Foster2Forever

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Oh, What a {Mother’s} Day!!!

Our 3-year-old son, Stinkpot, made yesterday a difficult day.  He simply woke up on the wrong side of the bed – at 3 in the morning!!! He burst into our room screaming at me, “You left me alone! You left me alone!”

“Come here, Stinkpot.”

“NO! Go back to my room!’

He was inconsolable! Screaming and flailing on the floor.

Maybe it was a mistake on our part, but to encourage him to stay in his bed all night, the “Bed Fairy” brings candy if he wakes up in his bed in the morning.

WOW! He was NOT going to be anywhere but in his bed in the morning.

FosterDad took him back to his room and comforted him back to sleep. When Stinkpot woke again at 8 a.m., he seemed to be in a better mood…

But wait! There’s more!

After breakfast, he began a morning tirade, that kept us from attending church. (why risk him going off on his classmates?)

He finally took a morning nap, and the day went better.

When we were able to go to lunch, I made the decision again this year that I wanted my Mother’s Day lunch to be enjoyable so……

Enjoying Chuck E. Cheese. Isn't the baby getting big?

WE WENT TO CHUCK E. CHEESE!!!! Again this year.

(You MUST read about how FosterDad was upset at me last year for choosing Chuck E. Cheese for my Mother’s Day lunch)

It’s becoming a tradition.

How was your Mother’s Day????

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Celebrating Cinco de Mayo: Ethnic Pride vs. Ethnic Patriotism

Today is Cinco de Mayo (Spanish for the 5th of May), a day to celebrate Mexican heritage. For this occasion, ultra-conservative FosterDad agreed to write a guest post.  As you’re reading this, remember that we live in Texas, and the controversy of illegal immigration is very heated here.  Given this, these opinions are FosterDad’s and may or may not reflect my views. {wink! wink!}

Cinco de Mayo

We are living in a day when I think people are getting a little confused in the difference between Ethnic Pride and what I call Ethnic Patriotism.  Don’t get me wrong, I am all for Ethnic Pride.  I am very proud of both my German and Irish roots.  On St. Patrick’s Day, I swell with a little Irish pride, and think of my Irish ancestors who moved to the United States during the Potato Famine in the 1850’s.  When I see German celebrations like the Wurstfest in New Braunfels, Texas, I think of my German ancestors that moved from Germany to Texas in the early 1900’s.

I believe Ethnic Pride is great!  I think we all need to know and appreciate who we are and where we came from.

But over the past several years, I have begun to see people not just celebrate their Ethnic heritage, but to demand that their ethnic heritage be a part of not only their lives, but a part of everyone’s life.  It seems that we are no longer just “Americans,” but we are fractured into different groups.  You are either an African American, White American, Hispanic American, Asian American, Jewish American and so on.

The little boy that we are in the process of adopting was born in Mexico.  I want him to be proud of his Mexican heritage.  I will gladly take him to be a part of celebrations that praise the contributions made by the Mexican culture. On “Cinco de Mayo”  I want him to remember Mexico’s  victory over the French in the French occupied territory of Mexico.  In September, he should be proud to remember the struggle Mexico went through to win their independence from Spain.  I will gladly teach him how Texas was once a part of Mexico, and that all Texans were at one time “Mexicans.”

But as important as that is, I will want him to know how lucky he is to be living in this great nation.  I want him to know that being a citizen of the United States is not just an honor,but a blessing.  Yes, I want him to swell with pride when he thinks about his Mexican heritage, but more importantly, I want to to swell with Patriotism when he thinks about the fact that he is an American!

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The Worst Home Visit Ever

Tuesday was just one of those days.  Our family was still very tired from traveling throughout the state of Texas for the Easter holiday weekend.  Last week, our foster home licensing caseworker had to reschedule her quarterly visit for this Tuesday.  When I agreed to Tuesday, I didn’t check my calendar, and the exterminator would be there too. I didn’t think too much of it since he would be doing his own thing…

However, that afternoon, I received a call from our foster baby’s caseworker, who also wanted a last visit with Lil Bit before his case was transferred to the State’s adoption unit. I told her that our caseworker was coming that afternoon. She said, “Great! I’ll see you this afternoon.”

So at 4:00 p.m., the exterminator knocks on the door. No problem….except…earlier in the day, I accidentally gave our hyperactive 3-year-old, Stinkpot, an antihistamine, which can make him a bit excitable and aggressive. OOPS!

Stinkpot was driving the “BugMan” cRaZy – following him around, asking a million questions, and talking, talking, talking. Poor man was just trying to kill a few bugs.

Then, ding! dong! 4:30 the doorbell rings and Lil Bit’s caseworker is there. As we walk in, my husband arrives in the house exhausted from TAKS testing, balancing Lil Bit in one arm and a large Diet Coke in the other. Just as our home caseworker drives up!

Wow! What was I thinking?

Stinkpot was OUT OF CONTROL! Acting out in the worst way! He hit the baby twice. At one point, he walked up to the baby and just kicked him!

I took him back in his room for a minute, while I distracted the caseworkers with the luscious chocolate-covered strawberries from Shari’s Berries that my wonderfully thoughtful husband had delivered to me as an Easter gift. {bribery?}

My husband then took Stinkpot outside to talk to the BugMan while I finished the visit with the caseworkers.

The visit itself went well.

  • Lil Bit’s case will be officially transferred to the State’s adoption unit today.
  • Since he is a citizen of Mexico, our 20-month-old, Lil Bit cannot be adopted until he is certified as a U.S. citizen.  {we are harboring an illegal immigrant}
  • He is now on the INS waiting list for a “certificate of naturalization“, in which scheduling the ceremony can take MONTHS!  So we are in another “holding pattern” before the adoption of our Lil Bit can be finalized.

What a visit!  BUT we had another visitor later that night!

photo courtesy Lisa Jane Stewart - not me!

The kids and I hunkered down in the bathroom clothes hamper until late in the evening. {FosterDad was glued to the television} I was keeping up with tornado alerts and friends through Twitter and Facebook. I admit it, I was scared!

We were all blessed by God’s protection that night! Have a blessed weekend with your family!

Hugs! ~penny

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No Time-Out???

Many foster children are removed from their families for physical abuse. Not simply spankings, but beatings! Bruises, marks, and scars!

These darling children come to live in our foster home after this abuse. They are perfect little angels, and you wonder how did this happen.

For a little while. And then: DEMANDS, FITS, HITTING, WHINING – the behaviors that would challenge the Dalai Lama…

These children NEED structure, boundaries, discipline…

As a foster parent, you CANNOT spank!

1-2-3-TIME OUT!!! Yes! That’s it! The perfect method to discipline a child.

I’m going out on a limb to say “NO”!

time-in-discipline

As readers of this website may know, our 3-year-old son adopted through foster care is the master of fit-throwing. (Yesterday, as I was driving down the road, he was throwing Easter eggs at me from the back seat. I threw them out the window as he threw them at me. Observers probably thought the Easter bunny was driving by.)

We institute the 1-2-3 time-out as discipline for misbehavior. However, this week, I did something different.

time in discipline“NO! You are not getting candy for supper! Stop hitting me and go sit in your father’s lap right now and tell him what you did was wrong!”

Would you believe it calmed him down sooner, and he behaved the rest of the evening?

A TIME-IN! Time-In Discipline?

Last year, we had a 12-year-old foster child, Big Helper, whose mother had voluntarily given up her children instead of divorcing her incarcerated husband. (I don’t get it either)

Big Helper was dealing with intense feelings of the ultimate rejection.  I began to notice that her most intense breakdowns occurred after she got in trouble. At one point, she even ran away one evening while I was out-of-town on business. Apparently, the time-out form of discipline was another rejection to her, and she simply was emotionally overwhelmed.

I didn’t know anything of a time-in until just before she left us.

DOWNLOAD YOUR GUIDESHEET FOR TIME-IN DISCIPLINE

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It’s Me or the Blankie!

This week, our 3-year-old, Stinkpot, who we adopted through foster care, accidentally smashed his finger in a door.  The poor boy was screaming in pain as I ran to him.  He was screaming, “Blankie! Blankie!”

As I scooped him in my arms, he continued screaming, “Blankie! Blankie!”  As his mother, I wasn’t able to comfort him. I asked him, “Do you want Mommy to hold you or do you want Blankie?”

“I waaaaaannnnnttt Blankie!”

foster child attachment

Stinkpot at 10 months old with Blankie

Stinkpot’s attachment to Blankie has been one of the strongest forms of attachment of any child.

  • Blankie is the baby blanket given to his by the hospital of his birth.
  • Blankie was the only thing that he had when he was removed from his birth family at 8 months old.
  • Blankie with all its cigarette burn holes was probably his only consistent form of security during those 8 months of neglect.

As Stinkpot’s mother, on many occasions, I have felt that he is more attached to Blankie than me. And is some ways that could be true.

Because of Stinkpot’s behavior issues, I chose for the year 2011 to be a focus of transformation for Stinkpot and our family.

The first and foremost was TIME! I took leave from work to spend more time with Stinkpot, less time at work or on the computer, and more time focused on him! This has helped in that he now has a desire to be with me more.

Second, I participated in The Rockin’ Mama Challenge hosted by Lisa of A Bushel and a Peck.  The challenge was to rock our wounded little ones for 15 minutes EVERY day. The first few days were tough for our hyperactive 3-year-old; however, now he asks to be rocked almost every day.

He is still very attached to Blankie; however, last night, he left Blankie at church and did well sleeping with Cars Blankie! One step at a time!

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Our Foster Baby is Officially an Orphan!!!

Hearts (Explored!)The birth father’s rights were terminated in court today! We will be able to adopt our 18-month-old foster baby, Lil Bit, as soon as his citizenship is certified.

My morning started with a call that my mom was in serious condition at the hospital with heart problems.  Here are my Facebook status updates:

  • On the way to termination hearing & just learned that my mom is in serious condition at the hospital 4 hrs away. #needprayer
  • Our foster baby is officially an orphan so we can finally adopt him!!!
    (After he becomes a US citizen, that is.)
  • Mom is still in the hospital with heart problems. Docs are giving shock treatments to get it beating right.
  • Mom is not getting better. Blood pressure dropped drastically today. Scheduled for heart procedure tomorrow. She doesn’t want me to go there

I am being the always defiant daughter and not minding her! I will be out-of-town for the next few days…

You can keep up on Facebook or Twitter…

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When a Lawyer Calls

Remember that movie When A Stranger Calls?  The memorable line was “The call is coming from inside your house!“phone

In our foster care version, the movie is titled: When a Lawyer Calls, which has the tag line: “The call is coming from inside your bank account!”

Our attorney didn’t actually call, he just sent an email, but it costs the same. ($60)

He had forwarded a long string of State emails sent to him by the baby’s ad litem attorney.

As far as I could make out, the emails stated that our foster baby will be put on a waiting list to receive his U.S. citizenship certification. This process through U.S. Immigration could take a number of months, which shouldn’t surprise anyone.

Our attorney, Mr. MoneyBags, wants to meet today to discuss how this will play out in tomorrow’s termination hearing.

To follow along as events unfold –
http://Facebook.com/foster2forever
Or twitter,
http://twitter.com/foster2forever

Also, today check out The Lark’s Nest Mama Mania Monday! I’m one of the Mamas discussing foster care!!!

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Inefficiency in Foster Care Court Hearings

Sometimes the court hearings for foster children are a complete waste of time. The so-called status hearings anyway…

“Nothing has changed, your honor, since the last hearing six months ago.” I guess it’s a necessary part of the process to make sure no child gets lost in the foster care system.
Miami County Fair 2008 - Miami County Scene Category
However, last Friday, I received an email from our attorney ($60 to be billed later) stating that there is a status hearing for our 18-month-old foster boy, Lil Bit, scheduled for Tuesday, and we should plan to attend.

I shouldn’t have a problem with this, should I? But I do…

Here’s my problem:  The final termination hearing is scheduled for two weeks later!  Why have 2 hearings?

I’m sending an email back to my attorney (another $60 plus) to request that the status hearing be postponed until the final hearing.

Sounds reasonable, right?

If you’d like to keep up with this drama in real time, you can “like” Foster2Forever on Facebook or “follow” Foster2Forever on Twitter.

Hugs! ~penelope

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When a Foster Child Lags Behind

Learning to roll over, follow your voice, sit up, walk, and talk are important developmental milestones for infants and toddlers to reach.

Also, the Early Childhood Interventionage your child reaches these milestones is equally important: You can possibly foretell a child’s learning potential or perhaps another underlying issue by examining a child’s development pattern.

Our Lil Bit is a big baby – at the 95th percentile for weight. Given his chunkiness, it took him longer to roll over, put weight on his legs, crawl and walk. Since he was behind on all these milestones, his caseworker at the time requested that he be evaluated for developmental delays by our state’s Early Childhood Intervention (ECI) program.

Early Childhood Intervention is a result of the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) which, among other requirements, mandates that infants and toddlers with disabilities or developmental delays receive support services from birth to age 3. (Local school districts provide services for children over the age of 3.)

In October, at 14 months, our Lil Bit was evaluated by ECI on the following criteria:

  • Cognitive: difficulty with playing, learning and thinking
  • Motor: gross, fine and oral
  • Communication: limited understanding or responses in communicating with others
  • Social-emotional: attachment problems, limited parent/family interactions or behavior concerns
  • Self-help skills: feeding

    • Although behind (mostly fine motor skills), he was still within the normal developmental range.

    Flash forward to February, at 18-months-old, our Lil Bit is becoming increasingly behind in his communication. He does babble, but says very few words and rarely calls for mama or dada. (At 18 months, Lil Bit should be saying 8-10 words)  In December, his hearing was checked and was normal. He is social so we don’t have too much of a concern for autism. But we are concerned, especially seeing his classmates in daycare saying so much.

    Lil Bit was evaluated again last week by ECI and was markedly behind in communication. An Individualized Family Service Plan (IFSP) is being developed to assist us in helping Lil Bit catch up, with an emphasis on speech therapy. These services are provided free of charge regardless of income or immigration status.

    This 4-minute video by CDC gives a good overview of how to recognize child development problems early.
    Early Recognition of Childhood Development Problems

    Is your child on target for meeting developmental milestones?  Here is a great resource for checking important developmental milestones.

    If you would like to have your child evaluated, here is a List of State Early Childhood Coordinators to find one in your state. Evaluations and assessments are free.

    I’m Clever

    Sway