Foster2Forever

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Is Foster Care Adoption Risky?

When we began working in foster care over fifteen years ago there was very little risk involved for us. We worked in a group home and had no intentions of adopting any of the children who came through our home. Most of the kids were teenagers and not looking for a forever family, but a safe place to live. We were a mere step along their path to adulthood. We were fine with that.

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A few years ago our hearts changed and we opened our own home as a foster home. This time, our intentions were to adopt through foster care. We have been licensed with our current foster care agency since November of 2010. One week after our license was approved we received “the call.” We were told upfront that our family would have to be open to adoption to accept the referral, but adoption could not be guaranteed. We accepted the referral and three days later we held our brand new baby girl, our “Sweet Potato Pie”  in our arms.

Foster Care Can Be Messy

Not unlike many other cases in foster care, the story of her family is a mess. This particular case is complicated with siblings, family placements and an individual who has used his political influence to misrepresent the parents. It is recommended by the state agency and the Foster Care Review Board for us to hire an attorney of our own to fight for parental termination of rights. The state is also pursuing this outcome.

In this case, our state adoptions agency has not completed the adoption home study packet. We began that process at the same time we applied for foster care. While we are in the process of being licensed to adopt our girl specifically, we still lack the final approval simply due to shortages of staff to handle the high caseloads.

Foster Parent Hires An Attorney

Hiring an attorney may get us closer to our sweet girl being legally free for adoption, but it will not guarantee us the ability to be the ones to adopt her. Legally, we could tie up thousands of dollars out of our pocket, only to have her returned to her parent due to political favors. Emotionally, our hearts could be broken. Realistically, this is foster care! Anytime you take a foster child into your home, you have no legal guarantees that you will be able to adopt your child. The state has the authority to move foster children at any time. Judges have the authority to send children back to their biological families. Foster children can be moved into placement with relatives who show up two years into placement.

Even with all of the legal risks, foster children deserve a safe and loving home to live in, even if it is only temporary. Legally, you may not have a guarantee for permanency, but you have the opportunity to invest your time and attention into a child who has lost their family. No matter the legal risk, the foster care system can not function without the support of loving foster homes.

Joy is a small town Mom with big girl dreams. She and her husband, Barry, have two biological children Jordan (13) and Riley (11)  and one beautiful foster baby girl, “Sweet Potato Pie” (9 months).  Joy is a writer and stay at home Mom advocating for foster care, families and sight for children with visual disabilities.

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What are Legal Risk Placements in Foster Care?

Our home is a dual-licensed foster home meaning that we are licensed for both foster care and adoption; however, we are currently only open for legal risk placements.  This week, our foster home worker sent us these FAQs on legal risk placements. Does this answer your questions or create more?

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LEGAL RISK PLACEMENTS

Some Questions and Answers

A child is placed in an adoptive home when all rights of birth parents have been terminated.  There are times when this cannot happen because of legal complications involving the termination. When this happens we may consider an adoptive placement with potential adoptive parents who are willing to take the risk that parental rights may not be terminated or who are willing to wait for this to happen no matter how long it takes.

1. What is a legal risk placement?

A legal risk placement is the placement of a child(ren) into an adoptive home prior to a final order terminating parental rights.  OR, if termination of parental rights has taken place, and the biological parents have appealed the termination to an appeals court.

 

2. Why does the Texas Department of Protective and Regulatory Services utilize “legal risk” placements?

Have you seen this movie “Losing Isaiah”?

This is a good question because some would suggest that no child be placed for adoption until all potential legal obstacles have been cleared.  TDPRS chooses to go ahead with a legal risk placement when the agency is reasonably confident that termination will occur.  It has been our experience that the wait for all court action to be finalized has created devastating consequences to the children in our Conservatorship.  In order to minimize the period of uncertainty in the child/ren’s life, TDPRS may proceed with a legal risk placement.  The Department will do all it can to expedite (or, speed up) the legal process and to reduce the risks of the adoptive placement being overturned.  Nevertheless, there can be no guarantees.  The Department recognizes that, if something goes wrong, then the family and child may face heartbreak and emotional trauma.  The Department is very cautious about utilizing legal risk placement prior to termination of parental rights.  Therefore, the Department will not consider making a legal risk placement unless it believes it has a good, solid care for termination.

Legal risk placements usually occur when a child needs to be moved from a foster home near the time the parental rights are to be terminated.  This move will only be made if it is our assessment that the child is ready to start bonding with the potential adoptive family.

 

3.  What requirements must a family meet in order to be considered for a legal risk placement?

A family must be licensed as foster parents until termination of parental rights occurs and must follow all rules and regulations that apply to foster parents.  The prospective adoptive family will need to be trained in CPR and First Aid prior to being licensed as foster parents.

The prospective adoptive family will have foster home worker who will visit the family once every two months and it will be important for the family to attend the six month review hearing (Chapter 18 Court Hearings) and the Permanency Planning Team meetings that affect the child placed in their home.

 

4.  Should an attorney be consulted prior to entering into a legal risk placement?

The Department strongly recommends that a family consult an Attorney regarding legal risk placements.  By consulting an attorney, the family will be able to obtain an assessment of the risks from a neutral source.

 

5.  When are legal risk placements made?

A placement is considered to be a legal risk when:

A.   parental rights have not been terminated;

B.   a parent has appealed the judgment terminating parental rights;

C.   a parent has taken action indicating that a termination judgment likely will be appealed.

 

6.  What risks must a prospective adoptive family consider?

The greatest risk is that a prospective adoptive family will have to give up a child. There are other factors a prospective adoptive family must consider.  For example, the family might have to provide continuing visits between the child and birth parents until termination takes place.  In addition, the prospective adoptive family will not be able to tell the child that they are their adoptive family until parental rights have been terminated.

Finally, the prospective adoptive family must recognize that the legal system can operate at a slow, unpredictable rate.  The termination hearing may be set and postponed time and time again.

 

7.  How long will the process take?

Because every case is different, this is an impossible question to answer.  Because of the legal process it sometimes takes six months or longer for parental rights to be terminated. After the termination hearing has been held, a court order must be drafted.  This order then must be approved by all parties and signed by the judge.  An estimate of the time involved in the process is 30 days, although it can take much longer. A biological parent has 30 days to appeal after the judge has signed the termination order and relatives specified in the law have 90 days to file intervention of interest for placement or contact.

 

8.  When does a legal risk placement become an adoptive placement?

The placement can change form legal risk foster placement to an adoptive placement 30 days after the judge has signed the termination order. The child may take the last name of the adoptive family at this time.

 

9.  What happens if a termination order is appealed?

Thirty days after the termination order has been signed, the status of the family changes from foster care to adoption.  Should the birth parents appeal the termination, they obtain an attorney who may challenge the termination order.  This appeal goes to an appellate court which can take six months to two years to hear the case.  If the termination order is overturned, the case will again go to trial.

 

10. Will the Department appeal when the children are ordered to be returned to their biological parents?

There is only a very slight possibility the Department may pursue an appeal.  The vast majority of trial court decisions are upheld.

 

Types of Legal Risks Placements:

1. Termination has occurred but birth parent is appealing (Regular adoptive placement);

2. No termination but the Department is reasonably confident termination will occur- Mainly uncontested terminations.  (Adoptive parents must be licensed as a foster home and cannot tell the child they are the potential adoptive family).

 

Legal Risk Placements Occur When:

1.  Parental rights are not terminated or Parental rights have been terminated and are under appeal;

2.  If no Termination, the termination of parental rights is likely to occur;

3.  A child needs to be moved from their foster home very near the time parental rights are to be terminated;

4.  The placements in an adoptive home can save the child extra move into another foster home;

5.  The child is ready to start bonding to their potential adoptive family;

 

Texas Department of Family and Protective Services will place children or families in legal risk situations only if:

A.  It is the best interest of the child;

B.  There is a high degree of probability that parental rights will be terminated; or

C.  Details have been discussed with the family.

 

Before a Legal Risk Placement can occur:

1.  A prospective family must be identified and they must be licensed as a foster family;

2.  The family must read the child’s Health, Social, Educational, Genetic and History Report before they meet the child;

3.  The family must read the child’s de-identified case record;

4.  The family must read and sign the Legal Risk Placement agreement with the Department.

 

OTHER OPTIONS:

Dual-Licensed Home: A Dual-Licensed family is a family who is licensed as both a foster family and an adoptive family. They will take both foster care placements and adoptive placements.  A child would be placed in the home as foster care placement.  If the child becomes legally free, the family has the option to adopt that particular child.   The family will also be considered for adoptive placement of other children who are not in their home.

Dual-Licensed families differ from Legal Risk families in the intent of the placement.  Legal Risk families are adoptive families who are licensed as foster families in order to take a legal risk placement.  The intent of the placement is adoption.  Dual-Licensed families are both adoptive and a foster family.  The adoptive placements are true adoptive placements.  The foster care adoptive placements are with the intent that the agency is working to return the child to the parent or relative.  It is true foster care placement.

 

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Our Foster Baby Talks!

Early Childhood Intervention

We have been concerned about our little foster boy. At 18-months-old, our Lil Bit just wasn’t talking.  He would babble, but would say very few words and rarely call for mama or dada. (At 18 months, Lil Bit should have been saying 8-10 words)

In March, Lil Bit was evaluated by Early Childhood Intervention and was markedly behind in communication. An Individualized Family Service Plan (IFSP) was developed to assist us in helping Lil Bit catch up, with an emphasis on speech therapy.

Since then, Lil Bit has had speech therapy twice a month.  Many times, the speech therapist was teaching us techniques to encourage him to talk:

  • Encourage him to say a word when he wants something, such as juice, ball, mama, please, etc.
  • Give him a choice of 2 toys with which to play. “Car or train?” And wait for him to say a word.
  • Praise him enthusiastically when he does say a word, even if it’s not pronounced correctly.

After a few months of speech therapy and working with him, Lil Bit decided to talk! He just started talking. And it’s so stinking cute!!!

  • “Peas!” with his hand on his chest. For Please.
  • “Choo-Choo!” when he sees a train.
  • “Eyeyuyoo!” after I say, “I love you.” Then he gets a big raspberry on his belly. Lots of giggles.
  • “Tee-ta” for his brother’s name. That’s funny.

When I sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”, Lil Bit will chime in on “star”, “are”, “high”, “sky”!  And he has musical talent just like the rest of us in the family. Ouch!

He says “Amen” when we sing “If You’re Happy and You Know It”

And he tries so hard to sing along with “Hey, It’s Franklin”  when the PBS show begins. All that comes out is “spend” & “you” but not pronounced, more like “eeennn” & “oooooo”.

I’m having such a fun time enjoying him!!! These are very proud mommy moments!

What have been your favorite words or phrases your child has said while learning to talk???

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Open Adoption in Foster Care: Is It Safe?

Open adoptions in foster care are a rarity.  However, the adoption of our Lil Bit is semi-open. We have an agreement in place where in May every year, we will send photos and an update letter to the birth mother.  The birth mother in return, can request a visit in August with 30 days written notice.

Last month, when I asked about what to include when writing an update letter to the birth mother, there were a number of readers that had some great insight and experience. Please go back and read the comments – great suggestions!

One commenter did bring up the loss that a child has in not seeing their birth family until age 18.  I do agree that it is sad; however, every situation is unique.  I do believe that sometimes it is in a child’s best interest to NOT see birth family until they are an adult and old enough to handle what they might discover about their birth family and how contact could affect them.  This is the case with our Stinkpot.

Stinkpot’s birth family is extremely violent.  Scary violent.  A sibling was miscarried after the birth father kicked the mother in the abdomen.   They’ve put out their cigarettes in each others faces. It’s a vicious, crazy cycle of domestic violence.  And top that off with the drug use.

The violent nature came from somewhere. In the reports we’ve received on Stinkpot’s family, even a grandparent got involved a verbal altercation with the State agency about “harassing” the birth parent.  This is a grandparent that is currently raising Stinkpot’s sibling!  My fear is that his sibling will also become a violent adult.  Stinkpot certainly has that genetic disposition, and we take him to counseling to help us deal with it appropriately.

Last year, we had a prowler outside our home late one night. Our first thoughts were that Stinkpot’s birth parents found us and were scoping out our home. We later saw bio-mom & dad on the news for a violent crime.  Stinkpot’s birth parents are now in prison (where they belong).

The birth family wants contact with Stinkpot and have contacted the State about a visit and have even tried to search for us.  We do not want contact with this family.  It scares us!

I believe the grandparents could have negotiated a settlement with the State for limited contact if they would have known that they could.  I am sad that Stinkpot has grandparents that love him that he will not see.  I am sad that Stinkpot has a biological brother that he favors that he can’t play with as he grows up.

However, as his parents, we do believe that it is in Stinkpot’s best interest that he not have contact with his birth family until he is an adult, and then, only if he wants contact.

What situations do you believe that contact with birth family should not occur?

Entered in this week's I Heart Faces "whimsical" photo challenge

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Guest Post: Letting Go When Foster Children Leave

Two of foster care placements were especially hard on our family. One was our first placement, a baby girl just two days old who was with our family for 5 ½ months. The other was our third placement and our longest to date at nine months. He was placed with us at 4 days old. He is going home today. To say that those wounds are fresh would be an understatement. Saying goodbye is not easy for me. Sure bonding comes with each child at their own time. One of my favorite posts is by Noisy. Colorful. Livel. “Attachment, where’s the Velcro when you need it.” With these little ones, the newborn babes, bonding is effortless for me. Give me a baby to hold in my arms and they are mine. Loved! Adored!

When we first started foster care we thought that adoption would come up at some point. That eventually we would adopt and we were happy when that day came. We had a young son in the home and weren’t too anxious to have any permanent newcomer. Oh, what a difference a day can make. From the moment these little ones were in our home I did not want to let them go. However, when you sign up as a foster parent, you sign up to support family reunification first. So of course that day came when I was forced to let go.goodbye-foster-children

In the case of our first placement, Little Miss, she wasn’t returned home. Instead a local Native American tribe took jurisdiction on the case since her birth mother had enrolled with them just after giving birth. Under the ICWA laws I did not have first choice after family was ruled out because I do not have any considerable Native American history. Her loss was devastating to say the least. I remember crying my eyes out after she left. I also remember feeling completely normal and putting those feelings of grief aside. It wasn’t until later when another Native American little girl was placed with us that those feelings of loss crept up and overwhelmed me. It is completely normal to feel the different stages of loss. It is important to validate your feelings and talk about them.

Little Dude, who is the baby who is going home today, was placed with me the day after I found out I was losing Little Miss. In some ways I had hope that he was some blessing from on high. A way to make up for the loss of our sweet baby girl. His case has been up and down. There were times I was certain adoption would happen. I prayed it would. Hope kept being drawn-out as extensions in the case were granted. However, all concerns with his biological family were resolved and he was able to return to his father. I am still in shock. Letting go is not easy. But I do know that it is possible. That I can love again.

Foster parenting is incredibly rewarding and, honestly, I wouldn’t trade these experiences. I am growing so much as a person – and more importantly as a Mother.

You can read all about Foster Mama’s foster care and adoption adventures over at:  Foster Mama & the kiddos.  She and her husband have been foster parents for just over a year and in that time have had five placements. Sadly, they have said goodbye to four of them.

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No Time-Out???

Many foster children are removed from their families for physical abuse. Not simply spankings, but beatings! Bruises, marks, and scars!

These darling children come to live in our foster home after this abuse. They are perfect little angels, and you wonder how did this happen.

For a little while. And then: DEMANDS, FITS, HITTING, WHINING – the behaviors that would challenge the Dalai Lama…

These children NEED structure, boundaries, discipline…

As a foster parent, you CANNOT spank!

1-2-3-TIME OUT!!! Yes! That’s it! The perfect method to discipline a child.

I’m going out on a limb to say “NO”!

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As readers of this website may know, our 3-year-old son adopted through foster care is the master of fit-throwing. (Yesterday, as I was driving down the road, he was throwing Easter eggs at me from the back seat. I threw them out the window as he threw them at me. Observers probably thought the Easter bunny was driving by.)

We institute the 1-2-3 time-out as discipline for misbehavior. However, this week, I did something different.

time in discipline“NO! You are not getting candy for supper! Stop hitting me and go sit in your father’s lap right now and tell him what you did was wrong!”

Would you believe it calmed him down sooner, and he behaved the rest of the evening?

A TIME-IN! Time-In Discipline?

Last year, we had a 12-year-old foster child, Big Helper, whose mother had voluntarily given up her children instead of divorcing her incarcerated husband. (I don’t get it either)

Big Helper was dealing with intense feelings of the ultimate rejection.  I began to notice that her most intense breakdowns occurred after she got in trouble. At one point, she even ran away one evening while I was out-of-town on business. Apparently, the time-out form of discipline was another rejection to her, and she simply was emotionally overwhelmed.

I didn’t know anything of a time-in until just before she left us.

DOWNLOAD YOUR GUIDESHEET FOR TIME-IN DISCIPLINE

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Challenges of our Abused Children {Blog Hop}

During April, National Child Abuse Prevention month, Foster2Forever will be hosting a link-up on topics in regard to the abused and neglected children that we, as foster parents, bring into our home.

Last week’s topic of dealing with the feelings and emotions our foster children had some great tools on how to deal with those explosive behaviors! You must read all of them!

Our featured blogger is Sarah Thacker!  I still have to deal with Stinkpot’s outbursts occasionally and will be using the methods discussed in her post to calm him. Thanks Sarah! And thanks to the other bloggers who linked up last week!

This week’s topic is Challenges/Trauma/Neglect. This is a very broad topic so we’re hoping many of you will join us this week. Go ahead and add a post from the past!

Or you can write a new post!

Foster2Forever will feature one blogger next week!

Next week’s topic:

April 25-30 Overcoming the Past (I can’t wait to read your posts on success stories!)

Feel free to grab the code and add this blog hop to your website.

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A Foster Child’s Grief

“This isn’t happening to me!  I can’t believe it! My mom wouldn’t just give me away. She loves me. But why would she choose HIM over me, after what he did to us? I can’t believe she would choose HIM! She didn’t even say goodbye. Why would she sign me away right before my birthday? I hate her! Maybe if I would’ve been better she wouldn’t have chose to stay with HIM and she would have wanted me. I should have been better. I shouldn’t have talked back to her. It’s all my fault! I wish I were dead.”
Free Overexposed Faux Vintage Film Scared Crying Child Creative Commons
The above statement is only loosely based on the story of one of our foster children.  Some of these statements I heard at different times while she was in our home. A child going through the grief of losing her birth family.

A foster child may experience a very real grief – a grief much like grief experienced when a loved one dies. The saddest part is that many foster children don’t move through the stages of grief to final acceptance.

Denial – Usually is a short phase of grief until reality sets in; however, due to the deceit she experienced with her birth family, our foster child could never really trust that what happened: truly did happen.  Some foster children can have such serious issues of trust, that they can stay in this stage, literally  denying everything in their life and blaming others for their circumstances. Is this why some cannot take responsibility for their actions?

Anger – How many foster children get stuck in this stage?

Bargaining – “If only I were a good kid, this wouldn’t happen.” “If only, I would have…” Sadly this stage brings about feelings of guilt which moves to the next stage.

Depression – How many foster children are taking some sort of anti-depressant to deal with their losses? How many are stuck in this stage?

Acceptance – Sadly our foster child could never really accept her loss. Foster families were “fake families” and she was simply waiting for her 18th birthday to run back to her real family. How many of our youth in foster care have accepted their loss and moved on?

What is your experience with foster children and stages of grief?

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Feelings and Emotions of Abused Children {Blog Hop}

During April, National Child Abuse Prevention month, Foster2Forever will be hosting a link-up on topics in regard to the abused and neglected children that we, as foster parents, bring into our home.

This week’s topic is Feelings/Emotions.

You can write a new post or just go ahead and add a post from the past! Foster2Forever will feature one blogger next week!

Last week’s topic of bonding with our foster children had some really great posts – it was difficult to choose one to feature. However, Quacken Baby’s post on the attachment exercises she performs with her child really opened my eyes on the different games we can play with our kids to form healthy attachments slowly, if need be. The post is labeled as a “Must Read” and it is!

Future topics:

April 18-23 Challenges/Loss/Trauma/Neglect

April 25-30 Overcoming the Past

Feel free to grab the code and add this blog hop to your website.

I’m Clever

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