Foster2Forever

Archives for November 2016

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GIVEAWAY: Hallmark Adoption Keepsake Ornaments

The keepsake ornaments you put on your Christmas tree can document memories for years to come. When I purchased my very first Christmas tree as an adult, I simply bought glass ornaments to make a pretty tree. But that changed one year, when I saw a flying pig ornament. I quickly purchased the ornament, and smiled inside when I placed it on my Christmas tree for the memory it brought to me.

That Christmas ornament was a flying pig. Its significance may make you smile a bit too. The back story on the flying pig isn’t about a wild ride on a Harley. You see, my college career was abruptly halted when I received a late night call that my dad was in ICU at the hospital back in Waco. The next morning, doctors gave me the horrifying news that cancer was eating away my dad’s brain and he would die within a six months. My dad died five months and three weeks later.

After a couple of years, I finally decided I was ready to go back to college. But without any support system, I was having to work more than part-time, and yet study enough to pass Biochemistry courses at Texas A&M University. Each month, I cried and worried if I could do it long enough to get that coveted college degree. 28 months later, when graduation day came, I wrote on my graduation cap “PIGS DO FLY!”

Flying pigs have become a special symbol to me that all things are possible! However, as I began adding flying pig ornaments and then other flying animals, my Christmas tree became overloaded with angel pigs, then angel sheep, then angel cows, angel dogs, and any winged animal — my friends began calling my Christmas tree “the dead animal tree.”

But once I married and became a mom through the miracle of adoption, the ornaments on our Christmas tree began to tell a different story – a magical story of hope, love and family memories.

Some of my favorite memories are told through the ornaments on our Christmas tree.
The deer eye bracelet on my LilBit’s wrist when he was placed with us, along with Baby’s First Christmas.

evil-eye-baby-bracelet-meaning
And our Forever Home keepsake ornament from Hallmark after the eventual adoption of our LilBit.

This week, I want bless other families that have adopted in the past couple of years with a giveaway for Hallmark keepsake ornaments commemorating adoption – one keepsake ornament for families blessed by adoption in 2015, and another keepsake ornament for families that adopted this year in 2016.

Please share with anyone that you know has adopted! Just enter in the Rafflecopter app below.
a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclosure: I purchased these ornaments with my own money and this giveaway is not affiliated with Hallmark. Giveaway limited to those in the US.

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The Surprising Way Your Past Trauma Affects Your Foster Children

Now that all 20+ sessions of the Adoption HEART Conference have been broadcast, I want to share how these sessions have impacted me and changed my outlook on raising my adopted children.

I will be the first to admit that as an adoptive parent who “rescued” children from the foster care system, I am flawed. First, I had my head in the sand about some very important issues that drastically affect how effective I can be as a parent to traumatized children.

past-childhood-trauma-recovery

YOUR PAST TRAUMA WILL RESURFACE

The most surprising theme for me that ran through many of the sessions of the Adoption HEART Conference is that parents must recognize the impact that personal past trauma will have on their ability to effectively parent trauma.

My history is spotted with family dysfunction, substance abuse, domestic violence, along with physical and sexual abuse. Although I felt had to come to terms with my own past trauma, I had failed to recognize its importance in my ability to stay calm and not be triggered by my child’s trauma. As therapist Amy Sugeno stated in her session:

“If a parent experienced childhood trauma, they are at a higher risk for developing secondary trauma.”

Wow! She went on to explain:

“A child’s trauma may trigger a parent’s past trauma.”

Now, my trauma happened many, many years ago. I actively pursued healing as a young woman through many counseling sessions, group therapy with other survivors, and even hypnosis to clear some of the bad memories. When I eventually came to the point of restoration, I felt alive, healed, and finally over the mountain of heartache that was my youth.

However, as I became a foster parent, I was surprised at how my past trauma caused me to react. To this day, I cringe when a young girl is hugged by males or sits on a man’s lap. I become nervous, edgy, and can even become downright bitchy. My instinct is to snatch the girl from what can be a truly appropriate sign of affection. (It’s ironic because as a little girl, I always felt safest in my Daddy’s lap.)

I began to realize that due to this hyper-vigilance from my past trauma, it would be best for me if I didn’t parent little girls. It is just too nerve-racking for me.

HOW TO DETERMINE IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY YOUR PAST TRAUMA

  • Evaluate your past. You can begin by journaling about your three biggest hurts in your past. Many times you will begin to see a pattern.
  • Evaluate your present parenting. Journal about the times you may have just lost it while parenting your child. {no judgment here} look to see if you can identify your triggers.
  • Compare your current triggers with your past. Examine both lists and look for any overlapping issues. Determine if your current triggers are somehow associated with your past.
  • Determine if your feelings are somehow associated with your past.  One way that you can do this is when your child is misbehaving, before you react to your child’s behavior: Stop, breathe, and question your feelings.

I’m Clever

Sway