Mexico Archives - Foster2Forever

12:05 pm by Penelope

Adoption Should Not Be Judged

“I was under the Christmas tree! I was a present!”

That’s how our youngest son, LilBit, describes how he came to live with our family as a baby in December 2009.

When asked where he was born, his reply is: “I was born in Mexico!”

Our LilBit is Hispanic and when I saw his beautiful blue eyes look into mine that December afternoon, I didn’t see a child that was “different” – I saw a baby that needed parents that could keep him safe.

As his foster care case became more complicated, we became extremely vocal foster parents, hiring an attorney and intervening in a placement with a relative – a Hispanic relative. Strangely enought, LilBit’s birthmother wanted her baby to stay with our family; however, against her wishes, all the other parties involved LilBit’s case believed that he should be raised with his Hispanic relatives because “he needs his culture.”

We were judged for being too white to adopt a Hispanic child!

At one point, we even had someone involved in his case say to me: “You can tell by looking at him that he’s not yours.” {I disagree.}

This person’s narrow mind and judgement offended me!

Eventually, the birthmother’s voice was heard, and LilBit officially joined our family on National Adoption Day in 2011.

Adoptive families can feel judged for a variety of reasons: they don’t look alike, their families are too large, etc.

But what others have to remember is that adoption is NOT about what a family looks like:

Adoption is about LOVE!

On this National Adoption Day, I join Similac to support families that have found one another through adoption!

For every want-to-be parent longing to love, there’s a child waiting to be loved. Here’s to the ones who’ve found each other. And the ones who will. #NationalAdoptionDay #SisterhoodUnite

Posted by Similac US on Saturday, November 21, 2015

Disclosure: I am honored to partner with Similac and join the #SisterhoodUnite campaign to stop judgement against other moms and show support instead.

4:37 pm by Penelope

Protecting My Mexican Baby Against the Evil Eye

Our Baby’s Evil Eye Baby Bracelet

Five years ago, I received that life-changing call: “We have a 3-month-old baby boy that needs a home.” He was absolutely a good and perfect gift from above! (James 1:17)

For the first time in my life, I fell in love at first sight! But there was another woman that was already in love with him. This baby’s birthmother loved him, and she wanted him safe, even if not with her.

When Lil Bit arrived, on his tiny infant wrist was a little red bead bracelet – a “Deer’s Eye” bracelet or in Spanish “Ojo de Venado” bracelet. It had a big brown charm or “deer eye” bearing the image of Virgin Mary. The big brown charm or “deer eye” is actually made from the dark brown seed of a plant known as Velvet Bean or Cowhage with the image of Virgin Mary and finished with a fluffy red tassel — some actually believe the charm to be an actual dried deer eye.

Evil Eye Meaning

The Ojo de Venado or Deer’s Eye charm is a Mexican form of magical protection against the evil eye. The evil eye belief is that a person (not an evil person per se) — can harm you or your children by looking at them with envy and praising them without touching them.

The evil eye causes a sickness transmitted — usually without intention — by someone who is envious, jealous, or covetous. “Mal de ojo” manifests itself as a feverish sickness that leaves a baby hot, uncomfortable and whiny. So, when infants enter a home from outside, and are hot and cranky, the belief by many Mexicans is that someone had looked at them with a desire to touch them, and didn’t.

Egg and the Evil Eye

The ‘Mal de Ojo’ causes the baby to be hot and cranky, and the baby must be “cleaned” with an egg to take the illness away and calm them down. The procedure it to take an egg and rub the baby’s body and head with it. The egg is then cracked it into cup of water, and the water is then examined to ensure that the “evil” is removed.

Although our family doesn’t believe in the Mexican belief of the ‘Mal de Ojo’, we do signify its importance to the birthmother. Our Lil Bit’s Deer Eye bracelet has a special place on our Christmas tree. That small ornament on our Christmas tree signifies a special gift from his birthmother that demonstrates her love for her baby boy and desire to protect him from harm. Our baby is loved!

9:00 am by Penelope

Do You Celebrate Your Adopted Child’s Culture?

This past weekend was Cinco de Mayo, a celebration for those of Mexican descent. Although, now a U.S. citizen, our 2-year-old Lil Bit was born in Mexico. During our struggle to keep Lil Bit in our family, we felt pressure from Lil Bit’s CASA worker as she kept saying over and over: “He needs his Mexican culture.” During this ordeal, my thoughts were that we can learn and teach him Spanish, and I do cook Mexican food a couple of times a month — We are in Texas, for Pete’s sake. With a Mexican restaurant on every block, Hispanic culture surrounds us.

However, lately I have internally stressed over learning Spanish and how to “become more Hispanic” for my Mexican child.

I recently finished “reading” Adopted for Life by Dr. Russell Moore, a leading Christian adoption advocate. As I listened to Dr. Moore reading the audiobook to me, I was comforted by his words (paraphrased from Chapter 1):

“We will teach our boys about their cultural heritage…I will teach aspects of Russian culture but not with the same intensity….They eat what we eat…They share our lives and our story…They’re Moores now with all that that entails…”

I began to think about all the families we know with one Mexican spouse – relatives, neighbors, and long-term friends – and how they integrate Mexican culture into their families. Of those, only half actually teach their children to speak Spanish, mainly because the grandparents primarily speak Spanish. However, most do teach a few words of Spanish, as do we. Although, I didn’t have a Hispanic parent or take a Spanish language course, I know a bit of Spanish vocabulary I learned through Mexican friends, roommates, travel, and Sesame Street.

Would I like to learn to speak Spanish? Yes! I would love to one day be able to hold a conversation with someone in Spanish. That is something I plan to do when we eventually homeschool our children. But we will learn Spanish as a family – not only for our Mexican child, but for our entire family.

As Dr. Moore also points out in his book, parents shouldn’t point out their adopted children’s differences. We don’t want Lil Bit to feel different in our family just because he is Hispanic, he is our son and we want to instead point out how much he is like us.

(On a side note, I met a co-worker of FosterDad’s at a local park this week – when she saw Lil Bit, she said, “He looks like your husband.” — Take that Ms. You-can-tell-by-looking-at-him-that-he’s-not-yours CASA worker!!!)

We do want our Mexican child to be proud of his first culture; however, he is now our American son, and we did not celebrate Cinco de Mayo this year. (It’s t-ball season)

What are your thoughts on keeping cultural heritage?

11:08 am by Penelope

Adoption Postponed. Yet Again!!!

Can you believe that there was yet another mistake in the court termination order that will delay our adoption of our foster baby, Lil Bit???

Apparently, Lil Bit’s full name listed on his Mexican birth certificate has FOUR names instead of the usual first, middle, last. This means that the court order to officially transfer his case to the State agency’s Adoption Division has to be re-done and sent back to the judge to sign AGAIN!

However, there is good news! The INS received Lil Bit’s application for certification of citizenship. Lil Bit will be certified as a citizen of the United States by the end of July!!! Do you think he can learn the Pledge of Allegiance by then? 🙂

On the other hand, there is some not-as-bad news associated with his application. A few months ago, I created a passport-type head shot of Lil Bit for his INS application for his certification of citizenship. I found a really, cute head-and-shoulders pose of him (without a shirt on) sitting in our yard. I cropped the photo to the correct dimensions and printed.

The staff LOVED the photo – with those chubby cheeks, thick dark hair, and sweet smile, they called him a “total cherub.”

But, guess what? He is sitting in the grass. Not against a white background that is the INS requirement for application photographs. Ug!

So, with the magic of Photoshop, I will crop Lil Bit from the photo and place him against a white background. My project for this weekend.

With everything going on with Lil Bit’s case, we are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

We are on target to adopt our foster child before Labor Day!!!

10:48 am by Penelope

Celebrating Cinco de Mayo: Ethnic Pride vs. Ethnic Patriotism

Today is Cinco de Mayo (Spanish for the 5th of May), a day to celebrate Mexican heritage. For this occasion, ultra-conservative FosterDad agreed to write a guest post. As you’re reading this, remember that we live in Texas, and the controversy of illegal immigration is very heated here. Given this, these opinions are FosterDad’s and may or may not reflect my views. {wink! wink!}

We are living in a day when I think people are getting a little confused in the difference between Ethnic Pride and what I call Ethnic Patriotism. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for Ethnic Pride. I am very proud of both my German and Irish roots. On St. Patrick’s Day, I swell with a little Irish pride, and think of my Irish ancestors who moved to the United States during the Potato Famine in the 1850’s. When I see German celebrations like the Wurstfest in New Braunfels, Texas, I think of my German ancestors that moved from Germany to Texas in the early 1900’s.

I believe Ethnic Pride is great! I think we all need to know and appreciate who we are and where we came from.

But over the past several years, I have begun to see people not just celebrate their Ethnic heritage, but to demand that their ethnic heritage be a part of not only their lives, but a part of everyone’s life. It seems that we are no longer just “Americans,” but we are fractured into different groups. You are either an African American, White American, Hispanic American, Asian American, Jewish American and so on.

The little boy that we are in the process of adopting was born in Mexico. I want him to be proud of his Mexican heritage. I will gladly take him to be a part of celebrations that praise the contributions made by the Mexican culture. On “Cinco de Mayo” I want him to remember Mexico’s victory over the French in the French occupied territory of Mexico. In September, he should be proud to remember the struggle Mexico went through to win their independence from Spain. I will gladly teach him how Texas was once a part of Mexico, and that all Texans were at one time “Mexicans.”

But as important as that is, I will want him to know how lucky he is to be living in this great nation. I want him to know that being a citizen of the United States is not just an honor,but a blessing. Yes, I want him to swell with pride when he thinks about his Mexican heritage, but more importantly, I want to to swell with Patriotism when he thinks about the fact that he is an American!

10:53 am by Penelope

The Worst Home Visit Ever

Tuesday was just one of those days. Our family was still very tired from traveling throughout the state of Texas for the Easter holiday weekend. Last week, our foster home licensing caseworker had to reschedule her quarterly visit for this Tuesday. When I agreed to Tuesday, I didn’t check my calendar, and the exterminator would be there too. I didn’t think too much of it since he would be doing his own thing…

However, that afternoon, I received a call from our foster baby’s caseworker, who also wanted a last visit with Lil Bit before his case was transferred to the State’s adoption unit. I told her that our caseworker was coming that afternoon. She said, “Great! I’ll see you this afternoon.”

So at 4:00 p.m., the exterminator knocks on the door. No problem….except…earlier in the day, I accidentally gave our hyperactive 3-year-old, Stinkpot, an antihistamine, which can make him a bit excitable and aggressive. OOPS!

Stinkpot was driving the “BugMan” cRaZy – following him around, asking a million questions, and talking, talking, talking. Poor man was just trying to kill a few bugs.

Then, ding! dong! 4:30 the doorbell rings and Lil Bit’s caseworker is there. As we walk in, my husband arrives in the house exhausted from TAKS testing, balancing Lil Bit in one arm and a large Diet Coke in the other. Just as our home caseworker drives up!

Wow! What was I thinking?

Stinkpot was OUT OF CONTROL! Acting out in the worst way! He hit the baby twice. At one point, he walked up to the baby and just kicked him!

I took him back in his room for a minute, while I distracted the caseworkers with the luscious chocolate-covered strawberries from Shari’s Berries that my wonderfully thoughtful husband had delivered to me as an Easter gift. {bribery?}

My husband then took Stinkpot outside to talk to the BugMan while I finished the visit with the caseworkers.

The visit itself went well.

Lil Bit’s case will be officially transferred to the State’s adoption unit today.
Since he is a citizen of Mexico, our 20-month-old, Lil Bit cannot be adopted until he is certified as a U.S. citizen. {we are harboring an illegal immigrant}
He is now on the INS waiting list for a “certificate of naturalization“, in which scheduling the ceremony can take MONTHS! So we are in another “holding pattern” before the adoption of our Lil Bit can be finalized.

What a visit! BUT we had another visitor later that night!

photo courtesy Lisa Jane Stewart - not me!

The kids and I hunkered down in the bathroom clothes hamper until late in the evening. {FosterDad was glued to the television} I was keeping up with tornado alerts and friends through Twitter and Facebook. I admit it, I was scared!

We were all blessed by God’s protection that night! Have a blessed weekend with your family!

Hugs! ~penny

5:26 am by Penelope

When a Lawyer Calls

Remember that movie When A Stranger Calls? The memorable line was “The call is coming from inside your house!“

In our foster care version, the movie is titled: When a Lawyer Calls, which has the tag line: “The call is coming from inside your bank account!”

Our attorney didn’t actually call, he just sent an email, but it costs the same. ($60)

He had forwarded a long string of State emails sent to him by the baby’s ad litem attorney.

As far as I could make out, the emails stated that our foster baby will be put on a waiting list to receive his U.S. citizenship certification. This process through U.S. Immigration could take a number of months, which shouldn’t surprise anyone.

Our attorney, Mr. MoneyBags, wants to meet today to discuss how this will play out in tomorrow’s termination hearing.

To follow along as events unfold –
http://Facebook.com/foster2forever
Or twitter,
http://twitter.com/foster2forever

Also, today check out The Lark’s Nest Mama Mania Monday! I’m one of the Mamas discussing foster care!!!

11:55 am by Penelope

The Case of the Missing Birth Father

What do you do when a birth parent can’t be found? Can their parental rights automatically be terminated?

Lil Bit’s birth father is missing. All we know is that he is somewhere in Mexico. The State has been working with the Mexican consulate to locate the father; however, the dad has a fairly common name. For example, imagine trying to find an “Eduardo Hernandez” somewhere in Mexico.

Photo courtesy of walknboston on Flickr

Termination of parental rights is scheduled for next week; however, the baby’s ad litem attorney is concerned. Last week, she called a special hearing in order to discuss this matter with the judge. After making numerous changes to our family’s schedules, I was able to make it to the hearing.

Our less-expensive attorney (at only $200 per hour) is waiting as I walk up to the courthouse.

“Bad news. The docket is overflowing from this morning and there is no telling how long it will be before this case goes before the judge.”

Oh great! ($200 times all afternoon equals a butt-load of money!!!)

We go inside and take a seat in the courtroom. Strangely, the judge comes out and as everyone is standing, he says, “No, no, you can remain sitting.” At this point, my attorney excuses himself.

A few minutes later, as others are squeezing into the bench beside me, our attorney comes up to me and nudges me to follow him outside.

After making our way out the door into the hall, he tells me that he and the ad litem had already met with the judge in his chambers. Apparently, the judge addressed the ad litem’s concerns by appointing an attorney to represent the birth father’s interests – an attorney to represent the birth father’s empty chair at the termination hearing still scheduled for next week.

Let’s hope this new attorney doesn’t request a continuance….

Thanks to Danni for the support. She is currently enrolled in online social work courses and spends her free time as a nanny and volunteer at the
local food bank.

4:34 pm by Penelope

Am I Harboring an Illegal Immigrant?

Living in Texas, illegal immigration is a HUGE controversial topic. Especially, since April when Arizona passed their stringent illegal immigration law. With a third of the Texas population being Hispanic, our Tex-Mex culture inundates us here. So much, that we don’t really think much about whether someone is here legally or not.

How does illegal immigration affect us personally?
Our 17-month-old foster baby, Lil Bit, was born in Mexico and brought back to Texas by his birthmother.

WHY? Because the State has removed so many children from the birthmother, she cannot give birth in this area without the hospitals contacting the State for removal. Before giving birth, the birthmother (a U.S. citizen) fled to Mexico with the Mexican birthfather and gave birth to our Lil Bit in Mexico. So, Lil Bit is “officially” recognized as a Mexican citizen with a Mexican birth certificate.

This does complicate matters in that he is not considered a U.S. citizen. (Dual citizenship has recently become discouraged by U.S. policy.)

The birthmother has voluntarily relinquished her parental rights; however, the State has to also remove the birthfather’s parental rights before Lil Bit will be officially available for adoption.

The problem is that the birthfather is somewhere in Mexico and must be given notice before the State can legally terminate his rights. Another problem is that the mentally-challenged birthmother cannot remember where he lives. So the Mexican consulate is now trying to locate a man with a fairly common Hispanic name somewhere in Mexico.

Another court date is scheduled for next month. We anticipate that the birthfather’s parental rights will be terminated at this hearing. Then Lil Bit will officially be an orphan and available for adoption.

Because Lil Bit is not “officially” a U.S. citizen, this will make our eventual adoption of him quite a bit more complicated — more like an international adoption. Although, he is considered a Mexican national without a green card, the State does have custody of him; thus, our Lil Bit will NOT be deported. Whew!

The State is currently working on his application for U.S. citizenship.

Who knows when the courts will “officially” name Lil Bit as our son – what we know is that Lil Bit already IS our son!