Foster2Forever

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Prayer Warriors Needed

As foster parents, we sometimes have to face the tearing apart of our families. A family is fragmented with a letter stating that a child will be removed and placed elsewhere.


The State doesn’t always have the best interests of the child in mind when making these decisions. Sometimes the removal of a child is what is quickest, easiest and will require the least amount of paperwork.

Shannon at http://4kidsandsurviving.blogspot.com needs prayer warriors! Little Mya needs prayer!

The State is quickly moving toward reunification with her birthfamily and the 2-year-old is distressed over leaving her foster family.

Please add Mya and all her family and workers to your prayer list.

“And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” ~Ephesians 6:18

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HOW TO MAKE 3 FAMILIES INTO 1 (Blending Families)

PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST WINNER
The winner of yesterday’s photo caption contest is Denver Laura of Fertility Alphabet Soup who is making the leap from fertility treatments to foster care.  This month, she had the joy of an 8-month-old baby boy in her home and then the disappointment of his leaving with a relative. Go give her a *BIG* virtual hug!!!

BLENDING FOSTER KIDS INTO ONE FAMILY
Now – Say a BIG “Howdy” to La Mama Loca, a foster mom that has adopted 5 of her foster children! Her family of 7 is about to move from the Midwest to Puerto Rico…

Hello and thanks for reading about our crazy family! Just over five years ago, my husband and I jumped on the foster care roller coaster adventure. Never did we imagine the ride that was in store for us!
In January of 2006, we received our first call, three children, ages and names unknown.  That list of questions to ask before you take a placement….right out the window! All we knew when we went to pick them up several hours later was that there was 1 boy and 2 girls, they were approximately 3, 4, and 5 yrs old, sick, and none spoke a word of English.
Papa Loco, my husband, is fluent in Spanish, and I know enough to be dangerous! We picked the kids up around 7 in the evening and from then on out, our lives changed dramatically!  While I had a degree in Education and we had both been around children all our lives, for the first time, we were totally responsible for these precious lives! It was a bit scary, but we made it through!  I think back to those early days and I am amazed at how we all clicked and made it work.  Going from no children to three children does not work for everyone, but for us, it did.  Due to the nature of the kids case, we were still unsure of their full names and ages until about 2 weeks into the case:
  • Smarty Pants had just turned 5 years old, less than two weeks before we got him.
  • Sweet Thing was 3, almost 4 years old.
  • Drama Mama was 2.5….and every bit her nickname!

Over the next few years, we added other foster children into our home.  Almost a year into their placement, we added Goofy Girl.  She had been a pre-adoptive placement and been doing (free) respite from 14 mos-18 mos.  The kids were so excited to have her finally move in.  They have always had warm and loving hearts and welcomed her in.

For the first two years of the older three’s case, and first year of GG’s case, we had no parental visits.  This is rare.  We took it for granted.  After a year in care, Goofy Girl’s bio mom showed up…demanding visits.  This time she had her boyfriend, who she claimed was GG’s bio father, in tow.  Visits were hard.  Very hard!  From 11 mos-2 yrs old, GG had no contact with her bio mom.  I was her mom, Papa Loco was her Papa.  It took many months for her to feel comfortable with leaving our sides.
Several months later, we added La Loquita to our family….Goofy Girl’s sister.  She was with us from 1.5 months old to 7 months.  She had a short 3 months reunification with bio mom, but surprise, we got a call one late night saying she’d been removed again…did we want her back?? Of course, she was our baby girl!

At that point, we had 6 children in our home.  We also had Chunky Monkey…the 1/2 brother of the older three kids.  He was with us for the first year of his life.  The kids did not know he was their 1/2 brother right away.  We were really torn on how to handle this issue.  They had no contact with their bio family.  For two years, we had no idea where their bio mother was, if she was dead or alive.  It was a total out of the blue call telling us that Chunky Monkey existed and was in care! CM had weekly visitation with bio mom and his father.  He went home at 13 months old.  This was very hard for the kids.  They were very very very concerned about him, if bio mom was making good choices, if he was safe. Losing him was heartbreaking for all of us.  Yet we also saw God’s hand on the situation.  While bio mom made a lot of stupid choices in those past few years, she also realized it.  She worked hard to get Chunky Monkey back.  We developed a relationship with her, that while it has its ups and downs, has been a blessing. We now have frequent contact with Chunky Monkey, Mr. Macho, and La Gorda, the other two half siblings.

We have now finalized the adoption of our 5 children.

Each set of cases last 3.5 years from placement to adoption.
Ages at placement:
Smarty Pants-5, Sweet Thing-3, Drama Mama-2, Goofy Girl-11 mo, La Loquita-1 mo.
Ages at adoption:
Smarty Pants-8, Sweet Thing-7, Drama Mama-6, Goofy Girl-4, La Loquita-2.

We have, by the grace of God, managed to blend three families into one.  We have an open adoption with both bio mothers, but currently, only contact with 1.  We know we are not the only family these children have.  With boundaries, we have managed to have good relationships with extended bio family.  The kids know there are biological differences amongst them.  We talk a lot about how we are a family formed by adoption with a lot of people to love them.  Like any group of 5 siblings, they bicker and fight.  Yet they also have a very tight bond that no one can tear apart.

Love has brought our family together in a way, we never imagined.  We continue to pray about adding more children to our family!  We can’t get enough crazy in our lives!

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FOSTER BABY AND OTHER MISCELLANEOUS THINGS

The hardest part of adopting through foster care is the uncertainty of a final adoption.

Our 10-month-old foster boy, Lil Bit, was placed in our home after a violent dispute between the mother and her grandmother, last December. The mother had had her parental rights terminated with her 5 previous children which were not placed with relatives. We were told the baby would be ours for adoption. (oops!)

This case has been a complete mess and $6,000 in legal fees later – Lil Bit is still with us until a custody hearing in late September. You can read the history HERE.

We had a permanency meeting last month to discuss the forever plan for Lil Bit and his mother’s progress for reunification.  When a child is first removed, the parents and the State draw up a permanency plan checklist that lays out all the individual steps a parent must do in order to be reunified with their child(ren). Items include things as routine (for the normal responsible population) as getting (and keeping) a job or income and finding a place to live independently.  Other things include drug testing, anger management classes, parenting classes, first aid training, and individual or group counseling.

In the meeting, Lil Bit’s mentally-challenged birth mother showed that she is working hard to complete everything on the permanency plan checklist to get back custody of her baby. She had completed all the training and is now receiving SSI and will be moving into government housing soon. She has purchased a baby bed and high chair for Lil Bit, fully anticipating his return.

This is the saddest part! After all of her hard work, in this meeting, a State worker looked the birth mother in the face and told her,

“We do not believe that you have the mental capacity to care for the baby by yourself.
The current plan for permanency for this baby is adoption.“

I felt so horrible for this mother. She really has no clue and neither does her mother.

The State’s current plan is adoption by the baby’s great-aunt.  The birth mother and grandmother oppose this adoption and stated in the meeting that they want us to adopt Lil Bit instead of their family.  They stated that the uncle is a weekend disc jockey and there is a lot of alcohol consumption in the home. “They like to party.” The State did acknowledge that they did need to “check out some things” in regard to their home study.

The CASA stated that another court hearing will occur before our original September 22nd custody hearing. We believe that the State will be seeking to terminate the birth mother’s parental rights before September, but we do not know.

The good news is that Lil Bit will stay with us in the meantime. More time to be a true blessing in our home!

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I just heard that everything is fine for the licensing of our home for the 18-year-old with Asperger’s Syndrome.  We still haven’t heard from his case worker and are assuming they found a home for him.

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Yesterday, our 3-year-old Stinkpot, was very upset with us for not taking him with us to “Big Church” after Sunday School.  So last night, we took him with us to Sunday evening worship since there wasn’t any childcare that night.  He did GREAT, sitting up in his chair, paying close attention – UNTIL – the singing stopped.  Then continually, loudly whining politely asking to go to “his class”.

So he and I went outside to the church playground, split a Wendy’s Apple Pecan Chicken Salad, and enjoyed a special “Mommy and Me” picnic!

Mommy and Me Monday at Really, Are You Serious? Hosted by Krystyn
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Remember to enter this month’s GIVEAWAY! Foster2Forever is giving away an autographed copy of Spoken from the Heart signed by Laura Bush, the former First Lady herself!

Remember to enter a comment, if you are already a follower or subscriber!

Have a great week!

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PERMANENCY FOR OUR FOSTER BABY

Wednesday is a big day! We have been invited to the permanency conference for our 10-month-old foster boy, Lil Bit.  A permanency conference is a meeting that the State holds to discuss a plan for permanency for a foster child with the involved parties.

The first permanency conference is held when a child is first removed, where the plan for permanent placement is almost always reunification with the parents. In this meeting, everything the parent has to do to be reunited with their children is discussed with all the tasks spelled out for them.

Another is held later, especially if the parent has not complied with the permanency plan. My husband and I showed up for one with another foster child, where the case worker didn’t think we should attend and sent us on our way since the State was going to discuss terminating the mother’s parental rights. (She had disappeared for a month and a half on a drug binge)

Remember, our strange day in court last month, where we showed up expecting a hearing on whether or not the baby stays with us or moves to his great-aunt’s home? With the CASA and baby’s ad litem attorney pushing for a familial placement with the great-aunt, we were preparing to pack the baby’s things and say good-bye. We were shocked when the recommendation from the State and CASA was for the baby to remain with us until another hearing in September!

However, last week, through our attorney, I received the status report from the State on this case. The State is moving for terminating the mother’s parental rights!  We had no idea!  The mother is mentally-challenged and recently moved back in with her abusive grandmother. She has lived in 4 places in 6 months.

Another important thing we learned from the status report is that there is a cousin wanting custody of Lil Bit.

A list of those in line for Lil Bit:

  • Lil Bit’s great-aunt – barely passed home study due to previous investigations, but State and others are recommending this familial placement for Lil Bit
  • US – foster parents for most of the 10 months of Lil Bit’s life
  • The Cons – has Lil Bit’s 5 other siblings and is collecting a disability check on ALL of them (actually told State investigator that they would get Lil Bit by buying the mother “a shiny, new cell phone”)
  • AND NOW, A COUSIN HAS COME OUT OF THE WOOD WORK!!!
Where were these family members with the last 5 children the mother lost custody of ?
Please say a quick prayer for us Wednesday morning!
“And we know that all things God work together for good to those who love God” – Romans 8:28
Here’s a picture I recently took of our Lil Bit with my 12-year-old puppy that suffers from ADHD/OCD.
Check out the other pet photos at iheartfaces.

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A STRANGE DAY IN COURT FOR OUR FOSTER BABY

Today we went to court in regard to the placement of our 9-month-old foster baby, Lil Bit.  In December, he was placed with us as a legal-risk placement meaning that, at the time, there was no foreseeable family members for placement and the mother’s parental rights had been terminated with her previous 5 children.

As foster parents, we had “intervened” with the court in the placement of this baby with an aunt of the mother.  You can read more of the details of the case on this post.

I have not been optimistic. Everyone seemed to be wanting this baby to go live with his great-aunt. In fact, when the Court-Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) had visited last week, her last remark to me was: “he’s young, he’ll assimilate easily.”

Today was NOTHING what I expected. The baby’s case was called second on the docket.

The CPS case worker was called to the stand. She was asked how the mother was doing and she stated that she was currently working services.  The baby’s ad litem attorney asked if CPS was still looking at placing the baby with his great-aunt and her reply was yes.

My attorney showed me a report from the CASA. He instructed me to look at the Recommendations on the last page. #3 stated: “The child should remain in his current placement.”

The judge then ruled that Lil Bit would remain in his current placement (WITH US)!

The next hearing is set for September.

WOW!  All I can say is…the miracle of prayer!
I want to say a HUGE THANKS to all our prayer warriors out there!!!

Y’all have a great week!
Hugs!

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I HEART MY FOSTER BABIES!!!

Tomorrow is the big day!  Tuesday, May 25th is when we go back to court to see if we will keep our Lil Bit, or if he will be placed with a great aunt.  I am not optimistic. CPS wants him with family – the baby’s ad litem attorney wants him with family – the baby’s Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) wants him with family.  However, the birthmother does NOT want him with family. You can read the drama details of the last hearing on this post.

If the judge rules for Lil Bit to go, my husband & I can use this reprieve to reconnect & regroup for our next placement.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God” – Romans 8:28

And for the IHeartFaces yellow challenge this week, here is a picture of our very first foster baby that was placed with us – now, this picture is 2 years later & he is now adopted.  He is such a Stinker!

Y’all have a great week enjoying your loved ones!
Hugs!
~penny

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ANOTHER COURT HEARING ON OUR FOSTER BABY

Many times when a child is placed in foster care, it is because there isn’t any stable family members available to provide a safe environment for the child.  However, albeit rarely, family members may argue over who will get to keep the child. This is quickly becoming the case with our 9-month-old, Lil Bit.

After having her rights terminated on 5 previous infants, the birthmother is actually working to reclaim custody of Lil bit; however, she does have an uphill battle considering that she is mentally-challenged.
Amazingly, while Lil Bit is in foster care, the birthmother does NOT want Lil Bit placed with any of her family members. She has actually sided with our family over hers in court. However, her first choice is for Lil Bit to be placed with her friends that are raising Lil Bit’s siblings – all 5 of them.  (I’ll call them the Cons) However, since the Cons are no relation to Lil Bit and haven’t even met him, the judge had previously ruled that the Cons do not have any legal rights to the child.

We have a hearing set for next Tuesday, May 25th, to determine whether the Lil Bit will go live with his great-aunt (against the birthmother’s wishes) or whether he will remain with us.

But that blew up a couple of weeks ago. I was driving through rural Texas for work, and my cell phone beeped that I had a message.  The voice mail was from none other than Lil Bit’s case worker (I’ll call her AB). She wanted to visit our home that afternoon. I was ticked! Why?

AB had finally set up her first home visit in the 4 months since we’d had the baby for the week before – and never showed! No phone call, nothing! I even called the next day to finalize arrangements for Lil Bit’s dental appointment for the next week, and AB didn’t even mention her missed visit.

And now she wanted us to drop everything for her convenience. I returned her call the next morning and invited her to come to our home that night. Ha! A Friday night! Plus the maid would have just cleaned that afternoon! Double ha!

When AB finally arrived for her first home visit, she told us the reason for her expedited visit – there was another court hearing scheduled for the next Tuesday!

At our last custody hearing in March, AB had to give testimony regarding the Cons. (Although their case had already been thrown out by the judge before that hearing, the judge went ahead and allowed Mr. Con to testify since the birthmother’s attorney had called him as a witness since she wants Lil Bit with her other children.)

In AB’s testimony in March, she had stated that the Con’s home had been closed. Apparently, that was the correct terminology to use since the home had only reached the “maximum number of occupants.”

Although Mrs. Con wasn’t at that hearing, she was apparently so upset about AB’s testimony that “trashed their name”, that she exploded at the Regional Director of Family & Protective Services – a special hearing was called.

At our home visit, I asked AB if there was anything that we needed to do or if we needed to attend this special hearing the next Tuesday. She reassured us that there was nothing we needed to do.

However, at 2:45pm on Monday afternoon, AB called and told me that we did, in fact, need to attend the hearing the next morning.

I quickly tried to contact our attorney. I finally tracked him down driving from a deposition in South Texas. I quickly briefed him on the hearing. He was livid that, being the attorney on record, he hadn’t received the required 3-day hearing notice. Not only very frustrated for the lack of hearing notice, but my lack of knowledge on the details of this hearing, and also his lack of cell phone coverage in the Texas coastal plains. {can you hear me now?}

The next morning our attorney attended this joke of a hearing – it was in the judge’s chambers only – nothing in the legal record.

During the discussions, our attorney did have to remind everyone that the testimony regarding the Cons occurred AFTER the judge had already thrown out their case when AB testified.

The judge stated that to resolve the issue, Child Protective Services (CPS) could put a memo in the legal record; but, the next custody hearing for Lil Bit would still occur on May 25th.

Whew! What a mess! It’s hard to believe that when Lil Bit was removed from the birthmother, CPS was looking for a legal risk home to adopt this beautiful baby boy.

As we approach next Tuesday’s hearing date, how much are you willing to wager that the Cons will be in the courtroom, still trying to stake their claim on Lil Bit? Will Lil Bit’s great-aunt show up to this hearing? If she does show up, will the judge award custody to his great-aunt?  CPS always prefers familial placements.  {read my first post on the custody of Lil Bit}

We are grateful for your continued prayers!
Hugs!
~penelope

{all photos excepts Lil Bit’s gorgeous eyes are from
Flickr’s Creative Commons group
– please click on the photos to visit their wonderful works of art}

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UPDATE on Lil Bit…Part 1

My last writing on our now 6-month old foster baby, he was in the hospital with RSV & we were to give him to a relative on the 9th. It has been a whirlwind since!!!

Lil Bit was admitted to the hospital on February 2nd – Groundhog Day, no less – for RSV. My wonderful husband and I took turns staying/spending the night at the hospital. (An adult has to stay with an infant at all times)

Already emotionally & physically exhausted, I received all the legal paperwork discussing Lil Bit, his birth family, & the home study of a family member. Instead of being placed with his 5 siblings & other children, the home study recommended that Lil Bit be placed with his great-aunt. (don’t freak out – she’s younger than us at 33 years young!) As I read the home study & how they already had a room ready for Lil Bit, I began to cry. This baby has a family that loves him & wants him! He has 12-year-old & 7-year-old cousins that are excited about having a baby in their home. Who are we to get in the way of that?

I spent Thursday night in the hospital alone with Lil Bit saying my goodbyes to the little man & sleeping very little. (Can you hear the violins softly playing in the background?)

On Friday morning, my knight in shining armor that I married 5 years ago, comes into the gloomy hospital room & tells me that he wants to meet with our attorney. “I just want to hear what the attorney has to say” were the words he repeated to me.

Later that morning, I received a conference call from the law firm – my husband & TWO attorneys. Some of the things discussed:

  • Great-aunt cannot financially take care of Lil Bit without government assistance;
  • An arrest of great-uncle for violence years ago;
  • Lil Bit has lived with only the mother & us;
  • We have had Lil Bit for 1/3 of his life;
  • We have the financial capability to take care of Lil Bit long term;
  • Final adoption of Lil Bit is uncertain – other family members may be located;
  • This may cost up to $15K in legal fees!

So much to digest in one call & a really tough, expensive decision to make!
I was both excited & shocked when my frugal knight in shining armour told me –
“LET’S GO FOR IT!!!”
….to be continued….
Hugs until then!
~penny

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YES, IT DOES GET WORSE!

What a week!

I am still very nervous about what going to happen to Lil Bit, our 5-month-old foster baby. His case worker called me last Friday to tell me that they were going to send Lil Bit to the family member that has his other 5 siblings.

Since then, I have spoken with our attorney, and it all comes down to whether we, as foster parents, have standing for a court case. Foster parents can ask a judge to be considered as an option for placement if the child has lived with them for a year. Even though Lil Bit has lived with us less than 2 months – he has lived with us for 20% of his short life. But that doesn’t hold up in court.

We will have to prove that placing Lil Bit with the family member will possibly “endanger or otherwise cause harm” to him. Did I mention that, as I understand it, this family member has 6 children of their own? I know that the State is not recommending this placement; however, the family member does have an attorney & is requesting a sibling placement. I am meeting with our attorney tomorrow.

The worst part of all this is that I took Lil Bit to the doctor on Tuesday because he was getting a cough – and, turns out he has RSV! He was admitted to the hospital & is in isolation! I’m thankful I went ahead and took him before he had gotten worse! He has been doing well in that he is still getting plenty of oxygen; however, he has been fighting a fever & severe congestion.

Please keep Lil Bit and our family in your prayers!

I’m Clever

Sway