Hopeless (noun) – Having no hope; despairing; bleak; incurable; impossible.
That same emotion that overwhelmed me during our journey through infertility.
But now I have that child I dreamed of!
That child that was conceived in November 2006 as the fertility doctor told us our prognosis.
That child that was in God’s plan all along.
That child that was placed in my arms on March 4, 2008, and smiled at me.
That child that became my forever son in August 2oo9.
My dream of motherhood came true! How in the world can I feel hopeless? Do I even have that right?
During my short parenting journey with 5-year-old Stinkpot, there have been numerous times when I’ve wept and cried out, “God, please help my little boy!”
I’ve felt hopeless when he would have HUGE meltdowns that would last an hour and nothing I could do would comfort him.
I’ve felt hopeless that after taking him off of allergy medicines known to cause aggression – that he would still have these meltdowns.
I’ve felt hopeless when his daycare called at noon one day (after numerous days of meltdowns) and asked me to pick him up and told me that they wouldn’t care for him anymore and to find another daycare.
I’ve felt hopeless when his second daycare called at noon one day after only three weeks to pick him up and told us to find another daycare.
I’ve felt hopeless when his third daycare called before noon because he was having a meltdown – they called his meltdown state a “possession.” He lasted eight weeks at his third daycare.
I’ve felt hopeless that he couldn’t handle his third daycare, even after being prescribed medications by a psychiatrist.
I’ve felt hopeless that even now he still has major meltdowns that last over an hour (yesterday because we didn’t go out to eat a lunch buffet).
Will my little boy ever be able to overcome his neglected past and handle rejection and disappointment appropriately?
This is my fear as my little boy grows up.
After reading Chapter 1 of The Connected Child: Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family and especially the study guide, Created to Connect, I realized that I have to shift my focus from his meltdowns to my child as a whole. These meltdowns are not who my child is. The meltdowns are the feelings of rejection that overwhelm him. He doesn’t understand the emotions and can’t control them.
As I look at my “whole child”, I see an incredibly bright, athletic, and determined gorgeous little boy!
That determination will be the death of me as a parent! However, that incredible determination will keep him motivated to complete whatever goals he sets in life.
This is what I need to remember to keep my grip on hope! (And also that he is only five years old.)
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
My child has a future full of hope!
What challenges have you faced in parenting your foster children? What are the beautiful qualities in your child that you might overlook during the challenging times?
UPDATE: We discovered that my son suffers from hypoglycemia – his tantrums were caused by hunger that he was unable to express. Hallelujah! {Don’t give up hope for the answer!}
