Penelope, Author at Foster2Forever

What I Learned from Cancer in 2014

As I fell to the floor in pain on the morning of February 25th last year, I had no idea how quickly it would change our 2014 and our future as a family. Two weeks later, I was in surgery and learned that the biopsy results indicated ovarian cancer – probably at a later stage.

I was numb — in shock. I began questioning God: “Why would you do this? Is this all you have planned for me? What about my kids, God? Why would you take a mother away from these already traumatized children so young? What will happen to them? Will my young boys even remember me?“

In my distress I called to the Lord;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
Psalm 18:6

Lesson #1 – Make memories

During my cancer, my mind was constantly swirling with questions: “What will my young boys remember about me? Will they remember snuggles, reading, trips to the park? Or will they remember how frustrated I would get with them?” With an uncertain number of days with my young boys, every single moment became about them and less about me. And that’s the whole point of motherhood, isn’t it? Focusing on your children.

Lesson #2 – Record memories

My boys are only 5 and 7 years old – what can they remember on their own? I have so many photos and videos on memory cards. What good are they there? My desire is to bring those memories to life through videos and photobooks. I have made a few photobooks for my kids and a few of the vacations we have taken but, for the most part, the photos of their childhood are on memory cards. This year, I will make a photobook for the years 2008 to 2013 – that’s a commitment of making an annual family album at least every other month. I hope Picaboo has some great deals this year.

Lesson #3 – Be authentic

When my journey with cancer began last February, I didn’t want to share it — even with family — and didn’t for a month. As odd as it sounds with me writing on this blog, I can be quite private and introverted. Especially when I am grieving — I just want to shut the world out and work through my sadness by myself. I guess it’s because I feel overwhelmed by other’s emotions when I am struggling to handle my own. {For this reason, I chose not to have a public visitation when my father died many years ago}

With my cancer, I felt pressured to share this very personal journey — and then, there were those that shared it for me – before I even had shared with my family, which overwhelmed me even more. A week before my last surgery, I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in quite a while. Her beautiful smiling face was a joy to see. But when she smiled and asked: “How are you?” I was at a loss for words. How should I respond? She obviously didn’t know about my cancer. I felt so disingenuous when I replied: “Good!” I realized that I had to share my story – my truth – to be authentic in my journey.

Lesson #4 – Prayer is powerful

Through my cancer, my prayer life became much more personal, more constant. Every moment became a battle to keep my composure in front of my kids and in public.

Hear my prayer, Lord;
listen to my cry for mercy.
When I am in distress, I call to you,
because you answer me.
Psalm 86:6-7

I’ve learned that the power of our almighty God is through our prayers to Him – but not just my prayers – I needed prayer warriors. And although I didn’t feel comfortable with others knowing my story, I began to feel all the prayers wrap around me and comfort me – it was only then that my soul was quiet enough to listen…

Lesson #5 – Listen to God

Through my cancer journey, I learned that listening to God is just as important as prayer. My cancer was discovered through a fluke test result. One doctor said yes, it was cancer, but yet another was saying it wasn’t. The conflicting reports from the different doctors overwhelmed me with confusion. I prayed and questioned God on what was happening. But then, when I stopped and listened – I felt His comforting arms wrap around me while His peace flowed through me. “I am here with you, Penelope. Just rely on me.”

The moment I called out, you stepped in;
you made my life large with strength.
Psalm 138:3

My cancer surgery was a success, and I have now been cancer-free since July 31, 2014!!!

12:12 pm by Penelope

Win an Adoption Ornament from Hallmark {giveaway}

CONGRATULATIONS ON ALL THE ADOPTIONS THAT FINALIZED IN 2014!!
Thank you for providing forever homes!!! As a special THANK YOU, I’m giving away 3 special Hallmark ornaments to commemorate this special year for your family!

GIVEAWAY OVER!! Congratulations to Tammy, Becca & Emily!!!

3:32 pm by Penelope

How I Finally Broke My Worst and Longest Bad Habit for Good

I did it! I finally broke my bad habit that I had since I was a small child! Since I was very young, I had been biting my nails. I have struggled for decades to break the bad habit of biting my nails.

I tried everything to break my bad habit of biting my nails: Band-Aids, manicures, acrylic nails, gel nails, and even hypnosis. Through the years, my nail beds (especially my left pinkie) have been permanently damaged, my bottom front teeth have been worn down from my years of biting my acrylic nails, and I even chipped my front tooth from this bad habit of biting my nails.

I finally was able to successfully break my bad habit of biting my nails on January 1, 2014.

What changed that would enable me to finally break my bad habit and stop biting my nails?

2 Reasons I Finally Broke My Bad Habit of Biting my Nails

My 6-year-old son now has the bad habit of biting his nails. And his problem is worse than mine to the point that he has NO nail bed anymore, just cuticles. The epiphany for me came one day when I saw him biting his nails and told him to stop – and realized that I had to take my fingers out of my mouth to say it. *face palm* moment there, folks!
I read The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life & Business by Charles Duhigg! This book was a life changer for me — not only did Duhigg help me understand habits at their core so that I could finally break my bad habit — but his book also helped me understand the power of drug addiction and how nearly impossible it is to break free from addictions and habits which helped me have more compassion for birthparents with addictions. (This book is a very good read — full of interesting stories revolving around habits, including an amusing story of what happened when Target used buyer habits to send out baby circulars.)

You must watch this 3-minute video of Duhigg describing how bad habits really work.

In his book, Duhigg details the HABIT CYCLE of Mandy, another life-long nail biter.

I discovered my CUE (or trigger) to bite my nails occurs when my hands aren’t busy — I begin feeling the edges of my nails for an uneven texture, and then when I feel something, I have developed the ROUTINE to “smooth” it by scraping it, then biting it. It’s hard to describe — almost like I’m seeking a form of touch sensation in my fingertips (similar to those commonly found in Sensory Processing Disorder).

What’s the REWARD in biting my nails? Is it the touch? Maybe, because I realized after I had grown my nails long that I touched my fingertips the same way, only now the feeling is smooth. (I also noticed that Matthew McConaughey touches his fingertips this way too)

How to break bad habit of biting nails

Read The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life & Business by Charles Duhigg to become aware of your habit and ideas on how to break your bad habit. When I began noticing that my fingers were touching my mouth, I began rubbing my fingertips against my forearms to replace that feeling of touch.

Use Mavala Stop to create a bitter taste when your fingers touch your mouth. Mavala Stop was part of the awareness process for me. I didn’t realize how often I moved my fingertips to my mouth. With the Mavala Stop, I stopped putting my fingers in my mouth and began just brushing my fingertips against my mouth. This still left a bitter aftertaste on my lips that even my husband noticed. I was then able to replace brushing my nails against my lips to rubbing them on my arms.

Use nail buffers and nail files incessantly. Anytime I felt any kind of snag, I would pull out an emery board or buffer and smooth it out. I kept them everywhere – in my purse, car, desk. Another tip is to buff nails to a shine before you use the Mavala Stop.

Keep cuticles trimmed. Use a cuticle pusher to push back cuticles, then use a cuticle nipper to trim cuticles smooth.

After only 2 weeks (14 days), you will be able to see your efforts pay off — you will be able to actually see white tips on your nails — Congratulations– treat yourself to a manicure!!!

Use a nail strengthener like Salon Sciences Instant Artificials which worked the best for me! I tried others but they dried out my nails making them brittle. You wouldn’t believe how hard my nails got with the Instant Artificials.

Keep your nails pretty & painted. I’ve discovered that glitter polish lasts the longest without showing nicks and flakes. My favorite is L’Oreal Paris Colour Riche Nail Gold Dust Nail Color with its texture.

I have broken my bad habit for an entire year now! If I can do it, so can you! Tag me on Twitter or Instagram to show me your progress! You can do it!

4:37 pm by Penelope

Protecting My Mexican Baby Against the Evil Eye

Our Baby’s Evil Eye Baby Bracelet

Five years ago, I received that life-changing call: “We have a 3-month-old baby boy that needs a home.” He was absolutely a good and perfect gift from above! (James 1:17)

For the first time in my life, I fell in love at first sight! But there was another woman that was already in love with him. This baby’s birthmother loved him, and she wanted him safe, even if not with her.

When Lil Bit arrived, on his tiny infant wrist was a little red bead bracelet – a “Deer’s Eye” bracelet or in Spanish “Ojo de Venado” bracelet. It had a big brown charm or “deer eye” bearing the image of Virgin Mary. The big brown charm or “deer eye” is actually made from the dark brown seed of a plant known as Velvet Bean or Cowhage with the image of Virgin Mary and finished with a fluffy red tassel — some actually believe the charm to be an actual dried deer eye.

Evil Eye Meaning

The Ojo de Venado or Deer’s Eye charm is a Mexican form of magical protection against the evil eye. The evil eye belief is that a person (not an evil person per se) — can harm you or your children by looking at them with envy and praising them without touching them.

The evil eye causes a sickness transmitted — usually without intention — by someone who is envious, jealous, or covetous. “Mal de ojo” manifests itself as a feverish sickness that leaves a baby hot, uncomfortable and whiny. So, when infants enter a home from outside, and are hot and cranky, the belief by many Mexicans is that someone had looked at them with a desire to touch them, and didn’t.

Egg and the Evil Eye

The ‘Mal de Ojo’ causes the baby to be hot and cranky, and the baby must be “cleaned” with an egg to take the illness away and calm them down. The procedure it to take an egg and rub the baby’s body and head with it. The egg is then cracked it into cup of water, and the water is then examined to ensure that the “evil” is removed.

Although our family doesn’t believe in the Mexican belief of the ‘Mal de Ojo’, we do signify its importance to the birthmother. Our Lil Bit’s Deer Eye bracelet has a special place on our Christmas tree. That small ornament on our Christmas tree signifies a special gift from his birthmother that demonstrates her love for her baby boy and desire to protect him from harm. Our baby is loved!

10:00 am by Penelope

Traumatized Children Don’t Need More Toys

Traumatized Children Need Family Bonding Time

Most of us are very sensitive to the needs of foster children. We want to heal them, rescue them, offer them the best of the best because we know their lives have been too hard – too much for such young souls. But, when it comes to traumatized children, too many gifts can trigger disregulation.

When holocaust survivors were found in the concentration camp, soldiers were heart broken over what they saw. Emaciated bodies lying around, alive, breathing and looking dead. The immediate reaction was to feed them all! Lots of canned food were given by compassionate men, doing their best to help the situation. Starving people devouring every bit of nourishment, in a frenzy, propelled by desperation… It wasn’t long, however, before the side effects of this well-intended rescue took its form. The newly-fed were now suffering from indigestion and many died from it.

When a body suffers such tremendous trauma, the best help is to slowly and systematically restore nourishment. Everything is fragile and needs to be handled with care and precision. The same can be said for emotional trauma, in my opinion.

When a child has been deprived of so much, there is a form of starvation going on, an emotional starvation. The natural response from many adults is to compensate that by wanting to give, give, give. Though giving is good, if not done correctly, it can cause a child to feel overwhelmed. It may be too much for the child to digest.

How can you give gifts that can actually be a benefit for the foster and/or traumatized children during the holidays?

Our foster son has a Christmas list from the state, from the agency, from his birth grandparents, from his foster family. I can tell you that he hardly knows what to ask, in first place. For starters, he came to us with more toys for active boys than my two birth daughters had! And, most of it lay still inside his toy box to this day. Many, he has broken. Too many toys stop meaning much to him. They become a band-aid from adults, trying to cover his deep emotional wounds.

Knowing that he can’t absorb it all, we came up with a great idea.

GIFTS TO PROMOTE FAMILY BONDING TIME

Tickets to the movie theater
Tickets to the local family entertainment center
Tickets to sporting events
Tickets to skating rink
Zoo passes
Aquariums
Museums
Family games, such as, Go Fish, Trouble, Uno, Twister, Pictionary, etc.
Sleeping bag with camping trip

…

What my foster son really needs, the most nourishing gift we can give, is closeness, family bonding time, togetherness. Moments for us to create memories. Translation?

Family bonding and attachment opportunities!

Yes, he will get some toys and new clothing… But only in a measured amount. Let the abundance be family bonding time. After all, that is the best medicine to his emotionally starved self.

Gloria R. is a mother of two birth children, and fostering to adopt an older child. She is a licensed therapeutic foster parent with her husband. She continues to engage in research on traumatized children, foster care and adoption and hope to be a voice for kids, who often fall in between the cracks of society. She also loves writing and welcoming new readers to her blog, www.onemorewithus.com.

2:09 pm by Penelope

Claiming the Federal Adoption Credit

FEDERAL FUNDS ARE AVAILABLE FOR ADOPTIVE PARENTS!

Did you, or someone you know, adopt a child from the foster care system in 2011?

If so, you may be eligible for a $13,360 refund per adopted child from the IRS — so long as it is claimed before April 15, 2015 – less than five months from now.

Many families are not aware that they are eligible for these funds, and are often incorrectly told by tax preparers that they do not qualify. The main eligibility requirements are:

Adoption of a child from the foster care system in 2011;
Adopted child(ren) receive a monthly post-adoption subsidy.

AdoptFund has helped nearly 1,500 families across the country claim $27.5 million in adoption credits. AdoptFund specializes in assisting families obtain this credit, and have worked with many community-based care agencies such as Our Kids of Miami-Dade/Monroe and the Sarasota Family YMCA, as well as adoption attorneys. One AdoptFund client, Alena, adopted a child from the foster care system with severe medical issues in 2011, and received the full Adoption Credit of $13,360 within 7 months of applying for it. Using this money, she was able to afford medical equipment and supplies that were previously out of her price range, vastly improving her adopted child’s quality of life, as well as helping to ease some of the burden from herself. Another AdoptFund client, Rebecca, adopted her grandson out of the foster care system in 2011, and received the full Adoption Credit of $13,360 within 8 months of applying for it. Using this money, she was able to reclaim her car from reposition, allowing her to drive her grandson to and from school again. She also had enough left over to set up a college fund for her grandson, and was able to afford new computers for her and her family.

AdoptFund can also help you with your 2014 Federal IRS income tax return — the adoption tax credit for 2014 is $13,190.

Don’t wait until it is too late – call AdoptFund now, toll-free, at (855) 991-7680 for a free, no obligation consultation, or visit the AdoptFund website at www.adoptfund.com, find AdoptFund on Facebook and follow on Twitter @Adoptfund.

This is a sponsored post for AdoptFund.

4:06 pm by Penelope

How To Help Foster Children Even If You’re Not Fostering

An easy way to help foster children through volunteerism

Over six years ago, I received a life-changing phone call: “We have an 8-month-old baby boy for foster only.”

I had no idea how to care for an infant! (When pregnant, you have at least 8 months to prepare.) The baby came with next to NOTHING!

For the next 2 weeks, we had DAILY trips to the store to pick up some type of baby paraphernalia that we needed. I was absolutely, totally FRAZZLED for at least 6 weeks solid – overwhelmed by the incredible responsibility of instant motherhood!

What I didn’t realize is that, in Texas, each local CPS office has a RAINBOW ROOM which is stocked with emergency items, such as underwear, baby formula, diapers, and hygiene items, available for immediate use for children when first placed into foster care.

This incredible resource sure would’ve helped me during those overwhelming first days as a mother.

One thing that is always needed in the Rainbow Room is DIAPERS. So I went to Sam’s Club to purchase diapers to donate — diapers are located on the aisle behind the frozen foods.

Sam’s Club has a large variety of diapers to choose so I was a bit overwhelmed by the selection.

Giving is good for the soul!

This shop has been compensated by #CollectiveBias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone.

11:20 am by Penelope

Must Read: Former Foster Kid Jimmy Wayne’s Biography

Country music artist, Jimmy Wayne, has been a strong advocate for youth aging out of foster care — because he was one of them. In Jimmy Wayne’s biography, WALK TO BEAUTIFUL: The Power of Love and a Homeless Kid Who Found the Way, he details his chaotic childhood of abandonment, homelessness, and juvenile delinquency.

jimmywayne-quote-where-youre-going

As a young child, he witnessed more than many adults, including a horrific brutal attack of a man he knew. What was interesting to me in reading Jimmy Wayne’s biography was that as he described his experiences, I was able to see his fear response consistently in his childhood.

It takes a special person to be a foster parent. #quote

As time went on in his chaotic upbringing, his survival tactics changed somewhat because they had to. He was making grown-up survival decisions at such a young age. Although he had stolen occasionally so he and his sister could eat, Jimmy knew he couldn’t rely on the adults in his life to meet his needs, and he began making money on his own anyway he could — thus, developing a work ethic that would change his life.

At age 13, he was abandoned by his mother at a bus station in Florida in the middle of the night and told to find his way home. By the time he was placed into the foster care system, his abandonment issues had caused so much resentment in him that he took to the streets instead of putting any type of trust into a foster family.

Throughout Jimmy Wayne’s biography, he amazed me at how he used his self-reliance and resourcefulness while he was homeless. He survived by finding odd jobs to buy food — but when he knocked on the door of an elderly couple and asked to mow their lawn — his life changed forever. Jimmy eventually moved in with Russell and Bea Costner and the rest is history…

See what else I have to say about Jimmy Wayne’s biography

Link to my YouTube video review on Jimmy Wayne’s biography.

Read Jimmy Wayne’s biography, WALK TO BEAUTIFUL

FTC Disclosure: The links in this post are affiliate links to Amazon, which means when you click on a link and purchase, I receive a very small commission (at no additional cost to you). Amazon then gives that commission to me as an Amazon gift card so I can purchase from Amazon. See how nicely that works for Amazon?

10:00 am by Penelope

If We Don’t Help, Who Will?

After learning about another child abuse case, from a family whom I used to know, I felt exhausted. I felt tired of the weight of such sadness… But my heart caught up with my mind, and I thought, “We either pretend these horrible stories don’t exist or we do something about it. Because, if we don’t help, who will?“

I read about it, I heard of it, foster care is hard! Adoption is not for the faint of heart… But what choice do we have? Because, if we don’t help, who will?

The foster mom told me to run from foster care, that her son hated her and she didn’t want to see me go through the pain she was going through…. But how could I shut down the calling in my heart? Because, if we don’t help, who will?

I imagined my own two daughters, should they become alone in this world — would I not want the most loving parents to take them in? Would I not want only the most dedicated, kind and nurturing home for them? So I want to be for these hurting kids, the person I would want for my own daughters… Because, if we don’t help, who will?

There is a world of brokenness out there. The stories won’t stop now. The number of children entering the system is increasing. We need more people, more nurturing, caring, loving, dedicated people. We need help to alleviate this pain.

A child is waiting. A family is about to split. Someone needs to stand there and help.

Corrie Ten Boom once wrote of a missionary who had a revealing dream. It came when the missionary was becoming tired of working in the field. Corrie read about it when she, herself, was growing weary. The missionary dreamed of a lovely scene, on the top of a cliff. Families dressed in white clothes, moms making daisy tiaras for their daughters, a lovely moment… Meanwhile, right past them, a throng of others walked by, and one by one, they fell off the cliff. Their voices were heard by one of the white dressed little girls. She asked her mom what that awful noise was… But, the mom gently turned her child away from such suffering. Both continued in their graceful activity… And the others, those lost ones, they too continued to fall…

After her dream, missionary decided that she couldn’t stop with her missions. Corrie, as a result, didn’t stop either.

Missionary Hulda Buntain came to our church once. She told us of when her husband died. She had felt out of sorts — ready to retire… But the voice spoke loud inside of her, “Love Demands Our Help!”

All these missionaries are teaching us something. They all speak the same: The world needs our help!

So my hope is that the same voice would speak to more of us. Love demands! What are we going to do about the hurting kids? Because, if we don’t help, who will?

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