stories

The Smiths faced that decision. After nearly two years of being foster parents to a baby boy, the Smiths finally adopted the young boy. After his adoption, the Smith’s family felt complete.

However, nearly four years later, the Smiths received a phone call they weren’t prepared for. Their forever son had siblings that needed a home!

Their son’s sisters moved in and the Smith family had to adjust to a larger family. However, parenting a home full of traumatized children began to take its toll on the Smith family. Realizing their limitations in raising children with numerous special needs, the Smiths were distraught about disrupting the placement of the girls with their biological brother.

Mrs. Smith’s sister, Shanna, had grown extremely attached to her foster nieces, and although Shanna already had four children, she just couldn’t bare the thought of never seeing her foster nieces again. Shanna said to her husband: “Babe…..please don’t say that I’m crazy…..but I really am pretty smitten with those girls!” Shanna was shocked when her husband responded that he felt the same way!

Siblings Adopting Siblings

Shanna and her husband leaped into the foster licensing process in order to keep the girls in their family, and in constant contact with their biological brother.

The Yoder’s have now become foster parents to their foster nieces. They hope one day to become the forever home to two little girls that can grow up as cousins with their biological brother. By adopting siblings, the children will grow up with a biological connection.

by

The Job Description of a Foster Parent

“Oh, I’m just a mom.” Those words can become the usual response if someone asks about occupation. However, as parents, we shouldn’t downplay our all-important role in raising a family. That’s especially true for foster parents whose role could possibly change the lives of children in their care.  The skills and knowledge gained as a foster parent can be extremely valuable to an employer.  Plus, foster parents must go through extensive training before becoming licensed by the government to care for children in State custody.   I recently updated my resume, and here is a sample job description that a foster parent can use when writing a resume.

Foster Parent Job Description

DAILY
Provide 24-hour care of foster children with various diagnoses such as RAD, ADD, ADHD, FASD, Bipolar, Conduct Disorder, Developmental Delays, and other emotional needs.
Encourage and reinforce appropriate behaviors through trauma-informed care using trust-based behavior management techniques.
Respond quickly and appropriately in emotional/behavioral crisis situations using the least restrictive intervention necessary to maintain safety of the child and others.
Attend court hearings and foster care review boards to ensure successful, clear communication of essential information. Provide mentoring in life skills as teens approach adulthood.

SCHOOL
Acts as an educational advocate for children with regard to school placement, 504 accommodations,and Individual Education Plans for special education. Work with teachers and administrators to develop effective Behavior Intervention Plan based on child’s specific emotional needs.

MEDICAL
Attend to health care needs, ensuring that regular medical, psychiatric, and dental checkups, hearing and vision exams, as well as other special medical needs assessments and appointments, as they arise.
Attend all therapies (physical, occupational, speech, equine, etc.) and implement therapy strategies recommended.
Consult with psychiatrists about efficacy of child medications.

EMOTIONAL
Coordinate with social workers, ad litems, CASAs, and others involved in the case to ensure that all physical and emotional needs of the child is met.
Work with Community Resource Coordination Group (CRCG) to identify child’s needs and exploring resources and services to be executed in an Individual Service Plan.

RECORDKEEPING
Maintain records for child’s time in foster care; including medical/dental records, daily medication dosage records, developmental milestones, educational documentation, etc.

 

by

4 Important Truths a Foster Kid in the NFL Can Teach Foster Parents

Albert Wilson, Jr. is a wide receiver for the Kansas City Chiefs who grew up in Florida’s foster care system.  Albert was placed in the Florida foster system twice – the second time he was in the system for 6 years until he aged out at 18. He had moved from group homes to other foster homes until he finally found security at the age of 16 in the foster home of Brian and Rose Bailey.

albert-wilson-foster-family

photo of the Baileys via The Kansas City Star

Albert Wilson’s account about his time in foster care demonstrates the far-reaching role foster families can play in a young person’s life.

4 truths that foster parents can learn from Albert Wilson.

1. Your family life may be the only stable home life your foster children have experienced.

Albert learned for the first time in his life what it meant to be together as a family when he moved in with the Baileys.

“Their house was a place I felt safe — even happy. They showed me a side of family I hadn’t seen before, one where everyone was living at the same pace — and in the same place.”

2. Encourage contact with biological family, when possible.

Albert says he was lucky to have been able to still have his parents in his life even though they were in jail. In the Foster2Forever private Facebook group, sometimes foster parents are afraid of their foster children seeing their parents in jail. But looking from Albert’s point of view he sees that contact as positive.

“They [my parents] helped raise me — I talked with them regularly on the phone or through the mail.”

Seeing his parents in jail also taught Albert an important life lesson about the consequences of crime:

“People make mistakes — and there are consequences for those mistakes.”

3. Give your foster children an outlet to work out emotions.

Your foster child needs an outlet for anxiety and stress. It may not be in athletics or organized sports, such as football, but even exploring artistic, creative or even spiritual endeavors can give your foster child a boost of self-esteem and something to get their mind off of their problems. As Albert relates:

“when things got tough — no matter where I happened to be living — I could always turn to football…Football became my refuge. When I was on the field, everything else melted away. I poured everything I had into the sport. That dedication paid off on the field…”

4. A foster child might consider you family even after they leave.

Albert admits that living with the Baileys wasn’t always picture-perfect as he dealt with the emotions of missing his biological family, but considers the Baileys family even today.

“They were my family…I still consider them family today…”

Your role as a foster parent is an important one because you have the capacity to help a child live life to their full potential, no matter their background. Albert Wilson’s success can be partly attributed to the support he received from the foster families in his life.

“Without the Baileys and my cousin, I don’t know what would have happened.“

You can read more about Albert Wilson’s life as a foster kid, his foster family, and how he’s helping other foster kids.

by

Real Answers about Being a Foster Parent

It’s hard to find out what it’s really like being a foster parent.  No training is going to tell you what really happens. For the last year, each week, I’ve been asking foster parents on Instagram a question about being a foster parent.  Here are their real answers.

Follow me on Instagram for more…

What its really like being a foster parent. Lots of questions with dozens of answers.

Family visits

Missed Visits

What do you say to your foster child when a parent doesn’t show for a visit? #fostercarequestions #fostercare

A photo posted by Penelope Webster (@foster2forever) on

Teachers

  #FosterCareFriday – How much do you share with teachers about your kids in #fostercare? #backtoschool   A photo posted by Penelope Webster (@foster2forever) on

Court Hearings

#FosterCareFriday – COURT HEARINGS – Do you attend #fostercare hearing? A photo posted by Penelope Webster (@foster2forever) on

Number of Kids

  #fostercarefriday: WHAT IS THE OPTIMUM NUMBER OF KIDS FOR YOUR FAMILY? #fostercare   A photo posted by Penelope Webster (@foster2forever) on

Age Gap

Work Outside the Home

Goodbye

How many times have you had to say GOODBYE? #fostercarefriday #fostercare A photo posted by Penelope Webster (@foster2forever) on

Birthmothers

  How do you show support to birthmothers? http://bit.ly/16NF3jU #FosterCareFriday #fostercare   A photo posted by Penelope Webster (@foster2forever) on


Books

#FosterCareFriday What books have been the most helpful in your #fostering journey?

A photo posted by Penelope Webster (@foster2forever) on

Be sure and follow me on Pinterest for the answers to other questions you may have as a foster parent. Dozens of foster parents answer tough questions about being a foster parent.

by

My Home Is A Different Country For Him

How constant moving through foster homes can really hurt a child.

Being 7 at the time, my foster son was very conscious of his life when he first came to live in our home. He had been in another foster home, where he had spent a full year. One of his first comments, once I introduced him to his very own bedroom was: “It smells here…” In reality, it didn’t. I explained, “I know it feels like it smells, but actually, it simply smells different.”

When I first entered the USA, everything was new to me. Not only the language sounded like nonsense, but the smell of the air was nothing familiar either. I remember when I was at the airport, with my friends, tired as we were, we sat on the floor. A cleaning lady approached and began talking to us. We didn’t understand what she was saying — I think, maybe, we were not supposed to sit there.  We didn’t speak her language. We were travelers.  It was scary when someone would talk to me and I couldn’t understand.

At another time, I remember being confused, also at the airport. After asking the flight attendant a question, she got really offended at me. I think I must have expressed myself the wrong way. I was an exchange student, missing home. I was just afraid I was going to miss my flight.

For a foster child, the experience of a new foster home is very similar to mine. The child is a foreigner in the new home.

A therapist, making the case to defend permanency for a child who had already spent years in foster care, stated: “With every move, a child goes through the same shock as someone does when moving to a new country.”

foster-homes-older-child-adoption-stories

My son needed plenty of time to adjust to us. A world had been ripped from him and a completely new one was given him, all at the same time, without having any say.

If an adult can panic at the thought of being dropped off in a strange land… Imagine a child, who has to face all new things? How many traditions did he have to learn? How many different rules did she have to learn at the several schools she has had to attend? How many times did they feel alone and lost and needed someone to explain the directions?

These are heavy experiences!

A child needs stability, permanency. Her brain needs time to absorb and adjust. His heart needs a break…

Many foreigners fall into depression because of the overload of new information they must accept. And we are talking about adults, who have chosen to move from their home country into a new one. But a foster kid did not ask for the move. Still, we require full acceptance from them. So, we must give them space and time once they arrive… And permanency.

Understanding from us to them.

Patience.

Kindness.

Respect.

A never-letting-go attitude.

You know, when that flight attended got mad at me, what helped was when a kind soul stopped by and helped us understand each other. It is hard to forget the relief that I felt when her compassionate eyes met mine at a time when I was a tiny person in a very wide world.

Our little ones are travelers, worn down travelers, foreigners in need of those compassionate eyes.
Join our Facebook page  to connect with other adoptive parents!

GloriaRGloria R. is a mother of two birth children, and fostering to adopt an older child. She is  a licensed therapeutic foster parent with her husband. She continues to engage in research on traumatized children, foster care and adoption and hope to be a voice for kids, who often fall in between the cracks of society. She also loves writing and welcoming new readers to her blog, www.onemorewithus.com.

by

Will Your Smoke Detectors Pass a Fire Inspection?

Do you have enough smoke detectors to pass your fire inspection?

When we were seeking our license to become foster parents, one of the requirements is to pass a “FIRE INSPECTION.”  Fortunately, Texas lays out the requirements directly in the foster home and State Fire Marshal rules.

However, many states don’t specify the requirements for smoke detectors — you have to rely on finding these yourself or scheduling the fire inspection only to discover that you need another smoke detector.

Here are the requirements for smoke detectors to pass a fire inspection in all 50 states. Great resource for licensing foster homes.

For a fire inspection, the State of Texas requires working smoke detectors:

  • In every sleeping room;
  • In the hallway near sleeping rooms;
  • At the top of stairs in two-story homes (in addition to sleeping rooms).

The State Fire Marshal rules also state:

“Batteries shall be changed at least annually. Statistics show about one-third of the smoke detectors installed in homes are inoperative. When detectors are non-operational, the usual reason is dead or missing batteries.”

You can find other state fire marshal requirements for smoke detectors here. 

Energizer®, in partnership with the International Association of Fire Chiefs (IAFC), strives to keep families safe through the Change Your Clock Change Your Battery® program (CYCCYB).  

Households with non-working smoke alarms now outnumber those with no smoke alarms. (mostly due to dead batteries)

On Daylight Savings Time when you are already changing your clocks in your home — be sure to change and test the batteries in all your smoke and carbon monoxide detectors.

Do you have the required number of smoke detectors for your home?

by

Don’t Let Your Children Drown (as these foster parents did)

A tragic story unfolded last year when two young siblings drown in a local lake here in Texas.  What makes the story even more tragic is that the 6-year-old girl and her 4-year-old brother were in foster care, and according to this news story were clearly not being closely supervised.

 “There was nobody. There was nobody for the first five or ten minutes they were doing CPR on the girl. Everybody was looking around asking where her parents were.”

These foster parents certainly weren’t abiding by these water safety rules for foster homes.

water-safety-tips-children-drowning

The water safety rules state that at least one ADULT supervising swimming activities “must be able to swim, carry out a water rescue, and be prepared to do so in an emergency.”  There were reports that a 12-year-old was supervising the children.  A 12-YEAR-OLD???  I certainly wouldn’t run the risk of a 12-year-old getting distracted while supervising young children in an open body of water.

The water safety rules require foster homes with swimming pools that “caregivers must be able to see all parts of the swimming area when supervising activity.”  The caregivers obviously weren’t supervising at all because they didn’t even notice their foster daughter was having CPR performed on her for at least 10 minutes!

The water safety rules specifically state that a child must wear a life jacket when “the child is in more than two feet of water and does not know how to swim.”  The children obviously weren’t wearing life jackets.  Why not?  Life jackets were easily accessible at the lake for free.

I guess some people just don’t realize how easily a child can drown and how closely a child must be supervised while swimming.

This summer, I was overjoyed to watch my boys swim a short distance after a week of lessons. (see my 7-year-old son swim on Instagram)  This weekend, at our aunt’s pool, we worked on swimming skills, and I realized that my 4-year-old Lil Bit really doesn’t have the ability to swim any distance at all. (He’s just not kicking quickly enough)  As I was working with my now 7-year-old, my aunt gasped and pointed. My 4-year-old Lil Bit, had stepped off the pool step and was struggling to swim to the edge of the pool! I was standing right next to him! Swimming can be such a dangerous activity! A child can drown so easily!

The drowning deaths of these two foster children infuriates me! Their drownings were preventable! If only had the foster parents simply followed the water safety rules and adequately supervised swimming!

Do your children know how to swim? What additional water safety rules do you follow?

I’m Clever

Sway