Foster2Forever

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When You Shouldn’t Adopt from Foster Care

 

This week, renowned adoption advocate, Russell Moore, discussed how not every Christian should adopt:

For years, I’ve called Christian churches and families to our James 1:27 mandate to care for widows and orphans in their distress, to live out the adoption we’ve received in the gospel by adopting and fostering children. At the same time, I’ve maintained that, while every Christian is called to care for orphans and widows, not every Christian is called to adopt or foster. As a matter of fact, there are many who, and I say this emphatically, should not.

He goes on to say:

…every adoption, every orphan, represents a tragedy. Someone was killed, someone left, someone was impoverished, or someone was diseased. Wrapped up in each situation is some kind of hurt, and all that accompanies that. That’s the reason there really is no adoption that is not a “special needs” adoption; you just might not know on the front end what those special needs are.

I certainly agree with this, and even go on to say that every child is a “special needs” child.   Just like us, no child is perfect and will have unique gifts and abilities.

Sometimes parents can throw their expectations onto a child, setting the child to continually be a disappointment when they don’t live up to those expectations.  We all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, even parents.  Some parents have unrealistic expectations of how a child should talk, act, and be.  A child’s traits can be positive: strong-willed (determined),  ADHD (energetic), clinginess (affectionate):

…we need Christians ready to care for real orphans, with all the brokenness and risk that comes with it.

If what you like is the idea of a baby who fulfills your needs and meets your expectations, just buy a cat. Decorate the nursery, if you’d like. Dress it up in pink or blue, and take pictures. And be sure to have it declawed.

Dr. Moore has written the book, Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families & Churches, a highly regarded book calling Christians to adopt children.  Another purpose of the book is to help equip Christian families going through the process.

I absolutely LOVED this book!!!  What are your thoughts?

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Homemade Dinosaur Halloween Costumes

I love Halloween! I love dressing up with the kids and going trick-or-treating, even though begging our neighbors for candy isn’t the best lesson for our kids!  On this spooky evening of goblins and ghouls, our normally, quiet, sleepy subdivision morphs into a HUGE Mardi Gras-like carnival.  Pumpkins, skeletons, cobwebs, and even bounce houses line our streets.  Trick-or-treaters even parade through our subdivision on hay rides! Cars have to dodge families walking through the streets going from house to house. We believe our entire city shows up in our neighborhood on Halloween night!

So when Costume Discounters invited me to review their kids Halloween costumes, I was thrilled! Given our Halloween costume theme for this year, I knew Lil Bit’s Robin costume would be difficult to find and Costume Discounters had it in stock!

My first concern was size. With the costume sized as 2T-4T, I was concerned it would be too large for our 2-year-old.  Fortunately, we had Stinkpot’s costume from last year in that size, and found that it will work well for our Lil Bit that is not too little now.

When I first saw the price of $19.97, I was astounded that the price for a child’s costume could be that much. I remember as a kid in the early 1970s when $5 was an expensive costume.  However, when I took a trip to Target and the local party store, I saw that the prices at Costume Discounters are competitive.

The costume arrived within a few days of my order.

The Robin costume is officially licensed by DC Comics. The fabric is a thin polyester which will work well for our warm Texas Halloweens. The costume comes with a black mask and detachable cape.

I will be ordering Stinkpot’s Batman costume from Costume Discounters along with my Catwoman accessories. The jury is still out on whether FosterDad will join us trick-or-treating as the Joker.

PBS CHILDREN’S SHOW DINOSAUR TRAIN :

Did you realize that in the PBS show Dinosaur Train, that young T-Rex, Buddy, is adopted by the Pteranodon family? A preschool show about adoption? The show’s main theme isn’t adoption, but Buddy only refers to Mrs. Pteranodon as MOM! A great lesson in that a family doesn’t have to all look alike.

Check out this video!

The next lines in the theme song are:

But dear old Mrs. Pteranodon said:

“Oh, this is your family, and I’m your mom,
you may be different, but we’re all creatures,
all dinosaurs have different features…”

Our boys enjoy watching Dinosaur Train and we’re excited about –>

DIY HOMEMADE DINOSAUR HALLOWEEN COSTUME PATTERN!

Dinosaur Train Costume – Buddy  

Here is a do-it-yourself costume for Buddy, kids’ favorite T-Rex!  Jim Henson’s Creature Shop have created this Buddy costume that can be made at home!  This colorful Halloween costume can be made for toddlers ages 3-4, and children between the ages of 4-6.  There is also a No-Sew option!


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Steve Jobs Was Adopted

Steve Jobs 1955-2011


Yesterday, Apple icon, Steve Jobs lost his battle with pancreatic cancer.  He was a true visionary of technology.  The story of his comeback as CEO after being fired from Apple is simply amazing!

He didn’t wallow in self-pity after losing his job with the very company he created.  He moved on with his life and founded other companies.  (One of those companies was Pixar. How many of those movies did you see?)  He worked hard to build another company that was eventually bought out by Apple.  He quickly moved up in the Apple organization to become CEO again and changed Apple to what it is today.

Read more of his story:  The Second Coming of Steve Jobs (on sale now) or Steve Jobs (to be released on October 24th).

One little known fact about Steve Jobs is that he was adopted!

In 1955, an unwed graduate student gave her infant son up for adoption when the birth father also a graduate student wouldn’t marry her.  Steve Jobs never considered his adopted parents as anything less than his parents. Paul and Clara Jobs were his parents! Period!

His mechanic father, Paul, taught young Steve about taking things apart and putting them back together, which fueled his interest in building things – eventually computers.

Just think how the adoption of Steve Jobs has changed the world we live in today.

“He put the world at our fingertips.” ~Steven Spielberg

What Apple products do you own?

 

 

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We Are FINALLY Adopting our Foster Boy!!!

It’s really going to happen! We have set a date for the adoption!

Our 2-year-old foster son, Lil Bit, will officially be ours on

National Adoption Day in November!

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This has been a very long journey.

We were blessed with our Lil Bit nearly 2 years ago at only 3 months old.

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Then we received the call that he would be moving in with a distant family member with a CPS history (against his birthmother’s wishes).

We wanted to keep Lil Bit safe; and with the encouragement of his birthmother, we decided to fight the system.

Our God performed miracle after miracle!

At 2 years old, he will FINALLY officially become our son!

I can’t wait to show you that amazingly cute face (and eyelashes to die for!)

Thank you so much for your support over the last nearly 2 years!

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Lil Bit loves to wear Mommy's shoes. Dad doesn't think it's cute.

Hugs,

~Penelope

Romans 8:28

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Is Foster Care Adoption Risky?

When we began working in foster care over fifteen years ago there was very little risk involved for us. We worked in a group home and had no intentions of adopting any of the children who came through our home. Most of the kids were teenagers and not looking for a forever family, but a safe place to live. We were a mere step along their path to adulthood. We were fine with that.

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A few years ago our hearts changed and we opened our own home as a foster home. This time, our intentions were to adopt through foster care. We have been licensed with our current foster care agency since November of 2010. One week after our license was approved we received “the call.” We were told upfront that our family would have to be open to adoption to accept the referral, but adoption could not be guaranteed. We accepted the referral and three days later we held our brand new baby girl, our “Sweet Potato Pie”  in our arms.

Foster Care Can Be Messy

Not unlike many other cases in foster care, the story of her family is a mess. This particular case is complicated with siblings, family placements and an individual who has used his political influence to misrepresent the parents. It is recommended by the state agency and the Foster Care Review Board for us to hire an attorney of our own to fight for parental termination of rights. The state is also pursuing this outcome.

In this case, our state adoptions agency has not completed the adoption home study packet. We began that process at the same time we applied for foster care. While we are in the process of being licensed to adopt our girl specifically, we still lack the final approval simply due to shortages of staff to handle the high caseloads.

Foster Parent Hires An Attorney

Hiring an attorney may get us closer to our sweet girl being legally free for adoption, but it will not guarantee us the ability to be the ones to adopt her. Legally, we could tie up thousands of dollars out of our pocket, only to have her returned to her parent due to political favors. Emotionally, our hearts could be broken. Realistically, this is foster care! Anytime you take a foster child into your home, you have no legal guarantees that you will be able to adopt your child. The state has the authority to move foster children at any time. Judges have the authority to send children back to their biological families. Foster children can be moved into placement with relatives who show up two years into placement.

Even with all of the legal risks, foster children deserve a safe and loving home to live in, even if it is only temporary. Legally, you may not have a guarantee for permanency, but you have the opportunity to invest your time and attention into a child who has lost their family. No matter the legal risk, the foster care system can not function without the support of loving foster homes.

Joy is a small town Mom with big girl dreams. She and her husband, Barry, have two biological children Jordan (13) and Riley (11)  and one beautiful foster baby girl, “Sweet Potato Pie” (9 months).  Joy is a writer and stay at home Mom advocating for foster care, families and sight for children with visual disabilities.

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What are Legal Risk Placements in Foster Care?

Our home is a dual-licensed foster home meaning that we are licensed for both foster care and adoption; however, we are currently only open for legal risk placements.  This week, our foster home worker sent us these FAQs on legal risk placements. Does this answer your questions or create more?

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LEGAL RISK PLACEMENTS

Some Questions and Answers

A child is placed in an adoptive home when all rights of birth parents have been terminated.  There are times when this cannot happen because of legal complications involving the termination. When this happens we may consider an adoptive placement with potential adoptive parents who are willing to take the risk that parental rights may not be terminated or who are willing to wait for this to happen no matter how long it takes.

1. What is a legal risk placement?

A legal risk placement is the placement of a child(ren) into an adoptive home prior to a final order terminating parental rights.  OR, if termination of parental rights has taken place, and the biological parents have appealed the termination to an appeals court.

 

2. Why does the Texas Department of Protective and Regulatory Services utilize “legal risk” placements?

Have you seen this movie “Losing Isaiah”?

This is a good question because some would suggest that no child be placed for adoption until all potential legal obstacles have been cleared.  TDPRS chooses to go ahead with a legal risk placement when the agency is reasonably confident that termination will occur.  It has been our experience that the wait for all court action to be finalized has created devastating consequences to the children in our Conservatorship.  In order to minimize the period of uncertainty in the child/ren’s life, TDPRS may proceed with a legal risk placement.  The Department will do all it can to expedite (or, speed up) the legal process and to reduce the risks of the adoptive placement being overturned.  Nevertheless, there can be no guarantees.  The Department recognizes that, if something goes wrong, then the family and child may face heartbreak and emotional trauma.  The Department is very cautious about utilizing legal risk placement prior to termination of parental rights.  Therefore, the Department will not consider making a legal risk placement unless it believes it has a good, solid care for termination.

Legal risk placements usually occur when a child needs to be moved from a foster home near the time the parental rights are to be terminated.  This move will only be made if it is our assessment that the child is ready to start bonding with the potential adoptive family.

 

3.  What requirements must a family meet in order to be considered for a legal risk placement?

A family must be licensed as foster parents until termination of parental rights occurs and must follow all rules and regulations that apply to foster parents.  The prospective adoptive family will need to be trained in CPR and First Aid prior to being licensed as foster parents.

The prospective adoptive family will have foster home worker who will visit the family once every two months and it will be important for the family to attend the six month review hearing (Chapter 18 Court Hearings) and the Permanency Planning Team meetings that affect the child placed in their home.

 

4.  Should an attorney be consulted prior to entering into a legal risk placement?

The Department strongly recommends that a family consult an Attorney regarding legal risk placements.  By consulting an attorney, the family will be able to obtain an assessment of the risks from a neutral source.

 

5.  When are legal risk placements made?

A placement is considered to be a legal risk when:

A.   parental rights have not been terminated;

B.   a parent has appealed the judgment terminating parental rights;

C.   a parent has taken action indicating that a termination judgment likely will be appealed.

 

6.  What risks must a prospective adoptive family consider?

The greatest risk is that a prospective adoptive family will have to give up a child. There are other factors a prospective adoptive family must consider.  For example, the family might have to provide continuing visits between the child and birth parents until termination takes place.  In addition, the prospective adoptive family will not be able to tell the child that they are their adoptive family until parental rights have been terminated.

Finally, the prospective adoptive family must recognize that the legal system can operate at a slow, unpredictable rate.  The termination hearing may be set and postponed time and time again.

 

7.  How long will the process take?

Because every case is different, this is an impossible question to answer.  Because of the legal process it sometimes takes six months or longer for parental rights to be terminated. After the termination hearing has been held, a court order must be drafted.  This order then must be approved by all parties and signed by the judge.  An estimate of the time involved in the process is 30 days, although it can take much longer. A biological parent has 30 days to appeal after the judge has signed the termination order and relatives specified in the law have 90 days to file intervention of interest for placement or contact.

 

8.  When does a legal risk placement become an adoptive placement?

The placement can change form legal risk foster placement to an adoptive placement 30 days after the judge has signed the termination order. The child may take the last name of the adoptive family at this time.

 

9.  What happens if a termination order is appealed?

Thirty days after the termination order has been signed, the status of the family changes from foster care to adoption.  Should the birth parents appeal the termination, they obtain an attorney who may challenge the termination order.  This appeal goes to an appellate court which can take six months to two years to hear the case.  If the termination order is overturned, the case will again go to trial.

 

10. Will the Department appeal when the children are ordered to be returned to their biological parents?

There is only a very slight possibility the Department may pursue an appeal.  The vast majority of trial court decisions are upheld.

 

Types of Legal Risks Placements:

1. Termination has occurred but birth parent is appealing (Regular adoptive placement);

2. No termination but the Department is reasonably confident termination will occur- Mainly uncontested terminations.  (Adoptive parents must be licensed as a foster home and cannot tell the child they are the potential adoptive family).

 

Legal Risk Placements Occur When:

1.  Parental rights are not terminated or Parental rights have been terminated and are under appeal;

2.  If no Termination, the termination of parental rights is likely to occur;

3.  A child needs to be moved from their foster home very near the time parental rights are to be terminated;

4.  The placements in an adoptive home can save the child extra move into another foster home;

5.  The child is ready to start bonding to their potential adoptive family;

 

Texas Department of Family and Protective Services will place children or families in legal risk situations only if:

A.  It is the best interest of the child;

B.  There is a high degree of probability that parental rights will be terminated; or

C.  Details have been discussed with the family.

 

Before a Legal Risk Placement can occur:

1.  A prospective family must be identified and they must be licensed as a foster family;

2.  The family must read the child’s Health, Social, Educational, Genetic and History Report before they meet the child;

3.  The family must read the child’s de-identified case record;

4.  The family must read and sign the Legal Risk Placement agreement with the Department.

 

OTHER OPTIONS:

Dual-Licensed Home: A Dual-Licensed family is a family who is licensed as both a foster family and an adoptive family. They will take both foster care placements and adoptive placements.  A child would be placed in the home as foster care placement.  If the child becomes legally free, the family has the option to adopt that particular child.   The family will also be considered for adoptive placement of other children who are not in their home.

Dual-Licensed families differ from Legal Risk families in the intent of the placement.  Legal Risk families are adoptive families who are licensed as foster families in order to take a legal risk placement.  The intent of the placement is adoption.  Dual-Licensed families are both adoptive and a foster family.  The adoptive placements are true adoptive placements.  The foster care adoptive placements are with the intent that the agency is working to return the child to the parent or relative.  It is true foster care placement.

 

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Guest Post: Love You Like Crazy

Today’s guest is Rebecca Hawkes, an adoptive mom that was also adopted…

I knew she was mine — or perhaps it is more accurate to say that I knew I was hers — the moment I saw her profile on the Massachusetts Adoption Research Exchange’s website. My husband and I were in the early stages of our adoption journey, still doing general research, when we “found” our daughter Ashley, who was at that time seven years old. From that moment forward the focus of our adoption process was entirely on this one child. I printed out her profile that day and the next day I called the Department of Children and Families to schedule the inspection of our home. Two weeks later we began the class that is required in our state for all who are interested in adopting through foster care.

I could give you a list of particular things that made us believe that she would be a good match for us and vice versa, but it wasn’t really about any of those specific things. Rather, it was an emotional decision, a connection, a call.

What do you do when you are convinced that you are meant to be someone’s parent, but the rest of the world doesn’t know it yet? How do you walk through the long bureaucratic slog of the foster-to-adopt process, waiting for the system catch up with your heart and without any guarantee that it will?
It isn’t easy, believe me.

The day I first met Ashley in person was one of the most memorable bizarre days of my life. There I was feeling like her mother, all of my mother-bear instincts fully triggered, but she didn’t know it, nor did anyone else. Officially, I was nobody to her — just one of many prospective adoptive parents at a public event attended by foster children with goals of adoption. Our adoption home-study wasn’t even yet approved. But when other adults would come up to her to interact, it took great effort on my part not to place myself between her and them and say, in a not so friendly tone, “Stay away! She’s mine! Can’t you see that?!”

Even then, I knew this was a little nuts. As one part of me was experiencing an irrational possessiveness, another part of me was saying “Whoa there, Rebecca, get a grip.” In fact, I spent a lot of time in those uncertain months before Ashley moved in with us trying to get a grip, trying to talk myself back from the edge to a more logical (and less risky) position.

But eventually, I gave up. I decided that if I was going to do this, I might as well go all out from square one. After all, didn’t this kid deserve to be loved like crazy? Don’t we all? In life, there is always risk; there is risk in loving, and there is risk in holding back. The process of adopting from foster care is not an easy one, and neither, for that matter, is parenting, day to day. It helps to be a bit crazy-in-love right from the start.

Rebecca Hawkes writes about her experiences as both an adoptive mother and a reunited adult adoptee at Love is Not Pie.  She is also a founder of Ashley’s Moms, a fledgling organization focused on helping families create thriving open-adoptions that support all involved, especially the child.

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Our Foster Baby is a Citizen of the United States!

At approximately 2:30 p.m. on Wednesday, July 20th, our 23-month-old foster boy, Lil Bit, became a citizen of the United States!!!am flag light crossThat means 2 things:

We were hoping to finalize his adoption before Labor Day; however, our caseworker balks at that. Does anything ever move quickly?

Our next course of action is to get our new citizen a Social Security card so that we can file an amended income tax return to claim him as our dependent…

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Guest Post: These Children Are Our Responsibility

I was recently asked, “If you could give someone considering foster care adoption one piece of advice, what would it be? “  Excellent question!  Today in America there are 115,000 children in foster care waiting to be adopted, and yet there are also many challenges that anyone jumping into the child welfare system faces — unresponsive agencies, paperwork, system delays, and lack of post-adoption resources, to name just a few.  At the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, too often we hear the frustration with what can appear to be a system that simply does not work to the advantage of parents stepping forward to adopt or the children waiting in care.

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But we cannot give up. When children in foster care are permanently removed from their families of birth, we make what should be an unbreakable promise to them: we will find a family.  And we will do it in a way that cherishes their childhood and their developmental needs so that they can grow and thrive within the birthright of every child – a safe and secure family of their own.

Take a moment and think about a time when, as a child, you were alone, or afraid or distraught because one of your favorite comfort items was missing or a parent was gone and you felt lost.  Children in foster care waiting to be adopted experience and feel that loss in a much more profound way each and every day.  Contemplating the challenges of foster care adoption is made a bit easier when we see the act of adoption, of forming a family, through the eyes of a waiting child.

Dave Thomas, our founder and an adopted child, constantly reminded us that “these children are not someone else’s responsibility, they are our responsibility.”

So my one piece of advice to potential adoptive parents?  Take on the responsibility and, no matter where you are in this process, commit to elevating these children by raising your voice on their behalf.

If you are experiencing unreturned calls, go up the chain and ask to speak with department managers, supervisors or directors.

If the paperwork and delays seem overwhelming, reach out to a supportive network of others who have fostered or adopted and troubleshoot the issues.

If there is process that you experience that needs to be fixed, share your concerns and suggestions for change with the leaders, from agency administrators to legislators, who create policy for children in care.  Contact the local media, write a letter to the editor of your newspaper, or create a network of advocates for change.

And if you are ready to consider foster care adoption, reach out to the Wendy’s Wonderful Kids adoption professional in your community who will work with you to find a child.  Wendy’s Wonderful Kids is a signature program of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption that is now in all 50 states, D.C. and four provinces in Canada and provides dedicated foster care adoption workers to focus on the children waiting for families and the parents who step forward to adopt.  More than 2,300 adoptions have been finalized through this program.

Together we can all take responsibility for the 115,000 children waiting to be adopted and stop the injustice of the nearly 30,000 each year who turn age 18 and leave foster care without a family of their own.  Call us at 1-800-ASK-DTFA or email us at info@davethomafoundation.org and let’s work together for the children who need us most.

Dave-Thomas-Foundation-Adoption-Foster-Careby Rita L. Soronen, President & CEO of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption:  The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption is a national nonprofit public charity dedicated exclusively to finding permanent homes for the more than 145,000 children waiting in North America’s foster care systems. Created by Wendy’s® founder Dave Thomas who was adopted, the Foundation implements results-driven national service programs, foster care adoption awareness campaigns and advocacy initiatives. To learn more, visit davethomasfoundation.org or call 1-800-ASK-DTFA.

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