Penelope, Author at Foster2Forever

Star Wars Darth Vader Valentine Box

Looking for a Valentine box ideas for boys? Check out how I made a Star Wars Darth Vader Valentine box for my son!

With all the excitement for the release of the new Star Wars movie, I created this amazing and easy Darth Vader Valentine box for boys (or girls). Check out these other Valentine box ideas for boys and these Valentine boxes too.

Although I have only seen the first three Star Wars movies, my boys now enjoy the characters. With our oldest 24-year-old son, Bubba, at home right now, I asked him to take his 8-year-old little brother to see the new movie for a bonding time. This was an experiment since the older son still picks on his little brothers. Surprisingly, both boys enjoyed their time together.

Making this Darth Vader Valentine box was actually quite easy.
SUPPLIES NEEDED:
Shoebox (I used a black one)
Knife/scissors
Black paint (if you need to paint it)
Large popcorn bucket
Black duct tape
Large googly eyes (optional)
Darth Vader mask
Old black t-shirt or cloth for cape
Stapler
Hot glue
Scotch tape

1. Cut a hole for the Valentines in the shoebox.
2. Paint the shoebox black, if needed.
3. Wrap popcorn bucket with black duct tape. You can try to paint it but I wasn’t sure how well the paint would stick to the popcorn bucket’s waxy coating.
4. Attach googly eyes to covered/painted popcorn bucket where eyes can be seen through mask. (optional – I thought it was cute)
5. Attach mask to popcorn bucket. We didn’t glue ours since it fit so well.
6. Cut old black t-shirt around the neck cuff in front and shape into cape in the back. (Leaving the neck cuff gave an easy way to attach the cape around the box.)
7. Attach cape to one end of the box. Secure top of cape with staples or hot glue.
8. Stick Darth Vader head on Valentine box. Secure with hot glue if desired. Our head fit perfectly snug on box so that it could be easily be pulled off and put back on again.
9. Make name card (I.e. Darth Jackson) using a Star Wars font.
10. Take a picture and tag @foster2forever on Instagram or Twitter. Or share your creation on my Facebook page.

Add name to box using http://www.dafont.com/star-jedi.font

2:31 pm by Penelope

Do You Discipline Your Children or Just Punish Them?

Discipline vs. Punishment

When a child misbehaves, many parents believe they should punish their child for the misbehavior.

The goal of punishing a child is simply to make the unacceptable behavior unpleasant enough that child stops the misbehavior (and doesn’t do it again). For many parents, that’s the only goal: they want their kids to stop misbehaving immediately!

Punishment may stop the behavior at the moment, but punishment alone does not eliminate misbehavior over time.

While punishment can be physical, as in spanking the child; punishment can also be psychological, such as shaming the child, isolating the child from others (as in time-out), or taking away privileges. A child who is punished with spankings, shouts, and threats may learn how to avoid these punishments simply by not misbehaving in front of certain people. But there is no guarantee, however, that the child’s behavior will actually be changed over time or out of sight from the person who punishes.

Dr. Jane Nelsen, the renowned author of Positive Time-Out, shows 4 long-term results of punishment:

FOUR Rs OF PUNISHMENT

1. Resentment: “This is unfair. I can’t trust adults.”

2. Revenge: “They’re winning now, but I’ll get even.”

3. Rebellion: “I’ll do just the opposite to prove that I don’t have to do it their way.”

4. Retreat into:

a. Sneakiness: “I won’t get caught next time.”
b. Reduced self-esteem: “I’m a bad person.”

When a parent punishes a child, it takes the responsibility for the misbehavior away from the child and simply gives it to the parent.

“Children need to be accountable for their own behavior in order to learn the inner control necessary to function as healthy, self-disciplined individuals.” ~Karen M. Carlson, University of Minnesota

In other words, children need DISCIPLINE!

Effective discipline means that we’re not only stopping a bad behavior or promoting a good one, but also teaching skills that will help children make better decisions and handle themselves well in the future.

The word “discipline” means to train (someone) to obey rules or a code of behavior — and comes from the root word “disciple”. A disciple is a student — a disciple is not a prisoner or someone to be punished, but someone who is learning through instruction. Punishment might shut down misbehavior in the short term, but training offers skills that last a lifetime.

Discipline is a term that’s not about punishment or control, but about teaching and skill building — and doing it from a place of love, respect, and emotional connection.

Punishment is hurtful to children; discipline is teaching!

Discipline is helping children develop self-control with a moral compass, so that they are thoughtful and conscientious in their actions, even when authority figures aren’t around.

Discipline helps children learn for the future, while punishment makes children pay for the past.

11:27 am by Penelope

Can You Really Support THOSE Mothers?

“I can be a much better mother than her!” I have to admit that I think that sometimes, especially as a foster parent. Even if the kids haven’t been removed from their mother because of actual abuse, but because the kids were in “unsafe conditions.” The mother may not make the best choices in men or employment or recreational activities — but when it comes down to it — she is a mother!

And sometimes it’s really difficult to support a child’s reunification with family! Especially if we see that the child will be returning to a dysfunctional family. But supporting reunification is always the first goal of foster care!

When my young son came to my home as a neglected infant, I was upset about the neglect and lack of care given to this baby. However, I had to overcome my judgement to support this young mother in her quest to overcome her demons and have her son returned, even though it didn’t make sense to me. I had already considered him “my baby boy” and a member of our family.

As an excited new mom, I went all out purchasing all sorts of cute baby boy clothes for “my new baby boy.” I found the cutest 3-piece suit and had professional photos taken of my slobbery baby boy.

The butterflies twirled around my stomach before each family visit. Then I realized something:

While I had feelings of loss before each family visit — this baby’s mother was feeling that loss every moment.

I realized I had to overcome my judgement of this young mother and show her support. I purchased a Mother’s Day card for this young mom from her 9-month-old son — Cookie Monster saying “I wuv you, Mommy!” Inside the card I added a photo of her baby boy in that little suit.

The next court date arrived, and sadly, it didn’t go well for her – she openly admitted her mistakes to the judge. But afterward, this young mother spoke to the Court-Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) saying: “Please tell my son’s foster mom thank you so much for the Mother’s Day gift. It means so much to me.” That was the last time the young mother ever showed up in court or for family visits.

Sometimes we may forget how important or meaningful it is to show support and offer encouragement to the other moms. A small gesture of a simple card and photos can make a world of difference to a mom that hasn’t had any support her entire life.

I am proud to be joining the Sisterhood of Motherhood to encourage parents to support each other and to unite around the idea that we’re all in this together. I believe in this message of support and non-judgement!

Join me and become a part of the sisterhood!

Disclosure: I am honored to partner with Similac in the Sisterhood of Motherhood campaign to support other moms rather than place judgement. #SisterhoodUnite #ParentsFirst

10:18 am by Penelope

Check Out This Child’s View of His ADHD in the Classroom

Trying to manage ADHD in the classroom can be quite frustrating for teachers. Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) many times don’t understand why they get in trouble so much with teachers for disrupting the classroom. Because concentration and impulse control are required for a child to learn in a classroom setting, children with ADHD are at a disadvantage in this learning environment.

ADHD in the Classroom

This narrative of ADHD in the classroom written from the child’s point of view was an eyeopener for me:

Imagine that you’re nine years old. You’re sitting in class. Your teacher just gave you directions for the next assignment, but you missed most of what was said because you were playing with the bead chain of the zipper on your jacket. You look around to figure out what you’re supposed to do and notice that others have their science books out. So you pull yours out, too, but you still don’t know what to do. When you ask the boy sitting next to you, he gives you a dirty look and tells you to stop bothering him. You ask someone else who does the same thing and then tells you to ask the teacher.

“Mrs. Peters,” you blurt out. “I don’t know what to do.” Oops! You disturbed the class. She looks annoyed. “What are you supposed to do when you need my help?” she asks. You remember and raise your hand, and she comes over to help. She repeats her original instructions, then prods you a little to get you started. “You only have ten minutes,” she says. “If you don’t finish on time, you’ll have to take it home as homework.” Finally, you’re focused. You complete the first two items, then become distracted when you hear someone using the pencil sharpener. You look around the room for a while, then refocus and do a few more items…”

excerpted from Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child: Eliminating Conflict by Establishing CLEAR, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries by Robert J. Mackenzie (I highly recommend this book if you have a strong-willed child. I had a total paradigm shift in my thinking.)

How can you help your child with ADHD?

Medication: Some parent choose medication. I was extremely hesitant to medicate my young child, but given his extreme behavior, we felt we had no other choice, but approached it cautiously. This is how treatment with a stimulant for ADHD helped our son.

Diet: Some parent swear that changing diet helps children with Sensory Processing Disorder and ADHD. Here’s a book on the Feingold Diet: All Natural Mom’s Guide to the Feingold Diet: A Natural Approach to ADHD and Other Related Disorders

Essential Oils: Some people swear by using essential oils. In my honest review of using essential oils, I admit, in our experience, that EOs are not 100%, but we have seen marked improvement a majority of the time. Jeddy’s Blend Essential Oil is formulated specifically for ADD/ADHD.

FTC Disclosure: Links in this post may be affiliate links, which means when you click on a link and purchase, I receive a very small commission (at no additional cost to you).

7:56 pm by Penelope

Fabulous Valentine Box Ideas for Boys

Making Valentine’s Day boxes for boys isn’t the easiest task since boys aren’t usually into hearts and doilies, including my two boys. Here are some great ideas for your boys to make their own boyish Valentine boxes!

Valentine Box Ideas for Boys

Army Tank Valentine Box for Boys

Batman Batmobile Valentine Box for Boys

Crocodile Valentine Box for Boys

Firetruck Valentine Box for Boys

iPhone/iPod/iPad Valentine Box for Boys

Lego Valentine Boxes for Boys

Minecraft Creeper Valentine Box for Boys

Easy Monster Valentine Box for Boys

Ninja Valentine Box for Boys

Purple Minion Valentine Box for Boys

Check out these other great ideas for Valentine’s Day boxes for boys!

1:20 pm by Penelope

The Attachment Style of Your Parents Determines Yours

What does your parents’ attachment style have to do with you?

EVERYTHING! The best predictor of a person’s attachment style is their parents’ attachment style. A person’s attachment style for parenting is developed while very young and is usually stable throughout their lifetime. In other words, we tend to parent the way we were parented. Only 15% of foster/adoptive parents are secure in their attachment!

4 Attachment Styles

(review these to determine your parents’ attachment style)

Secure
Insecure (organized) – Avoidant
Insecure (organized) – Ambivalent
Insecure – Disorganized

Research indicates that children who were raised in a home with secure attachments, will in turn parent their children with a secure attachment style. 60% of the general population have a secure attachment style.

Adults who were raised in a home with an avoidant attachment style will parent their children with a dismissive attachment style. Dismissively attached adults are excellent at providing for physical needs but are weak in their ability to combine the emotional response with the physical need. Dismissive parents struggle with emotional connection and valuing relationships.

Those adults who were raised in a home with an ambivalent attachment style will parent their children with a preoccupied attachment style. They may provide inconsistent and unpredictable care to their child, at times being available, and at other times being too overwhelmed or busy to respond appropriately to their children’s needs.

And those adults who were raised by parents with a disorganized attachment style will parent their children with unresolved issues affecting their attachment. Oftentimes, these are well-meaning adults who are excellent caregivers when their own trauma isn’t being triggered. However, when the parent’s trauma is triggered, these parents become emotionally or behaviorally unpredictable or even scary to the child, thus not allowing the child’s to attach securely to the parent.

PARENTS ATTACHMENT STYLE	ADULT ATTACHMENT STYLE	GENERAL POPULATION	FOSTER/ADOPT PARENTS
Secure	Secure	60%	15%
Insecure - Avoidant	Dismissive	20%	40%
Insecure - Ambivalent	Preoccupied	15%	15%
Disorganized	Unresolved	5%	30%

What is your attachment parenting style?

While 60% of the general population has a secure attachment style, only 15% of foster/adoptive parents are secure in their attachment style!

70% of foster/adoptive parents have dismissive or unresolved attachment styles!

How can we help our children attain a secure attachment style if we have an insecure attachment style?

If you see that your attachment history is not secure, don’t fret, there is good news! Researchers and clinicians agree that it is possible for adults to develop “earned” secure attachment.

Journaling
Prayer
Developing a practice of mindfulness of your parenting
Talking with a trusted friend or spouse
Professional counseling
Group counseling or parent support group

It is not what happened to you as a child that matters — it’s how you make sense of what happened to you. You need to understand the impact of your childhood experiences, and you must acknowledge the positive and negative aspects of your childhood. The important thing is for you to be able to reflect on your childhood experiences without becoming overcome with emotion, flooded with the past, and preoccupied with the present.

Source: Gobbel Counseling

http://orphancareresources.org/resource/parents-attachment-style

10:00 am by Penelope

Great Novel about Abandonment, Trauma and Not Giving Up

I read a fantastic novel, When I Found You, by Catherine Ryan Hyde. The Kindle book is only $1.99.

Here’s the video of my review!

Here’s the direct link to YouTube.

BOOK DESCRIPTION:
While duck hunting one morning, childless, middle-aged Nathan McCann finds a newborn abandoned in the woods. To his shock, the child—wrapped in a sweater and wearing a tiny knitted hat—is still alive. To his wife’s shock, Nathan wants to adopt the boy…but the child’s grandmother steps in. Nathan makes her promise, however, that one day she’ll bring the boy to meet him so he can reveal that he was the one who rescued him.

Fifteen years later, the widowed Nathan discovers the child abandoned once again—this time at his doorstep. Named Nat, the teenager has grown into a sullen delinquent whose grandmother can no longer tolerate him. Nathan agrees to care for Nat, and the two engage in a battle of wills that spans years. Still, the older man repeatedly assures the youngster that, unlike the rest of the world, he will never abandon him—not even when Nat suffers a trauma that changes both of their lives forever.

GIVEAWAY:
I loved the book so much that I contacted the author to see if she would be willing to giveaway an autographed copy to you & she said YES!!! To enter, just leave a comment below on why you’d like to read this book. For another entry, subscribe to my YouTube channel & leave another comment below with your user name.

10:15 am by Penelope

When Kids Bathtime is a Nightmare

Is kids bathtime a total nightmare in your home? Do your children make you feel like taking a bath is some form of punishment for them? Could some sort of trauma be triggered at bathtime?

10 Tips for Kids Bathtime:

TRY A SPONGE BATH for while. Start with just a bucket of water in an empty bathtub and let her play in the bucket of water. Then try adding 1/2 inch of water in the bathtub and over time continue to add more water as they get more and more comfortable in the bathtub.

USE BATH CRAYONS! They work WONDERS! Coloring and painting will take your kids’ mind off of the bath and might turn crying time into laughing and play time.

USE A BUBBLE MACHINE. A bubble machine will keep kids busy and while they are busy making and popping bubbles, you can be busy bathing their bodies.

ADD BATH TOYS into the bathtub, then make a game of having your child get into the bathtub to retrieve them. These bath ABCs and numbers stick on the wall and help kids learn the alphabet.

HAVE YOUR CHILD SIT IN THE TUB WITH NO WATER for a while, and then slowly fill the bathtub and bathe them while the water is running. By the time the bathtub is filled, bathtime will be over.

USE A BABY BATHTUB with your frightened toddler. Sometimes a confined space helps. My kids absolutely LOVED this quacking duck inflatable tub.

PLAY MUSIC or just sing to your child during bathtime. Sesame Street’s Rubber Duckie is a classic!

COOL THE BATH WATER. You can use this turtle bath thermometer that registers the water temp.

Put on your bathing suit and hop in. Wash your arms and then wash wash their arms, continue alternating until you have washed their entire body. Slowly spend less and less time in the tub with them until you are not having to get into the tub at all.

Consider that your child may have sensory processing disorder.

So whether your child is experiencing real trauma or is just stubborn, the key is to make “bathtime” “fun time” — so the next problem you will have is how to get your child out of the bathtub!

You may want to check out these top toys for active boys (& girls).

11:06 am by Penelope

A Skeptic’s Honest Review after Using Essential Oils

Could using essential oils actually help my child’s behavior?

I have read tons of testimonials of people who swear that using essential oils changes the lives of their children and families. After using essential oils, they claim their children are calmer, sleep better, are more attentive, etc.

I’m a biologist by trade so I was skeptical about all the hoopla I’d been hearing about using essential oils — I needed some sort of scientific proof. Could all the testimonies of people that were also selling essential oil products be reliable?

How can the scent from using essential oils change a child’s behavior? Can a scent change brain chemistry that can affect a child’s behavior? Did my behavior change and I become more calm after spa massages using essential oils? I researched and found this report on Aromatherapy and Essential Oils from the Federal government’s National Cancer Institute at the National Institutes of Health (which is under the Department of Health & Human Services):

A large body of literature has been published on the effects of odors on the human brain and emotions. Some studies have tested the effects of essential oils on mood, alertness, and mental stress in healthy subjects…Such studies have consistently shown that odors can produce specific effects on human neuropsychological and autonomic function and that odors can influence mood, perceived health, and arousal. These studies suggest that odors may have therapeutic applications in the context of stressful and adverse psychological conditions.

How could this be true? I asked the question on my Foster2Forever Facebook page about using essential oils and if they really work. And I read personal testimonies with rave reviews. And then I thought if inhaling marijuana can change a person’s mood, then maybe essential oils could improve a child’s mood too? We were struggling with our children’s behavior, especially after my cancer, so we decided try using essential oils. What did we have to lose? If it didn’t work, we were out a little bit of money, but it was worth a try to us. After researching a number of companies, I decided to order from Spark Naturals, an aromatherapy company, that allows me to order with no membership, no contract, no required monthly subscriptions, and no personal volume requirements. Many of the Spark Naturals single essential oils have a price point of less than $10 for a 5ml bottle — significantly lower than the other brands I researched. The Spark Naturals diffusers cost between $52 to $62 with free shipping for all order over $55. After diffusing Spark Naturals “Bliss Calming Blend“ essential oil (5 ml for $13) in our home for a couple of months, we have experienced a significantly calmer home. This is not to say our home is perfectly calm all the time. It isn’t!!! My son is strong-willed, so we still have our “War of Wills” many days BUT they are mostly minor. We experience fewer meltdowns that last shorter, and they don’t occur every single day like they had just a couple of months before. Could it be that using essential oils is what is improving my child’s behavior? I don’t know! But what I do know is that we will continue to use essential oils because it isn’t worth the gamble not to.

Have you tried using essential oils?

Disclaimer: This is my true story and experience with using essential oils. The links to Spark Naturals are affiliate links that pay me a small commission if you purchase; however, you can get a 10% discount on your order by using the coupon code: penny10

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