Foster2Forever

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My Chick-Fil-A Controversy for Having Too Many Kids

chick-fil-a-anti-gay-controversy-childrenI’m so sick of this Chick-Fil-A controversy! What happened to the right to free speech? ENOUGH already!

However, I recently had my own Chick-Fil-A  controversy.  As you know, I’m still adjusting to the dynamics and logistics of large family living and herding 5 children.

Last Saturday, after a quick visit with cousins out-of-town, I took all the kids to a Metroplex Chick-Fil-A before loading them back into the GMC Yukon for the ride home. My plan: play hard, then sleep hard on the ride home.

Five kids into a restaurant by myself? What the heck was I thinking? I’m no freaking SuperMom, for Pete’s sake!!!

kids-at-chick-fil-a-controversy

That being said, I thought I did fairly well ordering our meals, keeping Cupcake and Twinkie with me while the boys rushed off to play. I quickly found a table adjacent to the playroom, and set up camp. Sometime, in the midst of feeding the preschoolers and 10-month-old Cupcake, 4-year-old Donut announced that he needed to go to the bathroom. I mumbled “in a minute” as I was wondering how in the world I was going to manage taking this brood to the bathroom.

I looked up and saw that he had already darted across the restaurant and was going into the mens room. Well, “not a whole lot I can do now that he’s already made a run for it” was the thought that crossed my mind. So I watched the mens room door, and in hindsight, should have sent Stinkpot after him.

A couple minutes later, a man who had been sitting near the bathroom approached me. “Is that your little boy in the restroom? He’s needing help.”

I scooped up Cupcake, and went and opened the mens room door. Donut was in the stall with his pants at his ankles exasperated that he couldn’t find the toilet paper.  He obviously didn’t realize the large contraption in the stall is, in fact, toilet paper. I coached him through wiping, flushing, washing and drying his hands with the mens room door open while watching the other kids eat.

As Donut ran back to the table, the man spoke to me:

“I’m not one to tell other people how to parent, but you should never have your children any more than an arms length away from you at all times. You should be able to grab your kid in an instant.“

Dumbfounded, I replied, “Yeah,” and turned to go back to my table.

My response only irritated this man.

“Listen! I work in a penitentiary and there are some bad people out there! Bad people! That could do horrible things to your kids.“

Downtrodden by this single man’s judgment of me, my only reply was “I know” and I walked back to my table.

I knew he was right. I now have a large family for the time being, and I should have had a plan before I attempted to step foot into a restaurant with 5 little ones.

I also wish my reply would have been more like:

“I know all about bad people. Two of the kids’ dads are in prison and the other would be if he hadn’t be deported. If more people like you who know so much about parenting would open their homes to foster children, then I wouldn’t have 5 children in mine!“

How do you manage handling numerous children in public? What would have been your response to the single man?

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Shazam! We Have a Large Family! Now What?

having-large-family-life-blog
In an instant, with just one phone call, as is true foster family form,we went from a family of 4 to a family of 7!

In addition to our rambunctious 5-year-old RADish, Stinkpot, and our sweet 3-year-old, Lil Bit, we now have 3 additional little ones:

  • Finicky 4-year-old, Donut;
  • Energetic, sensory-seeking 21-month-old, Twinkie;
  • Precious 10-month-old, Cupcake.

Adding 3 children may not seem like much to Michelle Duggar, but to us, overwhelming! Especially, given we now have 5 kids age 5 and under!!!

Last week, I asked Facebook fans for tips to help us transition to large family life. Your tips are wonderful and I love all you had to say!

20 Tips for Large Family Life

  1. Work together better with your spouse as a team to get things done.
  2. Be very organized! Organization will save your life. If it doesn’t come naturally, find someone to help you get it going.
  3. Make lots of lists!
  4. Use a calendar  – Check out these tips to manage numerous foster care appointments
  5. Stick to a schedule! It makes life better for everyone. Having a routine everyday helps calm the kids and you too!
  6. Plan meals in advance.  (Ramon noodles make a great, quick and cheap lunch that feeds everyone.)
  7. Serving meals buffet-style if the kids are old enough to manage can be helpful.
  8. Shop in bulk.
  9. Lay out clothes the night before.
  10. Establish a bedtime routine, such as a warm deep bath before bedtime, turn off television, dim all lights and play soft music.
  11. Assigning chores to everyone and making it fun is a good idea–“lets see who can pick up the most toys in 5 minutes…GO!” Chores will make children more appreciate and learn to be productive adults.
  12. Do at least one load of laundry every day! One large family I know had a designated day for each child to do their own laundry – helps build personal responsibility.
  13. Count. Heads. Often!
  14. Make sure that the “well-behaved” kid doesn’t get ignored! We have had some that needed so much attention that we didn’t make as much time for the child who was self-sufficient, quiet and well-behaved.
  15. Watch Karyn Purvis videos often….”they help MORE THAN I CAN SAY. BUY THEM!”
  16. Be realistic with your expectations of the children and yourself.
  17. TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF!!! Even a brisk 15 minute walk is great to relieve stress. Check out this fabulous e-book on self-care for foster and adoptive families.
  18. Use Respite Care and take time away to recharge! Use sitters and friends. And if anyone offers help, take them up on it!
  19. Pray. Stop to make yourself have a moment in prayer also helps.
  20. Be okay with just getting through some days! That is, you say that in the beginning of going from zero kids, to one, to three – all in 6 weeks – Don’t feel guilty if a day isn’t full of educational, engaging, planned out loveliness. Sometimes things go sideways, plans don’t work out, babies are too tired/grumpy (and maybe mommas too…) – and that’s okay! Be forgiving of yourself. 🙂

 

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A Stressed Out Child

This week has been quite stressful on our family. Last Sunday, we had an emergency room scare with our 2-year-old, Lil Bit. Then Wednesday, FosterDad had surgery on his jaw.  Not only has FosterDad been out of sorts, but Stinkpot has been more than his usual handful!

child-stress-tantrumHis play therapist noticed his elevated behavior Friday.

Then Sunday, the Children’s Minister took me aside to discuss Stinkpot’s disruptive behavior.  I really didn’t know what to say.

And I really don’t know what more to do…

Please pray for Stinkpot and our family!

  • Stinkpot’s sense of security;
  • FosterDad’s healing and recovery;
  • My sibling in a pending divorce involving an unborn child;
  • LilBit’s baby brother recovering from surgery;
  • Aurora shooting victims and their families.

Big hugs to each of you!

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Another Emergency Room Scare

“Spit that out!”

“Give me that!”

“Take that out of your mouth!”

Those are words I am constantly saying with our nearly 3-year-old, Lil Bit. I’ve taken a number of objects out of that kid’s mouth: coins, rocks, paper, small toys, etc. (One might think he would have learned his lesson after grabbing what he thought was a pickle off his dad’s enchilada plate.)

child-swallows-object-rectal-bleeding-in-children-emergency-room

Our Lil Bit is constantly putting objects in his mouth. Here as I’m attempting to take a photo at the playground…

I’ve become quite vigilant about this behavior, especially after his emergency surgery last September. Lil Bit was in surgery prep with a little girl that had a quarter lodged in her esophagus.

But if you are a parent of a little one, you know how difficult it is to keep any and every object out of a child’s reach, especially if they can climb like our Lil Bit.

And our worst fear warranted a trip to the emergency room yesterday afternoon!

When I pulled off our Lil Bit’s Pull-Up after an accident, I was freaked out to see RED –

LOTS OF RED!

The number one cause for rectal bleeding in children is SWALLOWED OBJECTS!!!

We rushed him to the emergency room scared of what he could have swallowed that might be lodged in his intestines causing this bleeding.

Surprisingly, our wait in emergency room to see a doctor was relatively short, considering we arrived during a shift change on the weekend.  When the doctor saw what we collected, he was concerned and quickly took a sample to be tested for blood.

I want to say a special thanks to my prayer warriors on Twitter (@sharrellleigh and @KF2Adopt)! Prayer works!

The results from the lab showed no signs of blood!

The doctor released Lil Bit, still perplexed at what caused the red stool.  Lil Bit had drank Cherry Crystal Light, but so had the rest of us without this reaction.

We will just consider this a medical miracle that can only be performed by the one true God! Hallelujah!

How do you keep your child from putting objects in their mouth?

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Your Child Isn’t a Dog – Why I Took the Leash Off My Kids

What was I going to do? Little blond heads darting everywhere. Just as I stopped one, the other would dart away. I was frantic!

I was in a tiny parking lot next to a very busy highway. Both my 2-year-old foster “twins” somehow thought I was playing “chase.”

The scene was so horrifying that a few onlookers had stopped to watch in terror with their mouths open as a red truck drove past us in the parking lot, nearly hitting one of my toddlers.

Once I finally wrangled my two little fugitives into the door of the establishment, one of the onlookers said to me: “I was about to come help you…” (I think I might have mumbled a thank you)

Later that week I saw a backpack/safety harness at Target!

backpack-safety-harness-reviewSurely, this could help keep my toddlers safe in a busy parking lot! I would be able to keep a child from running away while I was busy taking the other out of the carseat. A simple solution I thought.

My toddlers LOVED the monkey backpack and would argue over who would get to wear it.

It gave me peace of mind in the parking lots; but once inside, the monkey would go into the diaper bag.

However, my peace of mind was short-lived.

leashing-children-debate

“THOU SHALT NOT RESTRAIN!”

A foster care trainer reiterated during our next training session. These “LEASHES” are also called safety restraints, thus, against the Child Protective Services rules.

My mind was thinking: But what does a car seat and high chair do???

After a verbal reprimand by CPS, the monkey leash was sentenced and sent to spend the rest of his days in a crate in the attic somewhere, and won’t be used in our home again.

This week Good Morning America did a story on Extreme Parenting about leashing your kids, which featured adoption advocate, Kristen Howerton, of Rage Against the Minivan.

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/lifestyle/2012/06/extreme-parenting-to-leash-or-not-to-leash/

video platformvideo managementvideo solutionsvideo player

 

What are your thoughts on leashing children? Should it be prohibited? Is it prohibited by your state agency?

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The Dream vs Reality of Being a Father

He was my Dream-Man! I was in college and had his photo in my room. I would look at him and smile. Hoping for the day – praying for the day.

This was my dream.

Do you remember this poster? I realize that I’m showing my age now and if you’ve never seen this photo, then — Shut Up!

This black & white poster, produced in 1987, showed a handsome, hunky father cradling his sweet, little baby, seemingly having a conversation.  This poster was a blockbuster of its time, selling over 5 million copies worldwide!

Wow! Even a quarter of a century later, this photo still captivates me — the lighting, the shadows, the illuminated infant. (okay, and the man’s biceps & pecs, too)

The truth behind the photo is that a male model is holding a baby, that’s it. The man, Adam Perry, went on to sleep with 3,000 women and is a deadbeat dad who has never even held his own son!

That’s the reality!

A harsh contrast to the story told in the photo.

My reality is that over two decades after Spencer Rowell’s photo captivated me —

 This is my reality!

MY DREAM CAME TRUE!

Do you remember this poster? Share your dream in the comments!

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My Struggle with Attachment Disorder

toddler-tantrum-foster-child-trauma-bonding-attachmentHe was out-of control – as if demons had taken over his soul. His screaming was unintelligible. His body was flailing about with his arms punching the air or anything in the way. His face was the color of a sun-ripened tomato. His kicking jerked as his body contorted into different directions.

This wasn’t just a tantrum.

My role as a mother is to raise my precious preschooler into a Godly man. But my doubts overwhelm me during these moments. Had Satan already taken hostage of my child through a disorder known as Reactive Attachment Disorder or RAD?

In these moments, I am broken. I fall to my knees crying out for God to release the demon from my beloved child.

Through the prayers, God is awakening me to devote myself to this child.

Whatever it takes, dear Lord!

My child has emotions from his neglected infanthood that he cannot understand or control. His desire is to have all his physical needs met and feel that unconditional love.

As his mother, I have to make sacrifices. I’ve taken him out of full-day school. I’ve taken family leave from work to demonstrate to him that Mommy loves him and wants to be with him.

I devote my life to my son.

A problem that isn’t too large for my Lord and Savior.

Have you liked Foster2Forever’s Facebook page?

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What Every Parent Should Know About “Bath Salts”

On Memorial Day weekend, a story broke on the national news that could have been from a B-grade horror flick.  A zombie man assaulted a homeless man, and in a cannibalistic attack — ate his face!  The attacker had been described as a zombie because he was high on “bath salts“.

What are “Bath Salts”?

Bath salts are referred to as drugs consisting of any of these synthetic stimulants:  Mephedrone, Methylone, or Methylenedioxypyrovalerone (MDPV). (1)  On the street, bath salts are also called “bath powder”, “herbal incense”, or “plant food.” (2)

How Do “Bath Salts” Work in the Body?

To understand what the drug does, think of “bath salts” as a cross between meth and acid. Like cocaine, meth, and speed, bath salts work by stimulating the central nervous system, kicking it into overdrive, if you will. But the drug is also seriously hallucinogenic, like LSD. (2)

How Does One Take “Bath Salts”?

Bath salts can be smoked, snorted, or injected. (2)

Why Would One Get High on “Bath Salts”?

The initial symptoms are positive, including relaxation, euphoria, and a sense of warmth and wellbeing similar to Ecstasy. (2)

What are the Side Effects of “Bath Salts”?

Agitation, paranoia, hallucinations, chest pain, suicidality. It’s a very scary stimulant that is out there. as severe agitated behavior, like an amphetamine overdose, has occurred. A second concern is the ongoing suicidality in these patients, even after the stimulatory effects of the drugs have worn off. (1)

Bath salts can trigger a full-blown psychotic episode with extreme delusions and are highly addictive. (2)

How Does One Find “Bath Salts”?

Bath salts are very easy to get hold of. They’re sold online, in “head shops” all over the country and even behind the counters in many convenience stores. Bath salts come in little packets with soothing names like “Blue Silk”, “Bliss,” “Vanilla Sky,” and “Ivory Wave,” and cost just $25-60 a packet. (2)

Are “Bath Salts” Illegal?

U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) finally made the possession and sale of three of the chemicals commonly used to make bath salts illegal in October 2011. The ban is effective for at least a year. (1) However, with this latest high profile news story, the ban will probably become permanent.

Have you liked Foster2Forever’s Facebook page?

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Summer Reading List for Adoptive Families


Books about Parenting and/or Discipline

Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child : Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries by Robert J. MacKenzie – This book is my absolute FAVORITE of any book I’ve read so far!  With a strong-willed child himself, Dr. MacKenzie really understands the challenges of raising a difficult child. Highly recommend this one!

Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman – I actually listened to this book as a free download through Audible.com’s 30-day trial.  Try Audible Now and Get A Free Audiobook Download with a 30 Day Trial. I enjoyed hearing about the French parenting style of raising independent children, with topics such as sleeping through the night and independent play.  The chapter on teaching children to not be finicky eaters through serving courses at meals and persistence is FABULOUS. The book is worth it for that chapter alone; however, skip the chapter on discipline.

Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition) by Foster Cline – I haven’t actually read this book yet, although MANY parents have highly recommended it!

Books about Adoption

Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families & Churches by Russell Moore – I LOVED this book by Christian adoption advocate, Dr. Russell Moore. I actually listened to him narrate the book in his charming Southern drawl FREE through Audible.com’s trial membership. (They keep sending me free book credits.)  He discusses adoption through a Biblical view and covers in detail topics such as name changes, integrating culture into family, etc. I highly recommend.

Kisses from Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption by Katie Davis – This is another book I listened to FREE from Audible.com. A very inspiring book about an 18-year-old that postponed college to spend a year in Uganda. She ended up making Uganda her home, creating a ministry, and adopting 14 little girls.  Hers is a true heart for adoption.

Shield: A Framework of Self-Care for Foster and Adoptive Families by Sharla Kostelyk – Read my review of this book for foster and adoptive families about self-care and avoiding burnout.

The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family by Karyn Purvis – So many have recommended this book, yet I’ve yet to read it.  This book is based on actual research on healing children from neglect. I WILL read this book next!

Lifebooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child Updated and Revisedby Beth O’Malley – Mama Lark of the Lark’s Nest highly recommends this book. “This book is seriously a LIFESAVER for an adoptive mom that wants to tell their child the correct story- THEIR OWN! I sat for weeks wondering how I could tell my daughter that she was born addicted to drugs…Beth O’Malley is a genius in this department!! She explains things so clearly and concise. Everything is told on the level that a child needs to hear it at that time.”

Adoption Is a Family Affair: What Relatives and Friends Must Know by Patricia Erwin Johnston – I have not read this book, but it was recommended to me: “It’s great because it’s written to the families of adoptive families and covers a lot of the emotions and struggles of adoptive families as well as ways that friends can help during the process. Unfortunately, it mostly talks about private infant adoption or international adoption. But, it’s a good read.”

Books about Foster Parenting

I haven’t read any of these books, but were recommended by other foster parents:

Success as a Foster Parent: Everything You Need to Know About Foster Care by the National Foster Parent Association

Another Mother: Co-Parenting with the Foster Care System by Sarah Gerstenzang

The Foster Parenting Toolbox by Kim Phagan-Hansel

A Guide to Foster Parenting: Everything But the Kids! by Mary Ann Goodearle

Another Place at the Table by Kathy Harrison

Invisible Kids: Marcus Fiesel’s Legacy by Holly Schlaack – I haven’t read this book, but it was recommended: “This book really helps you understand the system and how easily the kids get lost. It is based on a murder of a foster child in Cincinnati a few years ago. Warning: there are parts that are difficult to read.”

Books about Special Behaviors

What Your Explosive Child Is Trying to Tell You: Discovering the Pathway from Symptoms to Solutions by Douglas Riley – Just the first chapter helped me tremendously in realizing that expectations and transitioning from one activity to another may be causing some of my child’s explosions. Great book if you have an explosive child!

Is This Your Child? by Doris J. Rapp – This book explores child behavior associated with food allergies. Just by skimming this book, I noticed my Stinkpot had rosy cheeks after eating applesauce one day – indicative of a food allergy to apples! Wow!  I still haven’t done a full elimination diet of gluten and corn yet.  I recommend that you take a look at this book if your child has unexplained explosions.

The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook–What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About by Bruce Perry – This book was recommended by Stinkpot’s therapist. I read the free sample pages of this book, and I was mesmerized by this story of a psychiatrist and his journey to help a young child through a traumatic past of sexual abuse. Very well written!  Dr. Perry heads The Child Trauma Academy.

When Love Is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with RAD by Terena “Nancy” Thomas – I haven’t yet read this book, although it is highly recommended from parents of children that suffer from Reactive Attachment Disorder.

Books for Children in Foster Care

The Star: A Story to Help Young Children Understand Foster Care by Cynthia Miller Lovell

Maybe Days: A Book for Children in Foster Care by Jennifer Wilgocki

Fostergirls by Liane Shaw – This book would be perfect for a tween girl that is in the foster girl system and might have some learning disabilities.  This book was written from the girl’s perspective and at times, I laughed at loud at the dialog between her and her friends.  Good story about belonging, even if it isn’t with a biological family.

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What books would you recommend? Any other books that I missed?

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