Foster2Forever

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Adoption Postponed. Yet Again!!!

Can you believe that there was yet another mistake in the court termination order that will delay our adoption of our foster baby, Lil Bit???

Apparently, Lil Bit’s full name listed on his Mexican birth certificate has FOUR names instead of the usual first, middle, last. This means that the court order to officially transfer his case to the State agency’s Adoption Division has to be re-done and sent back to the judge to sign AGAIN!

However, there is good news! The INS received Lil Bit’s application for certification of citizenship. Lil Bit will be certified as a citizen of the United States by the end of July!!! Do you think he can learn the Pledge of Allegiance by then? 🙂

On the other hand, there is some not-as-bad news associated with his application. A few months ago, I created a passport-type head shot of Lil Bit for his INS application for his certification of citizenship. I found a really, cute head-and-shoulders pose of him (without a shirt on) sitting in our yard.  I cropped the photo to the correct dimensions and printed.

The staff LOVED the photo – with those chubby cheeks, thick dark hair, and sweet smile, they called him a “total cherub.”

But, guess what? He is sitting in the grass. Not against a white background that is the INS requirement for application photographs.  Ug!

So, with the magic of Photoshop, I will crop Lil Bit from the photo and place him against a white background.  My project for this weekend.

With everything going on with Lil Bit’s case, we are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

We are on target to adopt our foster child before Labor Day!!!

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Open Adoption in Foster Care: Is It Safe?

Open adoptions in foster care are a rarity.  However, the adoption of our Lil Bit is semi-open. We have an agreement in place where in May every year, we will send photos and an update letter to the birth mother.  The birth mother in return, can request a visit in August with 30 days written notice.

Last month, when I asked about what to include when writing an update letter to the birth mother, there were a number of readers that had some great insight and experience. Please go back and read the comments – great suggestions!

One commenter did bring up the loss that a child has in not seeing their birth family until age 18.  I do agree that it is sad; however, every situation is unique.  I do believe that sometimes it is in a child’s best interest to NOT see birth family until they are an adult and old enough to handle what they might discover about their birth family and how contact could affect them.  This is the case with our Stinkpot.

Stinkpot’s birth family is extremely violent.  Scary violent.  A sibling was miscarried after the birth father kicked the mother in the abdomen.   They’ve put out their cigarettes in each others faces. It’s a vicious, crazy cycle of domestic violence.  And top that off with the drug use.

The violent nature came from somewhere. In the reports we’ve received on Stinkpot’s family, even a grandparent got involved a verbal altercation with the State agency about “harassing” the birth parent.  This is a grandparent that is currently raising Stinkpot’s sibling!  My fear is that his sibling will also become a violent adult.  Stinkpot certainly has that genetic disposition, and we take him to counseling to help us deal with it appropriately.

Last year, we had a prowler outside our home late one night. Our first thoughts were that Stinkpot’s birth parents found us and were scoping out our home. We later saw bio-mom & dad on the news for a violent crime.  Stinkpot’s birth parents are now in prison (where they belong).

The birth family wants contact with Stinkpot and have contacted the State about a visit and have even tried to search for us.  We do not want contact with this family.  It scares us!

I believe the grandparents could have negotiated a settlement with the State for limited contact if they would have known that they could.  I am sad that Stinkpot has grandparents that love him that he will not see.  I am sad that Stinkpot has a biological brother that he favors that he can’t play with as he grows up.

However, as his parents, we do believe that it is in Stinkpot’s best interest that he not have contact with his birth family until he is an adult, and then, only if he wants contact.

What situations do you believe that contact with birth family should not occur?

Entered in this week's I Heart Faces "whimsical" photo challenge

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Called to Foster

Today, I’d like to introduce all of you to a fellow foster parent that was “Called to Foster.”
Called to Foster
Momma is someone that I “met” online; however, by chatting through email discovered some connections in real life. She used to live in my hometown and now, after moving, is a neighbor to a blog friend I met at Bloggy Boot Camp last October. (Check out Rachel’s Quirky Momma website if you have toddlers or preschoolers – lots of fun activities!)

I LOVE Momma’s Called to Foster website! You can tell she’s a journalist and talented writer. She has an incredible talent to write about what is happening in her life as a foster parent and then ties it together with applicable tips on how to make foster parenting a bit easier.  Here are some of my favorite posts!

Foster Care FAQ’s – Answers to basic questions for those considering becoming foster parents.

It Takes a Village to Raise a Foster Child – How anyone can become part of the village to help children in foster care.

10 Pre-Placement Questions – A list of things you may want to ask when you receive “the call”.  [I added 2 more in the comments]

Losing “Home” – A beautiful comparison relating the selling of her grandparents’ home to children leaving their homes.

Giving “Guilt Love” on the Harder Days – I could really relate to this heart-breaking story of when a foster child just doesn’t fit in your family.  [It brought me to tears and really made me miss my Blondie]

Have you found any websites that you’d like to share?

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Finally a License for Foster Care

Before actually going through the process, I had taken for granted that anyone pretty much normal could get a foster care license. After going through the hoops of attending a “mandatory” informational meeting and all the PRIDE training, we were denied a license for foster care!!! I was ticked! All the talk of a shortage of foster homes, yada yada.

Since we were licensed as an adoptive home only, we sat empty for months. No calls. Nothing. Nada.

In January of 2008, we had a quarterly visit from our caseworker.  She said that the supervisor that opposed our license for foster care was no longer over that section, and that now there was no opposition for our home to be licensed for foster care.

We now had a dual-license as a foster and adoptive home!!!!

But still no calls…

Fortunately, I happen to work with a former foster parent.  Not just any foster parent.  A long-term foster parent.  A foster parent that knows everyone in our area involved in foster care. The State agency staff.  CASA workers.  Foster families.  This foster parent has even held leadership positions in a few of the area non-profit associations that benefit foster children.

One day at the office, this co-worker was wanting to small talk with me and asked how foster parenting was going.  And I let loose!

Would you believe that a few days later this co-worker ran into our PRIDE trainer at Wal-Mart and let her know how ticked off we were?

Would you believe the very next week, on March 4, 2008, we received a call about the placement of an infant for foster care only?

Would you believe that we adopted this foster baby the next year?

Our gorgeous Stinkpot we adopted the next year! I entered this photo in the Beautiful Eyes challenge at IHeartFaces.com

Would you believe that God was smiling through all this knowing that He had a plan all along for our family?

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11

Check other photos of gorgeous eyes at IHeartFaces.com

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Top 3 Ways to Delay Getting a Foster Care License

Becoming a licensed foster care home so that you may accept placements of foster children can be quite an arduous process. In Texas, you must first attend an informational meeting on foster care before you can attend 30 hours of mandatory PRIDE training. After that, you must pass a home study.

That’s home stretch, so to speak, or it is for most, except us….here is Foster2Forever’s Top 3 Ways to Delay Getting Your Foster Care License.

1.  LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE

At the time we began our journey to become foster parents, we lived in a small rural Texas town at least 45 minutes from any town over 10,000.  We complete our PRIDE training in March 2007, and did not get scheduled for our home study until the end of May, over 2 months later!

We learned later that our current foster home caseworker was the one that scheduled our home study.   She’s told us how she struggled to find someone willing to travel so far to our rural home to conduct the home visit for the home study. She jokes with us about how nobody had heard of our village.  So if you want a quick home study – don’t live in the boonies!

home-landscaping-makeover

Our landscaping makeover before we sold our rural home

2.  MOVE TO ANOTHER LOCATION DURING THE HOME STUDY PROCESS

We had made the decision a year before (in 2006) to move from the boonies back to my hometown – a city of over 100,000. We had an offer on our rural home in late-March and were closing the end of May. All just in time for the home study visit scheduled the week of our move.

The lady walks into our living room with no living room furniture and boxes everywhere. She had to conduct the interview sitting with us around the dining room table.  It went well, and she seemed to understand our situation.

A couple of weeks after our move, we were assigned a home caseworker that informed us that we needed to conduct a new fire and health inspection.  We were so happy to be back in civilization, but larger cities do have disadvantages — we didn’t get our health inspection scheduled until mid-July.

Because we had moved, we had to also schedule another home visit. Our new caseworker visited, and we passed the walk-through; however, she did bring some bad news…

3.  HAVE A STATE AGENCY REFUSE TO LICENSE YOU FOR FOSTER CARE

Yep, you read that right! I find it hard to believe myself. Especially, given the foster home shortage.  But it’s all true!  Someone in the agency did NOT want us to be licensed for foster care. “You can be licensed for adoption only.”

“YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!“

Apparently, someone thought that I would get “too attached” to a foster child, since I had no children of my own. I couldn’t believe it! (I still can’t, really)

So we sat as an “adoption only” home for months, until “someone” in the agency was transferred….

What challenges did you face in becoming a licensed foster home?

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Another Screwup to Postpone Adoption

Can you believe it? Another problem to delay the adoption of our 22-month-old foster child, Lil Bit. Those of you that follow Foster2Forever on Facebook already have heard. For the rest of you…

Last Tuesday afternoon, I was at work concentrating on compiling an annual equipment order, when the alarm on my phone sounded. As I glanced down, I began to panic — a court hearing for Lil Bit in 10 minutes!!!! I quickly shut everything down in my office, and raced to my car to get to the court house about 15 minutes away.

Check out Lil Bit's summer buzz cut! He screamed and lashed about during the entire cut.

I get there at 1:35 p.m. (without getting a speeding ticket – a blessing if you know my driving record). I find the court docket posted and see Lil Bit’s name third on the schedule; however, next to his name a handwritten note “not on CPS list.” I grab the first attorney I see and ask him if that means his case won’t be heard. His reply, “Not necessarily. This case with the same note is going before the judge.”

I’m not sure what to do. I glance in the court room at another case being heard and don’t see the back of anyone’s head that I recognize. I take an overdue potty break, and as I slip out of the restroom, the attorney I spoke with pointed at the court room and said, “Your case.”

I rush into the court room and sit next to my attorney (where did he come from?). The caseworker supervisor for the State of Texas has already been sworn in. She testifies that Lil Bit is doing well and that his case has been transferred to the State’s Adoption Unit. However, once the attorney ad litem begins cross-examining her, the answer has been changed to “the case has been transferred but has not been accepted by the Adoption Unit.”

As caseworker supervisor leaves the stand, my attorney turns to me and asks, “Do you want to testify?” My reply is a simple “no!”

However, my attorney does use the opportunity to request that we be named Joint Managing Conservators with the State of Texas.  The judge rules that and schedules the next hearing for the end of August.

Afterward in the hall, my attorney tells me what really happened in the court room. “They had the wrong kid’s name on the second page of the paperwork, and the Adoption Unit rejected it.”

Yesterday, I received Lil Bit’s correct Final Order of Termination of parental rights, so he is now “officially” recognized as an orphan.

His case can now be accepted and processed by the Adoption Unit.  After that, all we will need is for INS to issue Lil Bit’s certificate of citizenship so we can finalize his adoption.  In short, we are waiting on the U.S. Government – isn’t that just dandy?

We are hoping that we can adopt him before the August court date if his U. S. citizenship is certified by then.  However, we do want to wait until after his second birthday in mid-August so that he will be eligible for subsidies, such as medical insurance, given his delays and health issues.

So will we adopt our Lil Bit in August??? Only the good Lord knows…

“I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)

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National Foster Care Month & a Winner

beach-foster-children

Stinkpot in Galvestion Summer 2009

It’s June already, and summer is here in Texas! We’ve already hit 100 degrees! With the drought, it’s going to be a scorcher summer.

It’s also the end of National Foster Care Month. Not that every month can’t be meant to spread awareness for the needs of  foster children.  We had 34 incredible stories of foster care shared on our Foster Care Blog Hop.  Instead of closing the blog hop, we will keep it open so that every foster parent can add their story.

I sent the update letter with photos of Lil Bit to his birth mother. She was supposed to provide an address, but didn’t, so I sent it to her last known address (her grandparent). Thank you for all your words of advice on what to include or leave out. {I did mention Lil Bit’s hospital stay last February, but downplayed it since he recovered so quickly.}

That post had great comments, and brought up a great discussion on open adoption. Later this month, we can delve further into open adoption and when it would and would not be a wise choice.

In July, we will hopefully be adding a forum community to our Foster2Forever website.  A forum community would be a place where you can ask questions and have conversations with other foster parents or others who join in the conversation. Would you be interested in participating in a forum community here? Let me know in the comments.

Looks like we have a winner of our Beauty Case Giveaway (selected by the WordPress Plug-in “And the Winner Is“)

Your Winner

(confirmed)

Author: Joy
Website: http://kinardseason.blogspot.com/
Comment: permalink
I shared your adoption story on Facebook! 🙂
Congratulations, Joy! I know you’ve been wanting to win.

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PRIDE Training for Foster Care License

Our journey to become a licensed foster home was not easy.  First off, we had to travel 75 miles to Brenham, Texas in order to attend a “mandatory” informational meeting before we would even be able to enroll in PRIDE classes the next week.

PRIDE stands for Parent Resource for Information, Development, Education. The PRIDE course is 30 hours plus foster parents in Texas are required to have training on Behavior Intervention and other miscellaneous topics such as HIV, SIDS, shaken baby syndrome, etc.

Our training course was Tuesday and Fridays from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. A big chunk of time. Compound this with the fact that we lived an hour and a half away from the training, and this was exhausting!  Every Tuesday and Friday, we would rush out the door as soon as FosterDad came home from his bus route. We would scarf down some chow on the drive or just bring supper into the class with us. We did this for SIX WEEKS!

The first PRIDE class was basically a more detailed informational meeting.  I’m sorry but that “mandatory” informational meeting was a waste of a Saturday morning for us.  Get this: there was a man in that first PRIDE class that kept asking question after question. “What if there’s a teenage girl that accuses me of touching her?” and other questions along that line.  He was incredibly fearful, and FosterDad and I wondered if he even attended the mandatory informational meeting to ask those questions.  He didn’t show up again.

The classes themselves involved some canned videos and discussions on a variety of topics such as effects of abuse and neglect, sexual abuse, grief and loss, attachment issues, discipline, etc. One session on sexual abuse was incredibly touching as some of us shared our experiences as victims.  Much was common sense, but required material, and our instructors understood that some material could be covered quickly while other topics, such as discipline, would need more detail and discussion.

The class was taught by our current foster home case worker and a delightful veteran foster mom in the area. I was blessed to meet them and learn from them. I so enjoy our caseworker and love her visits (even if Stinkpot turns into a little monster when she is here).

Each week, we would have “homework”.  The homework was actually one piece of the home study at a time. A better way instefingerprintsad of the overwhelming list of things to do to complete your home study. One week, we would bring identification for criminal background checks. One week, copies of W-2’s or paycheck stubs. One week, divorce decrees. One week, the completed family profile questionnaire.

The most difficult task of the homework was completing our FBI fingerprinting.  We first had to call a number to schedule an appointment at the closest location (this was only 45 miles away from our home).  Then we had to bring our completed application along with $55 each.

Our last class, we had a little party eating tons of food while we covered the miscellaneous topics to complete our training. We completed our training!  That was March 2007.  All we needed was our home study visit. We were in the home stretch. It wouldn’t be long before our house would be full of kids, right?

WRONG! Next week, how we struggled to get that coveted foster care license.

ONLINE ADOPTION CONFERENCE

The Adoption HEART Conference is an online conference for foster and adoptive parents with a focus on Healing Trauma And Responding to Trauma (HEART). The conference sessions are free to watch during the conference dates.

If you are a temporary parent to traumatized children, and are trying to provide stability and make a difference in children’s lives, if only for a short time. You are in the trenches of parenting trauma.  This event will help you in developing strategies to effectively parent through trauma!

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Our Journey to Become a Licensed Foster Care Home

Our journey to become a licensed foster-adoptive home was just that.  A journey.3 different towns and over 1,800 miles of driving

The Beginning of our Foster Care Journey for a License

FosterDad and I discover our infertility in the Fall of 2006. After a time of grief and a busy holiday season, in January 2007, we made the decision to become foster parents hoping to eventually become a forever family to a small child or two. We discovered the steps in Texas to become a licensed foster/adoptive home is:

  1. Attend an informational meeting,
  2. Complete an application to attend PRIDE classes,
  3. Attend PRIDE classes (plus CPR/First Aid),
  4. Complete a home study,
  5. Get your license.

Lo and behold, PRIDE classes were about to begin! Perfect timing! Or was it?

There was a catch. We had missed the informational meeting. Okay. Let’s just enroll in the PRIDE class.

Wrong! Bureaucracy decided to rear its ugly head.

“You cannot enroll in the PRIDE classes until you attend the informational meeting.”

“But we missed it last week. Can’t we go ahead and enroll in the PRIDE class?”

“NO! You MUST attend the informational meeting first. But the next class begins in the fall.”

Grrr! I was ready to bite off someone’s head! It’s name was Bureaucracy.

Attending the Informational Meeting

Guess what? There was an informational meeting being held that Saturday morning. In Brenham, Texas (home to Blue Bell ice cream – have you heard of it?). 75 miles away.

So…we woke early that Saturday and drove and hour and a half to attend this “mandatory” informational meeting.

The “information” in this mandatory meeting was basically to touch upon neglect and the children that come into foster care.  Did we learn any new information? For us, no. We felt the meeting was more of a recruiting tool. We already knew that we wanted to become foster parents so, for us, the meeting was a waste of time just the first step in the process.

The PRIDE classes would be the next step and would be held in another city 75 miles in the opposite direction from our home!

Photo: Sienna minivan courtesy of Toyota

Part 2. PRIDE training classes and that coveted foster care license we were first denied.

I’m Clever

Sway