Foster2Forever

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Our Foster Home Is Now Under Investigation!!!

If you don’t know already, on the Fourth of July, our 22-month-old foster boy, Lil Bit, fell off the sofa and after an afternoon at the hospital, we discovered he had fractured his elbow.

As a licensed foster home, we reported this injury of our foster child, both verbally and by completing an injury report.  We went through the arduous process of getting him medical care from an orthopedic specialist through Medicaid.

The weekend after this unplanned, busy week was one for our family to relax! Sunday after church, we were all lounging around VERY comfortably.

3:00 p.m. – DING! DONG!

Our 4-year-old, JD, runs to door to answer. ‘Wait!” I exclaimed. FosterDad, comfortable in his boxers, tries to hand the baby to me to make his quick exit out of the living room. I’m handing the baby back.  He’s handing the baby back to me again.  Then I had to grunt, “I don’t have a bra on!“ All while JD is answering the door.

The man at the door was wearing a badge: Texas Department of Children Protective Services from Austin.

“Oh, you’re hear to check on our foster baby.”

“Yes, ma’am.  Is there a room where I can set up my laptop for the interview? I will be interviewing each of you separately.”

“Yes, right this way. Here is the spare bedroom.”

The investigator interviewed FosterDad first. A one-hour interrogation interview.

Then it was my turn for the inquisition interview.  “I will need to record this interview. Do you have an issue with that?”

“No, sir.”

For a State agency, the laptop was very high-tech with a recording program, rotating monitor, and a program and stylus to record signatures onto documents.

I won’t go into too many of the questions, but it was very intense with every little detail being questioned.  “Where were you sitting? What were the others doing? Which way were they facing? What were you reading?”

I felt as if early-onset Alzheimer’s had gotten me at the tender-young age of 46!

After my one-hour ordeal. The investigator asked if JD would talk to him. “You can see.” He questioned JD alone for a few minutes before he closed up shop to leave.

5:50 p.m. Not the relaxing weekend we had planned.

The experience was nerve-racking, not because there was anything wrong, but just because of FEAR.

  • FEAR in knowing that children have been removed from families for less than a broken bone.
  • FEAR that there was a very small possibility that our baby could be removed just a few months before adoption.

Now we are simply waiting for the final report. Our caseworker has indicated that there is no issue, but until then we have to put our faith into this verse:

Fear-not-Isaiah-Bible

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Adoption Postponed. Yet Again!!!

Can you believe that there was yet another mistake in the court termination order that will delay our adoption of our foster baby, Lil Bit???

Apparently, Lil Bit’s full name listed on his Mexican birth certificate has FOUR names instead of the usual first, middle, last. This means that the court order to officially transfer his case to the State agency’s Adoption Division has to be re-done and sent back to the judge to sign AGAIN!

However, there is good news! The INS received Lil Bit’s application for certification of citizenship. Lil Bit will be certified as a citizen of the United States by the end of July!!! Do you think he can learn the Pledge of Allegiance by then? 🙂

On the other hand, there is some not-as-bad news associated with his application. A few months ago, I created a passport-type head shot of Lil Bit for his INS application for his certification of citizenship. I found a really, cute head-and-shoulders pose of him (without a shirt on) sitting in our yard.  I cropped the photo to the correct dimensions and printed.

The staff LOVED the photo – with those chubby cheeks, thick dark hair, and sweet smile, they called him a “total cherub.”

But, guess what? He is sitting in the grass. Not against a white background that is the INS requirement for application photographs.  Ug!

So, with the magic of Photoshop, I will crop Lil Bit from the photo and place him against a white background.  My project for this weekend.

With everything going on with Lil Bit’s case, we are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

We are on target to adopt our foster child before Labor Day!!!

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Top 3 Ways to Delay Getting a Foster Care License

Becoming a licensed foster care home so that you may accept placements of foster children can be quite an arduous process. In Texas, you must first attend an informational meeting on foster care before you can attend 30 hours of mandatory PRIDE training. After that, you must pass a home study.

That’s home stretch, so to speak, or it is for most, except us….here is Foster2Forever’s Top 3 Ways to Delay Getting Your Foster Care License.

1.  LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE

At the time we began our journey to become foster parents, we lived in a small rural Texas town at least 45 minutes from any town over 10,000.  We complete our PRIDE training in March 2007, and did not get scheduled for our home study until the end of May, over 2 months later!

We learned later that our current foster home caseworker was the one that scheduled our home study.   She’s told us how she struggled to find someone willing to travel so far to our rural home to conduct the home visit for the home study. She jokes with us about how nobody had heard of our village.  So if you want a quick home study – don’t live in the boonies!

home-landscaping-makeover

Our landscaping makeover before we sold our rural home

2.  MOVE TO ANOTHER LOCATION DURING THE HOME STUDY PROCESS

We had made the decision a year before (in 2006) to move from the boonies back to my hometown – a city of over 100,000. We had an offer on our rural home in late-March and were closing the end of May. All just in time for the home study visit scheduled the week of our move.

The lady walks into our living room with no living room furniture and boxes everywhere. She had to conduct the interview sitting with us around the dining room table.  It went well, and she seemed to understand our situation.

A couple of weeks after our move, we were assigned a home caseworker that informed us that we needed to conduct a new fire and health inspection.  We were so happy to be back in civilization, but larger cities do have disadvantages — we didn’t get our health inspection scheduled until mid-July.

Because we had moved, we had to also schedule another home visit. Our new caseworker visited, and we passed the walk-through; however, she did bring some bad news…

3.  HAVE A STATE AGENCY REFUSE TO LICENSE YOU FOR FOSTER CARE

Yep, you read that right! I find it hard to believe myself. Especially, given the foster home shortage.  But it’s all true!  Someone in the agency did NOT want us to be licensed for foster care. “You can be licensed for adoption only.”

“YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!“

Apparently, someone thought that I would get “too attached” to a foster child, since I had no children of my own. I couldn’t believe it! (I still can’t, really)

So we sat as an “adoption only” home for months, until “someone” in the agency was transferred….

What challenges did you face in becoming a licensed foster home?

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PRIDE Training for Foster Care License

Our journey to become a licensed foster home was not easy.  First off, we had to travel 75 miles to Brenham, Texas in order to attend a “mandatory” informational meeting before we would even be able to enroll in PRIDE classes the next week.

PRIDE stands for Parent Resource for Information, Development, Education. The PRIDE course is 30 hours plus foster parents in Texas are required to have training on Behavior Intervention and other miscellaneous topics such as HIV, SIDS, shaken baby syndrome, etc.

Our training course was Tuesday and Fridays from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. A big chunk of time. Compound this with the fact that we lived an hour and a half away from the training, and this was exhausting!  Every Tuesday and Friday, we would rush out the door as soon as FosterDad came home from his bus route. We would scarf down some chow on the drive or just bring supper into the class with us. We did this for SIX WEEKS!

The first PRIDE class was basically a more detailed informational meeting.  I’m sorry but that “mandatory” informational meeting was a waste of a Saturday morning for us.  Get this: there was a man in that first PRIDE class that kept asking question after question. “What if there’s a teenage girl that accuses me of touching her?” and other questions along that line.  He was incredibly fearful, and FosterDad and I wondered if he even attended the mandatory informational meeting to ask those questions.  He didn’t show up again.

The classes themselves involved some canned videos and discussions on a variety of topics such as effects of abuse and neglect, sexual abuse, grief and loss, attachment issues, discipline, etc. One session on sexual abuse was incredibly touching as some of us shared our experiences as victims.  Much was common sense, but required material, and our instructors understood that some material could be covered quickly while other topics, such as discipline, would need more detail and discussion.

The class was taught by our current foster home case worker and a delightful veteran foster mom in the area. I was blessed to meet them and learn from them. I so enjoy our caseworker and love her visits (even if Stinkpot turns into a little monster when she is here).

Each week, we would have “homework”.  The homework was actually one piece of the home study at a time. A better way instefingerprintsad of the overwhelming list of things to do to complete your home study. One week, we would bring identification for criminal background checks. One week, copies of W-2’s or paycheck stubs. One week, divorce decrees. One week, the completed family profile questionnaire.

The most difficult task of the homework was completing our FBI fingerprinting.  We first had to call a number to schedule an appointment at the closest location (this was only 45 miles away from our home).  Then we had to bring our completed application along with $55 each.

Our last class, we had a little party eating tons of food while we covered the miscellaneous topics to complete our training. We completed our training!  That was March 2007.  All we needed was our home study visit. We were in the home stretch. It wouldn’t be long before our house would be full of kids, right?

WRONG! Next week, how we struggled to get that coveted foster care license.

ONLINE ADOPTION CONFERENCE

The Adoption HEART Conference is an online conference for foster and adoptive parents with a focus on Healing Trauma And Responding to Trauma (HEART). The conference sessions are free to watch during the conference dates.

If you are a temporary parent to traumatized children, and are trying to provide stability and make a difference in children’s lives, if only for a short time. You are in the trenches of parenting trauma.  This event will help you in developing strategies to effectively parent through trauma!

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Our Journey to Become a Licensed Foster Care Home

Our journey to become a licensed foster-adoptive home was just that.  A journey.3 different towns and over 1,800 miles of driving

The Beginning of our Foster Care Journey for a License

FosterDad and I discover our infertility in the Fall of 2006. After a time of grief and a busy holiday season, in January 2007, we made the decision to become foster parents hoping to eventually become a forever family to a small child or two. We discovered the steps in Texas to become a licensed foster/adoptive home is:

  1. Attend an informational meeting,
  2. Complete an application to attend PRIDE classes,
  3. Attend PRIDE classes (plus CPR/First Aid),
  4. Complete a home study,
  5. Get your license.

Lo and behold, PRIDE classes were about to begin! Perfect timing! Or was it?

There was a catch. We had missed the informational meeting. Okay. Let’s just enroll in the PRIDE class.

Wrong! Bureaucracy decided to rear its ugly head.

“You cannot enroll in the PRIDE classes until you attend the informational meeting.”

“But we missed it last week. Can’t we go ahead and enroll in the PRIDE class?”

“NO! You MUST attend the informational meeting first. But the next class begins in the fall.”

Grrr! I was ready to bite off someone’s head! It’s name was Bureaucracy.

Attending the Informational Meeting

Guess what? There was an informational meeting being held that Saturday morning. In Brenham, Texas (home to Blue Bell ice cream – have you heard of it?). 75 miles away.

So…we woke early that Saturday and drove and hour and a half to attend this “mandatory” informational meeting.

The “information” in this mandatory meeting was basically to touch upon neglect and the children that come into foster care.  Did we learn any new information? For us, no. We felt the meeting was more of a recruiting tool. We already knew that we wanted to become foster parents so, for us, the meeting was a waste of time just the first step in the process.

The PRIDE classes would be the next step and would be held in another city 75 miles in the opposite direction from our home!

Photo: Sienna minivan courtesy of Toyota

Part 2. PRIDE training classes and that coveted foster care license we were first denied.

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The Worst Home Visit Ever

Tuesday was just one of those days.  Our family was still very tired from traveling throughout the state of Texas for the Easter holiday weekend.  Last week, our foster home licensing caseworker had to reschedule her quarterly visit for this Tuesday.  When I agreed to Tuesday, I didn’t check my calendar, and the exterminator would be there too. I didn’t think too much of it since he would be doing his own thing…

However, that afternoon, I received a call from our foster baby’s caseworker, who also wanted a last visit with Lil Bit before his case was transferred to the State’s adoption unit. I told her that our caseworker was coming that afternoon. She said, “Great! I’ll see you this afternoon.”

So at 4:00 p.m., the exterminator knocks on the door. No problem….except…earlier in the day, I accidentally gave our hyperactive 3-year-old, Stinkpot, an antihistamine, which can make him a bit excitable and aggressive. OOPS!

Stinkpot was driving the “BugMan” cRaZy – following him around, asking a million questions, and talking, talking, talking. Poor man was just trying to kill a few bugs.

Then, ding! dong! 4:30 the doorbell rings and Lil Bit’s caseworker is there. As we walk in, my husband arrives in the house exhausted from TAKS testing, balancing Lil Bit in one arm and a large Diet Coke in the other. Just as our home caseworker drives up!

Wow! What was I thinking?

Stinkpot was OUT OF CONTROL! Acting out in the worst way! He hit the baby twice. At one point, he walked up to the baby and just kicked him!

I took him back in his room for a minute, while I distracted the caseworkers with the luscious chocolate-covered strawberries from Shari’s Berries that my wonderfully thoughtful husband had delivered to me as an Easter gift. {bribery?}

My husband then took Stinkpot outside to talk to the BugMan while I finished the visit with the caseworkers.

The visit itself went well.

  • Lil Bit’s case will be officially transferred to the State’s adoption unit today.
  • Since he is a citizen of Mexico, our 20-month-old, Lil Bit cannot be adopted until he is certified as a U.S. citizen.  {we are harboring an illegal immigrant}
  • He is now on the INS waiting list for a “certificate of naturalization“, in which scheduling the ceremony can take MONTHS!  So we are in another “holding pattern” before the adoption of our Lil Bit can be finalized.

What a visit!  BUT we had another visitor later that night!

photo courtesy Lisa Jane Stewart - not me!

The kids and I hunkered down in the bathroom clothes hamper until late in the evening. {FosterDad was glued to the television} I was keeping up with tornado alerts and friends through Twitter and Facebook. I admit it, I was scared!

We were all blessed by God’s protection that night! Have a blessed weekend with your family!

Hugs! ~penny

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April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month

A Foster Parent’s Perspective – Preventing Child Abuse

When Penny asked me to write a guest blog for National Child Abuse Prevention month, I said ‘yes!’  Then I thought, ‘What have I done? ‘ I don’t know anything about child abuse Prevention. I know some about child abuse.  I know a little, and I stress little, more about dealing with abused children. But, prevention – not so much.

Click this to get your own widget

So, here we are – National Child Abuse Prevention month. While I do not claim to be an expert in any sense of the word, I do believe that these thoughts are practical ways that will reach multiple generations, if we are willing to say yes.

My husband and I have been foster parents for the last 16 months.  Fostering has opened our eyes to a broken, overworked system that focuses on putting out immediate fires with little regard for long term consequences.   Please understand, the system is broken – not necessarily the people who work in the system.

One really great person that works in this system is the Child Advocate or CASA volunteer. We have the most amazing CASA volunteer and are blessed to be in a county that requires every child be assigned a volunteer.  The CASA volunteer’s job is simply to speak on behalf of the child.  Because, they are volunteers, they work with the kids because they WANT to, not because they have to.  These volunteers provide the child a voice, that isn’t looking out for their own interests – like attorneys, CPS, judges, etc.  So, what can you do?  If you are not a foster parent, sign up to be a volunteer.   Be the voice of an abused child and help prevent abuse for the next generation.

Our fostering process has had SO many ups and downs.  Our intention has always been that we would adopt one or more children through fostering, which is the riskiest decision we have ever made.  I’m not good at making relationship boundaries; I’m an “all in” kinda girl…which makes fostering SO hard for me. Anyway,  about 10 months into fostering our daughter, I had an epiphany.  While losing a child would be the worst loss of my life, I get the opportunity to lay a foundation of love, hope and joy for a child whose foundation would have been abuse, drugs, drama and who knows what else.  That, my friends, may be the ultimate way to personally impact the prevention of child abuse, the riskiest perhaps, but worth it.

So, remember at the beginning when I said we have to be willing to say yes?  Well, that may be the hardest part!

Melody, from I Heart…small kitchen appliances, is a wife, mom and children’s pastor who currently resides in the Greater Houston area.  She enjoys creating – food, crafts and organized chaos!  When she isn’t at home or church you will find her behind a 1929 baby grand practicing for a choral concert.

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When a Lawyer Calls

Remember that movie When A Stranger Calls?  The memorable line was “The call is coming from inside your house!“phone

In our foster care version, the movie is titled: When a Lawyer Calls, which has the tag line: “The call is coming from inside your bank account!”

Our attorney didn’t actually call, he just sent an email, but it costs the same. ($60)

He had forwarded a long string of State emails sent to him by the baby’s ad litem attorney.

As far as I could make out, the emails stated that our foster baby will be put on a waiting list to receive his U.S. citizenship certification. This process through U.S. Immigration could take a number of months, which shouldn’t surprise anyone.

Our attorney, Mr. MoneyBags, wants to meet today to discuss how this will play out in tomorrow’s termination hearing.

To follow along as events unfold –
http://Facebook.com/foster2forever
Or twitter,
http://twitter.com/foster2forever

Also, today check out The Lark’s Nest Mama Mania Monday! I’m one of the Mamas discussing foster care!!!

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The Case of the Missing Birth Father

What do you do when a birth parent can’t be found? Can their parental rights automatically be terminated?

Lil Bit’s birth father is missing. All we know is that he is somewhere in Mexico. The State has been working with the Mexican consulate to locate the father; however, the dad has a fairly common name. For example, imagine trying to find an “Eduardo Hernandez” somewhere in Mexico.

Gavel

Photo courtesy of walknboston on Flickr

Termination of parental rights is scheduled for next week; however, the baby’s ad litem attorney is concerned.  Last week, she called a special hearing in order to discuss this matter with the judge.  After making numerous changes to our family’s schedules, I was able to make it to the hearing.

Our less-expensive attorney (at only $200 per hour) is waiting as I walk up to the courthouse.

“Bad news. The docket is overflowing from this morning and there is no telling how long it will be before this case goes before the judge.”

Oh great! ($200 times all afternoon equals a butt-load of money!!!)

We go inside and take a seat in the courtroom. Strangely, the judge comes out and as everyone is standing, he says, “No, no, you can remain sitting.” At this point, my attorney excuses himself.

A few minutes later, as others are squeezing into the bench beside me, our attorney comes up to me and nudges me to follow him outside.

After making our way out the door into the hall, he tells me that he and the ad litem had already met with the judge in his chambers.  Apparently, the judge addressed the ad litem’s concerns by appointing an attorney to represent the birth father’s interests – an attorney to represent the birth father’s empty chair at the termination hearing still scheduled for next week.

Let’s hope this new attorney doesn’t request a continuance….

Thanks to Danni for the support. She is currently enrolled in online social work courses and spends her free time as a nanny and volunteer at the
local food bank.

I’m Clever

Sway