New Foster Care Placements: Will It Work for Your Family?

Day: Sunday

Time: 7:30 p.m.

Location: Our Church

It happened again! I hadn’t seen THIS in nearly a year. And I was not prepared. (If you follow on Twitter, you know.)

Our kids were enjoying their Sunday night Awanas program. At the end of the evening, I went to pick up 3- year-old Lil Bit, as my husband went to pick up 5-year-old Stinkpot. After waiting for over 5 minutes in the atrium with Lil Bit, my husband came from the stairwell alone. The look on his face told me that our strong-willed Stinkpot was refusing to leave.

As I stood up to meet him, a loud roar rumbled through the atrium. The echo making it more powerful.

And as quick as that, my Stinkpot comes running from the stairwell, his face flushed a bright red, teeth clinched and flashing anger. He charged at my husband, fists flying, with a fierceness that was as if an evil force had taken control of my little boy.

I quickly interceded, so my husband could make a quick escape with our Lil Bit. Our hope was that I could calm him. Nothing was working. My face was punched and scratched. He was possessed by his Reactive Attachment Disorder. The sound coming from my little boy’s throat was a frightening growl.

All this time, parents are leaving the atrium, attempting to shield their children from what they were witnessing.

Our Stinkpot finally calmed down. But we are exhausted!

We will do all we can to help our little boy overcome his demons! We know our God is powerful, and we are seeking His wisdom for healing.

On the other hand, an 8-month-old baby girl needs a forever family. This baby girl is my deceased cousin’s great-grandchild, so my relatives are requesting that this baby be placed with us as a kinship placement. How can we add another child to this chaos?

Please pray for us as we make these important, life-changing decisions!

Have had to you turn down a foster care placement?

9:00 am by Penelope

Are You Ever Really Prepared to be a Foster Parent?

We had taken over 30 hours of training to become a foster parent!
We had a car seat and a crib – the items our caseworker required before opening our home to new placements!
For two years, I had successfully home schooled my teenage stepson with his ADHD and Asperger’s Syndrome.
I was ready for a child!!!
Or so I thought….

And then our first placement arrived!

I learned just how clueless about parenting I really was!

; How clueless were you about parenting?

8:27 am by Penelope

The Heartbreak of When a Foster Child Moves

One afternoon when I was in high school, I was rushing out the door for an evening event. One of my foster sisters, who had recently left our home, was visiting us for the day. She was preparing to move to another home and when the caseworker heard she was visiting us, she decided to drop by and personally explain to my foster sister what she was about to happen in her little world.

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I listened from the other room as this caseworker handed my 4-year-old foster sister a scrapbook that her new family had prepared for her. She broke the news to her much like a mother tells her child she’s going to a birthday party: “You’re going to live with this family now and they are so nice. You will love it!” The idea was that this caseworker would spend 5 minutes with my foster sister explaining to her that she was, yet again, moving to a new family, and then life would continue on as normal.

As I headed out the door, I peeked into our office to give my foster sister a hug. She was sitting at the round glass table coloring on a piece of paper. Lying beside her was a book of pictures that only minutes previously had been given to her by her caseworker. As I walked into the room and sat down next to her at the table, I began flipping through the pictures; one after the other I turned through all of the pages. I looked at pictures of children with their parents, read words her new parents had written of affirmation, scanned over a letter expressing excitement, and silently read about each member of this new family. As my eyes studied the faces I saw on the page, I suddenly heard gut-wrenching words come out of my sweet foster sister’s mouth, words that took me from my shallow, high school world, and brought me to the deep, raw, pain that exists in this world.

Without looking at me, my beautiful girl pointed to the photograph in her new scrapbook and told me, “I am going to live at their house, but I am scared.” Those words caught me off guard. I could not bring myself to look into her big blue eyes, but in that short sentence, as she verbalized her pain, I felt a small part of her heart shattering. She wanted me to protect her.

I saw sitting before me a four-year old girl who had already been through too much pain. In that moment, the big sister instinct in me wanted to stop everything in her life; I wanted to put her life on pause and allow her to fully live the carefree, childhood that every little girl should experience. I wanted to keep her safe and I felt that it was my responsibility to protect her. I wanted to live up to the expectations she had of me, and give her reason to trust me. In that moment, however, I was completely powerless.

Instead, I wrapped my arms around her slender waist, and used every bit of strength in me to bite back the tears. I whispered into her ear that she would be safe. My mom told her that it was okay to be scared. We validated her feelings and then let her cry.

Foster care is full of hurt, and as a foster sister, I have always had a prominent instinct to protect my foster siblings. It is hard to be powerless while experiencing a love that is so deep.

In those moments when we are without control, we are still given an opportunity to love relentlessly and leave a print embedded on a child’s heart.

Sometimes love is what binds up all wounds. The love I have for my foster siblings is one of the greatest loves I have ever had the privilege of experiencing.

Kylee is a 19-year-old college student who is passionately pursuing a degree in Social Work while simultaneously learning what it means to be a big sister to kids from “hard places”. Her parents jumped into the crazy world of foster care just days before her 8^th birthday and cared for numerous infants and toddlers over a ten-year time span; four of those children became permanent family members through adoption. Kylee loves sharing about foster care and adoption and is passionate about advocating on behalf of vulnerable children.

8:57 am by Penelope

Giving Up the Idea of Ideal

Before being licensed as foster parents, my husband and I were required to complete a training course called Group Preparation and Selection, or GPS. Every Monday night, for 10 weeks, we joined with other prospective foster/adopt parents to learn how the system works, what to expect as foster parents, and how to deal with children who have experienced loss and trauma. The classes were very beneficial and we learned a lot but in foster parenting, like in any other type of parenting, you have to be adaptable.

For instance, in GPS classes we learned that to ease the transition of a move it’s best to have several visits with a child before they move into your home. However, our reality is that 2 of our 3 children that we foster adopted moved in with us on the day they met us. Obviously this is not ideal, but the children were emergency removals. Fortunately, bonding took place very quickly and both children have adjusted very well to our home.

Another thing you learn in your training is that ideally you should build a relationship with your child’s previous foster family, as this builds trust between you and the child and eases their transition into your home. We tried this with both of our daughters’ previous foster families, but were unable to do so with our son’s because of the abuse he suffered from his foster mother. With one daughter, the foster parents didn’t care to maintain contact. We made several efforts to keep them in our daughter’s life yet they made it clear that they just weren’t interested. After only a couple of visits they were done with her whether we liked it or not. With our other daughter we tried to establish a relationship with her foster family, but the former foster mom was so bitter about not being allowed to adopt the child herself (She made some poor decisions that caused her home to be closed as a foster home.) that her self-destructive behavior made subsequent visits out of the question.

However the most surprising difference between what we were taught in GPS training and reality actually is ideal. In the classes you learn about how abuse, neglect, and loss affect children in foster care. You are taught about the stages of grief, creative discipline strategies, and attachment disorders. We were sure that the children placed with us would come with some major emotional baggage. Our first daughter had absolutely no behavioral or emotional issues whatsoever. She was the perfect 3 year old. So perfect in fact that our social workers were quick to warn us not to expect any other foster children to be that way. Our second daughter, easily our most difficult child, has ADHD and was buckwild when we got her. After only a small amount of time in our home we could see a huge improvement and she gets better every day. We are her 8th home, yet she is no more damaged than most other children her age. She is amazingly resilient. Our youngest son has only been with us since last June and already it’s like he’s been with us forever. He’s never had any unusual behavioral problems. He has ADHD and requires a little extra help with his school work, just like many kids who have never been in foster care.

For those of you considering foster care, learn all you can in your classes. Most of it is very valuable information that you will need and use. Just don’t forget that no situation is ideal and that’s ok. All of my children have been ideal, even if their situations didn’t start out that way.

Becky Johnson is a happy wife and proud mommy of four, both by birth and foster care adoption. Because two of her adoptions have been transracial, her family often gets mistaken for a daycare or church group when out in public. Life in the Johnson home is fun, chaotic, and definitely blessed. Read more about Becky’s family at http://averyblessedmommy.blogspot.com

9:00 am by Penelope

Lil Bit’s Baby Brother – Isn’t He More than Just a Check?

If you follow on Facebook and Twitter, you know that we had the incredible blessing of meeting Lil Bit’s precious 4-month-old baby brother this weekend! Remember him? Remember 2 days before Lil Bit’s adoption, we received a placement call to foster this newborn brother being released from the hospital?

A decision that tore me up inside when we declined. Worry consumed me until we discovered that Baby Brother had been placed in a home anxiously awaiting an infant for adoptive placement.

This weekend, we inadvertently enrolled in the same training class with Baby Brother’s foster mom. Baby Brother looks like his older brother – and just as cuddly and sweet. He is blessed to have a family that loves him.

However, our boys have half-siblings that aren’t as lucky. Those other siblings were placed with a “friend” of the birthmother. Remember the Cons, that were determined to take Lil Bit, since all it would cost them was a “shiny, new cell phone.” Still determined to add to their “family”, they have been wining & dining birthmom at the Golden Corral.

All the previous children have been labeled as “disabled” so that the Cons can demand larger subsidy checks. The children are all encouraged to perform poorly in school. It breaks my heart for these children that can only live up to their “disability”.

During our case, CPS adamantly opposed placement with the Cons; however, they flip-flopped their position in Baby Brother’s case.

The CPS policy of “family first” had them attempting multiple times to remove Baby Brother from a loving home to a placement with his half-siblings. Even though his half-siblings are in an uncaring environment, used only for a check.

The good news is that Baby Brother is staying put – TPR is complete – and adoption is the plan.

And the other big news is…

Not me….Birthmother….again!!!

10:00 am by Penelope

2 Years Ago Today – When I Fell in Love at First Sight

On December 15, 2009, Lil Bit joined our family. On that cool, sunny afternoon, my cell phone rang, as I was compiling a spreadsheet at work.

“Would you accept a 4-month-old placement for foster care?”

My reply was a quick “YES!”

I hurriedly typed to complete the spreadsheet, and rushed down the street to the CPS office.

The investigator was the same from Blondie‘s case. She spoke of how Lil Bit had been in the office all day and didn’t make a peep.

“He’s such a good baby. His birthmom has had numerous children adopted out. Do you want him?”

I couldn’t believe I was hearing that. A call for foster care only could become a son. As I looked into his big, beautiful blue eyes framed with inch-long eyelashes, something happened to me that had never happened before. I fell in love at first sight!

Lil Bit quickly assimilated into our family. Our Christmas was that much more exciting to have a baby in it.

After 23 months with many court hearings, he finally became our son last month on National Adoption Day.

This Lil Bit has been a huge blessing in our lives. He loves his older brother, Stinkpot, and always asks for him when he is picked up from day care. Everyday, Lil Bit runs to hug “Tee-taw”. Their relationship is very close and it warms my heart to know that these two brothers have each other.

Our Lil Bit is growing fast into a Lil Man. Those gorgeous blue eyes have now turned into the most unique, mesmerizing hazel. He is tall and lean running through the house.

After so many hospital visits, he is healthy with not so much as a runny nose. And he is now officially a “terrible two” – throwing fits when he can’t get what he wants. (I’m sorry, but I laugh in these “terrible” moments because it is just so unlike him.)

For 2 years, we have been extremely blessed by our Lil Bit. And we are grateful that he is our forever son.

What are your blessings this Christmas?

10:00 am by Penelope

Our Lil Bit Has a Newborn Baby Brother!

In foster care, one phone call can instantly change lives. If you follow Foster2Forever on Facebook and Twitter, you already know that we received that call yesterday.

We are so excited to be adopting Lil Bit tomorrow and are busy preparing for the big day. I was blindsided yesterday morning when I received a call from our caseworker.

“Lil Bit’s birthmom gave birth to a healthy, full-term baby boy that will be released from the hospital tomorrow. The State is giving you the first option for placement.”

WHOA!!! Gulp! A day before Lil Bit’s adoption! A newborn! Another boy! Another probable adoption! Wow! Overwhelming! A decision that can change a life to be made quickly!

I called FosterDad. His assistant answered. He was in a meeting.

“I need FosterDad to call me immediately!”

She was concerned at the tone of my voice. I assured her that everything was fine, and told her about the call. We both laughed and agreed that FosterDad was going to freak out. She assured me that he would be sitting down when he called back, and I asked her to record his reaction.

His reaction was disbelief and just flat-out overwhelming shock. I could hear his assistant cackling in the background.

We had a huge decision to make. I reached out to our Facebook friends – you are the best! I was struggling until I read what Shawn wrote:

“Look back to your post on Nov 10th at 11:43 am.”

That post was related to our situation with Stinkpot’s care and read:

When feeling down and confused, blessings from above can make you soar above the clouds! Thank you, Lord, for your unexpected blessings!

I cried realizing that this baby was an unexpected blessing, and there was a reason for this call. Thank you, Shawn!

THEN I RECEIVED ANOTHER PLACEMENT CALL!

A caseworker from Austin called later in the afternoon:

We are calling to inform you that STINKPOT‘s birthmother gave birth to a healthy baby boy, and we would like to place the newborn with you.

YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! Both my boys become big brothers the same week! TWO NEWBORNS??? TWO more boys??? Twins!!!

AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! Good thing I was laying down at the time. I AM ONE FREAKED OUT CHICK!

I stammered why I am laughing so uncontrollably. Fortunately, this seasoned caseworker knew what was going on and promised to call right back.

His instinct was right – the message had gotten mixed up along the way and it was, in fact, Lil Bit’s birthmom that had given birth, not Stinkpot’s. (I had thought she was in prison.)

A LIFE-CHANGING DECISION

We have a HUGE decision to make! FosterDad felt uneasy about adding the newborn baby to our family given Stinkpot’s current adjustment issues. I felt uneasy about saying no to this newborn baby when we fought so hard to keep Lil Bit.

I needed to talk to the baby’s caseworker.

She called last night, and I shared our concerns and how much we are struggling with the decision. She understood. Apparently, the State has no other homes lined up for this baby.

My first concern has to be with Stinkpot, and that right now adding a baby may shake up his world more than he can handle right now at this moment.

I asked to be kept informed of the case. I feel sick for saying no.

10:09 am by Penelope

Is Foster Care Adoption Risky?

When we began working in foster care over fifteen years ago there was very little risk involved for us. We worked in a group home and had no intentions of adopting any of the children who came through our home. Most of the kids were teenagers and not looking for a forever family, but a safe place to live. We were a mere step along their path to adulthood. We were fine with that.

A few years ago our hearts changed and we opened our own home as a foster home. This time, our intentions were to adopt through foster care. We have been licensed with our current foster care agency since November of 2010. One week after our license was approved we received “the call.” We were told upfront that our family would have to be open to adoption to accept the referral, but adoption could not be guaranteed. We accepted the referral and three days later we held our brand new baby girl, our “Sweet Potato Pie” in our arms.

Foster Care Can Be Messy

Not unlike many other cases in foster care, the story of her family is a mess. This particular case is complicated with siblings, family placements and an individual who has used his political influence to misrepresent the parents. It is recommended by the state agency and the Foster Care Review Board for us to hire an attorney of our own to fight for parental termination of rights. The state is also pursuing this outcome.

In this case, our state adoptions agency has not completed the adoption home study packet. We began that process at the same time we applied for foster care. While we are in the process of being licensed to adopt our girl specifically, we still lack the final approval simply due to shortages of staff to handle the high caseloads.

Foster Parent Hires An Attorney

Hiring an attorney may get us closer to our sweet girl being legally free for adoption, but it will not guarantee us the ability to be the ones to adopt her. Legally, we could tie up thousands of dollars out of our pocket, only to have her returned to her parent due to political favors. Emotionally, our hearts could be broken. Realistically, this is foster care! Anytime you take a foster child into your home, you have no legal guarantees that you will be able to adopt your child. The state has the authority to move foster children at any time. Judges have the authority to send children back to their biological families. Foster children can be moved into placement with relatives who show up two years into placement.

Even with all of the legal risks, foster children deserve a safe and loving home to live in, even if it is only temporary. Legally, you may not have a guarantee for permanency, but you have the opportunity to invest your time and attention into a child who has lost their family. No matter the legal risk, the foster care system can not function without the support of loving foster homes.

Joy is a small town Mom with big girl dreams. She and her husband, Barry, have two biological children Jordan (13) and Riley (11) and one beautiful foster baby girl, “Sweet Potato Pie” (9 months). Joy is a writer and stay at home Mom advocating for foster care, families and sight for children with visual disabilities.

11:08 am by Penelope

What are Legal Risk Placements in Foster Care?

Our home is a dual-licensed foster home meaning that we are licensed for both foster care and adoption; however, we are currently only open for legal risk placements. This week, our foster home worker sent us these FAQs on legal risk placements. Does this answer your questions or create more?

LEGAL RISK PLACEMENTS

Some Questions and Answers

A child is placed in an adoptive home when all rights of birth parents have been terminated. There are times when this cannot happen because of legal complications involving the termination. When this happens we may consider an adoptive placement with potential adoptive parents who are willing to take the risk that parental rights may not be terminated or who are willing to wait for this to happen no matter how long it takes.

1. What is a legal risk placement?

A legal risk placement is the placement of a child(ren) into an adoptive home prior to a final order terminating parental rights. OR, if termination of parental rights has taken place, and the biological parents have appealed the termination to an appeals court.

2. Why does the Texas Department of Protective and Regulatory Services utilize “legal risk” placements?

Have you seen this movie “Losing Isaiah”?

This is a good question because some would suggest that no child be placed for adoption until all potential legal obstacles have been cleared. TDPRS chooses to go ahead with a legal risk placement when the agency is reasonably confident that termination will occur. It has been our experience that the wait for all court action to be finalized has created devastating consequences to the children in our Conservatorship. In order to minimize the period of uncertainty in the child/ren’s life, TDPRS may proceed with a legal risk placement. The Department will do all it can to expedite (or, speed up) the legal process and to reduce the risks of the adoptive placement being overturned. Nevertheless, there can be no guarantees. The Department recognizes that, if something goes wrong, then the family and child may face heartbreak and emotional trauma. The Department is very cautious about utilizing legal risk placement prior to termination of parental rights. Therefore, the Department will not consider making a legal risk placement unless it believes it has a good, solid care for termination.

Legal risk placements usually occur when a child needs to be moved from a foster home near the time the parental rights are to be terminated. This move will only be made if it is our assessment that the child is ready to start bonding with the potential adoptive family.

3. What requirements must a family meet in order to be considered for a legal risk placement?

A family must be licensed as foster parents until termination of parental rights occurs and must follow all rules and regulations that apply to foster parents. The prospective adoptive family will need to be trained in CPR and First Aid prior to being licensed as foster parents.

The prospective adoptive family will have foster home worker who will visit the family once every two months and it will be important for the family to attend the six month review hearing (Chapter 18 Court Hearings) and the Permanency Planning Team meetings that affect the child placed in their home.

4. Should an attorney be consulted prior to entering into a legal risk placement?

The Department strongly recommends that a family consult an Attorney regarding legal risk placements. By consulting an attorney, the family will be able to obtain an assessment of the risks from a neutral source.

5. When are legal risk placements made?

A placement is considered to be a legal risk when:

A. parental rights have not been terminated;

B. a parent has appealed the judgment terminating parental rights;

C. a parent has taken action indicating that a termination judgment likely will be appealed.

6. What risks must a prospective adoptive family consider?

The greatest risk is that a prospective adoptive family will have to give up a child. There are other factors a prospective adoptive family must consider. For example, the family might have to provide continuing visits between the child and birth parents until termination takes place. In addition, the prospective adoptive family will not be able to tell the child that they are their adoptive family until parental rights have been terminated.

Finally, the prospective adoptive family must recognize that the legal system can operate at a slow, unpredictable rate. The termination hearing may be set and postponed time and time again.

7. How long will the process take?

Because every case is different, this is an impossible question to answer. Because of the legal process it sometimes takes six months or longer for parental rights to be terminated. After the termination hearing has been held, a court order must be drafted. This order then must be approved by all parties and signed by the judge. An estimate of the time involved in the process is 30 days, although it can take much longer. A biological parent has 30 days to appeal after the judge has signed the termination order and relatives specified in the law have 90 days to file intervention of interest for placement or contact.

8. When does a legal risk placement become an adoptive placement?

The placement can change form legal risk foster placement to an adoptive placement 30 days after the judge has signed the termination order. The child may take the last name of the adoptive family at this time.

9. What happens if a termination order is appealed?

Thirty days after the termination order has been signed, the status of the family changes from foster care to adoption. Should the birth parents appeal the termination, they obtain an attorney who may challenge the termination order. This appeal goes to an appellate court which can take six months to two years to hear the case. If the termination order is overturned, the case will again go to trial.

10. Will the Department appeal when the children are ordered to be returned to their biological parents?

There is only a very slight possibility the Department may pursue an appeal. The vast majority of trial court decisions are upheld.

Types of Legal Risks Placements:

1. Termination has occurred but birth parent is appealing (Regular adoptive placement);

2. No termination but the Department is reasonably confident termination will occur- Mainly uncontested terminations. (Adoptive parents must be licensed as a foster home and cannot tell the child they are the potential adoptive family).

Legal Risk Placements Occur When:

1. Parental rights are not terminated or Parental rights have been terminated and are under appeal;

2. If no Termination, the termination of parental rights is likely to occur;

3. A child needs to be moved from their foster home very near the time parental rights are to be terminated;

4. The placements in an adoptive home can save the child extra move into another foster home;

5. The child is ready to start bonding to their potential adoptive family;

Texas Department of Family and Protective Services will place children or families in legal risk situations only if:

A. It is the best interest of the child;

B. There is a high degree of probability that parental rights will be terminated; or

C. Details have been discussed with the family.

Before a Legal Risk Placement can occur:

1. A prospective family must be identified and they must be licensed as a foster family;

2. The family must read the child’s Health, Social, Educational, Genetic and History Report before they meet the child;

3. The family must read the child’s de-identified case record;

4. The family must read and sign the Legal Risk Placement agreement with the Department.

OTHER OPTIONS:

Dual-Licensed Home: A Dual-Licensed family is a family who is licensed as both a foster family and an adoptive family. They will take both foster care placements and adoptive placements. A child would be placed in the home as foster care placement. If the child becomes legally free, the family has the option to adopt that particular child. The family will also be considered for adoptive placement of other children who are not in their home.

Dual-Licensed families differ from Legal Risk families in the intent of the placement. Legal Risk families are adoptive families who are licensed as foster families in order to take a legal risk placement. The intent of the placement is adoption. Dual-Licensed families are both adoptive and a foster family. The adoptive placements are true adoptive placements. The foster care adoptive placements are with the intent that the agency is working to return the child to the parent or relative. It is true foster care placement.