Foster2Forever

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Changing the What-If’s for Emergency Foster Care Placements

Many times, children may immediately be removed from their parents if the situation is dangerous. What this means for a foster parent is that calls can happen at anytime of day or night.

One summer night, our phone rang at 11pm. As I groggily answered the call, a caseworker told me that she had a sibling group of 3 that needed a place to stay – a preschooler, a toddler, and an infant.

“Can you take all these foster kids?”

We only had 2 beds available, and I began feeling guilty, wondering where these children would wind up sleeping that night. But with quick thinking in my groggy state, I suddenly realized that the baby would need a crib and not a bed!

I SAID YES!

Because of the shortage of foster homes, these children were coming from two counties over – nearly two hours away. Because of the extensive travel involved, the twice weekly family visits were really difficult on these foster children.

After a week, the caseworker realized that the children desperately needed to be placed closer to family. The caseworker began looking for a foster home in their county that could take this sibling group. It took a few days, but she finally discovered a foster home in their home county through an outside agency. The kids left us a few days later.

As chaotic as our family life was those weeks, my heart rejoices in that these siblings didn’t have to be split from each other.

Sadly, this story is not unique, it is the reality for emergency placements in the foster system. There just aren’t enough foster homes, so unlike this sibling set, many siblings are split up.

  • WHAT IF children placed into foster care on an emergency basis could be placed in the best possible home for them and their needs?
  • WHAT IF social services have the time to identify that best possible family situation for these children?
  • WHAT IF children placed in foster care could stay in their community, and possibly their current school?
  • WHAT IF children placed in foster care could stay with siblings while the county finds a home for ALL the children?
  • WHAT IF children placed into foster care had a home to go to while the county conducts a background check on a family member?

A new short-term placement program in Adams County, Colorado is changing that for foster children in the area.

HOMES FOR HOPE is changing the “What-If’s” for children placed in foster care.

Adams County, which encompasses the Denver area, created the short-term placement program — called “HOMES FOR HOPE” — the first of its kind in the state, and perhaps the country, because this program is government-sponsored.

Adams County purchased and renovated two single-family homes that are now ready for foster families to move into. One home sits on 128 acres and the other on 17 acres. Because Adams County owns the HOMES FOR HOPE, host foster families will not have to pay mortgage or rent.

Now, when a traditional foster home is unavailable, children can go to a HOMES FOR HOPE instead. Caseworkers will have the time to search for the best permanent situation for the children – that could be with close relatives, a longer-term foster family or back with their parents.

  • Children can stay in HOMES FOR HOPE for up to 90 days until a longer-term placement can be found.
  • Siblings will be able to remain together because foster families will be certified for children 0-18 years of age.
  • Children can stay in their community and in their current school, lessening the number of disruptions to their life.
  • Caseworkers have more time to find the right foster home for these children instead of finding the first available bed.
  • One home is designated as a safe place for teen mothers and their children.
  • The HOMES FOR HOPE provide intensive care as the foster parents organize family, medical, and therapeutic appointments, and comfort children through early days of fear and uncertainty.
  • The children will be seen by medical professionals within 72-hours, so the child’s medical and developmental needs are met and addressed.
  • The right foster family best suited to meet the children’s needs can be found, should they need to remain in foster care on a long-term basis.

Nightlight is the certifying agency and supports the foster families upon placement. Nightlight is actively looking for interested families who are willing to become foster parents and live in the homes full-time. The ideal HOMES FOR HOPE foster parent is trauma-informed, has parenting experience, and is willing to move.

If you are interested in becoming a HOMES FOR HOPE foster parent:
Complete this survey to be contacted with more information; or
Contact Meaghan Nally at mnally@nightlight.org or (518) 369-2888.

To learn more about Homes for Hope, visit: https://www.nightlight.org/denver-foster-care-homes-for-hope/.

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How Children Enter the Foster Care System

As a foster parent, I have never been privy to the removal of a child placed in foster care. The process after a child enters foster care is quite complicated and can have a number of outcomes.

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Before a child enter the foster care system, an investigation is conducted by the state investigators. If the investigator finds no reason to believe that a child is abused or neglected, the case is closed.

However, if CPS finds an issue, the case is either referred to Family Based Safety Services or the child enters the Foster Care system.

Family Based Safety Services is used when there is a safety issue that puts a child at risk. FBSS is meant to help families stay together. A caseworker is assigned and a Family Service Plan is developed to address each of the safety issues discovered to keep the child safe. Family Service Plans may include parenting classes, drug treatment plans, drug testing, psychological evaluations, individual and family counseling, and other services to get the family back on track. The caseworker continues to visit and evaluate the safety of children in the home.

If the family completes the family services plan, then the case is closed. However, if the parents do not complete their family services plan, then a child enters the foster care system.

The priority is to place a child with a relative in kinship care; however, if no suitable relative is found, then the child is placed in a licensed foster home.

While the child is in foster care, the parents still have the opportunity to complete family services and the child can be reunified with the parents. However, if the parents do not complete services, the child can be either adopted or age out of the foster care system.

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How Adoption Changed Our Story

November is National Adoption Month and a time to celebrate the unique way families grow via the miracle of adoption.  Each adoption story is unique and woven together in a special way.

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Follow me on Instagram as I share our adoption stories (we have three).

DAY ONE – FACT  Nearly 102,000 children that are currently available for adoption from the foster care system in the United States simply need a parent!  Not a perfect parent, but a parent perfect for them! More than 30 percent (31,000) of these foster kids are between the ages of 11 and 17.

FACT: Over 100,000 children in #fostercare in the U.S. are available for #adoption.

A photo posted by Penelope Webster (@foster2forever) on

DAY 2 – INTRODUCTIONS DAY 3 – THOUGHTS BEFORE ADOPTION You can read more of my infertility struggle.

DAY 4 – THOUGHTS AFTER ADOPTION

DAY 5 – OUTSIDE PERSPECTIVES The perspective of others can sometimes be insensitive and other times downright hurtful. My family just didn’t understand the importance of our son’s adoption.  I was elated on our adoption day but still felt intense grief due to my mother’s rejection.

DAY 6 – HOW WE MET We have 3 sons each through the miracle of adoption. Our oldest son was adopted via a private adoption, yet the youngest two sons were adopted via foster care. You can download the full story of our youngest son’s adoption.

HOW WE MET: Our oldest became our #son via a private #adoption. Steve rushed to Houston when birth mom went into labor, but Bubba couldn’t wait to make his appearance. His birth mom gave him a notebook about her & the dad with photos, letters, & fun facts – we still have it. Our middle son, JD, came to us as a #baby for #fostercare only. He lit up my heart when the CW was still holding & he smiled at me with only two bottom teeth. So sick & congested, he only slept 15 minutes at a time that first miserable night. He officially became our #son 2 years later. Our #babyboy, LilBit, came as a call just before Christmas at 4 months old as a legal risk #placement going immediately to adoption. Lots of crazy court cases before we adopted him 2 years later on #NationalAdoptionDay. #KnitTogetherByAdoption   A photo posted by Penelope Webster (@foster2forever) on

DAY 7 – OTHER HOMES Our middle son, JD, was placed in another foster home before he joined our family.

DAY 8 – WHAT MAKES ME SMILE – WORLD ADOPTION DAY

DAY 10 CULTIVATING BIRTHFAMILY CULTURE  We don’t celebrate our son’s Mexican culture to the same extent as our American culture.

 

Stay tuned on Instagram!

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Questions and Answers About Fostering

If you are following me on Instagram, then you’ll know that every Friday, I ask questions about fostering now with the hashtag #FosterCareQuestions.  I’ve really enjoyed reading about all the different experiences of foster parents from all over.

I’ve found a very strong community of other foster and adoptive parents on Instagram. Are you on Instagram?

Some of my favorite fostering Instagrammers are:

If you are on Instagram, be sure and follow our adventures. and join in on the conversations on fostering children.

Below are the #FosterCareQuestions.

Questions about being a foster parent

Go to Instagram, answer the #FosterCareQuestions, and follow me and other foster parents.

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#fostercarefriday What topic should have been discussed more in your #fostercare training? #fosterparent

A photo posted by Penelope Webster (@foster2forever) on

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#FosterCareFriday – What were you doing when you received your first placement call? #FosterCare A photo posted by Penelope Webster (@foster2forever) on


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Today’s #fostercarefriday prompt: How long was it until your 1st placement from #fostercare arrived?

A photo posted by Penelope Webster (@foster2forever) on

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#fostercarefriday SHARE how many #fostercare placements you’ve had! We’ve had 16 in 6 years. 2 stayed forever! Your turn! A photo posted by Penelope Webster (@foster2forever) on


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#FosterCareFriday Share your tips to make the 1st night in #FosterCare easier!

A photo posted by Penelope Webster (@foster2forever) on

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Also check out the answers to nosy questions foster parents get!

 

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Celebrating Amazing Foster Dad of FIVE Little Ones

This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #NauticaforDad #CollectiveBias

We became foster parents in 2008 and have fostered 16 kids during that time.  As parents of neglected and traumatized kids, our journey has not been easy one. In fact, we’ve had to learn our limits as parents, especially with the placements in the summer of 2012.

My husband was anxiously watching the calendar that school year. Every day that went by was one day closer to his ultimate goal in teaching — early retirement!  After teaching special education for the past decade, he was eager to relax at the end of his teaching career.

Not that life at home with our two boys was relaxing. Our 5-year-old forever son, placed with us as an 8-month-old, had been having all sorts of explosive behavior that he had been kicked out of THREE day cares.  We were struggling in parenting him, but then again, he’s only five, right? And parenting him with his 3-year-old brother, chaos is expected, right? We were living our normal with our two rambunctious preschoolers.

Suddenly, one day, I received a call asking if we would accept a placement.  The placement was a sibling group of THREE – but we only had TWO beds available in our home.  As the cloud of guilt overcame any clear thinking – I realized we only needed two beds because, get this – the baby doesn’t need a bed since she will sleep in a crib!

I immediately said “YES” because how heartless can you be to say no to a BABY, right?

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In the summer of 2012, our family looked like this: our 5-year-old forever son, 4-year-old foster son, 3-year-old forever son, nearly 2-year-old foster daughter (possibly FASD), and a 9-month-old foster baby!

While I was at my quiet desk job all day, Dad was at home with FIVE kids – 3 rambunctious, quibbling preschool boys, one very active non-verbal toddler, and a baby!

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Welcome to retirement, Dad! So long to a relaxing summer enjoying retirement!

The stress of parenting five little ones all day alone was overwhelming for my husband (with a history of high blood pressure, no doubt).

Our 4-year-old foster son constantly fought with our 3-year-old son. Our 2-year-old sensory-seeking foster daughter was constantly into things and would scream at just the mention of sleep – she could only fall asleep with hard rocking motion.  And then there was the baby… That was along with our two forever sons.

But through that summer, I gained a new respect for my husband while parenting this herd of little ones. He is the anchor of our ever-changing family.

I also learned that I should discuss accepting foster care placements with my husband first.

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And even years later, I’m still trying to make it up to him and like to treat him special on Father’s Day. With our recent move to the Austin area, I finally went and checked out the shopping at The Domain.

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Since my special man likes to smell good, I went browsing at the Macy’s fragrance counter.

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I discovered this deluxe gift set of the new Nautica LIFE.  It retails for $65 (even though it’s valued at $128.00). It includes a 3.4 oz Eau de Toilette, 2.5 oz Aftershave Balm, 2.5 oz Shower Gel, and 1 oz Eau de Toilette.

Love this new Nautica Life cologne. Great gift set.

You can celebrate your lifelong journey with the DAD in your life with new Nautica Life!

I have teamed up with Nautica fragrances via Collective Bias to host an amazing giveaway with 3 very easy ways to enter.
-One GRAND PRIZE winner will win a $4,000 cruise vacation package
-5 second place winners will win a Nautica Men’s fragrance gift set!
-Winners must be 18+
Nautica for Dad

NOTE: There is a happy ending to this story – the siblings were placed with a family member nearby. We run into the kids occasionally, and they seem well and happy.

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Are You Really Ready for Baby? 10 Must-Have Baby Items

Becoming a mom for the first time is quite overwhelming in of itself. However, as a foster parent, I became a mother of a baby for the very first time with hardly any notice at all.  Overwhelmed is an understatement of what I was going through – I was completely utterly frazzled for over a month!

For a few weeks, I had to take a trip to the store – every – single – day – to pick up some sort of baby paraphernalia.

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Top 10 Must-Have Baby Items:

1.  Crib* – Our caseworker wouldn’t even consider placing a baby with us until we had a crib ready to go. This requirement turned out well since we only had a couple hours notice that an 8-month-old baby boy was on his way to live in our home.

2.  Infant Car Seat* – Another item our caseworker required before she would place a baby with us was an infant car seat. But just because I owned one didn’t mean I knew how to install it into the car! Thank goodness my neighbor was home that next morning to teach me how to strap it into the car correctly! Note: don’t do like me – learn the correct way to install a car seat and practice before you get the placement call.

3.  Formula – When my baby arrived, I was handed a can of formula, a box of baby cereal, and a few jars of baby food. I had no clue of how much of what to feed my new baby!!!  Similac has a great reference in this baby feeding chart to help clueless moms like me! And here’s a guide to introducing solid food to baby.

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4. Swaddle Wrap – Swaddling your baby mimics the tightness of the womb. Swaddling is especially important if your foster baby has been exposed to drugs in utero – tight swaddling helps calm the baby through withdrawal and tremors.

5. Baby Carrier – Babywearing is the name of the game with neglected or drug-exposed infants. “Wearing” or carrying your baby as much as possible helps with soothing and attachment. One of the biggest regrets I have as a mother is that I did not “wear” my neglected baby. This Mei Tai carrier is highly rated for less than $30.

6. Baby Activity Center – In the last seven years, I have mothered 7 foster babies (two of these are my forever babies).  All seven of my infants loved all the sensory stimulation fun that comes in one of these. Great place for baby when cooking dinner.

7.  Vibrating Teether – Babies love the massaging action on their sore gums plus the sensory stimulation is an added bonus with this type of teether.

8. White Noise Machine – It’s important for drug-addicted infants to have a calm, dimly-lit environment. White noise can help calm a baby.

9. Digital thermometer – Babies get sick – plan on it! Having a thermometer on hand will give you peace of mind when your baby just doesn’t seem right and might have a fever. I prefer ear thermometers – much easier to check for fever.

10.  Nasal Aspirator (aka snot sucker) – And babies get congested too! I’ve read rave reviews about this manual one.

I am honored to be joining the Sisterhood of Motherhood to encourage parents to support each other and to unite around the idea that we’re all in this journey of parenthood together. Support other new moms without the judgement!

Join me and become a part of the sisterhood!

Disclosure: I am honored to partner with Similac in the Sisterhood of Motherhood campaign to support other moms rather than place judgement. #SisterhoodUnite #ParentsFirst

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Can You Really Support THOSE Mothers?

“I can be a much better mother than her!”  I have to admit that I think that sometimes, especially as a foster parent. Even if the kids haven’t been removed from their mother because of actual abuse, but because the kids were in “unsafe conditions.”  The mother may not make the best choices in men or employment or recreational activities — but when it comes down to it — she is a mother!

And sometimes it’s really difficult to support a child’s reunification with family! Especially if we see that the child will be returning to a dysfunctional family. But supporting reunification is always the first goal of foster care!

When my young son came to my home as a neglected infant, I was upset about the neglect and lack of care given to this baby. However, I had to overcome my judgement to support this young mother in her quest to overcome her demons and have her son returned, even though it didn’t make sense to me.  I had already considered him “my baby boy” and a member of our family.

As an excited new mom, I went all out purchasing all sorts of cute baby boy clothes for “my new baby boy.”  I found the cutest 3-piece suit and had professional photos taken of my slobbery baby boy.

The butterflies twirled around my stomach before each family visit.  Then I realized something:

#sisterhoodunite

While I had feelings of loss before each family visit — this baby’s mother was feeling that loss every moment.

I realized I had to overcome my judgement of this young mother and show her support. I purchased a Mother’s Day card for this young mom from her 9-month-old son — Cookie Monster saying “I wuv you, Mommy!”  Inside the card I added a photo of her baby boy in that little suit.

#SisterhoodUnite

The next court date arrived, and sadly, it didn’t go well for her – she openly admitted her mistakes to the judge. But afterward, this young mother spoke to the Court-Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) saying: “Please tell my son’s foster mom thank you so much for the Mother’s Day gift. It means so much to me.” That was the last time the young mother ever showed up in court or for family visits.

Sometimes we may forget how important or meaningful it is to show support and offer encouragement to the other moms. A small gesture of a simple card and photos can make a world of difference to a mom that hasn’t had any support her entire life.

I am proud to be joining the Sisterhood of Motherhood to encourage parents to support each other and to unite around the idea that we’re all in this together. I believe in this message of support and non-judgement!

Join me and become a part of the sisterhood!

Disclosure: I am honored to partner with Similac in the Sisterhood of Motherhood campaign to support other moms rather than place judgement. #SisterhoodUnite #ParentsFirst

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My Home Is A Different Country For Him

How constant moving through foster homes can really hurt a child.

Being 7 at the time, my foster son was very conscious of his life when he first came to live in our home. He had been in another foster home, where he had spent a full year. One of his first comments, once I introduced him to his very own bedroom was: “It smells here…” In reality, it didn’t. I explained, “I know it feels like it smells, but actually, it simply smells different.”

When I first entered the USA, everything was new to me. Not only the language sounded like nonsense, but the smell of the air was nothing familiar either. I remember when I was at the airport, with my friends, tired as we were, we sat on the floor. A cleaning lady approached and began talking to us. We didn’t understand what she was saying — I think, maybe, we were not supposed to sit there.  We didn’t speak her language. We were travelers.  It was scary when someone would talk to me and I couldn’t understand.

At another time, I remember being confused, also at the airport. After asking the flight attendant a question, she got really offended at me. I think I must have expressed myself the wrong way. I was an exchange student, missing home. I was just afraid I was going to miss my flight.

For a foster child, the experience of a new foster home is very similar to mine. The child is a foreigner in the new home.

A therapist, making the case to defend permanency for a child who had already spent years in foster care, stated: “With every move, a child goes through the same shock as someone does when moving to a new country.”

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My son needed plenty of time to adjust to us. A world had been ripped from him and a completely new one was given him, all at the same time, without having any say.

If an adult can panic at the thought of being dropped off in a strange land… Imagine a child, who has to face all new things? How many traditions did he have to learn? How many different rules did she have to learn at the several schools she has had to attend? How many times did they feel alone and lost and needed someone to explain the directions?

These are heavy experiences!

A child needs stability, permanency. Her brain needs time to absorb and adjust. His heart needs a break…

Many foreigners fall into depression because of the overload of new information they must accept. And we are talking about adults, who have chosen to move from their home country into a new one. But a foster kid did not ask for the move. Still, we require full acceptance from them. So, we must give them space and time once they arrive… And permanency.

Understanding from us to them.

Patience.

Kindness.

Respect.

A never-letting-go attitude.

You know, when that flight attended got mad at me, what helped was when a kind soul stopped by and helped us understand each other. It is hard to forget the relief that I felt when her compassionate eyes met mine at a time when I was a tiny person in a very wide world.

Our little ones are travelers, worn down travelers, foreigners in need of those compassionate eyes.
Join our Facebook page  to connect with other adoptive parents!

GloriaRGloria R. is a mother of two birth children, and fostering to adopt an older child. She is  a licensed therapeutic foster parent with her husband. She continues to engage in research on traumatized children, foster care and adoption and hope to be a voice for kids, who often fall in between the cracks of society. She also loves writing and welcoming new readers to her blog, www.onemorewithus.com.

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The Honeymoon of Foster Parenting

If you follow our adventures on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, you know that I was finally a mom to a little girl!

This precious 3-year-old went to bed so easily, went to potty by herself (even during the night), and was very polite.

Her stay was short at only 10 days, but as she became more adjusted & feeling more safe with our family, the 3-year-old inside became more evident. She actually began using the dreaded n-word — “NO”! (just as most typical 3-year-olds)

The honeymoon phase is the early harmonious period in a relationship – it’s usually over in two weeks…

How long has your “honeymoon period” of fostering lasted?

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I’m Clever

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