Are You Really a Mom If You Have No Kids?

When my recent placements moved on and my house and arms were empty,  I started asking myself a simple, yet profound question —  Is it possible to be a Mom and no kids?  I mean, what does it mean to be a mom?  So, I did what any self respecting 31 year-old would do, I opened my laptop and googled the word Mom.  I found my answer, kind of.  Even Wikipedia, the go to definer of words, sounded stumped.

Here is part of what they had to say:

“A mother, mom, mum, momma or mama, is a woman who has raised a child (to whom she may or may not have given birth) in the role of parent.  Because of the complexity and differences of a mother’s social, cultural, and religious definitions and roles, it is challenging to define a mother to suit a universally accepted definition.  The proverbial “first word” of an infant often sounds like “ma” or “mama.” This strong association of that sound with “mother” has persisted in nearly every language on earth, countering the natural localization of language.”

To sum it up, motherhood is more than giving birth, and it’s really complex to define.  I’d say.

There are many women I know struggle with this question – and with the empty house and arms.

• women who miscarried
• women who attended the funerals of their children
• women waiting for “the call”
• women who foster other people’s children
• women whose children have grown and flown the nest
• women who chose to place their children for adoption
• women who had their children removed from their care and placed with another

And for all these women and for myself, here is the conclusion.  Your full or empty house doesn’t define who you are.   Loving and losing a child, doesn’t “demote” you from Mom to something else.  Loving a child who isn’t in your arms yet doesn’t either.  Your love and actions do.  Selflessness, compassion, love and that protective “mama bear-ness” are parts that make up a mom.

If you love a child more than yourself, you are a mom.  If you would do anything for the safety, wellbeing and joy of this child, you are a mom.  I like how Elizabeth Stone puts it when describing motherhood,  “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”  However I would expand it to say, “Making the decision to LOVE a child is momentous…”

So love selflessly, compassionately and protectively on, my fellow mothers.  Our children, wherever they are, will thank us.

This post was written by Alisa, a young single foster mom, psychology nut, photographer and lover of Jesus.  You can follow her thoughts on motherhood, fostering and the church, on the blog,  Attempting Agape: The journey of attempting agape (unconditional) love for children by being a foster mom.

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