removal Archives - Foster2Forever

How Children Enter the Foster Care System

As a foster parent, I have never been privy to the removal of a child placed in foster care. The process after a child enters foster care is quite complicated and can have a number of outcomes.

Before a child enter the foster care system, an investigation is conducted by the state investigators. If the investigator finds no reason to believe that a child is abused or neglected, the case is closed.

However, if CPS finds an issue, the case is either referred to Family Based Safety Services or the child enters the Foster Care system.

Family Based Safety Services is used when there is a safety issue that puts a child at risk. FBSS is meant to help families stay together. A caseworker is assigned and a Family Service Plan is developed to address each of the safety issues discovered to keep the child safe. Family Service Plans may include parenting classes, drug treatment plans, drug testing, psychological evaluations, individual and family counseling, and other services to get the family back on track. The caseworker continues to visit and evaluate the safety of children in the home.

If the family completes the family services plan, then the case is closed. However, if the parents do not complete their family services plan, then a child enters the foster care system.

The priority is to place a child with a relative in kinship care; however, if no suitable relative is found, then the child is placed in a licensed foster home.

While the child is in foster care, the parents still have the opportunity to complete family services and the child can be reunified with the parents. However, if the parents do not complete services, the child can be either adopted or age out of the foster care system.

10:16 am by Penelope

I Judged Birthfamily Until I Became One

Judgment! If we are honest, we’ve all done it! And especially, as a foster parent, and hearing the stories of the children in my care, I’ve judged the birthfamily. How could a parent choose a party, a boyfriend, or drugs over caring for a baby?

Then one day, I received a call for a placement; however, this call wasn’t about one of THOSE families – it was a call about a child from my own family.

Child Protective Services was removing the baby from a family member – and in all honestly, we all knew the child wasn’t safe in those conditions.

I Became the Birthfamily

All of a sudden, the tables were turned and I was the one being judged, even by the CPS caseworker – just for being a member of THAT family. And would you believe, that even though I was a licensed foster parent, the caseworker did not want to place the baby with us? My requests to bring the baby into our family were met with deaf ears, and my frustrations with the foster care system increased, albeit from another angle. A paradigm shift, for sure.

After a number of months of fruitless calls to CPS, I actually met my youngest cousin and her foster family at a Christmas party for foster kids. The foster parents loved her and were keeping her safe. We exchanged numbers, and the foster family kept in touch with me while she was in care. The child eventually reunited with her other parent, and the case was closed.

Check out endmommywars.com where moms can find encouragement instead of judgement.

Disclosure: I am honored to partner with Similac to #EndMommyWars and support other moms rather than place judgement.

1:25 pm by Penelope

My Home Is A Different Country For Him

How constant moving through foster homes can really hurt a child.

Being 7 at the time, my foster son was very conscious of his life when he first came to live in our home. He had been in another foster home, where he had spent a full year. One of his first comments, once I introduced him to his very own bedroom was: “It smells here…” In reality, it didn’t. I explained, “I know it feels like it smells, but actually, it simply smells different.”

When I first entered the USA, everything was new to me. Not only the language sounded like nonsense, but the smell of the air was nothing familiar either. I remember when I was at the airport, with my friends, tired as we were, we sat on the floor. A cleaning lady approached and began talking to us. We didn’t understand what she was saying — I think, maybe, we were not supposed to sit there. We didn’t speak her language. We were travelers. It was scary when someone would talk to me and I couldn’t understand.

At another time, I remember being confused, also at the airport. After asking the flight attendant a question, she got really offended at me. I think I must have expressed myself the wrong way. I was an exchange student, missing home. I was just afraid I was going to miss my flight.

For a foster child, the experience of a new foster home is very similar to mine. The child is a foreigner in the new home.

A therapist, making the case to defend permanency for a child who had already spent years in foster care, stated: “With every move, a child goes through the same shock as someone does when moving to a new country.”

My son needed plenty of time to adjust to us. A world had been ripped from him and a completely new one was given him, all at the same time, without having any say.

If an adult can panic at the thought of being dropped off in a strange land… Imagine a child, who has to face all new things? How many traditions did he have to learn? How many different rules did she have to learn at the several schools she has had to attend? How many times did they feel alone and lost and needed someone to explain the directions?

These are heavy experiences!

A child needs stability, permanency. Her brain needs time to absorb and adjust. His heart needs a break…

Many foreigners fall into depression because of the overload of new information they must accept. And we are talking about adults, who have chosen to move from their home country into a new one. But a foster kid did not ask for the move. Still, we require full acceptance from them. So, we must give them space and time once they arrive… And permanency.

Understanding from us to them.

Patience.

Kindness.

Respect.

A never-letting-go attitude.

You know, when that flight attended got mad at me, what helped was when a kind soul stopped by and helped us understand each other. It is hard to forget the relief that I felt when her compassionate eyes met mine at a time when I was a tiny person in a very wide world.

Our little ones are travelers, worn down travelers, foreigners in need of those compassionate eyes.
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Gloria R. is a mother of two birth children, and fostering to adopt an older child. She is a licensed therapeutic foster parent with her husband. She continues to engage in research on traumatized children, foster care and adoption and hope to be a voice for kids, who often fall in between the cracks of society. She also loves writing and welcoming new readers to her blog, www.onemorewithus.com.

11:14 am by Penelope

The Heartbreak of Saying Goodbye to a Foster Child

Saying goodbye to a foster child is the most heart-wretching part of being a foster parent. Laura wrote about her heartbreak shortly after her last placement left – after almost a year as part of her family.

How do you say goodbye to a child?
How do you explain why they cannot live with you anymore while hoping they do not feel rejected by you?
How can you give a child the most consistency & stability they have ever had and then just say goodbye?

How do you say goodbye to the children you have loved as your own for the past year?
How do you have a baby from day 2 of his life and say goodbye at 7 mos?
When you are the only mommy he knows?
When he looks for you?
When you are the one whom he feels the separation anxiety from?

Excerpted from They Call Me Mommy

Letting Go of Foster Child

I think letting go may be one of the hardest choices we have to make in our life here on earth.

Letting go of loved ones;
Saying goodbye and cutting bonds or ties;
Lacking closure.
All of which I, myself, am not good at.
Especially the closure part.

Things left unsaid.
Questions unanswered.
One last I love you.
One last hug.
Rushed goodbyes.

from:
http://laurabohmannchapman.blogspot.com/2014/07/letting-go.html

2:15 pm by Penelope

Foster Care Isn’t About You

Last year everything changed for me. We had fostered before. This sweet girl wasn’t our first baby to love and let go.

But somehow through all of our previous foster children I had managed to maintain the idea that I was the better parent in all of this. That for some reason these children really deserved to have me more than their biological parents deserved to be able to parent them. That I truly was the better parent and that anyone with half a brain would see that these kids needed to stay with me, for their own good.

And then we got baby Mary.

Her parents had been struggling with a hardcore drug addiction for years and years. This wasn’t their first CPS case and they had lost custody before. The case seemed so black and white to me at first. Of course baby Mary should stay with us. She deserved better than that. She deserved me.

But then the visits started. And every single week Mary came home with formula and diapers and new clothes. Every week her parents brought a disposable camera for us so that we could take pictures of her through the week and then send the camera back with her to the next visit for them to develop.

Her parents started a journal and they wanted to know every detail of what was going on – doctor’s appointments, milestones, what we was happening in our family. And every week they expressed deep thanks to us for taking care of their baby girl.

I went to court with them. I heard them stand before the judge and express how desperately they wanted their baby girl back and how they were going above and beyond what was asked of them to make sure that they could provide her with a safe place to call home. I heard the results of every drug test – negative. I saw them searching for jobs and finding a stable place to live and getting a car.

And then I realized the truth.

These people aren’t monsters. They are parents who got mixed up in some junk and who really, really hate it and who want nothing more in the world than to make a better life for their daughter.

It’s been two years and her parents are still clean. They are living a beautiful life, gainfully employed. We are so blessed to be able to see her from time to time. That baby girl is right where she needs to be.

Mary’s parents changed me. They changed the way I view foster care and adoption. They turned me into the world’s biggest cheerleader for the parents of my foster children.

Yes, I would love to adopt more children. But if there is a child in my home whose parents are really trying, I am going to do everything in my power to support them and encourage them and help them get to the point of being able to care for their child again.

Because fostering isn’t about me. It is about a child and it is about a family. But it is not about me.

Jenn is an adoptee turned foster, biological and adoptive mom. She blogs about life, faith, foster care and adoption at buildingmommymuscles.com.

8:27 am by Penelope

The Heartbreak of When a Foster Child Moves

One afternoon when I was in high school, I was rushing out the door for an evening event. One of my foster sisters, who had recently left our home, was visiting us for the day. She was preparing to move to another home and when the caseworker heard she was visiting us, she decided to drop by and personally explain to my foster sister what she was about to happen in her little world.

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I listened from the other room as this caseworker handed my 4-year-old foster sister a scrapbook that her new family had prepared for her. She broke the news to her much like a mother tells her child she’s going to a birthday party: “You’re going to live with this family now and they are so nice. You will love it!” The idea was that this caseworker would spend 5 minutes with my foster sister explaining to her that she was, yet again, moving to a new family, and then life would continue on as normal.

As I headed out the door, I peeked into our office to give my foster sister a hug. She was sitting at the round glass table coloring on a piece of paper. Lying beside her was a book of pictures that only minutes previously had been given to her by her caseworker. As I walked into the room and sat down next to her at the table, I began flipping through the pictures; one after the other I turned through all of the pages. I looked at pictures of children with their parents, read words her new parents had written of affirmation, scanned over a letter expressing excitement, and silently read about each member of this new family. As my eyes studied the faces I saw on the page, I suddenly heard gut-wrenching words come out of my sweet foster sister’s mouth, words that took me from my shallow, high school world, and brought me to the deep, raw, pain that exists in this world.

Without looking at me, my beautiful girl pointed to the photograph in her new scrapbook and told me, “I am going to live at their house, but I am scared.” Those words caught me off guard. I could not bring myself to look into her big blue eyes, but in that short sentence, as she verbalized her pain, I felt a small part of her heart shattering. She wanted me to protect her.

I saw sitting before me a four-year old girl who had already been through too much pain. In that moment, the big sister instinct in me wanted to stop everything in her life; I wanted to put her life on pause and allow her to fully live the carefree, childhood that every little girl should experience. I wanted to keep her safe and I felt that it was my responsibility to protect her. I wanted to live up to the expectations she had of me, and give her reason to trust me. In that moment, however, I was completely powerless.

Instead, I wrapped my arms around her slender waist, and used every bit of strength in me to bite back the tears. I whispered into her ear that she would be safe. My mom told her that it was okay to be scared. We validated her feelings and then let her cry.

Foster care is full of hurt, and as a foster sister, I have always had a prominent instinct to protect my foster siblings. It is hard to be powerless while experiencing a love that is so deep.

In those moments when we are without control, we are still given an opportunity to love relentlessly and leave a print embedded on a child’s heart.

Sometimes love is what binds up all wounds. The love I have for my foster siblings is one of the greatest loves I have ever had the privilege of experiencing.

Kylee is a 19-year-old college student who is passionately pursuing a degree in Social Work while simultaneously learning what it means to be a big sister to kids from “hard places”. Her parents jumped into the crazy world of foster care just days before her 8^th birthday and cared for numerous infants and toddlers over a ten-year time span; four of those children became permanent family members through adoption. Kylee loves sharing about foster care and adoption and is passionate about advocating on behalf of vulnerable children.

9:00 am by Penelope

Lil Bit’s Baby Brother – Isn’t He More than Just a Check?

If you follow on Facebook and Twitter, you know that we had the incredible blessing of meeting Lil Bit’s precious 4-month-old baby brother this weekend! Remember him? Remember 2 days before Lil Bit’s adoption, we received a placement call to foster this newborn brother being released from the hospital?

A decision that tore me up inside when we declined. Worry consumed me until we discovered that Baby Brother had been placed in a home anxiously awaiting an infant for adoptive placement.

This weekend, we inadvertently enrolled in the same training class with Baby Brother’s foster mom. Baby Brother looks like his older brother – and just as cuddly and sweet. He is blessed to have a family that loves him.

However, our boys have half-siblings that aren’t as lucky. Those other siblings were placed with a “friend” of the birthmother. Remember the Cons, that were determined to take Lil Bit, since all it would cost them was a “shiny, new cell phone.” Still determined to add to their “family”, they have been wining & dining birthmom at the Golden Corral.

All the previous children have been labeled as “disabled” so that the Cons can demand larger subsidy checks. The children are all encouraged to perform poorly in school. It breaks my heart for these children that can only live up to their “disability”.

During our case, CPS adamantly opposed placement with the Cons; however, they flip-flopped their position in Baby Brother’s case.

The CPS policy of “family first” had them attempting multiple times to remove Baby Brother from a loving home to a placement with his half-siblings. Even though his half-siblings are in an uncaring environment, used only for a check.

The good news is that Baby Brother is staying put – TPR is complete – and adoption is the plan.

And the other big news is…

Not me….Birthmother….again!!!

10:00 am by Penelope

Our Lil Bit Has a Newborn Baby Brother!

In foster care, one phone call can instantly change lives. If you follow Foster2Forever on Facebook and Twitter, you already know that we received that call yesterday.

We are so excited to be adopting Lil Bit tomorrow and are busy preparing for the big day. I was blindsided yesterday morning when I received a call from our caseworker.

“Lil Bit’s birthmom gave birth to a healthy, full-term baby boy that will be released from the hospital tomorrow. The State is giving you the first option for placement.”

WHOA!!! Gulp! A day before Lil Bit’s adoption! A newborn! Another boy! Another probable adoption! Wow! Overwhelming! A decision that can change a life to be made quickly!

I called FosterDad. His assistant answered. He was in a meeting.

“I need FosterDad to call me immediately!”

She was concerned at the tone of my voice. I assured her that everything was fine, and told her about the call. We both laughed and agreed that FosterDad was going to freak out. She assured me that he would be sitting down when he called back, and I asked her to record his reaction.

His reaction was disbelief and just flat-out overwhelming shock. I could hear his assistant cackling in the background.

We had a huge decision to make. I reached out to our Facebook friends – you are the best! I was struggling until I read what Shawn wrote:

“Look back to your post on Nov 10th at 11:43 am.”

That post was related to our situation with Stinkpot’s care and read:

When feeling down and confused, blessings from above can make you soar above the clouds! Thank you, Lord, for your unexpected blessings!

I cried realizing that this baby was an unexpected blessing, and there was a reason for this call. Thank you, Shawn!

THEN I RECEIVED ANOTHER PLACEMENT CALL!

A caseworker from Austin called later in the afternoon:

We are calling to inform you that STINKPOT‘s birthmother gave birth to a healthy baby boy, and we would like to place the newborn with you.

YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! Both my boys become big brothers the same week! TWO NEWBORNS??? TWO more boys??? Twins!!!

AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! Good thing I was laying down at the time. I AM ONE FREAKED OUT CHICK!

I stammered why I am laughing so uncontrollably. Fortunately, this seasoned caseworker knew what was going on and promised to call right back.

His instinct was right – the message had gotten mixed up along the way and it was, in fact, Lil Bit’s birthmom that had given birth, not Stinkpot’s. (I had thought she was in prison.)

A LIFE-CHANGING DECISION

We have a HUGE decision to make! FosterDad felt uneasy about adding the newborn baby to our family given Stinkpot’s current adjustment issues. I felt uneasy about saying no to this newborn baby when we fought so hard to keep Lil Bit.

I needed to talk to the baby’s caseworker.

She called last night, and I shared our concerns and how much we are struggling with the decision. She understood. Apparently, the State has no other homes lined up for this baby.

My first concern has to be with Stinkpot, and that right now adding a baby may shake up his world more than he can handle right now at this moment.

I asked to be kept informed of the case. I feel sick for saying no.