Hi! I am Gabie, a 34-year-old mom who volunteered as part of the Special Learning Program within the regular school. The program was filled with at-risk children; those who are not “regular” in behavior. This is my story of how the Lord brought my attention to foster and adoption:
One child was 8-years-old and lived in the Shelter. His task was to draw life under the sea. So, he drew a lonely fish, and quietly began teasing his own little drawing, “Haha, this is a lonely fish. Look! He has no family. He is alone! Silly!” Then he drew another figure, a big fish and said, “He is not alone anymore! Now there is a big fish with him. It is his mom!” He named the small fish *Tommy. (*Made up name to the real child)
The big one? “It’s Gabie”, he said – That’s when I thought to myself, “Wait a minute. I can be a big fish! Why not?”
Tommy suffered from Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), and children with RAD can manipulate people. But, in that moment, I did not feel manipulated. It felt more like he was desperately trying to find normalcy. I don’t believe he actually saw me as his mom, but I believe he just wanted to feel “normal.” Any adult would do, to fill in his blank.
Often, when I would greet him as he was playing with his friends, Tommy would say (without anyone really asking), “No! This is not my mom… She is not my mom…”, all the while clinging to me.
It was easy to read what was happening. He was not telling his friends that I wasn’t his mom. He was telling himself! He missed his mother so desperately that he wanted someone to represent her, and I was there. At the same time, he had to remind himself and others that I wasn’t the real thing. But since it felt so good, he was holding on to me just in case, because it was irresistible to feel nurtured.
And so, my eyes were opened. I could see behind the RAD, behind the melt-downs and behavioral issues. Oh, Tommy had issues. Plenty! But I could see his heart. And to me, it was beautiful!
For 9 months, we desperately did all we could to become Tommy’s foster parents; however, we were not able to qualify as foster parents for Tommy, mainly because of his very intense therapeutic needs. While it felt as though I had miscarried a child, the call remained in my heart.
The sad reality was clear. There are still many hurting children to help. All the hurting children are in desperate need of comfort and open arms. My heart breaks for the lonely ones, who are filled with shame and deep need for acceptance. No child should have to plead for a mom… They should all have one, rather biological or foster or adoptive. They all need a family!
When did you become aware that you wanted to become a foster parent?
Gabie is a 34-year-old mom in the process of becoming a licensed foster home. A stay-home mom by choice (and by God’s grace). She has been married to her best-friend for 12 years. She has two daughters, age 10 and 7 (almost 8). She lives in a small town in Montana (but it is the second or third biggest in the state?). Slow paced life-style 🙂 Lots of farms and ranches around, all with a touch of cosmopolitan because of the University of Montana being here. She writes about her foster care journey at One More With. Us.
[…] Posted by Gabriela on Oct 25, 2012 in From Day To Day | 0 comments For all those bloggers out there, you will understand this one. Blog is a way for us to share our walk through a particular experience in an open way. Like an open journal. And we invite the online world to pick at the pages, along with us. Today, one of the biggest blogs I follow posted our story, and I am grateful for that. Click on the link to visit Foster2Forever to read it! https://foster2forever.com/2012/10/foster-parent-story.html […]