Today – we have a special guest blogger, Melody, from I Heart…small kitchen appliances talking openly about TRANS-RACIAL ADOPTION in the South!
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When my husband and I decided to adopt one of the first discussions we had was about race. We grew up in a very traditional part of the South where the lines between neighborhoods were not so ‘imaginary.’ We asked ourselves all the questions you would expect.
We also had a great list reasons why we could adopt outside of our race:
- We now live in a major city with EVERY culture imaginable. So, no matter what race we ended up adopting, we would be able to expose them to their culture.
- We have so many friends of different cultures – Hispanic, Indian, African-American.
- No matter what kind of hair we ended up with…someone could help us fix it! haha!
- Most important we just wanted to be able to say YES!
So, here we are, in the middle of our first placement with a GORGEOUS Hispanic girl. We were so blessed to be able to meet her at just 4 days old and she will be turning 1 year old next week. It has been an AMAZING year that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Reflecting back, here is how our lives have been affected by having a a child of a different race in our family.
1. Awareness
We have become SO aware of every Hispanic child that crosses our paths. Height, weight, skin color, eye shape, hair color. I must admit, before having a Hispanic child, in my naivety, they all looked similar to me. Now, I notice every difference and how unique and amazing each child is. And, wow, they wear more jewelry than me!
2. Language
We haven’t had a language barrier with our daughter simply because she has only known us from birth. However, due to an open adoption, she comes with an Aunt, Uncle, 5 cousins and a sister – few of whom we can communicate with. Our visits with them are frustrating. I often feel like I’m not getting the whole story or things are being said about our family in a negative light. But, I can not confirm or deny this! Which is even worse! The reality is that while our daughter will be able to live a whole, healthy life speaking English, she needs to know Spanish. I want her to be able to communicate with her entire family one day. This is definitely still a work in progress.
3. The Peanut Gallery
You know, all the people that have something to say, but at the end of the day their opinion doesn’t matter a hill of beans! There aren’t as many as you would think. Remember, we live in a very large city, one of the 4 largest in the country. So, it’s not odd at all to see parents with children that don’t look exactly like them. When we visit ‘home,’ though, we do get quite a bit of attention. Mostly because most of them have never seen a Hispanic baby, and she is so darn cute!
4. Love really is blind
One year later, we can not imagine our lives without our daughter. She’s an amazing little bundle of energy that makes me smile all the time! I don’t see her differences – I see her similarities. She smiles like me, she’s brave like her papa and she adores music…like both of us.
Trust me, this is just the beginning. It will not always be this easy. I wonder (worry) about how she will process our differences when she is older.
- Who will she identify with at school?
- Will she feel closer to her biological family, than us?
- Will I really be able to raise her to appreciate her culture?
I don’t have any of the answers. So much will depend on her personality and our pro-activity. But, our answer to her will always be YES. When it’s easy and when it’s hard.
