Foster2Forever

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We Are FINALLY Adopting our Foster Boy!!!

It’s really going to happen! We have set a date for the adoption!

Our 2-year-old foster son, Lil Bit, will officially be ours on

National Adoption Day in November!

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This has been a very long journey.

We were blessed with our Lil Bit nearly 2 years ago at only 3 months old.

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Then we received the call that he would be moving in with a distant family member with a CPS history (against his birthmother’s wishes).

We wanted to keep Lil Bit safe; and with the encouragement of his birthmother, we decided to fight the system.

Our God performed miracle after miracle!

At 2 years old, he will FINALLY officially become our son!

I can’t wait to show you that amazingly cute face (and eyelashes to die for!)

Thank you so much for your support over the last nearly 2 years!

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Lil Bit loves to wear Mommy's shoes. Dad doesn't think it's cute.

Hugs,

~Penelope

Romans 8:28

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10 Stress Management Tips for Parents

Are you a stressed-out parent?

Most parents would declare a resounding, “YES“! Add to that the stress of parenting foster children that have suffered through neglect and other abuse. Haunted by their traumas, foster children can act out with behaviors difficult for us, as parents, to understand or manage. The resulting stress can be overwhelming sometimes.

Secondary Traumatic Stress (STS) is defined as the “stress resulting from helping or wanting to help a traumatized or suffering person.” STS is commonly referred to as Compassion Fatigue.

stress-management-techniques-tipsFoster parents are especially at risk for developing STS due to:

  • Having empathy for foster children; and
  • Not having enough recovery time.

As a foster parent, you might be suffering from STS if:

  • Acting and/or feeling in ways that are not normal for you;
  • Feelings of anger, sadness, depression, or anxiety that last longer than usual;
  • Having nightmares similar to the type of trauma that your foster children have experienced;
  • Avoiding places or people out of fear for your foster children.

The signs of stress can be physical, mental, or behavioral.  These may include:

  • Tight muscles
  • Feeling anxious, forgetful, sad, confused, angry
  • Lack of caring for others
  • Mood swings
  • Laziness
  • Irritability
  • Over or under eating

There are a number of ways that you can combat stress in your life.

  1. Exercise. Last year, I started the Couch Potato to 5K (c25k) program and now try to run/walk for at least 30 minutes 2-3 times a week.  (I jog 2 minutes, then walk 1 minute and have gone as far as 8 miles using this method. I DON’T run 30 minutes straight.)  I have completed a number of 5ks and am training for a half-marathon in November using the Galloway walk/run program.  I can feel my self-esteem improving with every milestone. Do you have any exercise goals?
  2. Eat Properly. I do not eat as well as I should, but have been more self-conscious of the foods I eat. I have a chef salad for lunch most days and have added more olive oil to my diet.  I begin the Weight Watchers Points Plus program in 2 weeks!
  3. Journaling. Having this website allows me the opportunity to write out my frustrations of being a foster parent. Do you blog or journal?
  4. Join a Support Group. The wonderful readers that comment here on foster2forever are my support group. Thank you!!! In the next few weeks, I will be adding a community to the website so that we can chat and support one another more. So excited! Do you have a support group?
  5. Ask for Respite Care. A few weeks ago, FosterDad and I took respite care and enjoyed our time away from the kids to reconnect and just relax and focus on the 2 of us.  Sadly, we do not regularly schedule time together and I believe we need time away again! Scheduling weekly date nights is the next goal!
  6. Family Fun. When we do fun things with the kids that allow them to be kids, we ALL feel better.  We need to schedule this more often! Last night, Stinkpot enjoyed playing baseball with FosterDad in the 102 heat. Maybe a trip to the beach this weekend?
  7. Massage. I get tension headaches when I’m stressed and can feel it in my shoulders and neck.  When pain killers just aren’t doing the trick, I take a quick trip to the mall to the massage kiosk and pay the little Asian man $12 to massage my neck and shoulders. Works every time!
  8. Yoga and/or Meditation. I haven’t practiced yoga in a few years, but the stretching and meditation through counting helped me relax tremendously. Also, this incredible meditation audio CD by Susie Mantell is the BEST!!! She gets you so relaxed, then asks you to think about what’s bothering you. Each time, I’m so relaxed that I can’t think of anything!  I’ve only been able to stay awake through the entire CD once.
  9. Music. Add music to your life. Nothing can change my mood quicker than music. My kids love music too. Singing to my kids also helps them during tense times.
  10. Acceptance. Learn to accept your children. Our Stinkpot is an extremely strong-willed child. As I was reading Setting Limits with your Strong-Willed Child, Dr. MacKenzie pointed out that it is the nature of the strong-willed child to test, test, test everything. Once I realized that it was Stinkpot’s job to test me, I was able to better accept it, anticipate it and cope with it.

Are you stressed? Take this test.

How do manage your stress?

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Our Foster Child Still Lags Behind

Early Childhood InterventionOur foster child, Lil Bit, turned 2 years old last week!  He has grown so much from that 3-month-old infant brought to us nearly 2 years ago. However, he still seems to be a bit behind other toddlers his age.

Last weekend, we attended a birthday party for his class at day care. All the children in his class have birthdays within a month.  As I was watching the other children at the party, I realized just how far behind the others he actually is.

Although Lil Bit is receiving speech therapy through Early Childhood Intervention, other children his age:

  • Have a much larger vocabulary,
  • Talking in short sentences, and
  • Are in the advanced stages of potty-training.

Also, during the party, he would not let me put him down. (my back is killing me this week from carrying around the 25-pound little tike for 3 hours)

I realize that each child is an individual and develops an their own individual rate.  However, it saddens me for him.

Will he struggle to keep up his entire life or will he eventually catch up?

I realize that God has a perfect plan for our Lil Bit, but I do struggle during the mean time…

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11

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10 Tips to Ease Your Child Back to School

Stinkpot starts Pre-K today! We are very excited and nervous for him.

Last winter, due to his behavioral struggles, we were left high and dry to find a new day care.  We made the decision for me to take family leave to spend more time to focus on him.  He did very well, bonding with me and attending a Mother’s Day Out program. This summer, he stayed home with FosterDad while I went back to work, when he wasn’t attending a Mother’s Day Out program.

Now, today, Stinkpot returns to full-time care as a Pre-Kindergartener!  We chose to enroll him at a private school/daycare instead of half-day Pre-K in the public school.  All-day care at the private school would prevent him from having to go to another location for after-school care.  It wasn’t much more expensive than having to pay for the half-day after-school care.

So here are some things we are doing to hopefully make the transition back to all-day care easier on our Stinkpot:

  1. Visit school before the first day and meet the teachers.

  2. Establish your bedtime routines.

  3. Allow your Preschooler to shop for school.

  4. Read stories/watch videos about going to school.

  5. Lay out clothes the night before.

  6. Set alarm clock.

  7. Have a special breakfast together the first day of school.

  8. Pick up your child a little early the first few days.

  9. Prepare dinner ahead.

  10. Arrange a play date with new friends.

Are we missing anything? What are some things that you’ve done when your little one starts school?

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Enrich Your Marriage – Respite Care is for You!

Marriage is tough! Marriage with kids is tougher! Marriage with foster kids is possibly the toughest all-around!

Having a revolving-door family, as sometimes couples have in foster care, can leave foster parents so busy and exhausted that sometimes respite care can become necessary for foster parents to be their best.

Respite care is a temporary resting period or break for caregivers.  In Texas, respite child-care is defined as care lasting longer than 72 hours.  (Therefore, shorter periods of care are not regulated as respite child-care.)

Last weekend, FosterDad and I took a long-overdue couples’ getaway! My sister provided the respite care of our 2-year-old foster boy, Lil Bit, and our 4-year-old, Stinkpot for the long weekend.

It was FosterDad’s birthday, so I surprised him with a trip to East Texas where he attended college for 2 years. Online, I found a bed and breakfast in the small town of Jefferson for $150 for 2 nights.

We stayed at the lovely Steamboat Inn.

View of hallway looking out.

We stayed in the masculine Mens Room

When I chose Jefferson, I had no idea the incredible history and all this small Texas town of only 2,000 folks has to offer!  Jefferson is in northeast Texas and was the riverport to the Texas frontier in the 1800’s.  You wouldn’t think that now; however, a huge log jam on the Red River connected the town to the Mississippi River and the ports of St. Louis and New Orleans, making the town an important Texas port abuzz with steamboats. The log jam was blown up in 1873 and riverboat traffic all but ceased. What is left is a quaint, little small town that is now the Bed & Breakfast Capital of Texas with over 30 active bed & breakfast inns.

We strolled along the brick roads, enjoying all the historic markers and homes, visiting the antique shops and the Jefferson General Store.  We had a romantic dinner at the charming Stillwater Inn and even took a romantic moonlight ride in a surrey with fringe on top!!!

Spending the weekend focusing on us as a couple will help us be better parents. Just in time, since school starts Monday!

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Is Foster Care Adoption Risky?

When we began working in foster care over fifteen years ago there was very little risk involved for us. We worked in a group home and had no intentions of adopting any of the children who came through our home. Most of the kids were teenagers and not looking for a forever family, but a safe place to live. We were a mere step along their path to adulthood. We were fine with that.

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A few years ago our hearts changed and we opened our own home as a foster home. This time, our intentions were to adopt through foster care. We have been licensed with our current foster care agency since November of 2010. One week after our license was approved we received “the call.” We were told upfront that our family would have to be open to adoption to accept the referral, but adoption could not be guaranteed. We accepted the referral and three days later we held our brand new baby girl, our “Sweet Potato Pie”  in our arms.

Foster Care Can Be Messy

Not unlike many other cases in foster care, the story of her family is a mess. This particular case is complicated with siblings, family placements and an individual who has used his political influence to misrepresent the parents. It is recommended by the state agency and the Foster Care Review Board for us to hire an attorney of our own to fight for parental termination of rights. The state is also pursuing this outcome.

In this case, our state adoptions agency has not completed the adoption home study packet. We began that process at the same time we applied for foster care. While we are in the process of being licensed to adopt our girl specifically, we still lack the final approval simply due to shortages of staff to handle the high caseloads.

Foster Parent Hires An Attorney

Hiring an attorney may get us closer to our sweet girl being legally free for adoption, but it will not guarantee us the ability to be the ones to adopt her. Legally, we could tie up thousands of dollars out of our pocket, only to have her returned to her parent due to political favors. Emotionally, our hearts could be broken. Realistically, this is foster care! Anytime you take a foster child into your home, you have no legal guarantees that you will be able to adopt your child. The state has the authority to move foster children at any time. Judges have the authority to send children back to their biological families. Foster children can be moved into placement with relatives who show up two years into placement.

Even with all of the legal risks, foster children deserve a safe and loving home to live in, even if it is only temporary. Legally, you may not have a guarantee for permanency, but you have the opportunity to invest your time and attention into a child who has lost their family. No matter the legal risk, the foster care system can not function without the support of loving foster homes.

Joy is a small town Mom with big girl dreams. She and her husband, Barry, have two biological children Jordan (13) and Riley (11)  and one beautiful foster baby girl, “Sweet Potato Pie” (9 months).  Joy is a writer and stay at home Mom advocating for foster care, families and sight for children with visual disabilities.

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What are Legal Risk Placements in Foster Care?

Our home is a dual-licensed foster home meaning that we are licensed for both foster care and adoption; however, we are currently only open for legal risk placements.  This week, our foster home worker sent us these FAQs on legal risk placements. Does this answer your questions or create more?

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LEGAL RISK PLACEMENTS

Some Questions and Answers

A child is placed in an adoptive home when all rights of birth parents have been terminated.  There are times when this cannot happen because of legal complications involving the termination. When this happens we may consider an adoptive placement with potential adoptive parents who are willing to take the risk that parental rights may not be terminated or who are willing to wait for this to happen no matter how long it takes.

1. What is a legal risk placement?

A legal risk placement is the placement of a child(ren) into an adoptive home prior to a final order terminating parental rights.  OR, if termination of parental rights has taken place, and the biological parents have appealed the termination to an appeals court.

 

2. Why does the Texas Department of Protective and Regulatory Services utilize “legal risk” placements?

Have you seen this movie “Losing Isaiah”?

This is a good question because some would suggest that no child be placed for adoption until all potential legal obstacles have been cleared.  TDPRS chooses to go ahead with a legal risk placement when the agency is reasonably confident that termination will occur.  It has been our experience that the wait for all court action to be finalized has created devastating consequences to the children in our Conservatorship.  In order to minimize the period of uncertainty in the child/ren’s life, TDPRS may proceed with a legal risk placement.  The Department will do all it can to expedite (or, speed up) the legal process and to reduce the risks of the adoptive placement being overturned.  Nevertheless, there can be no guarantees.  The Department recognizes that, if something goes wrong, then the family and child may face heartbreak and emotional trauma.  The Department is very cautious about utilizing legal risk placement prior to termination of parental rights.  Therefore, the Department will not consider making a legal risk placement unless it believes it has a good, solid care for termination.

Legal risk placements usually occur when a child needs to be moved from a foster home near the time the parental rights are to be terminated.  This move will only be made if it is our assessment that the child is ready to start bonding with the potential adoptive family.

 

3.  What requirements must a family meet in order to be considered for a legal risk placement?

A family must be licensed as foster parents until termination of parental rights occurs and must follow all rules and regulations that apply to foster parents.  The prospective adoptive family will need to be trained in CPR and First Aid prior to being licensed as foster parents.

The prospective adoptive family will have foster home worker who will visit the family once every two months and it will be important for the family to attend the six month review hearing (Chapter 18 Court Hearings) and the Permanency Planning Team meetings that affect the child placed in their home.

 

4.  Should an attorney be consulted prior to entering into a legal risk placement?

The Department strongly recommends that a family consult an Attorney regarding legal risk placements.  By consulting an attorney, the family will be able to obtain an assessment of the risks from a neutral source.

 

5.  When are legal risk placements made?

A placement is considered to be a legal risk when:

A.   parental rights have not been terminated;

B.   a parent has appealed the judgment terminating parental rights;

C.   a parent has taken action indicating that a termination judgment likely will be appealed.

 

6.  What risks must a prospective adoptive family consider?

The greatest risk is that a prospective adoptive family will have to give up a child. There are other factors a prospective adoptive family must consider.  For example, the family might have to provide continuing visits between the child and birth parents until termination takes place.  In addition, the prospective adoptive family will not be able to tell the child that they are their adoptive family until parental rights have been terminated.

Finally, the prospective adoptive family must recognize that the legal system can operate at a slow, unpredictable rate.  The termination hearing may be set and postponed time and time again.

 

7.  How long will the process take?

Because every case is different, this is an impossible question to answer.  Because of the legal process it sometimes takes six months or longer for parental rights to be terminated. After the termination hearing has been held, a court order must be drafted.  This order then must be approved by all parties and signed by the judge.  An estimate of the time involved in the process is 30 days, although it can take much longer. A biological parent has 30 days to appeal after the judge has signed the termination order and relatives specified in the law have 90 days to file intervention of interest for placement or contact.

 

8.  When does a legal risk placement become an adoptive placement?

The placement can change form legal risk foster placement to an adoptive placement 30 days after the judge has signed the termination order. The child may take the last name of the adoptive family at this time.

 

9.  What happens if a termination order is appealed?

Thirty days after the termination order has been signed, the status of the family changes from foster care to adoption.  Should the birth parents appeal the termination, they obtain an attorney who may challenge the termination order.  This appeal goes to an appellate court which can take six months to two years to hear the case.  If the termination order is overturned, the case will again go to trial.

 

10. Will the Department appeal when the children are ordered to be returned to their biological parents?

There is only a very slight possibility the Department may pursue an appeal.  The vast majority of trial court decisions are upheld.

 

Types of Legal Risks Placements:

1. Termination has occurred but birth parent is appealing (Regular adoptive placement);

2. No termination but the Department is reasonably confident termination will occur- Mainly uncontested terminations.  (Adoptive parents must be licensed as a foster home and cannot tell the child they are the potential adoptive family).

 

Legal Risk Placements Occur When:

1.  Parental rights are not terminated or Parental rights have been terminated and are under appeal;

2.  If no Termination, the termination of parental rights is likely to occur;

3.  A child needs to be moved from their foster home very near the time parental rights are to be terminated;

4.  The placements in an adoptive home can save the child extra move into another foster home;

5.  The child is ready to start bonding to their potential adoptive family;

 

Texas Department of Family and Protective Services will place children or families in legal risk situations only if:

A.  It is the best interest of the child;

B.  There is a high degree of probability that parental rights will be terminated; or

C.  Details have been discussed with the family.

 

Before a Legal Risk Placement can occur:

1.  A prospective family must be identified and they must be licensed as a foster family;

2.  The family must read the child’s Health, Social, Educational, Genetic and History Report before they meet the child;

3.  The family must read the child’s de-identified case record;

4.  The family must read and sign the Legal Risk Placement agreement with the Department.

 

OTHER OPTIONS:

Dual-Licensed Home: A Dual-Licensed family is a family who is licensed as both a foster family and an adoptive family. They will take both foster care placements and adoptive placements.  A child would be placed in the home as foster care placement.  If the child becomes legally free, the family has the option to adopt that particular child.   The family will also be considered for adoptive placement of other children who are not in their home.

Dual-Licensed families differ from Legal Risk families in the intent of the placement.  Legal Risk families are adoptive families who are licensed as foster families in order to take a legal risk placement.  The intent of the placement is adoption.  Dual-Licensed families are both adoptive and a foster family.  The adoptive placements are true adoptive placements.  The foster care adoptive placements are with the intent that the agency is working to return the child to the parent or relative.  It is true foster care placement.

 

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Our Foster Baby Talks!

Early Childhood Intervention

We have been concerned about our little foster boy. At 18-months-old, our Lil Bit just wasn’t talking.  He would babble, but would say very few words and rarely call for mama or dada. (At 18 months, Lil Bit should have been saying 8-10 words)

In March, Lil Bit was evaluated by Early Childhood Intervention and was markedly behind in communication. An Individualized Family Service Plan (IFSP) was developed to assist us in helping Lil Bit catch up, with an emphasis on speech therapy.

Since then, Lil Bit has had speech therapy twice a month.  Many times, the speech therapist was teaching us techniques to encourage him to talk:

  • Encourage him to say a word when he wants something, such as juice, ball, mama, please, etc.
  • Give him a choice of 2 toys with which to play. “Car or train?” And wait for him to say a word.
  • Praise him enthusiastically when he does say a word, even if it’s not pronounced correctly.

After a few months of speech therapy and working with him, Lil Bit decided to talk! He just started talking. And it’s so stinking cute!!!

  • “Peas!” with his hand on his chest. For Please.
  • “Choo-Choo!” when he sees a train.
  • “Eyeyuyoo!” after I say, “I love you.” Then he gets a big raspberry on his belly. Lots of giggles.
  • “Tee-ta” for his brother’s name. That’s funny.

When I sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”, Lil Bit will chime in on “star”, “are”, “high”, “sky”!  And he has musical talent just like the rest of us in the family. Ouch!

He says “Amen” when we sing “If You’re Happy and You Know It”

And he tries so hard to sing along with “Hey, It’s Franklin”  when the PBS show begins. All that comes out is “spend” & “you” but not pronounced, more like “eeennn” & “oooooo”.

I’m having such a fun time enjoying him!!! These are very proud mommy moments!

What have been your favorite words or phrases your child has said while learning to talk???

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Water Safety as a Licensed Foster Home

This has been the hottest summer that I can remember!  Here in Texas, we have had 100+ temperatures for over 40 days!!!  40 days!!!pool-rules-regulations-foster-care

Tomorrow, the forecast is for 110 degrees!!!  110 degrees!!! It is impossible to stay cool if you are outside in this heat. We had purchased a blow-up wading pool for the kids (and us) for some family water fun; however….

We received an email from our foster home worker to “gently” remind us of the requirements for above ground pools as a licensed foster home:

If this summer heat is making you want to go out and buy an above ground pool, please remember to inform me before you fill it with water, so I can make a home visit to ensure all requirements have been met. Above ground pools need to comply with Minimum Standards and Policy, which are:

7251 Water Safety CPS April 2002

When a foster and/or adoptive parent family home is verified or approved, CPS staff must ensure that the home is in compliance with the following water safety requirements:

1.   Children under age five or children with physical or cognitive impairments must be supervised at all times in a bathtub;
2.   Adults or persons certified in water safety must supervise children around any large bodies of water at all times. This includes swimming and wading pools, hot tubs, stock ponds, creeks, rivers, lakes, oceans, or bays;
3.   Foster and/or adoptive parents who have a pool or body of water on their property must successfully complete a water safety course;
4.   Life jackets must be worn by all children and youth who engage in boating activities and by children who are in more than two feet of water and do not know how to swim;
5.   Hot tubs must be securely covered when not being used;
6.   Swimming pools must have physical barriers designed to limit access. Barriers include fences or walls, and pool safety covers.
·  Fences and walls around pools must be at least four feet high and well-constructed (the Red Cross recommends vertical fencing, and openings in the fence should be no more than four inches wide); these barriers must be installed completely around the pool.
·  Fence gates must be self-closing, self-latching, and locked when the pool is not in use.
·  If the house forms one side of the barrier for the pool, then doors leading from the house to the pool must be protected with alarms that produce an audible sound when a door is opened.
·  Applicable doors and windows must also have a lock installed that cannot be unlocked by a child under the age of five without assistance.
·  A child safety pool cover that can be placed over the water area may be used as an alternative barrier for fences or walls. However, pool covers are only required when there is no fence or wall surrounding the pool. Pool covers must be completely removed prior to pool use;
7.   Exterior ladders (not in-pool ladders) on above-ground pools must be removed and gates secured and locked when the pool is not in use;
8.   Furniture or large materials must never be left near the pool’s fence so children may not use them to scale the fence;
9.   Toys must be kept away from a pool that is not in use (toys can attract young children into the pool);
10. A telephone and basic lifesaving equipment must always be kept by the pool (for example, a pole, rope, and personal floatation devices);
11. Foster family group homes must comply with additional standards developed by DFPS’s Licensing Division (see the Minimum Standards for Child-Placing Agencies, Appendix G, Foster Group Homes, Standards G-3100.3 and G‑3100.4); and
12. Foster and/or adoptive homes must also comply with all local and county ordinances.

Needless to say, we didn’t fill it.

What are the standards for water safety in your state?

I’m Clever

Sway