Foster2Forever

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Our Journey to Become a Licensed Foster Care Home

Our journey to become a licensed foster-adoptive home was just that.  A journey.3 different towns and over 1,800 miles of driving

The Beginning of our Foster Care Journey for a License

FosterDad and I discover our infertility in the Fall of 2006. After a time of grief and a busy holiday season, in January 2007, we made the decision to become foster parents hoping to eventually become a forever family to a small child or two. We discovered the steps in Texas to become a licensed foster/adoptive home is:

  1. Attend an informational meeting,
  2. Complete an application to attend PRIDE classes,
  3. Attend PRIDE classes (plus CPR/First Aid),
  4. Complete a home study,
  5. Get your license.

Lo and behold, PRIDE classes were about to begin! Perfect timing! Or was it?

There was a catch. We had missed the informational meeting. Okay. Let’s just enroll in the PRIDE class.

Wrong! Bureaucracy decided to rear its ugly head.

“You cannot enroll in the PRIDE classes until you attend the informational meeting.”

“But we missed it last week. Can’t we go ahead and enroll in the PRIDE class?”

“NO! You MUST attend the informational meeting first. But the next class begins in the fall.”

Grrr! I was ready to bite off someone’s head! It’s name was Bureaucracy.

Attending the Informational Meeting

Guess what? There was an informational meeting being held that Saturday morning. In Brenham, Texas (home to Blue Bell ice cream – have you heard of it?). 75 miles away.

So…we woke early that Saturday and drove and hour and a half to attend this “mandatory” informational meeting.

The “information” in this mandatory meeting was basically to touch upon neglect and the children that come into foster care.  Did we learn any new information? For us, no. We felt the meeting was more of a recruiting tool. We already knew that we wanted to become foster parents so, for us, the meeting was a waste of time just the first step in the process.

The PRIDE classes would be the next step and would be held in another city 75 miles in the opposite direction from our home!

Photo: Sienna minivan courtesy of Toyota

Part 2. PRIDE training classes and that coveted foster care license we were first denied.

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Open Adoption: Writing to the Birth Family

In foster care adoptions, openness is a rarity and not usually the norm. Usually, birth families lose parental rights for a variety of reasons that make it unsafe to continue contact.  However, our situation is a bit different: our agreement is for a semi-open adoption.

Last September, the birth mother of our 20-month-old foster son, Lil Bit, voluntarily relinquished (signed over) her parental rights. With the advice of an attorney, she negotiated to do so with a legal agreement.  In this agreement, in May of each year, we are to send an update letter with photos. (In August, she may visit Lil Bit with a one-month written notice)

The photos were easy, especially since Shutterfly gave 50 free prints as a Mother’s Day gift to its customers. (Yes, I’m frugal) The difficulties for me lie in writing the update letter.

A few events have occurred regarding Lil Bit I’m not sure the birth family should worry about.  For instance, on Valentines’ Day, Lil Bit was hospitalized again for RSV and pneumonia. Would the birth mother worry about a past health issue after it’s been resolved? Also, Lil Bit is speech-delayed and receiving speech therapy through Early Childhood Intervention (ECI); however, he is beginning to talk more. I want her to know that her precious child is, in fact, doing well.

Dear Friends,

Is is wrong to want her to know only the positive aspects of his life and not include the negatives? What would you include in an update letter to the birth family?

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Guest Post: Letting Go When Foster Children Leave

Two of foster care placements were especially hard on our family. One was our first placement, a baby girl just two days old who was with our family for 5 ½ months. The other was our third placement and our longest to date at nine months. He was placed with us at 4 days old. He is going home today. To say that those wounds are fresh would be an understatement. Saying goodbye is not easy for me. Sure bonding comes with each child at their own time. One of my favorite posts is by Noisy. Colorful. Livel. “Attachment, where’s the Velcro when you need it.” With these little ones, the newborn babes, bonding is effortless for me. Give me a baby to hold in my arms and they are mine. Loved! Adored!

When we first started foster care we thought that adoption would come up at some point. That eventually we would adopt and we were happy when that day came. We had a young son in the home and weren’t too anxious to have any permanent newcomer. Oh, what a difference a day can make. From the moment these little ones were in our home I did not want to let them go. However, when you sign up as a foster parent, you sign up to support family reunification first. So of course that day came when I was forced to let go.goodbye-foster-children

In the case of our first placement, Little Miss, she wasn’t returned home. Instead a local Native American tribe took jurisdiction on the case since her birth mother had enrolled with them just after giving birth. Under the ICWA laws I did not have first choice after family was ruled out because I do not have any considerable Native American history. Her loss was devastating to say the least. I remember crying my eyes out after she left. I also remember feeling completely normal and putting those feelings of grief aside. It wasn’t until later when another Native American little girl was placed with us that those feelings of loss crept up and overwhelmed me. It is completely normal to feel the different stages of loss. It is important to validate your feelings and talk about them.

Little Dude, who is the baby who is going home today, was placed with me the day after I found out I was losing Little Miss. In some ways I had hope that he was some blessing from on high. A way to make up for the loss of our sweet baby girl. His case has been up and down. There were times I was certain adoption would happen. I prayed it would. Hope kept being drawn-out as extensions in the case were granted. However, all concerns with his biological family were resolved and he was able to return to his father. I am still in shock. Letting go is not easy. But I do know that it is possible. That I can love again.

Foster parenting is incredibly rewarding and, honestly, I wouldn’t trade these experiences. I am growing so much as a person – and more importantly as a Mother.

You can read all about Foster Mama’s foster care and adoption adventures over at:  Foster Mama & the kiddos.  She and her husband have been foster parents for just over a year and in that time have had five placements. Sadly, they have said goodbye to four of them.

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Oh, What a {Mother’s} Day!!!

Our 3-year-old son, Stinkpot, made yesterday a difficult day.  He simply woke up on the wrong side of the bed – at 3 in the morning!!! He burst into our room screaming at me, “You left me alone! You left me alone!”

“Come here, Stinkpot.”

“NO! Go back to my room!’

He was inconsolable! Screaming and flailing on the floor.

Maybe it was a mistake on our part, but to encourage him to stay in his bed all night, the “Bed Fairy” brings candy if he wakes up in his bed in the morning.

WOW! He was NOT going to be anywhere but in his bed in the morning.

FosterDad took him back to his room and comforted him back to sleep. When Stinkpot woke again at 8 a.m., he seemed to be in a better mood…

But wait! There’s more!

After breakfast, he began a morning tirade, that kept us from attending church. (why risk him going off on his classmates?)

He finally took a morning nap, and the day went better.

When we were able to go to lunch, I made the decision again this year that I wanted my Mother’s Day lunch to be enjoyable so……

Enjoying Chuck E. Cheese. Isn't the baby getting big?

WE WENT TO CHUCK E. CHEESE!!!! Again this year.

(You MUST read about how FosterDad was upset at me last year for choosing Chuck E. Cheese for my Mother’s Day lunch)

It’s becoming a tradition.

How was your Mother’s Day????

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Celebrating Cinco de Mayo: Ethnic Pride vs. Ethnic Patriotism

Today is Cinco de Mayo (Spanish for the 5th of May), a day to celebrate Mexican heritage. For this occasion, ultra-conservative FosterDad agreed to write a guest post.  As you’re reading this, remember that we live in Texas, and the controversy of illegal immigration is very heated here.  Given this, these opinions are FosterDad’s and may or may not reflect my views. {wink! wink!}

Cinco de Mayo

We are living in a day when I think people are getting a little confused in the difference between Ethnic Pride and what I call Ethnic Patriotism.  Don’t get me wrong, I am all for Ethnic Pride.  I am very proud of both my German and Irish roots.  On St. Patrick’s Day, I swell with a little Irish pride, and think of my Irish ancestors who moved to the United States during the Potato Famine in the 1850’s.  When I see German celebrations like the Wurstfest in New Braunfels, Texas, I think of my German ancestors that moved from Germany to Texas in the early 1900’s.

I believe Ethnic Pride is great!  I think we all need to know and appreciate who we are and where we came from.

But over the past several years, I have begun to see people not just celebrate their Ethnic heritage, but to demand that their ethnic heritage be a part of not only their lives, but a part of everyone’s life.  It seems that we are no longer just “Americans,” but we are fractured into different groups.  You are either an African American, White American, Hispanic American, Asian American, Jewish American and so on.

The little boy that we are in the process of adopting was born in Mexico.  I want him to be proud of his Mexican heritage.  I will gladly take him to be a part of celebrations that praise the contributions made by the Mexican culture. On “Cinco de Mayo”  I want him to remember Mexico’s  victory over the French in the French occupied territory of Mexico.  In September, he should be proud to remember the struggle Mexico went through to win their independence from Spain.  I will gladly teach him how Texas was once a part of Mexico, and that all Texans were at one time “Mexicans.”

But as important as that is, I will want him to know how lucky he is to be living in this great nation.  I want him to know that being a citizen of the United States is not just an honor,but a blessing.  Yes, I want him to swell with pride when he thinks about his Mexican heritage, but more importantly, I want to to swell with Patriotism when he thinks about the fact that he is an American!

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May is National Foster Care Month {Blog Hop}

There are currently over 424,000 children in foster care in the United States with 114,000 waiting for their forever families.

Children are in foster care through no fault of their own and deserve a stable home environment.  National Foster Care Month is a time to raise awareness and draw attention to the needs of children in foster care so that people will get involved whether as adoptive families, foster families or volunteers.

Doing something for these children, can really change a life!  I was inspired by Dena’s story of her daughter that was adopted from foster care. What a beautiful and amazing young lady!

This month, Foster2Forever, along with The R House and Kinard Season, is hosting a month-long blog hop to raise awareness of the needs of our nation’s foster children.

Write on any topic of foster care that you feel led: your foster care journey, why foster care, opportunities to help foster children, how foster care has changed lives, challenges, etc. Just try to keep your post less than 500 words. Be sure and visit at least 2 other links and leave a comment.

Looking forward to reading about your foster care experiences!

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The Worst Home Visit Ever

Tuesday was just one of those days.  Our family was still very tired from traveling throughout the state of Texas for the Easter holiday weekend.  Last week, our foster home licensing caseworker had to reschedule her quarterly visit for this Tuesday.  When I agreed to Tuesday, I didn’t check my calendar, and the exterminator would be there too. I didn’t think too much of it since he would be doing his own thing…

However, that afternoon, I received a call from our foster baby’s caseworker, who also wanted a last visit with Lil Bit before his case was transferred to the State’s adoption unit. I told her that our caseworker was coming that afternoon. She said, “Great! I’ll see you this afternoon.”

So at 4:00 p.m., the exterminator knocks on the door. No problem….except…earlier in the day, I accidentally gave our hyperactive 3-year-old, Stinkpot, an antihistamine, which can make him a bit excitable and aggressive. OOPS!

Stinkpot was driving the “BugMan” cRaZy – following him around, asking a million questions, and talking, talking, talking. Poor man was just trying to kill a few bugs.

Then, ding! dong! 4:30 the doorbell rings and Lil Bit’s caseworker is there. As we walk in, my husband arrives in the house exhausted from TAKS testing, balancing Lil Bit in one arm and a large Diet Coke in the other. Just as our home caseworker drives up!

Wow! What was I thinking?

Stinkpot was OUT OF CONTROL! Acting out in the worst way! He hit the baby twice. At one point, he walked up to the baby and just kicked him!

I took him back in his room for a minute, while I distracted the caseworkers with the luscious chocolate-covered strawberries from Shari’s Berries that my wonderfully thoughtful husband had delivered to me as an Easter gift. {bribery?}

My husband then took Stinkpot outside to talk to the BugMan while I finished the visit with the caseworkers.

The visit itself went well.

  • Lil Bit’s case will be officially transferred to the State’s adoption unit today.
  • Since he is a citizen of Mexico, our 20-month-old, Lil Bit cannot be adopted until he is certified as a U.S. citizen.  {we are harboring an illegal immigrant}
  • He is now on the INS waiting list for a “certificate of naturalization“, in which scheduling the ceremony can take MONTHS!  So we are in another “holding pattern” before the adoption of our Lil Bit can be finalized.

What a visit!  BUT we had another visitor later that night!

photo courtesy Lisa Jane Stewart - not me!

The kids and I hunkered down in the bathroom clothes hamper until late in the evening. {FosterDad was glued to the television} I was keeping up with tornado alerts and friends through Twitter and Facebook. I admit it, I was scared!

We were all blessed by God’s protection that night! Have a blessed weekend with your family!

Hugs! ~penny

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Overcoming the Past {Blog Hop}

During April, National Child Abuse Prevention month, Foster2Forever has been hosting a link-up on topics in regard to the abused and neglected children that we, as foster parents, bring into our home.

Last week’s topic of dealing with the challenges of raising our foster children had some great tools on how to deal with those explosive behaviors! You must read all of them!

Our featured blogger is Kerrie of Good Moms Are a Lot of Things! Her creativeness in helping her daughter with RAD do her homework correctly floored me. Wow! I would’ve never thought of that.

And a special thanks to Dannie and Quackenbaby who linked up last week!

This week’s topic is Overcoming the Past! This is a topic I’m so looking forward to! I’m dying to hear of those success stories! Do you have one? Go ahead and add it!

Foster2Forever will feature one blogger next week as we kick off National Foster Care Month!

Next month, Foster2Forever will host a month-long blog hop! Does anyone want to co-host?

What topics would you want to write about? Why foster care. Making a Difference. How foster care changed you. How to become a licensed foster home in (your state).  What anyone can do to help foster families.

Let us know in the comments!

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Telling the Easter Story with Cookies

Last Easter, I found this fabulous recipe for Easter Resurrection Cookies.  By adding individual ingredients with the reading of an associated Bible verse, this simple cookie recipe tells the story of the crucifixion and resurrection that children can remember!

Our then 31-month-old, Stinkpot, had a great time beating the pecans demonstrating how Christ was beaten. (John 19:1-3)

The best part is that each child seals the tomb (oven) before bed and awakens to Easter Resurrection Cookies!

Easter Resurrection Cookies

Look! It's empty because Christ has risen!

Have a great weekend celebrating your salvation! We will be spending it with my Mom!

Happy Easter!

I’m Clever

Sway