Foster2Forever

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How Interactive Storybooks Can Help Foster Children

Christmas is a special time of year when giving, love & memories take center stage. But Christmas can be an especially tough time of year for foster children.  Away from family members and Christmas as they know it, foster children may miss their loved ones even more than ever.  But what if they could hear a familiar voice anytime they missed someone.

Here’s the answer: Interactive storybooks from Hallmark to help “Bring the Holidays to Life” for foster children!

· Interactive Story Buddies: My kids just love these Interactive Storybooks and Story Buddies! So much that our collection is growing! You can read more about how our Story Buddy, Christopher, makes bedtime calmer in our home.

What can make these stuffed animals so special is that there is an iPad app!

So a foster child’s loved one can record the story to be read to the child in your home!!!

· Recordable Storybooks: A foster child’s family member can record a story and read to their child no matter where they are this season with the help of Hallmark Recordable Storybooks!  With fun illustrations and music, their familiar voice can be added to a Christmas story that can be replayed time and again by your foster child.  Check out this Spanish version of The Very First Christmas!!!

Other Hallmark products I absolutely LOVE are:

· Be a Part of the Story: Transform traditional story time into an interactive adventure with Hallmark’s newest storybooks, Be a Part of the Story. When special lines are read aloud, the main character chimes in with a question or choice for a child to answer. Once the child answers, the story continues! Our 3-year-old, Lil Bit, loves choo-choo trains and in this book, All Aboard!, he helps the conductor, Conner, make decisions, such as which track to take and what to feed a cow standing on the tracks.

· Keepsake Ornaments: More than just decorations, Keepsake Ornaments capture the memories of the holidays, commemorating the events, relationships and interests that shape your life throughout the years. Check out this Forever Family snowflake ornament!

And this weekend is Hallmark’s Gift of Memories weekend!!! You earn $5 with the purchase of any Keepsake Ornament!

Hallmark is generously giving away a Christmas gift pack (valued at over $50) to one lucky Foster2Forever reader! The gift pack will include:

  • “A Visit to the North Pole” Be a Part of the Story Storybook
  • One of Hallmark’s “Everyday” Recordable Storybooks – Perfect for loved ones to record a story for their little ones no matter where they are! Family members can add their voice to a story that can be replayed time and again by your foster child.
  • A selection of the newest Signature and Interactive Greetings from Hallmark

Enter using the Rafflecopter below!
a Rafflecopter giveaway

Would your foster child benefit from a recordable storybook? Or did you become a forever family this year?

This post and giveaway is sponsored by Hallmark; however, my family loves the products so these opinions are our own!

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Another Custody Battle

As you know, I have a new nephew who has been fighting for his life in NICU for the past few weeks. However, there is another fight for his life brewing.  This poor baby entered the world with parents in the midst of a divorce.

Unexpectedly, the father has filed for custody of the baby. Amidst the joy of the birth of her first child, my sister is not only worried about her premature baby’s health, but frightened that the father’s family will do everything possible to get custody of the baby.

Please pray for my sister, Randi, and her baby!

Dragon is a fictitious name.

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Orphan Sunday

On Orphan Sunday, Christians stand for the orphan.

We are a people called to defend the fatherless…to care for the child that has no family…to visit orphans in their distress.

What are you doing to spread awareness on Orphan Sunday?Will you share this post?

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Why Am I Thrilled About Medicaid?

Because Stinkpot didn’t have Medicaid coverage!

We adopted our foster son, Stinkpot, at 2 years old in 2009. He wasn’t eligible for adoption subsidies as a healthy (relatively), Caucasian foster child under the age of 5.

And we didn’t care! We were thrilled for Stinkpot to officially be our son after a year and a half of him being a part of our family.

However, at age 3, our precious Stinkpot began having uncontrollable rages!  So much so that he got kicked out of THREE daycares for injuring other children and staff! We even began medicating our explosive child after visiting a psychiatrist. One diagnosis, in a list of many, was Reactive Attachment Disorder.

However, Stinkpot’s psychiatric care was getting expensive — We were becoming increasingly frustrated with what the health care facility was charging and what my insurance wouldn’t cover.  For example, the psychiatrist is a specialist requiring a $40 co-pay – but since his office is located in an outlying building on the hospital grounds, any office visit was billed as an outpatient hospital visit that required us to pay $60 out-of-pocket until our deductible was met! Geez! $100 a visit!

We could see that these were long-term issues we were dealing with. Our Stinkpot would need Medicaid assistance.  But we had already adopted him as a healthy child.

We discovered that we had the option to “appeal” the State’s decision to deny Medicaid subsidies for our adopted child through a “Fair Hearing” process.

We began the process in January.  Yesterday, we signed and delivered our Adoption Assistance Agreement to the State office!

The process is long (and bumpy)!  First, there was the long wait in the queue before the Austin attorneys even looked at Stinkpot’s file. Then we were requested to obtain documentation from a physician about Stinkpot’s condition.  The psychiatrist had to write a letter explaining that Stinkpot had these serious issues at the time of adoption, but the disorders couldn’t be diagnosed since he was too young. That was May 10th.

The letter was sent to the State’s attorneys, and then we were denied.  The letter had to have EXACT wording (Legalese).  Another $100 visit on August 9th to the psychiatrist to request the letter – again – this time with the EXACT words the State attorneys required!

The State attorneys reviewed the second letter and sent their letter of finding that Stinkpot would be eligible for foster care adoption subsidies last month.  The adoption assistance negotiator called last Thursday so I could detail all the costs associated with Stinkpot’s care.  We received the Adoption Assistance Agreement this weekend.

Our Stinkpot will now have Medicaid coverage! First on the list is a tonsillectomy, then food allergy testing…

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Our Crazy Merry-Go-Round of Names

Do you change your foster children’s name at adoption?

When our precious Lil Bit came to live with us at 3-months-old as a legal risk adoptive placement, he had a BIG name, an old name – like Ernesto.  (All names have been changed)  Since he was a legal risk placement predicted to be adopted, we were planning to change his name.

It didn’t take us long to decide on his name – Deryl – a family name on my husband’s side.

Changing-Name-Foster-Child-At-Adoption

And here is the amusing story behind our foster children’s name changes after adoption:

  • Stinkpot’s bio-dad’s name is also Deryl.  (When we were contemplating a name change for our Stinkpot, my husband even absentmindedly suggested re-naming our Stinkpot, Deryl, for a moment. However, as soon as I mentioned the bio-dad’s name, we knew the name Deryl wouldn’t be the best.)

But that’s not the end of the same name game:

  • Stinkpot’s bio-brother is also named Deryl.

Yep! Much like the television show, Newhart:

But this isn’t where the same name game ends!

Remember when we received the call that Lil Bit had a newborn baby brother?

I struggled and struggled with saying no to becoming his mom. One reason: The baby actually had my deceased dad’s middle name!  Was that a sign from above?

I’ll flash forward the story of Baby Brother who is now going to be adopted by a nearby foster family. Guess what they are changing Baby Brother’s name to?

That’s right! Lil Bit’s given name: Ernesto!!

Do you change your foster children’s name at adoption?

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Do You Have Baby Pictures of Your Kids?

This is the earliest photo that I have of our JD – taken when he was nearly 5 months old. I found this photocopied picture buried deep in his case file.

Doesn’t he just look sad?

After he was in our home for a month, we took JD with us to Sears Portrait Studio (now closed) to have some quick family portraits made.

So, this is the baby picture of our JD that we cherish.

Fortunately, our JD was young enough to capture the essence of his babyhood; however, this is a stark contrast to what most foster parents have to document their child’s early life.

What photos do you have of your foster children’s early life?

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Healing from the Grief of a Failed Adoption

Today we have special guest, Annette from Fried Green Tomatoes and Sweet Tea sharing her touching story with you…
My story is different than many, in that my husband and I did not decide to Foster but rather we were asked by a teenage mother to adopt her baby that she was unable to care for. We were told that her biological father had nothing to do with her, and her mother told us that she just could not handle being a mother.  “Sweet Pea” was turned over to Department of Social Services (DSS) one weekend and placed in a temporary Foster Home. When her mother met with Attorneys the following Monday. she named us as Guardianship Caregivers (and future adoptive parents). After meeting with DSS and having a home inspection, we signed up for fostering classes and brought Sweet Pea home with us.
The goal of DSS is reunification and we always knew that. but the biological mother (who called me often) was adamant that the father was going to sign the adoption papers. He didn’t! He decided he wanted custody of Sweet Pea and visitations were given. I always dressed her up and sent notes to him about what she was doing that was new (like when she rolled over for the first time).  Eventually full custody was given to Sweet Pea’s father, with a few stipulations, such as taking parenting classes.
We bonded with Sweet Pea, and I had convinced myself she would be ours and her Daddy would not fulfill his part, but he did. After three months, we were told that we had to hand her over to her daddy. I wrote about that day here on my blog.
Losing our foster baby was the hardest thing that I have ever done! It hurt and I’ve cried a river of tears over the past year but I would not change a thing. That baby girl needed a mother figure to care for her and give her stability. I gave her that. She was loved by my three daughters and my husband. We were given the opportunity to talk with her Daddy and give him some advice that parents often give since he didn’t have that kind of family support. As difficult as it was, I can now look back and see that we were there for Sweet Pea and we were there for her mother and her father. We showed them the love of Christ at a difficult time.
Fostering is a blessing for all involved. It’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever done but who could walk away from a child in need. The loss of that baby girl was like a death to me, and the healing took a long time. It’s been a year now, and I can finally smile when I see her pictures instead of cry.  Healing takes time but it happens, and I am thankful for the opportunity to be a part of that family’s life during a difficult time.

Has your heart been broken by a failed adoption?

Annette Smith is the wife of a cop and a mother to four children (ages 11,16,18,20) and chickens. She has been married for 23 years. She’s addicted to blogging about her live in the South at Fried Green Tomatoes and Sweet Tea.

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The Dream vs Reality of Being a Father

He was my Dream-Man! I was in college and had his photo in my room. I would look at him and smile. Hoping for the day – praying for the day.

This was my dream.

Do you remember this poster? I realize that I’m showing my age now and if you’ve never seen this photo, then — Shut Up!

This black & white poster, produced in 1987, showed a handsome, hunky father cradling his sweet, little baby, seemingly having a conversation.  This poster was a blockbuster of its time, selling over 5 million copies worldwide!

Wow! Even a quarter of a century later, this photo still captivates me — the lighting, the shadows, the illuminated infant. (okay, and the man’s biceps & pecs, too)

The truth behind the photo is that a male model is holding a baby, that’s it. The man, Adam Perry, went on to sleep with 3,000 women and is a deadbeat dad who has never even held his own son!

That’s the reality!

A harsh contrast to the story told in the photo.

My reality is that over two decades after Spencer Rowell’s photo captivated me —

 This is my reality!

MY DREAM CAME TRUE!

Do you remember this poster? Share your dream in the comments!

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Summer Reading List for Adoptive Families


Books about Parenting and/or Discipline

Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child : Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries by Robert J. MacKenzie – This book is my absolute FAVORITE of any book I’ve read so far!  With a strong-willed child himself, Dr. MacKenzie really understands the challenges of raising a difficult child. Highly recommend this one!

Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Druckerman – I actually listened to this book as a free download through Audible.com’s 30-day trial.  Try Audible Now and Get A Free Audiobook Download with a 30 Day Trial. I enjoyed hearing about the French parenting style of raising independent children, with topics such as sleeping through the night and independent play.  The chapter on teaching children to not be finicky eaters through serving courses at meals and persistence is FABULOUS. The book is worth it for that chapter alone; however, skip the chapter on discipline.

Parenting With Love And Logic (Updated and Expanded Edition) by Foster Cline – I haven’t actually read this book yet, although MANY parents have highly recommended it!

Books about Adoption

Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families & Churches by Russell Moore – I LOVED this book by Christian adoption advocate, Dr. Russell Moore. I actually listened to him narrate the book in his charming Southern drawl FREE through Audible.com’s trial membership. (They keep sending me free book credits.)  He discusses adoption through a Biblical view and covers in detail topics such as name changes, integrating culture into family, etc. I highly recommend.

Kisses from Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption by Katie Davis – This is another book I listened to FREE from Audible.com. A very inspiring book about an 18-year-old that postponed college to spend a year in Uganda. She ended up making Uganda her home, creating a ministry, and adopting 14 little girls.  Hers is a true heart for adoption.

Shield: A Framework of Self-Care for Foster and Adoptive Families by Sharla Kostelyk – Read my review of this book for foster and adoptive families about self-care and avoiding burnout.

The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family by Karyn Purvis – So many have recommended this book, yet I’ve yet to read it.  This book is based on actual research on healing children from neglect. I WILL read this book next!

Lifebooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child Updated and Revisedby Beth O’Malley – Mama Lark of the Lark’s Nest highly recommends this book. “This book is seriously a LIFESAVER for an adoptive mom that wants to tell their child the correct story- THEIR OWN! I sat for weeks wondering how I could tell my daughter that she was born addicted to drugs…Beth O’Malley is a genius in this department!! She explains things so clearly and concise. Everything is told on the level that a child needs to hear it at that time.”

Adoption Is a Family Affair: What Relatives and Friends Must Know by Patricia Erwin Johnston – I have not read this book, but it was recommended to me: “It’s great because it’s written to the families of adoptive families and covers a lot of the emotions and struggles of adoptive families as well as ways that friends can help during the process. Unfortunately, it mostly talks about private infant adoption or international adoption. But, it’s a good read.”

Books about Foster Parenting

I haven’t read any of these books, but were recommended by other foster parents:

Success as a Foster Parent: Everything You Need to Know About Foster Care by the National Foster Parent Association

Another Mother: Co-Parenting with the Foster Care System by Sarah Gerstenzang

The Foster Parenting Toolbox by Kim Phagan-Hansel

A Guide to Foster Parenting: Everything But the Kids! by Mary Ann Goodearle

Another Place at the Table by Kathy Harrison

Invisible Kids: Marcus Fiesel’s Legacy by Holly Schlaack – I haven’t read this book, but it was recommended: “This book really helps you understand the system and how easily the kids get lost. It is based on a murder of a foster child in Cincinnati a few years ago. Warning: there are parts that are difficult to read.”

Books about Special Behaviors

What Your Explosive Child Is Trying to Tell You: Discovering the Pathway from Symptoms to Solutions by Douglas Riley – Just the first chapter helped me tremendously in realizing that expectations and transitioning from one activity to another may be causing some of my child’s explosions. Great book if you have an explosive child!

Is This Your Child? by Doris J. Rapp – This book explores child behavior associated with food allergies. Just by skimming this book, I noticed my Stinkpot had rosy cheeks after eating applesauce one day – indicative of a food allergy to apples! Wow!  I still haven’t done a full elimination diet of gluten and corn yet.  I recommend that you take a look at this book if your child has unexplained explosions.

The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook–What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About by Bruce Perry – This book was recommended by Stinkpot’s therapist. I read the free sample pages of this book, and I was mesmerized by this story of a psychiatrist and his journey to help a young child through a traumatic past of sexual abuse. Very well written!  Dr. Perry heads The Child Trauma Academy.

When Love Is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with RAD by Terena “Nancy” Thomas – I haven’t yet read this book, although it is highly recommended from parents of children that suffer from Reactive Attachment Disorder.

Books for Children in Foster Care

The Star: A Story to Help Young Children Understand Foster Care by Cynthia Miller Lovell

Maybe Days: A Book for Children in Foster Care by Jennifer Wilgocki

Fostergirls by Liane Shaw – This book would be perfect for a tween girl that is in the foster girl system and might have some learning disabilities.  This book was written from the girl’s perspective and at times, I laughed at loud at the dialog between her and her friends.  Good story about belonging, even if it isn’t with a biological family.

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What books would you recommend? Any other books that I missed?

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