Foster2Forever

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Adoption Postponed. Yet Again!!!

Can you believe that there was yet another mistake in the court termination order that will delay our adoption of our foster baby, Lil Bit???

Apparently, Lil Bit’s full name listed on his Mexican birth certificate has FOUR names instead of the usual first, middle, last. This means that the court order to officially transfer his case to the State agency’s Adoption Division has to be re-done and sent back to the judge to sign AGAIN!

However, there is good news! The INS received Lil Bit’s application for certification of citizenship. Lil Bit will be certified as a citizen of the United States by the end of July!!! Do you think he can learn the Pledge of Allegiance by then? 🙂

On the other hand, there is some not-as-bad news associated with his application. A few months ago, I created a passport-type head shot of Lil Bit for his INS application for his certification of citizenship. I found a really, cute head-and-shoulders pose of him (without a shirt on) sitting in our yard.  I cropped the photo to the correct dimensions and printed.

The staff LOVED the photo – with those chubby cheeks, thick dark hair, and sweet smile, they called him a “total cherub.”

But, guess what? He is sitting in the grass. Not against a white background that is the INS requirement for application photographs.  Ug!

So, with the magic of Photoshop, I will crop Lil Bit from the photo and place him against a white background.  My project for this weekend.

With everything going on with Lil Bit’s case, we are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

We are on target to adopt our foster child before Labor Day!!!

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Open Adoption in Foster Care: Is It Safe?

Open adoptions in foster care are a rarity.  However, the adoption of our Lil Bit is semi-open. We have an agreement in place where in May every year, we will send photos and an update letter to the birth mother.  The birth mother in return, can request a visit in August with 30 days written notice.

Last month, when I asked about what to include when writing an update letter to the birth mother, there were a number of readers that had some great insight and experience. Please go back and read the comments – great suggestions!

One commenter did bring up the loss that a child has in not seeing their birth family until age 18.  I do agree that it is sad; however, every situation is unique.  I do believe that sometimes it is in a child’s best interest to NOT see birth family until they are an adult and old enough to handle what they might discover about their birth family and how contact could affect them.  This is the case with our Stinkpot.

Stinkpot’s birth family is extremely violent.  Scary violent.  A sibling was miscarried after the birth father kicked the mother in the abdomen.   They’ve put out their cigarettes in each others faces. It’s a vicious, crazy cycle of domestic violence.  And top that off with the drug use.

The violent nature came from somewhere. In the reports we’ve received on Stinkpot’s family, even a grandparent got involved a verbal altercation with the State agency about “harassing” the birth parent.  This is a grandparent that is currently raising Stinkpot’s sibling!  My fear is that his sibling will also become a violent adult.  Stinkpot certainly has that genetic disposition, and we take him to counseling to help us deal with it appropriately.

Last year, we had a prowler outside our home late one night. Our first thoughts were that Stinkpot’s birth parents found us and were scoping out our home. We later saw bio-mom & dad on the news for a violent crime.  Stinkpot’s birth parents are now in prison (where they belong).

The birth family wants contact with Stinkpot and have contacted the State about a visit and have even tried to search for us.  We do not want contact with this family.  It scares us!

I believe the grandparents could have negotiated a settlement with the State for limited contact if they would have known that they could.  I am sad that Stinkpot has grandparents that love him that he will not see.  I am sad that Stinkpot has a biological brother that he favors that he can’t play with as he grows up.

However, as his parents, we do believe that it is in Stinkpot’s best interest that he not have contact with his birth family until he is an adult, and then, only if he wants contact.

What situations do you believe that contact with birth family should not occur?

Entered in this week's I Heart Faces "whimsical" photo challenge

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Another Screwup to Postpone Adoption

Can you believe it? Another problem to delay the adoption of our 22-month-old foster child, Lil Bit. Those of you that follow Foster2Forever on Facebook already have heard. For the rest of you…

Last Tuesday afternoon, I was at work concentrating on compiling an annual equipment order, when the alarm on my phone sounded. As I glanced down, I began to panic — a court hearing for Lil Bit in 10 minutes!!!! I quickly shut everything down in my office, and raced to my car to get to the court house about 15 minutes away.

Check out Lil Bit's summer buzz cut! He screamed and lashed about during the entire cut.

I get there at 1:35 p.m. (without getting a speeding ticket – a blessing if you know my driving record). I find the court docket posted and see Lil Bit’s name third on the schedule; however, next to his name a handwritten note “not on CPS list.” I grab the first attorney I see and ask him if that means his case won’t be heard. His reply, “Not necessarily. This case with the same note is going before the judge.”

I’m not sure what to do. I glance in the court room at another case being heard and don’t see the back of anyone’s head that I recognize. I take an overdue potty break, and as I slip out of the restroom, the attorney I spoke with pointed at the court room and said, “Your case.”

I rush into the court room and sit next to my attorney (where did he come from?). The caseworker supervisor for the State of Texas has already been sworn in. She testifies that Lil Bit is doing well and that his case has been transferred to the State’s Adoption Unit. However, once the attorney ad litem begins cross-examining her, the answer has been changed to “the case has been transferred but has not been accepted by the Adoption Unit.”

As caseworker supervisor leaves the stand, my attorney turns to me and asks, “Do you want to testify?” My reply is a simple “no!”

However, my attorney does use the opportunity to request that we be named Joint Managing Conservators with the State of Texas.  The judge rules that and schedules the next hearing for the end of August.

Afterward in the hall, my attorney tells me what really happened in the court room. “They had the wrong kid’s name on the second page of the paperwork, and the Adoption Unit rejected it.”

Yesterday, I received Lil Bit’s correct Final Order of Termination of parental rights, so he is now “officially” recognized as an orphan.

His case can now be accepted and processed by the Adoption Unit.  After that, all we will need is for INS to issue Lil Bit’s certificate of citizenship so we can finalize his adoption.  In short, we are waiting on the U.S. Government – isn’t that just dandy?

We are hoping that we can adopt him before the August court date if his U. S. citizenship is certified by then.  However, we do want to wait until after his second birthday in mid-August so that he will be eligible for subsidies, such as medical insurance, given his delays and health issues.

So will we adopt our Lil Bit in August??? Only the good Lord knows…

“I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)

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Open Adoption: Writing to the Birth Family

In foster care adoptions, openness is a rarity and not usually the norm. Usually, birth families lose parental rights for a variety of reasons that make it unsafe to continue contact.  However, our situation is a bit different: our agreement is for a semi-open adoption.

Last September, the birth mother of our 20-month-old foster son, Lil Bit, voluntarily relinquished (signed over) her parental rights. With the advice of an attorney, she negotiated to do so with a legal agreement.  In this agreement, in May of each year, we are to send an update letter with photos. (In August, she may visit Lil Bit with a one-month written notice)

The photos were easy, especially since Shutterfly gave 50 free prints as a Mother’s Day gift to its customers. (Yes, I’m frugal) The difficulties for me lie in writing the update letter.

A few events have occurred regarding Lil Bit I’m not sure the birth family should worry about.  For instance, on Valentines’ Day, Lil Bit was hospitalized again for RSV and pneumonia. Would the birth mother worry about a past health issue after it’s been resolved? Also, Lil Bit is speech-delayed and receiving speech therapy through Early Childhood Intervention (ECI); however, he is beginning to talk more. I want her to know that her precious child is, in fact, doing well.

Dear Friends,

Is is wrong to want her to know only the positive aspects of his life and not include the negatives? What would you include in an update letter to the birth family?

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Celebrating Cinco de Mayo: Ethnic Pride vs. Ethnic Patriotism

Today is Cinco de Mayo (Spanish for the 5th of May), a day to celebrate Mexican heritage. For this occasion, ultra-conservative FosterDad agreed to write a guest post.  As you’re reading this, remember that we live in Texas, and the controversy of illegal immigration is very heated here.  Given this, these opinions are FosterDad’s and may or may not reflect my views. {wink! wink!}

Cinco de Mayo

We are living in a day when I think people are getting a little confused in the difference between Ethnic Pride and what I call Ethnic Patriotism.  Don’t get me wrong, I am all for Ethnic Pride.  I am very proud of both my German and Irish roots.  On St. Patrick’s Day, I swell with a little Irish pride, and think of my Irish ancestors who moved to the United States during the Potato Famine in the 1850’s.  When I see German celebrations like the Wurstfest in New Braunfels, Texas, I think of my German ancestors that moved from Germany to Texas in the early 1900’s.

I believe Ethnic Pride is great!  I think we all need to know and appreciate who we are and where we came from.

But over the past several years, I have begun to see people not just celebrate their Ethnic heritage, but to demand that their ethnic heritage be a part of not only their lives, but a part of everyone’s life.  It seems that we are no longer just “Americans,” but we are fractured into different groups.  You are either an African American, White American, Hispanic American, Asian American, Jewish American and so on.

The little boy that we are in the process of adopting was born in Mexico.  I want him to be proud of his Mexican heritage.  I will gladly take him to be a part of celebrations that praise the contributions made by the Mexican culture. On “Cinco de Mayo”  I want him to remember Mexico’s  victory over the French in the French occupied territory of Mexico.  In September, he should be proud to remember the struggle Mexico went through to win their independence from Spain.  I will gladly teach him how Texas was once a part of Mexico, and that all Texans were at one time “Mexicans.”

But as important as that is, I will want him to know how lucky he is to be living in this great nation.  I want him to know that being a citizen of the United States is not just an honor,but a blessing.  Yes, I want him to swell with pride when he thinks about his Mexican heritage, but more importantly, I want to to swell with Patriotism when he thinks about the fact that he is an American!

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The Worst Home Visit Ever

Tuesday was just one of those days.  Our family was still very tired from traveling throughout the state of Texas for the Easter holiday weekend.  Last week, our foster home licensing caseworker had to reschedule her quarterly visit for this Tuesday.  When I agreed to Tuesday, I didn’t check my calendar, and the exterminator would be there too. I didn’t think too much of it since he would be doing his own thing…

However, that afternoon, I received a call from our foster baby’s caseworker, who also wanted a last visit with Lil Bit before his case was transferred to the State’s adoption unit. I told her that our caseworker was coming that afternoon. She said, “Great! I’ll see you this afternoon.”

So at 4:00 p.m., the exterminator knocks on the door. No problem….except…earlier in the day, I accidentally gave our hyperactive 3-year-old, Stinkpot, an antihistamine, which can make him a bit excitable and aggressive. OOPS!

Stinkpot was driving the “BugMan” cRaZy – following him around, asking a million questions, and talking, talking, talking. Poor man was just trying to kill a few bugs.

Then, ding! dong! 4:30 the doorbell rings and Lil Bit’s caseworker is there. As we walk in, my husband arrives in the house exhausted from TAKS testing, balancing Lil Bit in one arm and a large Diet Coke in the other. Just as our home caseworker drives up!

Wow! What was I thinking?

Stinkpot was OUT OF CONTROL! Acting out in the worst way! He hit the baby twice. At one point, he walked up to the baby and just kicked him!

I took him back in his room for a minute, while I distracted the caseworkers with the luscious chocolate-covered strawberries from Shari’s Berries that my wonderfully thoughtful husband had delivered to me as an Easter gift. {bribery?}

My husband then took Stinkpot outside to talk to the BugMan while I finished the visit with the caseworkers.

The visit itself went well.

  • Lil Bit’s case will be officially transferred to the State’s adoption unit today.
  • Since he is a citizen of Mexico, our 20-month-old, Lil Bit cannot be adopted until he is certified as a U.S. citizen.  {we are harboring an illegal immigrant}
  • He is now on the INS waiting list for a “certificate of naturalization“, in which scheduling the ceremony can take MONTHS!  So we are in another “holding pattern” before the adoption of our Lil Bit can be finalized.

What a visit!  BUT we had another visitor later that night!

photo courtesy Lisa Jane Stewart - not me!

The kids and I hunkered down in the bathroom clothes hamper until late in the evening. {FosterDad was glued to the television} I was keeping up with tornado alerts and friends through Twitter and Facebook. I admit it, I was scared!

We were all blessed by God’s protection that night! Have a blessed weekend with your family!

Hugs! ~penny

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April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month

A Foster Parent’s Perspective – Preventing Child Abuse

When Penny asked me to write a guest blog for National Child Abuse Prevention month, I said ‘yes!’  Then I thought, ‘What have I done? ‘ I don’t know anything about child abuse Prevention. I know some about child abuse.  I know a little, and I stress little, more about dealing with abused children. But, prevention – not so much.

Click this to get your own widget

So, here we are – National Child Abuse Prevention month. While I do not claim to be an expert in any sense of the word, I do believe that these thoughts are practical ways that will reach multiple generations, if we are willing to say yes.

My husband and I have been foster parents for the last 16 months.  Fostering has opened our eyes to a broken, overworked system that focuses on putting out immediate fires with little regard for long term consequences.   Please understand, the system is broken – not necessarily the people who work in the system.

One really great person that works in this system is the Child Advocate or CASA volunteer. We have the most amazing CASA volunteer and are blessed to be in a county that requires every child be assigned a volunteer.  The CASA volunteer’s job is simply to speak on behalf of the child.  Because, they are volunteers, they work with the kids because they WANT to, not because they have to.  These volunteers provide the child a voice, that isn’t looking out for their own interests – like attorneys, CPS, judges, etc.  So, what can you do?  If you are not a foster parent, sign up to be a volunteer.   Be the voice of an abused child and help prevent abuse for the next generation.

Our fostering process has had SO many ups and downs.  Our intention has always been that we would adopt one or more children through fostering, which is the riskiest decision we have ever made.  I’m not good at making relationship boundaries; I’m an “all in” kinda girl…which makes fostering SO hard for me. Anyway,  about 10 months into fostering our daughter, I had an epiphany.  While losing a child would be the worst loss of my life, I get the opportunity to lay a foundation of love, hope and joy for a child whose foundation would have been abuse, drugs, drama and who knows what else.  That, my friends, may be the ultimate way to personally impact the prevention of child abuse, the riskiest perhaps, but worth it.

So, remember at the beginning when I said we have to be willing to say yes?  Well, that may be the hardest part!

Melody, from I Heart…small kitchen appliances, is a wife, mom and children’s pastor who currently resides in the Greater Houston area.  She enjoys creating – food, crafts and organized chaos!  When she isn’t at home or church you will find her behind a 1929 baby grand practicing for a choral concert.

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Our Foster Baby is Officially an Orphan!!!

Hearts (Explored!)The birth father’s rights were terminated in court today! We will be able to adopt our 18-month-old foster baby, Lil Bit, as soon as his citizenship is certified.

My morning started with a call that my mom was in serious condition at the hospital with heart problems.  Here are my Facebook status updates:

  • On the way to termination hearing & just learned that my mom is in serious condition at the hospital 4 hrs away. #needprayer
  • Our foster baby is officially an orphan so we can finally adopt him!!!
    (After he becomes a US citizen, that is.)
  • Mom is still in the hospital with heart problems. Docs are giving shock treatments to get it beating right.
  • Mom is not getting better. Blood pressure dropped drastically today. Scheduled for heart procedure tomorrow. She doesn’t want me to go there

I am being the always defiant daughter and not minding her! I will be out-of-town for the next few days…

You can keep up on Facebook or Twitter…

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When a Lawyer Calls

Remember that movie When A Stranger Calls?  The memorable line was “The call is coming from inside your house!“phone

In our foster care version, the movie is titled: When a Lawyer Calls, which has the tag line: “The call is coming from inside your bank account!”

Our attorney didn’t actually call, he just sent an email, but it costs the same. ($60)

He had forwarded a long string of State emails sent to him by the baby’s ad litem attorney.

As far as I could make out, the emails stated that our foster baby will be put on a waiting list to receive his U.S. citizenship certification. This process through U.S. Immigration could take a number of months, which shouldn’t surprise anyone.

Our attorney, Mr. MoneyBags, wants to meet today to discuss how this will play out in tomorrow’s termination hearing.

To follow along as events unfold –
http://Facebook.com/foster2forever
Or twitter,
http://twitter.com/foster2forever

Also, today check out The Lark’s Nest Mama Mania Monday! I’m one of the Mamas discussing foster care!!!

I’m Clever

Sway