I think we have the same smile. Don't you?
“You can tell by looking at him that he’s not yours.”
Yes, those are the words Lil Bit’s Court-Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) said to me during one meeting.
I was shocked she said that to me. And that statement did rub me the wrong way. Okay, I admit it – I was offended.
Would she have said that to me if Lil Bit were African-American?
Or what if he were blond-haired and blue-eyed like Blondie?
What would’ve been your reply?
Have you had to deal with small-minded people in regard to your children?
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: twinsnana2x2
February 27, 2012 at 10:51 am
That makes me VERY angry! People can be such unfeeling idiots at times, It amazes me.
First of all I have always said that giving birth doesn’t make you a mother. My daughter fosters and while those sweet children are with her they are HERS even though she didn’t give birth to them or legally adopt them. Her heart know no difference. Try to tell her breaking heart that they aren’t her babies when she is heartbroken when they have to go back to their birth parents. Whether they are living with her or not they will always be her babies in her heart.
Twitter: Foster2Forever
March 1, 2012 at 4:54 am
You’re right, Kathy! Giving birth and being a mother are 2 different things entirely.
It would have rubbed me the wrong way too. With all the thoughtless statements adoptive and foster parents hear we earn a tough skin don’t we.
Hes an absolute doll and no doubt yours… just look to the heart and it’s easy to see.
Twitter: Foster2Forever
March 1, 2012 at 4:56 am
Thanks, Momma! The worst part is that she works for CASA…
I am getting the opposite. “She could be yours!” I know what they mean, people don’t generally mean harm and honestly, I should be so lucky as to be a beautiful as my soon to be forever daughter!
If I was in a snarky mood I might say to a “you can tell” comment, “you didnt seriously say that, did you?” and remind them that the child is, in fact mine. That will teach them for next time.
Twitter: Foster2Forever
March 1, 2012 at 5:00 am
I really wanted to be snarky, but with her being a CASA and making recommendations to the judge, I couldn’t really reply. This particular CASA has a reputation in our area for treating people ugly. Should I report her? Or would we be blacklisted? Foster parents walk a tightrope…
I don’t get those comments if not, I might be offended too….however, I live in a city which most of the population is an interracial family and there are plenty of single or remarried moms so to see me with my biracial child…no one thinks it is strange. I honestly don’t know how it would be were we to live in another city.
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Twitter: Foster2Forever
March 1, 2012 at 5:04 am
We live in rural Texas. Even in this millennium, prejudice is still common. There are still many geographic racial boundaries. Sad!
OOOHHH MMMYYY GOOOSH!! I can’t believe she said that!
You should hav said “and what’s your point?”
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Twitter: Foster2Forever
March 1, 2012 at 5:01 am
I wanted to ask her about the price of tea in China!
p.s. My niece & family are moving there on March 14th – say a prayer!
I am appalled that a CASA would say that! I used to work for DCS. I worked closely with our CASA program on many cases and know for a fact that is NOT something that would have been tolerated in our county CASA program. It’s such a shame that some people are still so shallow-minded in this day and age (and apparently haven’t learned to think before they speak!). It makes me question whether that person should even be allowed to be a CASA.
Twitter: Foster2Forever
March 1, 2012 at 5:06 am
I didn’t tell the whole story. We had an appointment with the CASA and she showed up with the caseworker to try and talk us into giving up the child. Grrrr!
I am starting to get these comments since I have 2 baby girls thru foster care that we are adopting. I think it’s just that people really don’t think before they speak and they just assume that if you have children with you, that you gave birth to them. I haven’t figured out yet how to handle these questions other than saying flat out ‘Right, we are adopting them. They may not look like us but they are ours.’ — That usually makes people stop right in their tracks. LOL
I often get something along the lines of “I’m surprised at how much they all look alike (or…like you)”. I’ve managed to get almost exclusively blonde-haired blue-eyed kiddos, like my bio & adopted kids are. So then internally I start to feel bad because I don’t have a colorful family as if I chose to only have blonde-haired blue-eyed infants. I swear I’ve said yes to some darker-skinned kiddos – even some who only speak Spanish (I’m bilingual) – those placements just never came to be for whatever reason.
I don’t know – I think people for the most part are just trying to acknowledge that our relationship is different than the norm, and it is. If they were in our shoes they’d probably know better but it’s hard to think through it all not having been there. Some of us get offended when people say something, some of us get offended when people don’t say anything at all. I kind of feel bad for people who are not in our fp/adoptive circle – they really don’t have a chance KWIM?
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Twitter: ErinBassett
March 5, 2012 at 12:05 am
Oh my goodness! She worked with CASA? I’d think she’d know better…it would totally offend me too.
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Twitter: Foster2Forever
March 5, 2012 at 6:21 am
Yeah! And she’s a paid staffer too! She has a reputation in our area for being rude and unprofessional.
Oh my goodness! Same smile. Same coloring! Little Ms CASA needs to have her eyes checked.
That baby is YOUR’S!!
Twitter: Foster2Forever
March 7, 2012 at 8:30 am
Thanks, Micah! He and I look more alike than my sisters.
WOW! Ms. CASA needs a talking to, and by a superior not one of the mommies she is supposed to be working with. Shame on her and then some. I would be offended too. Why? Because we tell our precious kids every day that it doesn’t matter if we look the same or different, that it doesn’t matter if we were born together or born apart, that it doesn’t matter how long we are together; that THEY BELONG. And everyday someone tells them they don’t and so we tell our precious children, “don’t worry, don’t listen, they are ignorant and it isn’t their fault.” This woman isn’t ignorant. And it is her fault. And she needs a talking to.
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Twitter: Foster2Forever
March 29, 2012 at 3:52 am
She flat out did not want LilBit to stay with us. She definitely shouldn’t be a CASA. Also she’s not a volunteer, she’s paid staff. Even worse!