Dr. Martin Luther King had a dream. Transracial adoption is truly his dream realized – full integration. Whites adopting black children to become forever members of their families. As divided as our nation was at the time, could transracial adoption been fathomed in his dream?
This weekend, we attended a foster parent training entitled “Healthy Racial & Ethnic Identity.” Race, as our instructor told us, is the white elephant in the room. Her words to us were: “Race matters.”
As an African-American mother of a gifted & talented African-American son, our presenter spoke openly about the reality of how race matters to our children, even today.
Teen filmmaker, Kiri Davis, explores the message that society gives African-American children in her video – A Girl Like Me.
Halfway into the 7 minute film, she shows African-American preschoolers 2 baby dolls, identical except for skin color. Watch what happens when she asks: “Which is the bad doll?”
I can’t help but tear up when she asks the little girl why. “Because she’s black.”
Julian Abagond writes more about the Brown vs. Board of Education doll experiment.
Another heartbreaking point in the film is the African-American teen who began wearing her hair natural, then her own mother tells her that her hair looks too African. What?
Another good film about the importance of race and ethnicity, produced by the Casey Family Services, is Knowing Who You Are, where former foster children and birthfamilies openly discuss integration.
Skin color may not mean anything to you. You may truly be “color-blind;” however, at some point in our children’s lives, someone will point out their differences to them, as they try to fit in. Skin color is just one of those external factors. We can’t ignore it.
Honestly, can your African-American son safely go for a walk in your neighborhood at night? Or could he end up as Trayvon Martin, the African-American teenager shot in Florida last February by a neighborhood watch coordinator?
Our speaker even asked a friend that is an officer with the Austin Police Department about what route her African-American 16-year-old son should drive to school. His words to her: “Take the interstate – your son will get stopped by the police if he drives through the neighborhood!”
The takeaway of the training was that race matters in society and as parents you have to be aware of that.
- Realize that, at some point, your child will probably be stereotyped according to their race;
- Give your child proactive and protective messages about their individual abilities and identity;
- Help your child identify themselves as something other than race (“I am a girl who enjoys reading vampire novels”)
What issues or controversies have you encountered with transracial adoption?
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
We couldn’t be “colorblind” even if we wanted to. Little Man has always gravitated to darker skinned people. I can tell that they help him to feel at ease and that’s okay with me. I like that he’s so self-aware. When we talked about his adoption finalization coming up, he pointed to his arm and then to Roadie’s arm and said that he would be just like Roadie once he was adopted. It took me a minute to realize that he thought he would turn white! It took three days of convincing him that it wouldn’t happen and that it was 100% okay with us because we LOVED his beautiful brown skin for him to process through it. It’s so interesting to get glimpses into our children’s minds! Even at a young age, race DOES matter.
Check out what Vertical Mom recently posted..I Think I Can
Twitter: Foster2Forever
February 23, 2013 at 4:30 am
Wow! Little Man being attuned to skin color shows how kids want to be like those around them. It will be interesting to see how this affinity toward dark-skinned people plays out as he gets older & is part of your family. Thanks for sharing!
So far, we haven’t had a ton of issues with race. Our children were hurt the most by my daughter’s birth father who is African American and they were removed from an African American foster home because of corporal punishment. The rest of their foster homes were all Caucasian as are their mother and I. And, because of this my daughter has had, at times, a low opinion of African American men and has even struggled with loving her own blackness. We try to talk about race a fair amount in our home, about how all people are special and made in God’s image and that each of our children (our youngest is Black/Latino biracial, our middle is primarily Black, and our oldest is Black/White biracial) has a special beauty that God has given them. And, it seems to help them to better appreciate themselves and each other.
As far as racial issues from other people, we’ve had a few incidents here an there: a couple of family members who have trouble embracing our children because of their race (and we have been surprised where this has and more surprisingly has not come from). Occasionally, when we are in public, we will get rude questions or comments and sometimes the occasional glare. But, nothing that we get upset over.
Twitter: Foster2Forever
February 23, 2013 at 4:34 am
Thanks for sharing, Joel! Your daughter’s attitude toward AA sadly reminds me of the video where the AA girl didn’t want to play with the black doll because it was bad. Praying your daughter can grow to love her beautiful dark skin.
Twitter: Purvistribe
January 29, 2013 at 9:02 am
We have three black children and my husband and I are white. There are several books out there. One that I found/find so helpful is “in chocolate you’re vanilla”. It is so good. And I think a key component to this discussion is the age of your children when discussing these things. Because you can actually do more harm than good if we as adults misinterpret their questions/responses to such issues based on our views. It was an eye opening read!
Twitter: Foster2Forever
February 23, 2013 at 4:40 am
Thanks, Amanda! I will have to put that book on my to-read list. My reading list is getting L-O-N-G!!! (Still reading The Connected Child)