Foster2Forever

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Don’t Let Your Children Drown (as these foster parents did)

A tragic story unfolded last year when two young siblings drown in a local lake here in Texas.  What makes the story even more tragic is that the 6-year-old girl and her 4-year-old brother were in foster care, and according to this news story were clearly not being closely supervised.

 “There was nobody. There was nobody for the first five or ten minutes they were doing CPR on the girl. Everybody was looking around asking where her parents were.”

These foster parents certainly weren’t abiding by these water safety rules for foster homes.

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The water safety rules state that at least one ADULT supervising swimming activities “must be able to swim, carry out a water rescue, and be prepared to do so in an emergency.”  There were reports that a 12-year-old was supervising the children.  A 12-YEAR-OLD???  I certainly wouldn’t run the risk of a 12-year-old getting distracted while supervising young children in an open body of water.

The water safety rules require foster homes with swimming pools that “caregivers must be able to see all parts of the swimming area when supervising activity.”  The caregivers obviously weren’t supervising at all because they didn’t even notice their foster daughter was having CPR performed on her for at least 10 minutes!

The water safety rules specifically state that a child must wear a life jacket when “the child is in more than two feet of water and does not know how to swim.”  The children obviously weren’t wearing life jackets.  Why not?  Life jackets were easily accessible at the lake for free.

I guess some people just don’t realize how easily a child can drown and how closely a child must be supervised while swimming.

This summer, I was overjoyed to watch my boys swim a short distance after a week of lessons. (see my 7-year-old son swim on Instagram)  This weekend, at our aunt’s pool, we worked on swimming skills, and I realized that my 4-year-old Lil Bit really doesn’t have the ability to swim any distance at all. (He’s just not kicking quickly enough)  As I was working with my now 7-year-old, my aunt gasped and pointed. My 4-year-old Lil Bit, had stepped off the pool step and was struggling to swim to the edge of the pool! I was standing right next to him! Swimming can be such a dangerous activity! A child can drown so easily!

The drowning deaths of these two foster children infuriates me! Their drownings were preventable! If only had the foster parents simply followed the water safety rules and adequately supervised swimming!

Do your children know how to swim? What additional water safety rules do you follow?

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The Honeymoon of Foster Parenting

If you follow our adventures on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, you know that I was finally a mom to a little girl!

This precious 3-year-old went to bed so easily, went to potty by herself (even during the night), and was very polite.

Her stay was short at only 10 days, but as she became more adjusted & feeling more safe with our family, the 3-year-old inside became more evident. She actually began using the dreaded n-word — “NO”! (just as most typical 3-year-olds)

The honeymoon phase is the early harmonious period in a relationship – it’s usually over in two weeks…

How long has your “honeymoon period” of fostering lasted?

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10 Things to Do When a Foster Child Is Returning Home

What do you do when a foster child is returning home? If you’ve had a foster child in your home for any length of time, you know how easy it is for foster parents to get attached.  However, since reunification is always the original goal of foster care, what can a foster parent do when a foster child is returning home?  Exactly how does a foster parent get over the feeling of loss?

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10 Things to Do When a Foster Child is Returning Home

  1. Grieve! You will miss your foster child and always wonder how they are doing.  Sometimes it takes time for our hearts to heal. It’s hard for a foster parent to keep emotions in check all the time.
  2. When the birthfamily agrees, maintain some connection to your foster children after they leave your foster home …. that can make a huge difference!
  3. Cry! Watch a sad movie to give yourself an excuse to cry.  Remind your children that it is okay to be sad sometimes.
  4. Take a time-out from foster parenting.  If you need to, put things away that reminds you of your foster child for a while and give yourself time to heal.
  5. Indulge yourself in what makes you happy. That could mean taking a vacation or a weekend getaway. (We have taken a Disney cruise, visited SeaWorld, and played at Hurricane Harbor waterpark.) You might treat yourself to a pedicure or massage. Or simply enjoy an indulgent meal/dessert with your family.
  6. Spend some quality time with your forever children. Devote to family bonding time. Cling to and love the family in your home.
  7. Keep yourself busy. Work on projects and throw yourself into painting a room, rearranging rooms or some other project with your forever family.
  8. Make a memento of your foster child’s stay. Make a photo album of your foster child (see the easy photobook I made of LilBit).  Add your foster child’s photo to your wall.  Make a Christmas ornament for each of your foster children.
  9. Pray for your foster children and their families!
  10. Foster a child {again}! Get ready for the revolving door of your foster home to open for the next hurting foster child. There are so many children in foster care that need a loving home.

Foster parents can get support through our private Facebook group for foster parents. Register now!

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I Was a Mom of Twins – born one month apart!

Once upon a time I was a mom of “twins” — born one month apart!  You should have seen the funny looks I got when giving their birth dates! Being a foster parent, sure gives me some interesting stories!
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5 Ways to Help Foster Children and Families without Fostering

A handgun was placed in front of her. Was it loaded? Did it matter? Micki* was only 11 years old and knew nothing about firing one. “Go ahead. The world would be a better place without you in it.” – the words spoken by her mother.

Micki and her little brother came to our home late one night with a trashbag of dirty clothes and very few belongings. They lived in our home for one week as arrangements were being made for them to go live with their dad out-of-state.

We are foster parents.

Wait! Before you say, “Oh, that’s great for you, but I could never do foster care!” Let me reply with “you don’t have to.”

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Foster children come into care through no fault of their own. You can help one of the 450,000 children in foster care without actually adopting or becoming a foster parent. Here’s how:

1. Offer Your Photography Skills

So many of you are talented photographers. “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Agencies use photolistings of foster children needing a home to display to potential families. Sadly, many times, unflattering “deer-in-the-headlights” snapshots are the only photos ever taken of the child. Sometimes, a photo that captures the mesmerizing eyes of a child showing their personality is what can tug on a potential parent’s heart. Are you a photographer? Would you be willing to create beautiful portraits of foster children to display to potential families?

If you would be willing to donate your artistic skill, go to the Heart Gallery of America, to find a Heart Gallery in your area, or to begin one.

2. Become a Foster Child’s Advocate

Sometimes a foster child may move from home to home, and desperately need a consistent adult presence in their life to ensure that they don’t get “lost in the system.” Judges appoint Court-Appointed Special Advocates (CASA) volunteers to watch over a foster child’s case and advocate for them in court.

CASA volunteers do not have to be attorneys or social workers, just everyday people that want to make a difference in an abused or neglected child’s life. For more information, contact casaforchildren.org

3. Donate to an Organization that Assists Foster Children

Of course, sometimes, money can help those in need. There are many, many organizations designed to help abused and neglected children.

My favorite charities are those that assist the 30,000 foster children that, by turning 18, are “aging out” of the foster care system each year. These children become adults with no place to call home. No parents to call for guidance or assistance in getting started on their own. Country singer Jimmy Wayne (@jimmywayne) was a foster kid that found himself homeless and hungry, like 50% of former foster children do.

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He created Project Meet Me Halfway to help other former foster children. In Miami, Casa Valentina provides a supportive home environment for adult foster girls that have aged out of foster care to assist them in becoming healthy, productive adults.

If you would like to help foster children in Texas, each local CPS office has a Rainbow Room which is stocked with emergency items, such as underwear, baby formula, diapers, and hygiene items, available for immediate use for children when first placed into foster care.  Here is a list of Rainbow Rooms with online drives for emergency items.

4. Provide Short-Term Respite Care for a Foster Parent

As you may know, caring for your children is a challenging endeavor. As parents, you must make alone time with your spouse to keep your family strong. However, my husband and I didn’t leave our home alone overnight for nearly 2 years. We desperately needed some “alone time”, otherwise known as short-term respite care.

As foster parents, we couldn’t leave our foster children with just anybody – anybody that cares for our foster children has to pass our State’s background check for foster care. And foster parents – shoot, any parents – can reach burn out easily if they don’t occasionally have some type of respite or “getaway”.

Would you be willing to help out a foster family by providing respite care? Contact your local child welfare office for requirements.

5. Provide Meals for Foster Families with New Placements

The first few days when a child comes into a new environment is full of adjustments – for the entire family! Consider providing a meal to a foster family when you learn of a new placement.

*6. Provide a Home for Child that Doesn’t Have One

I know I said “you don’t have to {do foster care}”; however, would you be willing to just to find out the facts? Agencies are constantly holding informational meetings. Classes for potential foster parents begin soon!

Here’s a special challenge for you! Simply attend an informational meeting to learn more about foster care in your area.

Who knows? Maybe this year will be a life-changing year! For you and a neglected child.

BEGINNING FOSTER CARE

BEST Of Foster2Forever

OUR E-BOOK

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Foster Care Isn’t About You

Last year everything changed for me. We had fostered before. This sweet girl wasn’t our first baby to love and let go.

But somehow through all of our previous foster children I had managed to maintain the idea that I was the better parent in all of this. That for some reason these children really deserved to have me more than their biological parents deserved to be able to parent them. That I truly was the better parent and that anyone with half a brain would see that these kids needed to stay with me, for their own good.

And then we got baby Mary.

Her parents had been struggling with a hardcore drug addiction for years and years. This wasn’t their first CPS case and they had lost custody before. The case seemed so black and white to me at first. Of course baby Mary should stay with us. She deserved better than that. She deserved me.foster-care-birthfamily-reunification

But then the visits started. And every single week Mary came home with formula and diapers and new clothes. Every week her parents brought a disposable camera for us so that we could take pictures of her through the week and then send the camera back with her to the next visit for them to develop.

Her parents started a journal and they wanted to know every detail of what was going on – doctor’s appointments, milestones, what we was happening in our family. And every week they expressed deep thanks to us for taking care of their baby girl.

I went to court with them. I heard them stand before the judge and express how desperately they wanted their baby girl back and how they were going above and beyond what was asked of them to make sure that they could provide her with a safe place to call home. I heard the results of every drug test – negative. I saw them searching for jobs and finding a stable place to live and getting a car.

And then I realized the truth.

These people aren’t monsters. They are parents who got mixed up in some junk and who really, really hate it and who want nothing more in the world than to make a better life for their daughter.
It’s been two years and her parents are still clean. They are living a beautiful life, gainfully employed. We are so blessed to be able to see her from time to time. That baby girl is right where she needs to be.

Mary’s parents changed me. They changed the way I view foster care and adoption. They turned me into the world’s biggest cheerleader for the parents of my foster children.

Yes, I would love to adopt more children. But if there is a child in my home whose parents are really trying, I am going to do everything in my power to support them and encourage them and help them get to the point of being able to care for their child again.

Because fostering isn’t about me. It is about a child and it is about a family. But it is not about me.

foster-parent-blog-forum-support-storiesJenn is an adoptee turned foster, biological and adoptive mom. She blogs about life, faith, foster care and adoption at buildingmommymuscles.com.

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You Don’t Have to Be a Perfect Parent! I’m Certainly Not!

We had taken over 30 hours of training to become foster parents!
We had a car seat and a crib – the items our caseworker required before opening our home to foster children!
For two years, I had successfully home schooled my teenage stepson with his ADHD and Asperger’s Syndrome.
I was ready to be the perfect parent!!!
Or so I thought….

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And then our first placement arrived! That first night was TORTURE! That 8-month-old baby boy was so congested that he could only sleep 15 minutes at a time – ALL NIGHT LONG! It was the most exhausting night of my life!

And I had absolutely NO clue about feeding an 8-month-old!!! He came with cereal & formula…but I had NO CLUE how much & how often are you supposed to feed an 8-month-old!!!  I am not a perfect parent!

For the next 2 weeks, we had DAILY trips to Walmart to pick up some type of baby paraphernalia that we needed to care for this infant. I was absolutely, totally FRAZZLED for at least 6 weeks solid – overwhelmed by the incredible responsibility of instant motherhood! I am not a perfect parent!

And that baby had random, explosive diarrhea for the first two years of his life! Then one day after he began talking, he moaned after drinking a glass of milk: “My tummy hurts!” I then realized that my little boy was lactose-sensitive! I had been giving him milk all this time! I am not a perfect parent!

My second son broke his arm while climbing onto a chair while my back was turned! And not just once! No, my boy broke his arm TWO TIMES within two months!!! I am not a perfect parent!

Last year, I idiotically took five small children into Chick-Fil-A all by myself. When one of my preschoolers darted away to the restroom, I had to go into the mens restroom to retrieve him! A man then reprimanded me for being a bad parent! I am not a perfect parent!

Can you ever be a perfect parent?

What I’ve learned over the last six years is that parenting is a work in progress!

You don’t have to be a perfect parent! In fact, you can’t be a perfect parent because you are human.  As parents, we just do the best we can during the journey and love our kids through it all.  Parenting is an incredible blessing even if we aren’t perfect!

Children don’t need a perfect parent!

Kids need a loving home! Nearly 102,000 children that are currently available for adoption from the foster care system in the United States simply need a parent!  Not a perfect parent, but a parent perfect for them! More than 30 percent (31,000) of these foster kids are between the ages of 11 and 17.

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If you’re not perfect either, AdoptUSKids can give you more information on adoption from foster care.

Humor me and tell me how you’re not a perfect parent either!

This post is paid for by the Ad Council, but this is my true story of how I am not a perfect parent!

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The ABCs of Becoming a Foster Parent

After being a foster parent for five years, Tammy has learned quite a bit about the alphabet soup of the foster care system. Although extensive foster parent training is required to become a foster parent, it’s another language, really. New terms entered your vocabulary – behavior intervention, birthfamily, CASA, court hearings, family visits, home visit, trauma, TPR, etc.

Even after the extensive training to get a foster care license, sometimes only the experience itself of being a foster parent can teach these valuable lessons – some practical, some of the heart.

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The ABCs of Becoming a Foster Parent

Read the full article A-M of Being a Foster Parent

Read the full article N-Z of Being a Foster Parent

What did you learn after becoming a foster parent?

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Another Call for a Newborn Baby!

If you’ve been following along on Facebook or Instagram, you’ve already heard the news.

Our 4-year-old, LilBit, has yet ANOTHER newborn sibling now in foster care!

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And this makes Baby #8 to be removed and placed in foster care.

Five of the birthmother’s children were adopted together by a family friend who had questionable motives for adoption.

And our LilBit was #6.

Just a few days before LilBit’s adoption, we received a placement call for his newborn sibling (#7). (Read that story because, that day, we also received a call about our other son having a newborn sibling.) We lamented on whether to take another adoptive placement of a newborn from foster care. This is what happened.

So here we are, two years later, with Baby #8 in a group foster home, hundreds of miles away. Because the baby is in another area of the state, we don’t know how placement would work or even if it’s possible.

I am asking you to lift up this baby in prayer! And everyone involved in this baby’s life: the mother, the foster parents, the caseworkers, and us! God has a plan for this baby.  Stay tuned for the latest on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram!

I’m Clever

Sway