Foster2Forever

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Top Posts of 2011 – Year In Review

2011 was a huge year for our growing family!  After nearly 2 years of having our Lil Bit as part of our family, we finally became his forever family officially.  We had many roadblocks during this journey to adoption!

Our website, Foster2Forever, has grown too. In February, we moved from Blogger to a dot com and had a little over 500 visitors in March.  However, since April, we’ve had around 2,000 visitors each month!!!

I’m simply astounded!

Thanks to Google Analytics, here are the most viewed posts of each month through 2011!

January: Do I Really Want to Look Like Angelina Jolie?

An allergic reaction to the flu shot caused my lips to swell as huge as the mother of Brad Pitt’s 6 children. After refusing to take another flu shot, I then, surprisingly, caught the flu.

February:  Am I Harboring an Illegal Immigrant?

I explain our Lil Bit’s immigration status and how it might delay our eventual adoption.

March:  Our Foster Baby is Officially an Orphan

It took 15 months to terminate the parental rights of both foster parents, given the birth father was somewhere in Mexico.

April:  No Time-Out?

Struggling with disciplining our Stinkpot, I discovered time-out wasn’t effective, and did just the opposite, with surprising results.

May: Open Adoption – Writing to the Birth Family

Our adoption agreement with Lil Bit’s birth mother stipulates an annual update letter.  Here I ponder whether to include the distressing events in Lil Bit’s time with us.

June:  Top 3 Ways to Delay Getting a Foster Care License

How our journey to become licensed for foster care was delayed over and over.

July:  Our Foster Baby Broke His Arm!

Our 22-month-old little climber fell and broke his arm on July 4th. This in turn triggered an investigation into our foster home, further delaying our eventual adoption.

August:  What Are Legal Risk Placements in Foster Care?

10 Frequently Asked Questions on legal risk placements.

September: We Are FINALLY Adopting our Foster Boy!

This post outlined our 21-month journey to become Lil Bit’s forever family. However, this was written just 10 days before our Lil Bit broke the same arm AGAIN, prompting yet ANOTHER investigation into our foster home.  It was beginning to look like we might never adopt this kid!

October: When You Shouldn’t Adopt from Foster Care

Renowned adoption advocate, Russell Moore, actually encourages some Christians to not adopt a child, just get a cat!

November:  Introducing Our New Son

After 23 months of hiding our Lil Bit’s angelic face from the world, I am officially a proud mama that can finally show off her adorable baby boy (and those amazing eyelashes)!

December:  New Home for Lil Bit’s Baby Brother

Two days before Lil Bit’s adoption, we receive a call that he has a newborn brother that is being released from the hospital. We sadly didn’t take the placement. Here’s what became of this newborn baby.

BONUS:

Foster2Forever had some incredible guest posts this year!  Two of these posts had over 500 pageviews each!

 

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Disease Takes No Holidays! RSV Strikes Again!

A belated Merry Christmas to you!  We hope your holiday was merrier than ours.  It had to be…

what-is-rsv-symptoms

Our Lil Bit had RSV this weekend & didn't feel well. I entered this photo in the IHeartFaces holiday challenge.

For those of you who don’t follow Foster2Forever on Facebook or Twitter…

Our 2-year-old, Lil Bit, is in day care – a breeding ground for illness.  On Friday, I noticed that, although happy to be playing at home with his family, he was coughing quite a bit.  It wasn’t until late afternoon that I realized — he had a fever!  A low-grade fever of less than 100 degrees F (For my Aussie readers that’s about 37.7 C). But I knew I had to get him to a doctor FAST!

I glanced at the clock. It’s 5:02 p.m.

“Dog gone it!!!“

I called the doctor’s office anyway.

“Our office hours are 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday. If this is an emergency, call 9-1-1.”

We were praying he didn’t get worse. Ibuprofen controlled the fever through most of the night; however, in the morning, he still had the fever and was coughing incessantly.

We were praying we wouldn’t be spending Christmas Eve in the Emergency Room.

I called our family medical clinic that has Saturday hours. Maybe, just maybe, they will be open on Christmas Eve.

“Good morning, how may I help you?”

Hallelujah! Our family physician was the doctor on duty this Christmas Eve morning.

Dr. Meyer diagnosed our Lil Bit with RSV, prescribed a steroid, prayed for him, and sent us HOME.  We are blessed!

What is RSV?

RSV stands for Respiratory Syncytial Virus.  In adults and older children, it’s basically a cold; however, in infants, it is a very serious virus that usually requires hospitalization.  The virus causes an overabundance of mucus, which adults and older children can cough up; however, for an infant, it can cause respiratory problems and low oxygen levels.  You can read more details about what is RSV and its symptoms at Christian Mama’s Guide.

Our History with RSV

We are not strangers to this virus. This is Lil Bit’s third bout with RSV:

  1. Our Lil Bit was only 5 months old when he was first hospitalized for RSV.  During this hospital stay, we were given the paperwork for Lil Bit’s removal from our home and placement with a distant relative.  My heart wept as I was saying my goodbyes for this little angel struggling to breathe.  This is when we made that life-changing decision to intervene in the familial placement and fight for custody.
  2. One year later in February of this year, at 17 months old, our Lil Bit was diagnosed with a common cold on a Friday, and then by Monday, was hospitalized for RSV that had developed into pneumonia.  (Lesson: Doctors can misdiagnose RSV with serious consequences)
  3. At 2-1/2 years old, our Lil Bit still struggled through RSV; however, we are thankful that his breathing wasn’t affected, and that we didn’t have to celebrate our Christmas in the hospital. Thank you, Lord, for your blessings!

And if Lil Bit contracting RSV isn’t bad enough – Now, Stinkpot has a horrible cough, runny nose and fever.  And I’m getting a course cough and tightness in my chest…OUCH!

Happy New Year, Everyone!

Have any of your little ones had RSV?

IHeartFaces.com

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Our Words to a Child Make a Difference

Today I am thrilled to have a former foster child write this moving post about how one person’s words made a difference in his life.

Warning: You might want to have a tissue close by…

former foster child make a difference in a life

“SO, WHY ARE YOU HERE?“

That was the question I’d grown accustomed to hearing. Gone were the days when someone would ask for my name, or where I went to school. Suddenly, the sum of my existence could only be defined by one factor; the reason why I had become a foster child.

The answer to that question would provide all the necessary information needed to place me into one of two categories; someone who had done something terribly wrong, or someone to whom something terrible had been done. Was I the victim, or the offender?

So… why was I there?

Does it really matter? Would it make much of a difference? Sure, those details may tell you about where I’ve been, but what would it say about where I was headed?

I had been ripped out of my home and away from my family, only to be dropped into a house full of strange adults and strange boys. I was being held against my will, and nobody seemed to be in too much of a hurry to rectify the situation.

About two months after I had been placed into foster care, someone told me something that that I will never forget…

You can allow yourself to become bitter, and thus gain nothing from the experience. Or, you can take the opportunity to learn something from your situation, and grow into a better person as a result.

His words were simple and to the point. At first, they stung. Imagine the nerve he had to insinuate that I should assume any responsibility for my current circumstance. That I should become an active participant within my surroundings and not just a spectator.

It wasn’t until after his words sank in that I began to see the truth in them.

Up until that point, all anyone ever seemed to be concerned about was why I was in foster care to begin with. Nobody had stopped to talk to me about my future, or how my attitude in the present could affect it. That conversation, however brief, made a world of difference for me.

I had other experiences with foster parents and social workers that were not as positive. Perhaps I encountered them on a bad day. I don’t know. What I do know is that the negative comments did not produce positive results. Maybe if they’d understood how much their negativity set me back they would’ve chosen their words more wisely. Maybe.

It’s very important for those whose occupation involves working with children, to remember that what may be ‘just another day at work’ for them, could very well be a life defining moment for a child. Words are powerful and can change the course of a child’s life. I know this has definitely proven to be true in mine.

The next time you are ‘on the job’, please ask yourself, “Why am I here?” Perhaps the answer will lead you in the direction of kindness. It could very well change the course of someone’s life.

Isn’t it amazing how one moment can change a child’s life?

Check out this video of Dr. Wess Stafford, President and CEO of Compassion Ministries, as he illustrates one such moment…

Please check out Just a Minute: In the Heart of a Child, One Moment…Can Last Forever! full of inspiring stories of how a minute can make the difference in a child’s life forever.
Peter Combs is first and foremost an avid reader. His love for a good story began before he knew how to read. But it wasn’t until the age of six when he watched a movie about the life of L.Frank Baum that he realized that he too could create magical stories from faraway lands. But before he had time to create a new and exciting world, he was living an adventure all of his own, full of real life characters- both good and bad. His journey had many stops, and each chapter was different from the last: life as a foster child; dealing with memory loss; jumping out of burning buildings; at times homeless; and finally, the road to redemption.

Through it all Peter has learned that life is the most exciting story ever told.

You can visit Peter’s blog at Home, or follow him on Twitter.

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2 Years Ago Today – When I Fell in Love at First Sight

On December 15, 2009, Lil Bit joined our family.  On that cool, sunny afternoon, my cell phone rang, as I was compiling a spreadsheet at work.

“Would you accept a 4-month-old placement for foster care?”

My reply was a quick “YES!”

I hurriedly typed to complete the spreadsheet, and rushed down the street to the CPS office.

The investigator was the same from Blondie‘s case. She spoke of how Lil Bit had been in the office all day and didn’t make a peep.

“He’s such a good baby. His birthmom has had numerous children adopted out. Do you want him?”

I couldn’t believe I was hearing that.   A call for foster care only could become a son. As I looked into his big, beautiful blue eyes framed with inch-long eyelashes, something happened to me that had never happened before.  I fell in love at first sight!

Lil Bit quickly assimilated into our family.  Our Christmas was that much more exciting to have a baby in it.

After 23 months with many court hearings, he finally became our son last month on National Adoption Day.

This Lil Bit has been a huge blessing in our lives.  He loves his older brother, Stinkpot, and always asks for him when he is picked up from day care.  Everyday, Lil Bit runs to hug “Tee-taw”.  Their relationship is very close and it warms my heart to know that these two brothers have each other.

Our Lil Bit is growing fast into a Lil Man. Those gorgeous blue eyes have now turned into the most unique, mesmerizing hazel.  He is tall and lean running through the house.

After so many hospital visits, he is healthy with not so much as a runny nose.  And he is now officially a “terrible two” – throwing fits when he can’t get what he wants. (I’m sorry, but I laugh in these “terrible” moments because it is just so unlike him.)

For 2 years, we have been extremely blessed by our Lil Bit. And we are grateful that he is our forever son.

What are your blessings this Christmas?

 

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Losing a Parent at a Young Age

My children never met their grandfather.  I lost my dad to cancer nearly 25 years ago…

In Fall 1986, while a student at Texas A&M University, I received a call at 1 o’clock in the morning that no person wants to receive, much less a young college student.  My divorced father was in ICU at the hospital back home.  I packed a quick bag and raced to the hospital.

I found my dad in ICU, disoriented, and strapped to his bed.  My dad had had a seizure and had become aggressive with the hospital staff. He knew nobody and when I walked into his hospital room, I was the first person he recognized.

A cat scan showed that my dad had 3 tumors in his brain — he was given 6 months to live.

Because my dad had recently lost his job of 26 years, he had no income, no health insurance, and not much hope.

I discovered that my unemployed father, too proud to ask for help, had been living in his home with no electricity, surviving on a diet of pecans he had gathered from a local park.

I made the difficult decision to leave college to take care of my dad. One of the easiest decisions I had to make.

Me with Daddy and my sisters in 1979. Which one am I?

We were blessed by many that helped us through this horrifying journey of brain cancer.  My heart overflows for all those that helped our family during this difficult time.

I am extremely grateful for the assistance of the American Cancer Society.  The ACS provided us with a wheelchair and hospital bed once my dad became bedridden. Thank you again!

I lost my dad to cancer in February1987.  He was 53. He didn’t see his 54th birthday.

Please watch the video below of how the American Cancer Society is helping folks have more birthdays.

Who have you lost to cancer?

 
This post is sponsored by American Cancer Society.

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Do You Drug Your Foster Kids?

Last week on 20/20, Diane Sawyer reported on medicating foster children.
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Their report stated that foster kids are more than 13 times more likely to be prescribed psychotropic medications than the general population.

Psychotropic medications are scary to me, especially when young children are involved. In the story, the doctor in question sees a child for about 5 minutes before prescribing a mind-altering medication. How can a doctor really know what’s going on with a child in a short visit?

Effect of Anti-Depressants on a Child

At the age of 9, a close relative had to be hospitalized after a psychiatrist prescribed this child an anti-depressant — because he had been depressed for getting in trouble at church the night before. To say the Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) – a class of antidepressant – caused severe side effects would be an understatement. This child lost bladder control, eye movement, and basically went manic when he was medicated with an SSRI. Before that, he was simply hyperactive.

She then diagnosed him as bi-polar. What? That kid was not bi-polar!  He went manic when medicated and simply pouted when he didn’t get his way. It took months to get the child stable again.

Would you believe, only 3 years later, this same psychiatrist again prescribed him an anti-depressant? — because he was feeling down after a parent moved out of town.  He had spoken with this psychiatrist for 5 minutes where she basically told him if he didn’t take the anti-depressants, he would have to go back into the hospital.   As she handed over the SSRI drug sample, I heard her say: “Now watch him closely because we don’t want him to go manic again.“

I wanted to say: “Quack, are you the one that’s nuts?“

Personal Experience with Anti-Depressants

My personal experience with psychotropic medications make me wary.  Nearly 10 years ago, after losing a loved one, I was prescribed the anti-depressant, Lexapro. I didn’t sleep for 2 days and then became panicked when I had the dry heaves after attempting to eat. At the hospital, the nurse was very familiar with my symptoms from Lexapro.  My anxiety doesn’t mix well with an SSRI like that.

A few years later, after discovering our infertility, my Ob-Gyn attempted to prescribe an anti-depressant for me; however, she gave me a blank look when I told her that I don’t handle SSRIs very well.  She shouldn’t be prescribing psychotropic medicine that quickly anyway – she was the wrong type of doctor for that!

Then, when a psychiatrist prescribed a cyclic anti-depressant for me, I slept. When I called about the side effect, he increased my dosage. I didn’t wake up for 2 days!  I made the choice to deal with my depression actively instead of with medication.  By exercising and focusing on other things, I am the happiest ever!

Medicating Our Traumatized Child

Needless to say, our decision to allow a psychiatrist to prescribe medication for our Stinkpot’s hyperactivity was difficult for us. We were pleased that the doctor first opted for a more conservative alternative before prescribing stronger Ritalin or Adderall.  However, I did cry as my Stinkpot adjusted. He did well for nearly a year.

He is now on a psychotropic medication to control his rages, and I watch him intently, constantly looking for side effects or problems. So far, his behavior is remarkably improved.  Before, it would take him 45 minutes to cycle through his rages.  Now his rages last between 2-3 minutes.

time in discipline

Our prayer is that as he matures and learns more self-control, he won’t need meds to help control his rages. We are also examining other avenues, such as play therapy, bonding, and allergies.

We have been fortunate in that he has been our only child prescribed psychotropic medications.

What has been your experience with psychotropic medications? Do you believe doctors are too quick to prescribe them?

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New Home for Lil Bit’s Newborn Brother

Two days before we finally adopted our Lil Bit, we had a very surprising call from our caseworker. Lil Bit had a newborn brother!

We struggled with the difficult decision of adding a newborn to our family so quickly.  Our JD was struggling with adjusting to all day preschool, having major meltdowns every week causing us to resort to medications.

How would adding a newborn to our family affect JD?

We finally made the very difficult decision that we needed to focus on helping our JD with his adjustment issues. Adding a newborn while JD is struggling so much would not help with his issues.  The huge change of adding a newborn to our family could even cause JD to regress tremendously.

We felt AWFUL for finally telling our caseworker “no”.  UNTIL WE WERE TOLD….

“THANK YOU, JESUS!“

The words spoken by the foster/adoptive parents where Baby Brother was placed! They are rejoicing for the opportunity to parent this baby.  Bonus: They live nearby and are open to sibling visits!

We are now at peace.  There was a plan all along…

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11

Join our Facebook page for more up-to-date information!!!

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4 Surprising Gifts You Can’t Give Your Foster Kids

It’s Cyber Monday! That means great shopping deals!  The Children’s Place is having 30% site-wide with free shipping. And at my favorite store The Body Shop, you can buy 3 items for $30 with free shipping!

However, foster parents have to be careful when buying gifts for children in foster care.  Depending on the rules where you live, there maybe some items that are surprisingly “outlawed” by regulations.

4. Accordion Safety Gates


Not that this is really a gift, per se, but it is definitely on the “naughty list” if you live in Texas and have infants in foster care. (40 TAC 749.1813)

3. Baby Walkers


Again for homes with infants, foster parents in Texas cannot use the old-fashioned mobile baby walkers for infants. (40 TAC 749.1813)

“Baby walkers present a hazard due to risk of falls down stairs, steps, and tipping over thresholds or carpet edges. They provide infants accessibility to potentially hot surfaces, containers of hot liquids such as coffee, dangling appliance cords, poisonous plants or hazardous substances and buckets, toilets or other containers of water.”

Can’t this happen when little ones start walking?  Use stationary items, such as an activity center instead.

2. Baby Bungee Jumpers

“Baby bungee jumpers present a hazard due to increased risk of injury to the child as a result of spinning, swinging, or bumping into walls.” (40 TAC 749.1813)

It’s pretty obvious that other kids in foster homes were swinging babies into walls, causing them injuries.

1. Trampolines

And the #1 surprising gift you can’t give a foster child is a trampoline.

“Trampolines may not be used as play or recreational equipment.” (40 TAC 749.3039)

It’s too bad since jumping is a great way for kids to expel some of that ADHD energy. And sleep better at night!


So how about a bounce house?  I’ve seen these numerous times at State-sponsored foster care events with children in foster care jumping their way to the stars!!!

What gifts are on the “naughty list” where you live?

I’m Clever

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