Parenting Archives - Page 5 of 18

Are You Really Ready for Baby? 10 Must-Have Baby Items

Becoming a mom for the first time is quite overwhelming in of itself. However, as a foster parent, I became a mother of a baby for the very first time with hardly any notice at all. Overwhelmed is an understatement of what I was going through – I was completely utterly frazzled for over a month!

For a few weeks, I had to take a trip to the store – every – single – day – to pick up some sort of baby paraphernalia.

Top 10 Must-Have Baby Items:

1. Crib* – Our caseworker wouldn’t even consider placing a baby with us until we had a crib ready to go. This requirement turned out well since we only had a couple hours notice that an 8-month-old baby boy was on his way to live in our home.

2. Infant Car Seat* – Another item our caseworker required before she would place a baby with us was an infant car seat. But just because I owned one didn’t mean I knew how to install it into the car! Thank goodness my neighbor was home that next morning to teach me how to strap it into the car correctly! Note: don’t do like me – learn the correct way to install a car seat and practice before you get the placement call.

3. Formula – When my baby arrived, I was handed a can of formula, a box of baby cereal, and a few jars of baby food. I had no clue of how much of what to feed my new baby!!! Similac has a great reference in this baby feeding chart to help clueless moms like me! And here’s a guide to introducing solid food to baby.

4. Swaddle Wrap – Swaddling your baby mimics the tightness of the womb. Swaddling is especially important if your foster baby has been exposed to drugs in utero – tight swaddling helps calm the baby through withdrawal and tremors.

5. Baby Carrier – Babywearing is the name of the game with neglected or drug-exposed infants. “Wearing” or carrying your baby as much as possible helps with soothing and attachment. One of the biggest regrets I have as a mother is that I did not “wear” my neglected baby. This Mei Tai carrier is highly rated for less than $30.

6. Baby Activity Center – In the last seven years, I have mothered 7 foster babies (two of these are my forever babies). All seven of my infants loved all the sensory stimulation fun that comes in one of these. Great place for baby when cooking dinner.

7. Vibrating Teether – Babies love the massaging action on their sore gums plus the sensory stimulation is an added bonus with this type of teether.

8. White Noise Machine – It’s important for drug-addicted infants to have a calm, dimly-lit environment. White noise can help calm a baby.

9. Digital thermometer – Babies get sick – plan on it! Having a thermometer on hand will give you peace of mind when your baby just doesn’t seem right and might have a fever. I prefer ear thermometers – much easier to check for fever.

10. Nasal Aspirator (aka snot sucker) – And babies get congested too! I’ve read rave reviews about this manual one.

I am honored to be joining the Sisterhood of Motherhood to encourage parents to support each other and to unite around the idea that we’re all in this journey of parenthood together. Support other new moms without the judgement!

Join me and become a part of the sisterhood!

Disclosure: I am honored to partner with Similac in the Sisterhood of Motherhood campaign to support other moms rather than place judgement. #SisterhoodUnite #ParentsFirst

SIMILAC-Sisterhood-of-Motherhood-blogger

8:00 am by Penelope

Spring Break Activities for BIG Families PLUS GIVEAWAY

Looking for spring break activities for families? But what if you have a large family? Are you looking for things to do with all your kids without breaking the bank?

Spring Break Activities for Large Families

DAY AT THE PARK – A cheap and easy spring break activity to do with your large family is to spend a day at a local park. You can pack a lunch, snacks, and drinks. You can make this easy kite out of a paperbag and streamers.

HIKING – Take your big family on a hiking trip during spring break. Here are 7 great tips for hiking with kids.

CAMPING – You don’t have to spend a bundle to go camping with your large family. Here are some great camping tips you should check out!

Also, be sure and get a tent that has a tall height so you don’t have to slump over to walk inside, such as this 8-person family tent with a center height of over 6 feet!

GEOCACHING – Go on a treasure hunt with your kids during spring break! Geocaching is treasure hunting with a GPS. Begin by going to geocaching.com to find where over 2 million small “treasures” (called geocaches). Find your location and then solve the clues to find the treasure!

FAMILY PIZZA NIGHT – Make homemade pizza dough and have each kid in your family make their own pizzas! Let each child add as much of their favorite toppings to their own personal pizza. Great for those with picky eaters too.

FAMILY MOVIE NIGHT – With no early school mornings, enjoy a family movie night together – complete with snacks and lots of popcorn.

FAMILY ROADTRIP – There’s nothing that creates memories and true family bonding than a family roadtrip. Here are some great tips on how this family takes BIG trips on a small budget. And check out these road trip tips for LARGE families!

STAYCATION – You can have a fabulously fun spring break at home by planning a staycation where your large family completes a fun “bucket list” of things to do on spring break locally.

Whatever activities you do with your kids during spring break, the important thing is that you have fun in your family bonding time!

Increasing the “family fun factor” helps build relationships: “Recent studies have found that the best predictor for good sibling relationships later in life is how much fun the kids have together when they’re young. The rate of conflict can even be high, as long as there’s plenty of fun to balance it out.” via The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind {affiliate link}

$500 SPRING GIVEAWAY

Win one of THREE $500 cash prizes directly in your paypal account! This giveaway is open internationally. You must be 18+ years old to enter. Void where prohibited. No purchase necessary. Winners will be notified via email and have 48 hours to respond before another winner is chosen. Please see detailed terms and conditions below the giveaway for more info.

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11:10 am by Penelope

Easy Dr. Seuss Green Eggs and Ham Recipe

After searching for Dr. Seuss food ideas, I finally found the easiest Dr. Seuss green eggs and ham recipe!

You see Dr. Seuss’ birthday of March 2nd touches a special memory in my heart of the grandfather my children never met. Every year, I celebrate with my kids with a special edible Dr. Seuss food menu…because of their grandfather’s epic recipe fail of green chicken…

Making the green eggs was easy – white chocolate with green M&Ms – but I couldn’t think of any easy way to make the green ham. And then! Perusing the candy aisle at H-E-B I found the perfect green ham!!

The new Peeps Minis in Sour Watermelon flavor!

Just cut off the head & turn upside down!

Here’s my Dr. Seuss Green Eggs & Ham Recipe! (Note: the larger Mega M&Ms would probably look even better)

3:12 pm by Penelope

Parenting Using The Whole Brain Child – Book Review

Have you read THE WHOLE BRAIN CHILD: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind?

This best-selling parenting book by psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel and psychotherapist Dr. Tina Bryson has excellent advice on parenting that is based on the science of the brain. The authors teach 12 parenting techniques that can help children deal with fears and frustrations by applying the latest research on brain development.

This book is an excellent resource to help parents understand how your child’s brain handles emotions and experiences; and gives you techniques to use as a parent to help your child make sense of their experiences.

I highly recommend this book, but I do give you a warning my video review.

Click here to view this Parenting with The Whole Brain Child video through YouTube

Purchase THE WHOLE BRAIN CHILD: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind {Amazon affiliate link}

Here are some posts that I’ve written about the strategies from The Whole Brain Child:

NAME IT TO TAME IT: How to tell stories to calm big emotions

FAMILY BONDING: Increase the family fun factor

Be sure & subscribe to my YouTube channel!

12:18 pm by Penelope

Is Time-Out the Best Method to Discipline Your Child?

Is time-out really the best method to discipline your child?

My little boy would NEVER stay in time-out when I had to discipline him! The ordeal of constantly moving him back to his time-out chair with his emotions (and mine) escalating exponentially became a horrifying punishment, not only for him but for me as well. (Admittedly, it was a good workout, especially if I had to dodge the chair he was throwing at me.)

But I was taught that time-out is the best method of discipline — one minute for each year of a child’s age. Is that what you were taught?

Is forcibly restraining a child in time-out a really helpful method of discipline in changing a child’s behavior?

We put our child in time-out and somehow expect that our child’s behavior will magically change when the time-out is over. Does time-out actually teach our child how to behave? Sending a child away to a time-out when he misbehaves doesn’t help him LEARN how to behave.

In fact, it can be counterproductive, especially for at-risk children. The isolation of a time-out encourages a child to disengage from the world, especially when dealing with life’s disappointments.

To some children, a time-out can be a form of banishment and rejection from the family, and can cause insecurity in a child’s mind. You may be sending the message to your child: “My parents don’t want me around.” Read how our foster daughter reacted to time-out.

And this is particularly true with foster or adopted children that struggle with attachment. Because of a child’s early history of neglect and abuse, he may already feel disconnected from the family due to the lack of bonding in his earlier relationships.

The isolation of a time-out can encourage a child to disconnect from the world, and can reinforce the belief that he is alone in the world and can only rely on himself.

On another point, when you send your child to his bedroom for a time-out, you may be sending your child to a bedroom full of toys and entertainment. “Go to your room and think about what you did!” Is a child really thinking about what he did wrong and how he can do better next time? Alone in his bedroom, a child can amuse himself alone, and detach emotionally to forget about problems in the family.

Dr. Jane Nelsen, the renowned author of Positive Time-Out, through her 4 R’s OF PUNISHMENT, shows what negative feelings a child may develop when isolated:

1. Resentment: “This is unfair. I can’t trust adults.”

2. Revenge: “They’re winning now, but I’ll get even.”

3. Rebellion: “I’ll do just the opposite to prove that I don’t have to do it their way.”

4. Retreat into:

a. Sneakiness: “I won’t get caught next time.”
b. Reduced self-esteem: “I’m a bad person.”

“Isolation, no matter how brief, encourages the child to focus on things and objects — and not on relationships.” via The Connected Child

Instead of using time-out as a method of discipline, we have begun to use time-ins and do-overs. Although my strong-willed defiant child is in constant need of redirection and discipline, we have begun to see positive changes in his behavior.

DOWNLOAD YOUR TIME-IN DISCIPLINE GUIDE SHEET

2:31 pm by Penelope

Do You Discipline Your Children or Just Punish Them?

Discipline vs. Punishment

When a child misbehaves, many parents believe they should punish their child for the misbehavior.

The goal of punishing a child is simply to make the unacceptable behavior unpleasant enough that child stops the misbehavior (and doesn’t do it again). For many parents, that’s the only goal: they want their kids to stop misbehaving immediately!

Punishment may stop the behavior at the moment, but punishment alone does not eliminate misbehavior over time.

While punishment can be physical, as in spanking the child; punishment can also be psychological, such as shaming the child, isolating the child from others (as in time-out), or taking away privileges. A child who is punished with spankings, shouts, and threats may learn how to avoid these punishments simply by not misbehaving in front of certain people. But there is no guarantee, however, that the child’s behavior will actually be changed over time or out of sight from the person who punishes.

Dr. Jane Nelsen, the renowned author of Positive Time-Out, shows 4 long-term results of punishment:

FOUR Rs OF PUNISHMENT

1. Resentment: “This is unfair. I can’t trust adults.”

2. Revenge: “They’re winning now, but I’ll get even.”

3. Rebellion: “I’ll do just the opposite to prove that I don’t have to do it their way.”

4. Retreat into:

a. Sneakiness: “I won’t get caught next time.”
b. Reduced self-esteem: “I’m a bad person.”

When a parent punishes a child, it takes the responsibility for the misbehavior away from the child and simply gives it to the parent.

“Children need to be accountable for their own behavior in order to learn the inner control necessary to function as healthy, self-disciplined individuals.” ~Karen M. Carlson, University of Minnesota

In other words, children need DISCIPLINE!

Effective discipline means that we’re not only stopping a bad behavior or promoting a good one, but also teaching skills that will help children make better decisions and handle themselves well in the future.

The word “discipline” means to train (someone) to obey rules or a code of behavior — and comes from the root word “disciple”. A disciple is a student — a disciple is not a prisoner or someone to be punished, but someone who is learning through instruction. Punishment might shut down misbehavior in the short term, but training offers skills that last a lifetime.

Discipline is a term that’s not about punishment or control, but about teaching and skill building — and doing it from a place of love, respect, and emotional connection.

Punishment is hurtful to children; discipline is teaching!

Discipline is helping children develop self-control with a moral compass, so that they are thoughtful and conscientious in their actions, even when authority figures aren’t around.

Discipline helps children learn for the future, while punishment makes children pay for the past.

10:18 am by Penelope

Check Out This Child’s View of His ADHD in the Classroom

Trying to manage ADHD in the classroom can be quite frustrating for teachers. Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) many times don’t understand why they get in trouble so much with teachers for disrupting the classroom. Because concentration and impulse control are required for a child to learn in a classroom setting, children with ADHD are at a disadvantage in this learning environment.

ADHD in the Classroom

This narrative of ADHD in the classroom written from the child’s point of view was an eyeopener for me:

Imagine that you’re nine years old. You’re sitting in class. Your teacher just gave you directions for the next assignment, but you missed most of what was said because you were playing with the bead chain of the zipper on your jacket. You look around to figure out what you’re supposed to do and notice that others have their science books out. So you pull yours out, too, but you still don’t know what to do. When you ask the boy sitting next to you, he gives you a dirty look and tells you to stop bothering him. You ask someone else who does the same thing and then tells you to ask the teacher.

“Mrs. Peters,” you blurt out. “I don’t know what to do.” Oops! You disturbed the class. She looks annoyed. “What are you supposed to do when you need my help?” she asks. You remember and raise your hand, and she comes over to help. She repeats her original instructions, then prods you a little to get you started. “You only have ten minutes,” she says. “If you don’t finish on time, you’ll have to take it home as homework.” Finally, you’re focused. You complete the first two items, then become distracted when you hear someone using the pencil sharpener. You look around the room for a while, then refocus and do a few more items…”

excerpted from Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child: Eliminating Conflict by Establishing CLEAR, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries by Robert J. Mackenzie (I highly recommend this book if you have a strong-willed child. I had a total paradigm shift in my thinking.)

How can you help your child with ADHD?

Medication: Some parent choose medication. I was extremely hesitant to medicate my young child, but given his extreme behavior, we felt we had no other choice, but approached it cautiously. This is how treatment with a stimulant for ADHD helped our son.

Diet: Some parent swear that changing diet helps children with Sensory Processing Disorder and ADHD. Here’s a book on the Feingold Diet: All Natural Mom’s Guide to the Feingold Diet: A Natural Approach to ADHD and Other Related Disorders

Essential Oils: Some people swear by using essential oils. In my honest review of using essential oils, I admit, in our experience, that EOs are not 100%, but we have seen marked improvement a majority of the time. Jeddy’s Blend Essential Oil is formulated specifically for ADD/ADHD.

FTC Disclosure: Links in this post may be affiliate links, which means when you click on a link and purchase, I receive a very small commission (at no additional cost to you).

7:56 pm by Penelope

Fabulous Valentine Box Ideas for Boys

Making Valentine’s Day boxes for boys isn’t the easiest task since boys aren’t usually into hearts and doilies, including my two boys. Here are some great ideas for your boys to make their own boyish Valentine boxes!

Valentine Box Ideas for Boys

Army Tank Valentine Box for Boys

Batman Batmobile Valentine Box for Boys

Crocodile Valentine Box for Boys

Firetruck Valentine Box for Boys

iPhone/iPod/iPad Valentine Box for Boys

Lego Valentine Boxes for Boys

Minecraft Creeper Valentine Box for Boys

Easy Monster Valentine Box for Boys

Ninja Valentine Box for Boys

Purple Minion Valentine Box for Boys

Check out these other great ideas for Valentine’s Day boxes for boys!

1:20 pm by Penelope

The Attachment Style of Your Parents Determines Yours

What does your parents’ attachment style have to do with you?

EVERYTHING! The best predictor of a person’s attachment style is their parents’ attachment style. A person’s attachment style for parenting is developed while very young and is usually stable throughout their lifetime. In other words, we tend to parent the way we were parented. Only 15% of foster/adoptive parents are secure in their attachment!

4 Attachment Styles

(review these to determine your parents’ attachment style)

Secure
Insecure (organized) – Avoidant
Insecure (organized) – Ambivalent
Insecure – Disorganized

Research indicates that children who were raised in a home with secure attachments, will in turn parent their children with a secure attachment style. 60% of the general population have a secure attachment style.

Adults who were raised in a home with an avoidant attachment style will parent their children with a dismissive attachment style. Dismissively attached adults are excellent at providing for physical needs but are weak in their ability to combine the emotional response with the physical need. Dismissive parents struggle with emotional connection and valuing relationships.

Those adults who were raised in a home with an ambivalent attachment style will parent their children with a preoccupied attachment style. They may provide inconsistent and unpredictable care to their child, at times being available, and at other times being too overwhelmed or busy to respond appropriately to their children’s needs.

And those adults who were raised by parents with a disorganized attachment style will parent their children with unresolved issues affecting their attachment. Oftentimes, these are well-meaning adults who are excellent caregivers when their own trauma isn’t being triggered. However, when the parent’s trauma is triggered, these parents become emotionally or behaviorally unpredictable or even scary to the child, thus not allowing the child’s to attach securely to the parent.

PARENTS ATTACHMENT STYLE	ADULT ATTACHMENT STYLE	GENERAL POPULATION	FOSTER/ADOPT PARENTS
Secure	Secure	60%	15%
Insecure - Avoidant	Dismissive	20%	40%
Insecure - Ambivalent	Preoccupied	15%	15%
Disorganized	Unresolved	5%	30%

What is your attachment parenting style?

While 60% of the general population has a secure attachment style, only 15% of foster/adoptive parents are secure in their attachment style!

70% of foster/adoptive parents have dismissive or unresolved attachment styles!

How can we help our children attain a secure attachment style if we have an insecure attachment style?

If you see that your attachment history is not secure, don’t fret, there is good news! Researchers and clinicians agree that it is possible for adults to develop “earned” secure attachment.

Journaling
Prayer
Developing a practice of mindfulness of your parenting
Talking with a trusted friend or spouse
Professional counseling
Group counseling or parent support group

It is not what happened to you as a child that matters — it’s how you make sense of what happened to you. You need to understand the impact of your childhood experiences, and you must acknowledge the positive and negative aspects of your childhood. The important thing is for you to be able to reflect on your childhood experiences without becoming overcome with emotion, flooded with the past, and preoccupied with the present.

Source: Gobbel Counseling

http://orphancareresources.org/resource/parents-attachment-style

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