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7:08 am by Penelope

Losing a Parent at a Young Age

My children never met their grandfather.  I lost my dad to cancer nearly 25 years ago…

In Fall 1986, while a student at Texas A&M University, I received a call at 1 o’clock in the morning that no person wants to receive, much less a young college student.  My divorced father was in ICU at the hospital back home.  I packed a quick bag and raced to the hospital.

I found my dad in ICU, disoriented, and strapped to his bed.  My dad had had a seizure and had become aggressive with the hospital staff. He knew nobody and when I walked into his hospital room, I was the first person he recognized.

A cat scan showed that my dad had 3 tumors in his brain — he was given 6 months to live.

Because my dad had recently lost his job of 26 years, he had no income, no health insurance, and not much hope.

I discovered that my unemployed father, too proud to ask for help, had been living in his home with no electricity, surviving on a diet of pecans he had gathered from a local park.

I made the difficult decision to leave college to take care of my dad. One of the easiest decisions I had to make.

Me with Daddy and my sisters in 1979. Which one am I?

We were blessed by many that helped us through this horrifying journey of brain cancer.  My heart overflows for all those that helped our family during this difficult time.

I am extremely grateful for the assistance of the American Cancer Society.  The ACS provided us with a wheelchair and hospital bed once my dad became bedridden. Thank you again!

I lost my dad to cancer in February1987.  He was 53. He didn’t see his 54th birthday.

Please watch the video below of how the American Cancer Society is helping folks have more birthdays.

Who have you lost to cancer?

 
This post is sponsored by American Cancer Society.

11:30 am by Penelope

Another Investigation

For those of you that don’t follow Foster2Forever on Facebook or Twitter, our family had another traumatic event this weekend concerning our Lil Bit.

Our Lil Bit is 2 years old now, and he is a climber. We have removed the coffee table and end table from our living room for this reason. He is even using his potty chair–as a step stool.  We are constantly getting on to him.  However, we need to grow eyes on the backs of our heads…

On Saturday evening, while our backs were turned, Lil Bit climbed onto a dining room chair and fell onto the tile floor. Onto his previously fractured elbow. Snap!

The Saturday night at the hospital crowd caused us to have a L-O-N-G wait. It must have been “Bring Your Kid to the ER for a Runny Nose” Day at the hospital. (The doctor shared this with me.)  The x-ray showed a much worse fracture than the first – one that would require surgery – that night! At another hospital.

At 11 p.m. on Saturday night, our Lil Bit had his first, hopefully last, ride in an ambulance as he was transferred to Scott and White in Temple.

ambulance-child-seat

Lil Bit had 5 orthopedic specialists working on fixing his little arm. The doctors were concerned about nerve damage that could affect his ability to grasp. After numerous x-rays and consultations, we finally got into a hospital room at 5 a.m. with surgery scheduled for 8 a.m.

Time for a quick power nap!

Did I mention that our other son, JD, was with us? Awake the entire night!  However, he had slept 6 hours before we took him to Temple.

We awoke at 7 a.m. when Lil Bit was wheeled down to the operating room for the 8 a.m. surgery. The surgery lasted 45 minutes plus the surgeons were able to correct the fracture from last time.

Lil Bit slept most of Sunday so he wasn’t discharged from the hospital until last night.  He slept well last night and is playing and laughing this morning.

We’ve reported the injury and now just waiting for the next investigation into our foster home….

10:06 am by Penelope

10 Stress Management Tips for Parents

Are you a stressed-out parent?

Most parents would declare a resounding, “YES“! Add to that the stress of parenting foster children that have suffered through neglect and other abuse. Haunted by their traumas, foster children can act out with behaviors difficult for us, as parents, to understand or manage. The resulting stress can be overwhelming sometimes.

Secondary Traumatic Stress (STS) is defined as the “stress resulting from helping or wanting to help a traumatized or suffering person.” STS is commonly referred to as Compassion Fatigue.

stress-management-techniques-tipsFoster parents are especially at risk for developing STS due to:

  • Having empathy for foster children; and
  • Not having enough recovery time.

As a foster parent, you might be suffering from STS if:

  • Acting and/or feeling in ways that are not normal for you;
  • Feelings of anger, sadness, depression, or anxiety that last longer than usual;
  • Having nightmares similar to the type of trauma that your foster children have experienced;
  • Avoiding places or people out of fear for your foster children.

The signs of stress can be physical, mental, or behavioral.  These may include:

  • Tight muscles
  • Feeling anxious, forgetful, sad, confused, angry
  • Lack of caring for others
  • Mood swings
  • Laziness
  • Irritability
  • Over or under eating

There are a number of ways that you can combat stress in your life.

  1. Exercise. Last year, I started the Couch Potato to 5K (c25k) program and now try to run/walk for at least 30 minutes 2-3 times a week.  (I jog 2 minutes, then walk 1 minute and have gone as far as 8 miles using this method. I DON’T run 30 minutes straight.)  I have completed a number of 5ks and am training for a half-marathon in November using the Galloway walk/run program.  I can feel my self-esteem improving with every milestone. Do you have any exercise goals?
  2. Eat Properly. I do not eat as well as I should, but have been more self-conscious of the foods I eat. I have a chef salad for lunch most days and have added more olive oil to my diet.  I begin the Weight Watchers Points Plus program in 2 weeks!
  3. Journaling. Having this website allows me the opportunity to write out my frustrations of being a foster parent. Do you blog or journal?
  4. Join a Support Group. The wonderful readers that comment here on foster2forever are my support group. Thank you!!! In the next few weeks, I will be adding a community to the website so that we can chat and support one another more. So excited! Do you have a support group?
  5. Ask for Respite Care. A few weeks ago, FosterDad and I took respite care and enjoyed our time away from the kids to reconnect and just relax and focus on the 2 of us.  Sadly, we do not regularly schedule time together and I believe we need time away again! Scheduling weekly date nights is the next goal!
  6. Family Fun. When we do fun things with the kids that allow them to be kids, we ALL feel better.  We need to schedule this more often! Last night, Stinkpot enjoyed playing baseball with FosterDad in the 102 heat. Maybe a trip to the beach this weekend?
  7. Massage. I get tension headaches when I’m stressed and can feel it in my shoulders and neck.  When pain killers just aren’t doing the trick, I take a quick trip to the mall to the massage kiosk and pay the little Asian man $12 to massage my neck and shoulders. Works every time!
  8. Yoga and/or Meditation. I haven’t practiced yoga in a few years, but the stretching and meditation through counting helped me relax tremendously. Also, this incredible meditation audio CD by Susie Mantell is the BEST!!! She gets you so relaxed, then asks you to think about what’s bothering you. Each time, I’m so relaxed that I can’t think of anything!  I’ve only been able to stay awake through the entire CD once.
  9. Music. Add music to your life. Nothing can change my mood quicker than music. My kids love music too. Singing to my kids also helps them during tense times.
  10. Acceptance. Learn to accept your children. Our Stinkpot is an extremely strong-willed child. As I was reading Setting Limits with your Strong-Willed Child, Dr. MacKenzie pointed out that it is the nature of the strong-willed child to test, test, test everything. Once I realized that it was Stinkpot’s job to test me, I was able to better accept it, anticipate it and cope with it.

Are you stressed? Take this test.

How do manage your stress?

10:00 am by Penelope

Our Foster Child Still Lags Behind

Early Childhood InterventionOur foster child, Lil Bit, turned 2 years old last week!  He has grown so much from that 3-month-old infant brought to us nearly 2 years ago. However, he still seems to be a bit behind other toddlers his age.

Last weekend, we attended a birthday party for his class at day care. All the children in his class have birthdays within a month.  As I was watching the other children at the party, I realized just how far behind the others he actually is.

Although Lil Bit is receiving speech therapy through Early Childhood Intervention, other children his age:

  • Have a much larger vocabulary,
  • Talking in short sentences, and
  • Are in the advanced stages of potty-training.

Also, during the party, he would not let me put him down. (my back is killing me this week from carrying around the 25-pound little tike for 3 hours)

I realize that each child is an individual and develops an their own individual rate.  However, it saddens me for him.

Will he struggle to keep up his entire life or will he eventually catch up?

I realize that God has a perfect plan for our Lil Bit, but I do struggle during the mean time…

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11

11:30 am by Penelope

Our Foster Baby Broke His Arm!!!

foster-child-injury

Foster child playing with a cast

If you follow Foster2Forever on Facebook or Twitter, you know that our Independence Day began with our 22-month-old foster boy, Lil Bit, falling off the sofa.

It was a short fall. A freak accident. However, when he stood up, Lil Bit was holding his right wrist.  FosterDad is a former P.E. teacher and knew something wasn’t right by the way he was holding it.

We were visiting family in East Texas, so we took a trip to the local hospital emergency room.  The x-ray confirmed our fear.  Our baby boy had a fractured elbow.  It was not his wrist, as we first suspected.

However, due to the location of the fracture, the E.R. physician was concerned about it affecting Lil Bit’s arm movement.  She requested that we take Lil Bit to an orthopedic specialist in the next few days. Her concern was that he might have to undergo surgery and physical therapy to prevent problems with mobility.

We arrived home late Monday night and Tuesday morning began all the follow-up to:

  • Report the incident to our foster home case worker, Lil Bit’s caseworker, and a quick FYI to our attorney;
  • Complete a report for “Serious Injury of a Foster Child” to turn into both caseworkers;
  • Call the Medicaid insurance provider (StarHealth) to get a list of orthopedic specialists;
  • Call the list of specialists and learn than none take Medicaid;
  • Make an appointment for out-of-town orthopedic specialist;
  • Visit Primary Care Physician for a referral to the orthopedic specialist;
  • Visit orthopedic specialist!!!

The visit to the orthopedic doctor went better than expected! Another x-ray showed that the bone is healing well and surgery will not be necessary.  A hard cast was put on Lil Bit’s arm, and he returns in 3 weeks to see how it is healing.

For Lil Bit, the broken arm has been more of a nuisance to him than anything. He gets frustrated that now he can’t climb on the couch or sleep tucked on his tummy.  He is eating well with his left hand.  He now has to drink out of a sippy cup with handles.

However, for us, as foster parents, we are not out of the woods. As we are in the final stages of Lil Bit’s adoption, the State is now conducting their followup investigation into the injury.

10:38 am by Penelope

Being Thankful on Memorial Day

Being an “older” adoptive parent has really caught up with me. Due to lifting and carrying our 35-pound foster baby, Lil Bit, my back has given out. I can’t bend my back or right leg without incredibly sharp and shooting pain overtaking me.

Because even sitting can painful, the boys and I didn’t travel out-of-town with Foster Dad for our niece’s high school graduation.  My pain was so intense that our 3-year-old son, Stinkpot, had to dress me Saturday morning before a doctor visit.  I am still hurting, but the prescriptions are taking a little of the edge away.

Although I am in pain this Memorial Day weekend, I am thankful.
Thankful for my family that has grown through foster care adoption.
Thankful for the wonderful man I married.
Thankful for the 2 beautiful boys brought to us through the tragedy of foster care.
And today especially, thankful for our U.S. soldiers that have given their lives so that I can enjoy freedom in mine.

22-year-old U.S. Marine Lance Corporal Shawn Hefner of Hico, Texas gave his life in Operation Enduring Freedom on Friday, November 13, 2009 in Afghanistan. Please visit the website Shawn’s uncle created in his memory.  You can also send an email to Shawn’s family thanking them for his service.

This Memorial Day, please remember the U.S. soldiers who have died serving our country.

We are the Land of the Free because of the Brave!

foster-care-adoption

Entered in this week’s I Heart Faces Challenge

foster-care-adoption

Check out other great photos by clicking here

8:54 pm by Penelope

Our Foster Baby is Officially an Orphan!!!

Hearts (Explored!)The birth father’s rights were terminated in court today! We will be able to adopt our 18-month-old foster baby, Lil Bit, as soon as his citizenship is certified.

My morning started with a call that my mom was in serious condition at the hospital with heart problems.  Here are my Facebook status updates:

  • On the way to termination hearing & just learned that my mom is in serious condition at the hospital 4 hrs away. #needprayer
  • Our foster baby is officially an orphan so we can finally adopt him!!!
    (After he becomes a US citizen, that is.)
  • Mom is still in the hospital with heart problems. Docs are giving shock treatments to get it beating right.
  • Mom is not getting better. Blood pressure dropped drastically today. Scheduled for heart procedure tomorrow. She doesn’t want me to go there

I am being the always defiant daughter and not minding her! I will be out-of-town for the next few days…

You can keep up on Facebook or Twitter…

6:01 am by Penelope

Foster Baby Arrives! Then Adopted!

On March 4, 2008 at around 3pm, I received a call from the State for an 8-month-old baby boy that needed a foster home. “Foster only“, she repeated twice. “Sure!” was my quick response.

If you recall, that was presidential primary election day. My husband & I were planning to attend our precinct convention that evening & were excited about the possibility of attending the Texas Republican convention again, this time in a presidential election year.

However, this call from the State changed our focus from that night forward.

A State investigator from an adjacent county arrived at our home at 6:45 that Tuesday evening carrying in her arms the cutest baby boy. His bright eyes lit up as he smiled at us for the first time. His bottom 2 teeth gleaming. He was wearing an olive corduroy jacket over his navy onesie with the cutest navy & white striped pants. He was wearing navy tennis shoes! So adorable!


I can only rely on my memory as I didn’t have the foresight to grab my camera.
(A mistake I haven’t made again!)

As the State investigator began telling us the story on this baby, we were thinking “how can anybody neglect a baby that way?” He came with next to nothing & had been kept in his car seat & dirty diapers. What a horrible diaper rash he had! (This is one reason we are having such a difficult time potty-training him now!) He was 8 months old & couldn’t sit up or even roll over! He was also very sick. (Look at those poor little sick eyes!)

That first night was TORTURE! He was so congested that he could only sleep 15 minutes at a time – ALL NIGHT LONG! It was the most exhausting night of my life!

The next morning I drove 1-1/2 to pick up my mother-in-law to help me. I had no idea how to care for an infant! (When pregnant, you have nearly 8-9 months to prepare.) I was an instant Mommy!
For the next 2 weeks, we had DAILY trips to Walmart to pick up some type of baby paraphernalia that we needed. I was absolutely, totally FRAZZLED for at least 6 weeks solid – overwhelmed by the incredible responsibility of instant motherhood!
As time went on, it became more apparent that this baby wouldn’t be going back to his parents. He did have a full brother 2 years older that was living with his grandparents. The baby would have been sent to live with his grandparents, but they were already raising SIX of their other grandchildren!
Once the parental rights were terminated, the grandparents realized that we could provide more for the baby than they could & decided to allow us to adopt him.

Here he is on the day we adopted him!

What a handsome little man he has become!
foster infant child kid adopting adopted
As challenging as our JD has been, he has been an amazing blessing in our lives!
Have a great weekend!

2:23 pm by Penelope

I Really Do Want to Look Like Angelina Jolie

Mr. & Mrs. Smith (Widescreen Edition)Last week, I told you about how I was struck down with the flu because I didn’t want to look like Angelina Jolie. I’m sorry, but I’m a big, fat liar!  I believe I must have some repressed, deep down desire to be like her. Face it, Angelina Jolie is:

  • beautiful,
  • married to my all-time crush, the gorgeous Brad Pitt, and
  • has an incredible heart for adoption.

That is, leaving out all the other weird stuff she’s done.

A number of things have happened since my bout with the flu. We’ve had snow in Texas! Which blew in the worst cedar, thus I’m now struck down with my winter cedar allergies. With the pollen count so high, nothing is helping. I’ve tried all the usual remedies to no avail.

I’m getting a pretty serious sinus infection. And that’s when  I saw it! The antibiotics from my last sinus infection.

However, that night after taking one dose at lunch, my lips felt chapped and my dry skin was itchy. I didn’t think much about it until I was bathing Saturday morning — I’m broke out in hives!!!

With either my early-onset Alzheimer’s or deep-seeded repressed obsession with Angelina Jolie to blame, I totally forgot – I’m allergic to the antibiotic, Bactrim!!! AHHH!!!

So here I am, with big, swollen lips, destined to look like Angelina Jolie!!!

On a worst note, our 17-month-old foster baby, Lil Bit, has had a fever for 4 days now. The doctor diagnosed him with a common cold; however, we are afraid that is moving into pneumonia….

But if you really do want to look like Angelina, check out this amazing video!

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