Foster2Forever

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I Followed my Heart, Not My Mind – Our New Placements

Our family grew to 5 children Thursday night.

Here is the lineup: almost 1 year, nearly 2 years, 3 years, 4 years and 5 years old.  5 children ages 5 and under.

“Are you insane???”

That’s the very first thing everyone has said to us.

Our reply: “There is a HUGE shortage of foster homes in our area willing to take in preschoolers. Christian families NEED to step up for the children in our community.”

Hopefully, some seeds have been planted for future foster families.quote-follow-your-heart



I have had a fantasy of having a large family. Now I’m seeing the reality of the chaos it brings.  We are adjusting, making new tighter schedules, etc.

Our first few nights, bedtime was HELL-O!  Two parents putting 5 children to bed in 3 different bedrooms DID NOT WORK. at. all.

The 2 older foster children are taking forever to get to sleep. One child (Firecracker) appears to have very serious sensory issues so bedtime is horrific for her. Adding heavy blankets, pillows and even a massage “tickle” mat didn’t seem to help her from having a meltdown in bed.

On Friday night, it was midnight before all were sleeping soundly and not roaming the house.

Yesterday, I had an epiphany…what if we didn’t worry about them having naps? And added a very physical activity like swimming or the bounce house?

Our current family -Baby Cupcake not shown

Although, there were still a couple of fatigue-related meltdowns, they were very short….so last night…SUCCESS!!!

Now if we can just keep the parents from having any fatigue-related meltdowns???

How about you??? What has been your biggest adjustments in adding foster children to your family overnight?

“So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued for doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up or quit.” ~Galatians 6:9 (The Message)

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Free Online Foster Care Training!

Studies have shown that children in foster care are more than 13 times more likely to be prescribed psychotropic medications than the general population.

Regulations in the State of Texas require that before foster parents can give psychotropic medications to children in care, they must receive training on:

  • Identification of psychotropic medications;
  • Basic pharmacology including the actions and side effects of, and possible reactions to various psychotropic medications;
  • Policies and procedures on administering medication;
  • Who may legally consent to using psychotropic medications for children in foster care.

This foster parent training is required annually.

As you probably know, getting to a training class can be a challenge when you have a houseful of kids.

I’m excited that the State of Texas removed that issue by offering online free training on psychotropic medications!!!

This online training meets the expectations of the regulations for the safe and effective use of psychotropic medications by children in foster care.

In order to receive credit for the online training, you must:

  • Complete the whole training.
  • Make at least a 70% on the post-test.
  • Print the Certificate of Completion of Psychotropic Medication Training at the end of the training. (or screenshot if on mobile)
  • Provide a copy of the Certificate of Completion of Psychotropic Medication Training to your child-placing agency or residential operation.

This free online training is expected to take 2 hours – ug! – but at least you can complete the course on your schedule.

Difficult Behaviors Training

Are you a foster parent struggling with difficult behaviors caused by trauma? Not sure how to handle defiance, tantrums, lying, stealing, food hoarding?  Foster parents will get practical tools in managing behaviors in this free online foster parent training.

Free Online Adoption Conference

This is an online conference for foster and adoptive parents with a focus on Healing Trauma And Responding to Trauma (HEART). The conference sessions are free to watch during the conference dates.

If you are a temporary parent to traumatized children, and are trying to provide stability and make a difference in children’s lives, if only for a short time. You are in the trenches of parenting trauma.  This event will help you in developing strategies to effectively parent through trauma!


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The Kids that Couldn’t Come, then Could, then Didn’t

If you follow on Facebook and Twitter, you know that we almost had some placements last Thursday.

The situation was that a sibling group of 5 needed short-term emergency placement. Because it is nearly impossible to find foster homes available to take 5 children, the State was having to split the siblings into 2 homes. The call we received was for 3 children.

Since 20-year-old Bubba recently moved back home, we currently only have 2 beds available, and that includes the trundle. So sadly, we couldn’t accept the placements.

Then, a few minutes later, the State called back: “Could you take a sibling group of 2?”

“Yes, we can!”

We were excited that Stinkpot would have some older “siblings” to play with this summer.

However, after that conversation, the State called back a third time.
“We’ve found a foster home for the kids in their home county.”

These children will be able to have visits with their siblings easier.

The question of how many foster children you can have in your home, lead to over 20 comments on Facebook.

Siblings available for adoption. Click photo for more details.

These are the capacity requirements for foster family homes in Texas:

“The State of Texas allows no more than 6 children in the home including your own children or children for whom you provide day care.”

A two-parent foster family home may care for up to six children, including any biological and adopted children of the caregivers who live in the foster home and any children receiving foster or respite child-care, and children for whom the family provides day care.

If a licensed foster home has one foster parent that is absent for extended periods, such as military service or out-of-town job assignments, the home must comply with single-parent foster home requirements when only one foster parent is regularly present in the home.

A single-parent foster family home may care for a maximum of:
(1) Five children if any child in the home is under five years old;
(2) Four children if more than two children in the home receive treatment services; and
(3) Four children if any child in the home receives treatment services for primary medical needs.

How many children does your state allow you to have in your home???

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One Thing You Shouldn’t Do at Your July 4th Fireworks Celebrations

She and I were scurrying about, screaming, and holding our heads. Her bratty brother!  I now think back at what he was doing and cringe.  He was shooting bottle rocket fireworks at us!

With the July 4th holiday this week, I had a flashback to my youth. I knew bottle rockets were dangerous, but….SPARKLERS CAUSE THE MOST INJURIES!

Happy New Year. It's going to be a great one!

My surprise…I don’t know about you, but when I was a little girl, I LOVED playing with the sparklers, the ONLY firework I enjoyed.  When I saw this infographic, I hadn’t thought about the burn hazards from the hot temperatures of a sparkler. Sparklers cause 31% of all fireworks injuries.

After researching the minimum standards for residential foster homes in Texas, I found that weapons, firearms, and explosive materials (such as fireworks) are generally permitted, however, with some specific restrictions:

If you allow explosive materials or “toys that explode or shoot“, you must develop and enforce a policy identifying specific precautions to ensure children do not have unsupervised access to them, including:

  • Locked storage made of strong, unbreakable material;
  • A determination that it is appropriate for a specific child to use the “toys that explode or shoot”; and
  • The child must be directly supervised by a qualified adult.

Our July 4th tradition generally has been to go watch the large fireworks display in a nearby city, although last year was spent in the hospital before the investigation into our foster home began.

With city ordinances, and especially the probability of grass fires, we really haven’t used fireworks in the past few years.

We discovered this grass fire in our backyard last weekend. Scary!

What is your foster care agency’s safety requirements for fireworks?  How are you celebrating July 4th in your foster home?

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Your Child Isn’t a Dog – Why I Took the Leash Off My Kids

What was I going to do? Little blond heads darting everywhere. Just as I stopped one, the other would dart away. I was frantic!

I was in a tiny parking lot next to a very busy highway. Both my 2-year-old foster “twins” somehow thought I was playing “chase.”

The scene was so horrifying that a few onlookers had stopped to watch in terror with their mouths open as a red truck drove past us in the parking lot, nearly hitting one of my toddlers.

Once I finally wrangled my two little fugitives into the door of the establishment, one of the onlookers said to me: “I was about to come help you…” (I think I might have mumbled a thank you)

Later that week I saw a backpack/safety harness at Target!

backpack-safety-harness-reviewSurely, this could help keep my toddlers safe in a busy parking lot! I would be able to keep a child from running away while I was busy taking the other out of the carseat. A simple solution I thought.

My toddlers LOVED the monkey backpack and would argue over who would get to wear it.

It gave me peace of mind in the parking lots; but once inside, the monkey would go into the diaper bag.

However, my peace of mind was short-lived.

leashing-children-debate

“THOU SHALT NOT RESTRAIN!”

A foster care trainer reiterated during our next training session. These “LEASHES” are also called safety restraints, thus, against the Child Protective Services rules.

My mind was thinking: But what does a car seat and high chair do???

After a verbal reprimand by CPS, the monkey leash was sentenced and sent to spend the rest of his days in a crate in the attic somewhere, and won’t be used in our home again.

This week Good Morning America did a story on Extreme Parenting about leashing your kids, which featured adoption advocate, Kristen Howerton, of Rage Against the Minivan.

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/lifestyle/2012/06/extreme-parenting-to-leash-or-not-to-leash/

video platformvideo managementvideo solutionsvideo player

 

What are your thoughts on leashing children? Should it be prohibited? Is it prohibited by your state agency?

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The Heartbreak of When a Foster Child Moves

One afternoon when I was in high school, I was rushing out the door for an evening event. One of my foster sisters, who had recently left our home, was visiting us for the day. She was preparing to move to another home and when the caseworker heard she was visiting us, she decided to drop by and personally explain to my foster sister what she was about to happen in her little world.

Stephen Joseph Owl Duffle Bag at Amazon (affiliate)

I listened from the other room as this caseworker handed my 4-year-old foster sister a scrapbook that her new family had prepared for her. She broke the news to her much like a mother tells her child she’s going to a birthday party: “You’re going to live with this family now and they are so nice. You will love it!” The idea was that this caseworker would spend 5 minutes with my foster sister explaining to her that she was, yet again, moving to a new family, and then life would continue on as normal.

As I headed out the door, I peeked into our office to give my foster sister a hug. She was sitting at the round glass table coloring on a piece of paper. Lying beside her was a book of pictures that only minutes previously had been given to her by her caseworker. As I walked into the room and sat down next to her at the table, I began flipping through the pictures; one after the other I turned through all of the pages. I looked at pictures of children with their parents, read words her new parents had written of affirmation, scanned over a letter expressing excitement, and silently read about each member of this new family. As my eyes studied the faces I saw on the page, I suddenly heard gut-wrenching words come out of my sweet foster sister’s mouth, words that took me from my shallow, high school world, and brought me to the deep, raw, pain that exists in this world.

Without looking at me, my beautiful girl pointed to the photograph in her new scrapbook and told me, “I am going to live at their house, but I am scared.” Those words caught me off guard. I could not bring myself to look into her big blue eyes, but in that short sentence, as she verbalized her pain, I felt a small part of her heart shattering. She wanted me to protect her.

I saw sitting before me a four-year old girl who had already been through too much pain. In that moment, the big sister instinct in me wanted to stop everything in her life; I wanted to put her life on pause and allow her to fully live the carefree, childhood that every little girl should experience. I wanted to keep her safe and I felt that it was my responsibility to protect her. I wanted to live up to the expectations she had of me, and give her reason to trust me. In that moment, however, I was completely powerless.

Instead, I wrapped my arms around her slender waist, and used every bit of strength in me to bite back the tears. I whispered into her ear that she would be safe. My mom told her that it was okay to be scared. We validated her feelings and then let her cry.

Foster care is full of hurt, and as a foster sister, I have always had a prominent instinct to protect my foster siblings. It is hard to be powerless while experiencing a love that is so deep.

In those moments when we are without control, we are still given an opportunity to love relentlessly and leave a print embedded on a child’s heart.

Sometimes love is what binds up all wounds. The love I have for my foster siblings is one of the greatest loves I have ever had the privilege of experiencing.

Learning to AbandonKylee is a 19-year-old college student who is passionately pursuing a degree in Social Work while simultaneously learning what it means to be a big sister to kids from “hard places”. Her parents jumped into the crazy world of foster care just days before her 8th birthday and cared for numerous infants and toddlers over a ten-year time span; four of those children became permanent family members through adoption. Kylee loves sharing about foster care and adoption and is passionate about advocating on behalf of vulnerable children.

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Don’t Ignore Foster Care Adoption

After learning of our infertility in November 2006, we were down and depressed.  However, during the Christmas holidays, we conceived!  We conceived the idea of adopting a child through foster care. We first realized that we were really expecting a child after attending an information session on foster care.

That first trimester was just as full of nausea as any other pregnancy with all the arduous adoption paperwork which were complete with background checks, fingerprinting, and long, boring long-distance childcare classes that we were required to complete.

We thought the second trimester would slow down a bit since we had completed the state requirements to become adoptive parents. All we were waiting for was to finish our in-home study and inspection, or so we thought.   However, the resting point didn’t come.

Although we had been planning to move to a larger town in 2007, we didn’t realize that we would sell our country home in less than a week.  We found our dream home the very next day, complete with what would be a baby’s room.

As we began the disarray of packing for our move, our caseworker would arrive for our home study.  With that “final” task behind us, we hoped that our child would come soon.

The last trimester was one of “nesting” into our new home.  Our actual moving day was the day after school was out. As hectic as every move is, we were relieved to finally be “home!”

Two weeks after the move, I returned to the workforce in a new challenging job.  My husband, stepson, and even I had to adjust to my new role outside the home.  I wondered how in the world I would be able to juggle it all when school began in the fall.

We completed our fire and health inspections of our new home, one of the final steps for placement of a child.

As we excitedly approached our “due date”, my nesting instincts kicked in with lots of preparation for the baby’s room. We purchased a crib, and the baby’s bunny bedroom began taking shape. We were starting from scratch as far as any baby items since this would be my first (non-furry) child.

girls-bunny-bedroom-decorating-ideas

The girl's bunny bedroom that became a boy's sports bedroom

I was certain that my water would break soon after, and that when my daughter finally arrived, she would be approaching her first birthday.

It’s amazing how true that was…except that my daughter would be my rambunctious boy, Stinkpot, that we adopted through foster care!

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week to help others learn the facts about infertility.

If you are suffering from infertility, please browse through this site to read more about how we became parents through the miracle of adoption through foster care.

Also, sign up to receive our e-book detailing how we adopted our second baby through foster care – a true miracle!

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When the Call Comes, But the Kids Don’t. Waiting!

Last week, we received a very exciting phone call – a call for the adoptive placement of 2 young girls!

I was so excited to announce the news to you last Tuesday on Facebook, albeit prematurely. As a seasoned foster parent, I should know better.

Often times in foster care, the calls come but the kids don’t.

It has been nearly a week, and our caseworker has not heard back from the girls’ caseworker.

What my intuition is telling me:  The family members probably balked at adopting the girls (they are in 2 separate relative homes), hoping another family member would adopt.  However, rather than send their little ones off, the family will step up.

I can totally understand. And I am thrilled if this is the case for these little girls.

If the girls do come, I’m sure it won’t be before Easter, although I would love to share the story of the resurrection with this cookie recipe.

However, in the mean time, we wait…

Other Waiting

The biopsy was excruciating; I’m sure my outbursts of pain permeated that floor in the hospital during the ordeal. However, that pain has a purpose to bring peace of mind. The doctor is extremely optimistic, performing the biopsy as a precaution.

Now we wait to receive the results on Friday the 13th, no less…

How many “failed placements” have you had?

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Adding Foster Children to Your Family: How Will Your Kids Take It?

“What was it like growing up with foster siblings in your home?”

This is the question that I am most frequently asked, whether it is by peers who have heard media-influenced foster care stories, or by families who are seeking to become foster parents while still raising biological children. When people ask me this question, it always catches me off guard, mainly because it is incredibly hard to describe such a major part of a childhood that seemed perfectly normal to me. It is equally hard to think of what my life would have looked like had I not grown up with foster siblings. For me, babies and toddlers came and went on a regular basis. It was hard at times and it was fun at times, but regardless, it was normal to me. We received our first foster placement two weeks before my 8th birthday, and adopted my last two siblings a month after my 18th birthday. Needless to say, foster care has impacted me in profound ways.

 

As I have sought to answer this question, my mind always wanders back to that early October night when I was 7-years-old, watching a caseworker hand our first foster placement over to my parents. I remember looking into the big, brown eyes of a severely abused infant and understanding for the first time the reality of the hurt that is in our world.

Those first few moments with that baby are locked into my memory as tightly and securely as a 7-year-old can remember. As I innocently questioned “why” a parent would hurt his child, I was opened up to a whole new world that involved evil my mind had never known.

Through the next several years, as babies and toddlers passed through our home, there were many censored discussions of drugs, sex, alcohol, and neglect. I appreciate that my parents protected my innocence, while still valuing that I loved my foster siblings with a sincere love and desired to know each one of their stories. As I watched my foster siblings flourish in our home and saw the hurt they endured, there was a deeper level of compassion and understanding that slowly began to resonate inside of me.

I played with the kids and accepted each one as my sibling; I took pride in showing off each baby to my friends; I made silly faces while feeding the infants mushy rice cereal; I learned the art of washing a baby bottle, changing a diaper, and bathing a baby; I browsed the baby aisle with my mom, begging her to buy “just one more cute outfit”; I sat in my room and sobbed, after saying goodbye to a child I loved dearly.

So maybe my childhood was different from yours. In fact, it probably was. My family grew and then shrunk again on a regular basis and the family calendar was filled with court dates, parent visits, and caseworker meetings.

However, the uniqueness of my family dynamics did not affect me negatively or ruin me as a person, as is the common myth. Yes, I saw and understood injustice from a young age and I struggled with the evil I saw, but I also learned a million lessons and developed attributes that I believe I would not have today, had my parents chosen to keep the doors of our home closed.

For those lessons, for my sweet foster siblings, and for my parent’s willingness, I am thankful.

Learning to AbandonKylee is a 19-year-old college student who is passionately pursuing a degree in Social Work while simultaneously learning what it means to be a big sister to kids from “hard places”. Her parents jumped into the crazy world of foster care just days before her 8th birthday and cared for numerous infants and toddlers over a ten-year time span; four of those children became permanent family members through adoption. Kylee loves sharing about foster care and adoption and is passionate about advocating on behalf of vulnerable children.

I’m Clever

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