Foster Care Archives - Page 13 of 28

Shazam! We Have a Large Family! Now What?

In an instant, with just one phone call, as is true foster family form,we went from a family of 4 to a family of 7!

In addition to our rambunctious 5-year-old RADish, Stinkpot, and our sweet 3-year-old, Lil Bit, we now have 3 additional little ones:

Finicky 4-year-old, Donut;
Energetic, sensory-seeking 21-month-old, Twinkie;
Precious 10-month-old, Cupcake.

Adding 3 children may not seem like much to Michelle Duggar, but to us, overwhelming! Especially, given we now have 5 kids age 5 and under!!!

Last week, I asked Facebook fans for tips to help us transition to large family life. Your tips are wonderful and I love all you had to say!

20 Tips for Large Family Life

Work together better with your spouse as a team to get things done.
Be very organized! Organization will save your life. If it doesn’t come naturally, find someone to help you get it going.
Make lots of lists!
Use a calendar – Check out these tips to manage numerous foster care appointments
Stick to a schedule! It makes life better for everyone. Having a routine everyday helps calm the kids and you too!
Plan meals in advance. (Ramon noodles make a great, quick and cheap lunch that feeds everyone.)
Serving meals buffet-style if the kids are old enough to manage can be helpful.
Shop in bulk.
Lay out clothes the night before.
Establish a bedtime routine, such as a warm deep bath before bedtime, turn off television, dim all lights and play soft music.
Assigning chores to everyone and making it fun is a good idea–“lets see who can pick up the most toys in 5 minutes…GO!” Chores will make children more appreciate and learn to be productive adults.
Do at least one load of laundry every day! One large family I know had a designated day for each child to do their own laundry – helps build personal responsibility.
Count. Heads. Often!
Make sure that the “well-behaved” kid doesn’t get ignored! We have had some that needed so much attention that we didn’t make as much time for the child who was self-sufficient, quiet and well-behaved.
Watch Karyn Purvis videos often….”they help MORE THAN I CAN SAY. BUY THEM!”
Be realistic with your expectations of the children and yourself.
TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF!!! Even a brisk 15 minute walk is great to relieve stress. Check out this fabulous e-book on self-care for foster and adoptive families.
Use Respite Care and take time away to recharge! Use sitters and friends. And if anyone offers help, take them up on it!
Pray. Stop to make yourself have a moment in prayer also helps.
Be okay with just getting through some days! That is, you say that in the beginning of going from zero kids, to one, to three – all in 6 weeks – Don’t feel guilty if a day isn’t full of educational, engaging, planned out loveliness. Sometimes things go sideways, plans don’t work out, babies are too tired/grumpy (and maybe mommas too…) – and that’s okay! Be forgiving of yourself. 🙂

7:30 am by Penelope

I Followed my Heart, Not My Mind – Our New Placements

Our family grew to 5 children Thursday night.

Here is the lineup: almost 1 year, nearly 2 years, 3 years, 4 years and 5 years old. 5 children ages 5 and under.

“Are you insane???”

That’s the very first thing everyone has said to us.

Our reply: “There is a HUGE shortage of foster homes in our area willing to take in preschoolers. Christian families NEED to step up for the children in our community.”

Hopefully, some seeds have been planted for future foster families.

I have had a fantasy of having a large family. Now I’m seeing the reality of the chaos it brings. We are adjusting, making new tighter schedules, etc.

Our first few nights, bedtime was HELL-O! Two parents putting 5 children to bed in 3 different bedrooms DID NOT WORK. at. all.

The 2 older foster children are taking forever to get to sleep. One child (Firecracker) appears to have very serious sensory issues so bedtime is horrific for her. Adding heavy blankets, pillows and even a massage “tickle” mat didn’t seem to help her from having a meltdown in bed.

On Friday night, it was midnight before all were sleeping soundly and not roaming the house.

Yesterday, I had an epiphany…what if we didn’t worry about them having naps? And added a very physical activity like swimming or the bounce house?

Our current family -Baby Cupcake not shown

Although, there were still a couple of fatigue-related meltdowns, they were very short….so last night…SUCCESS!!!

Now if we can just keep the parents from having any fatigue-related meltdowns???

How about you??? What has been your biggest adjustments in adding foster children to your family overnight?

“So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued for doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up or quit.” ~Galatians 6:9 (The Message)

6:00 am by Penelope

Free Online Foster Care Training!

Studies have shown that children in foster care are more than 13 times more likely to be prescribed psychotropic medications than the general population.

Regulations in the State of Texas require that before foster parents can give psychotropic medications to children in care, they must receive training on:

Identification of psychotropic medications;
Basic pharmacology including the actions and side effects of, and possible reactions to various psychotropic medications;
Policies and procedures on administering medication;
Who may legally consent to using psychotropic medications for children in foster care.

This foster parent training is required annually.

As you probably know, getting to a training class can be a challenge when you have a houseful of kids.

I’m excited that the State of Texas removed that issue by offering online free training on psychotropic medications!!!

This online training meets the expectations of the regulations for the safe and effective use of psychotropic medications by children in foster care.

In order to receive credit for the online training, you must:

Complete the whole training.
Make at least a 70% on the post-test.
Print the Certificate of Completion of Psychotropic Medication Training at the end of the training. (or screenshot if on mobile)
Provide a copy of the Certificate of Completion of Psychotropic Medication Training to your child-placing agency or residential operation.

This free online training is expected to take 2 hours – ug! – but at least you can complete the course on your schedule.

Difficult Behaviors Training

Are you a foster parent struggling with difficult behaviors caused by trauma? Not sure how to handle defiance, tantrums, lying, stealing, food hoarding? Foster parents will get practical tools in managing behaviors in this free online foster parent training.

Free Online Adoption Conference

This is an online conference for foster and adoptive parents with a focus on Healing Trauma And Responding to Trauma (HEART). The conference sessions are free to watch during the conference dates.

If you are a temporary parent to traumatized children, and are trying to provide stability and make a difference in children’s lives, if only for a short time. You are in the trenches of parenting trauma. This event will help you in developing strategies to effectively parent through trauma!

7:00 am by Penelope

The Kids that Couldn’t Come, then Could, then Didn’t

If you follow on Facebook and Twitter, you know that we almost had some placements last Thursday.

The situation was that a sibling group of 5 needed short-term emergency placement. Because it is nearly impossible to find foster homes available to take 5 children, the State was having to split the siblings into 2 homes. The call we received was for 3 children.

Since 20-year-old Bubba recently moved back home, we currently only have 2 beds available, and that includes the trundle. So sadly, we couldn’t accept the placements.

Then, a few minutes later, the State called back: “Could you take a sibling group of 2?”

“Yes, we can!”

We were excited that Stinkpot would have some older “siblings” to play with this summer.

However, after that conversation, the State called back a third time.
“We’ve found a foster home for the kids in their home county.”

These children will be able to have visits with their siblings easier.

The question of how many foster children you can have in your home, lead to over 20 comments on Facebook.

Siblings available for adoption. Click photo for more details.

These are the capacity requirements for foster family homes in Texas:

“The State of Texas allows no more than 6 children in the home including your own children or children for whom you provide day care.”

A two-parent foster family home may care for up to six children, including any biological and adopted children of the caregivers who live in the foster home and any children receiving foster or respite child-care, and children for whom the family provides day care.

If a licensed foster home has one foster parent that is absent for extended periods, such as military service or out-of-town job assignments, the home must comply with single-parent foster home requirements when only one foster parent is regularly present in the home.

A single-parent foster family home may care for a maximum of:
(1) Five children if any child in the home is under five years old;
(2) Four children if more than two children in the home receive treatment services; and
(3) Four children if any child in the home receives treatment services for primary medical needs.

How many children does your state allow you to have in your home???

11:30 am by Penelope

Hearing the Call of Foster Children

It was faint at first, but it’s been getting louder and louder lately. Now to a point that it’s deafening.

“You have to do more for the kids!”

More? We’ve been foster parents to seven children and adopted two of them. I write this blog to encourage others to do more for children in foster care. Our foster home is open for more placements.

Is there more that I can do for foster children?

Through this blog, I’ve been presented with opportunities to do more for foster children. But time constraints keep me from moving forward. However, God keeps nudging me and giving me every indication that He wants more from me. (Have you read Kisses from Katie?)

James 1:27 tells Christians to look after the orphans. Am I?

He keeps opening doors – and even windows around me!

Our church does not have an orphan ministry. A large, growing church with two full Sunday morning services. As a church, we can do more!

He is convincing me – convicting me: It’s me He wants to do more….

Does your church have an orphan ministry? Any advice?

10:00 am by Penelope

One Thing You Shouldn’t Do at Your July 4th Fireworks Celebrations

She and I were scurrying about, screaming, and holding our heads. Her bratty brother! I now think back at what he was doing and cringe. He was shooting bottle rocket fireworks at us!

With the July 4th holiday this week, I had a flashback to my youth. I knew bottle rockets were dangerous, but….SPARKLERS CAUSE THE MOST INJURIES!

My surprise…I don’t know about you, but when I was a little girl, I LOVED playing with the sparklers, the ONLY firework I enjoyed. When I saw this infographic, I hadn’t thought about the burn hazards from the hot temperatures of a sparkler. Sparklers cause 31% of all fireworks injuries.

After researching the minimum standards for residential foster homes in Texas, I found that weapons, firearms, and explosive materials (such as fireworks) are generally permitted, however, with some specific restrictions:

If you allow explosive materials or “toys that explode or shoot“, you must develop and enforce a policy identifying specific precautions to ensure children do not have unsupervised access to them, including:

Locked storage made of strong, unbreakable material;
A determination that it is appropriate for a specific child to use the “toys that explode or shoot”; and
The child must be directly supervised by a qualified adult.

Our July 4th tradition generally has been to go watch the large fireworks display in a nearby city, although last year was spent in the hospital before the investigation into our foster home began.

With city ordinances, and especially the probability of grass fires, we really haven’t used fireworks in the past few years.

We discovered this grass fire in our backyard last weekend. Scary!

What is your foster care agency’s safety requirements for fireworks? How are you celebrating July 4th in your foster home?

11:00 am by Penelope

Your Child Isn’t a Dog – Why I Took the Leash Off My Kids

What was I going to do? Little blond heads darting everywhere. Just as I stopped one, the other would dart away. I was frantic!

I was in a tiny parking lot next to a very busy highway. Both my 2-year-old foster “twins” somehow thought I was playing “chase.”

The scene was so horrifying that a few onlookers had stopped to watch in terror with their mouths open as a red truck drove past us in the parking lot, nearly hitting one of my toddlers.

Once I finally wrangled my two little fugitives into the door of the establishment, one of the onlookers said to me: “I was about to come help you…” (I think I might have mumbled a thank you)

Later that week I saw a backpack/safety harness at Target!

Surely, this could help keep my toddlers safe in a busy parking lot! I would be able to keep a child from running away while I was busy taking the other out of the carseat. A simple solution I thought.

My toddlers LOVED the monkey backpack and would argue over who would get to wear it.

It gave me peace of mind in the parking lots; but once inside, the monkey would go into the diaper bag.

However, my peace of mind was short-lived.

“THOU SHALT NOT RESTRAIN!”

A foster care trainer reiterated during our next training session. These “LEASHES” are also called safety restraints, thus, against the Child Protective Services rules.

My mind was thinking: But what does a car seat and high chair do???

After a verbal reprimand by CPS, the monkey leash was sentenced and sent to spend the rest of his days in a crate in the attic somewhere, and won’t be used in our home again.

This week Good Morning America did a story on Extreme Parenting about leashing your kids, which featured adoption advocate, Kristen Howerton, of Rage Against the Minivan.

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/lifestyle/2012/06/extreme-parenting-to-leash-or-not-to-leash/

What are your thoughts on leashing children? Should it be prohibited? Is it prohibited by your state agency?

6:00 am by Penelope

My Confession: How I KNEW Sandusky was a Pervert

One of my earliest memories. I was around 4 years old, possibly even 3. A large number of family members in a not-so-large house. I remember running through the halls between the bedrooms, as I was playing chase with some cousins a bit younger than me.

And is that all it took? He must have been watching me from the doorway of one of the bedrooms. I didn’t notice – I was enjoying the stomping noise my Buster Brown shoes were making on the hard wood floors.

Then – Did he grab me? Or did he just take me away by the hand? I really don’t remember.

I remember him closing the door to the bedroom – and the large luggage trunk sitting up on its end. He picked me up and sat me on it and hurriedly unzipped his pants. I remember him taking a large sausage out of his pants. It was flat on the end – not round, like the end of a sausage. Was he uncircumcised?

He then quickly pulled my panties to the side and rubbed against me.

His words I remember: “Ah! That’s better now.”

He quickly put me down, patted me on the rear, and said, “You go play now.”

And I skipped out of the bedroom, anxious to get back to my cousins.

That molestation couldn’t have taken longer than 2 minutes. That’s how quickly a child can be violated.

In a houseful of people. A child doesn’t necessarily have to be alone with someone.

And I didn’t tell anyone for nearly 2 decades.

Why am I telling you this?

1 in every 4 girls are sexually abused by the time they are 18 years old. 1 in 6 boys. Less than a third of cases are ever reported.(1) Mine wasn’t.

Jerry Sandusky’s abuse should have only happened once. We have to make it okay for kids to tell! Many are afraid that nobody will believe them. Sandusky’s victims were.

The statistics are startling, aren’t they? In the 100 or so of you that regularly read my little blog, the statistics say that at least 2 dozen of you have survived sexual abuse. Have you told?

I’m opening up guest post spots for you to finally tell others about how you were a victim of sexual abuse. Just send me a message on my contact page. It can be anonymous.

How can we ask children to tell, if we, as adults, don’t?

Share this page on Facebook, Pin It, Tweet It. Let everyone know that it’s okay to tell!

11:39 am by Penelope

The Email that Broke My Heart

Yesterday, I had a post drafted. Maybe you are sick of hearing about Jerry Sandusky and the trial that has now gone into jury deliberations. Maybe you don’t really care what his wife, Dottie, said about the victims in her testimony. Or what happened with his Second Mile charity for at-risk kids… I’m not writing about that today.

I’m sitting at a public library, typing a difficult message through misty eyes. Last night, I had a huge paradigm shift where my worldview was changed.

Last night, I received an email.

That email has torn my soul apart by its honesty about what’s real in the world.

Right now, at this moment, I don’t have the words. I don’t have the courage to write about what is real in the world today.

My soul weeps for any child who has aged out of the foster care system without a family.

If you want your heart broken and soul touched – you can read this honest message about survival post-foster care.