Doubt. For me, doubt is an overwhelming emotion that leads to incurable guilt. My journey through infertility created incredible doubt about my life decisions. Doubt about my decisions to focus on my career and delay marriage until age 40. Doubt about my decisions of waiting after marriage to begin a family. Doubt about my decisions to not continue fertility treatments. Through my journey of infertility, I felt alone in my desperation to become a mother. That insatiable desire to conceive a child began consuming my thoughts and devouring my life.
In November 2006, our fertility specialist gave us grim news: “Your eggs are gone. You will need an egg donor if you want to conceive.” That was it! Our hope to conceive a child was over within two years of marriage. I felt alone in my grief as a failure as a woman. My sweet husband was encouraging me that there was a child – a child we hadn’t met. A child that would be ours that might not even been born yet.
FOSTER CARE LICENSE
After grieving through the Christmas holidays, we began the year 2007 renewed with determination to bring a child into our family. With our “older age”, we were limited in our adoption choices and began our quest to become a licensed foster home.
We logged hundreds of miles traveling across Texas actively pursuing that elusive foster care license, during a move. Finally, on March 4, 2008, after over a year of wading through the licensing process, a phone call changed our lives forever. A caseworker said: “We have a baby boy for foster only.” She repeated, “Foster only.”
That 8-month-old baby boy pierced his way into my heart, changing me forever. I was overwhelmed with instant motherhood: “What does an 8-month-old eat?” My heart rejoiced as my body ached for sleep. I was exuberant to be a mother to this baby boy, if even for a short time.
As a foster parent, a child maybe part of your family for short time, sometimes forever. Against all odds, this baby boy’s birthfamily made a sudden decision we weren’t expecting. “He’s better off where he is.” This foster child would become our forever son! We finalized the adoption of our baby boy in the summer 2009.
Around this time, I discovered the expansive, online world of blogging. I began writing online about my journey through motherhood and our foster care adoption experience. Over time, other foster parents began following our journey and sharing their experiences and frustration with the foster care system. I love how this blog has developed into a community.
HOPE FOR MOTHERHOOD
Through blogging, my hope is to encourage others that it doesn’t matter how you become a parent. Becoming a foster mother to a baby boy changed me – changed my focus. My infertility wasn’t an issue any longer. Being a mom to this neglected child became my focus. By hope is to encourage others that infertility is just a journey: the end result is that you can become a parent to a child that needs one.
Over time, the fact that my sons are adopted makes no difference. Those little boys, although not my DNA, are my sons. And it doesn’t matter how they joined our family. We are a family.
Join the movement to become a foster parent. Over 250,000 children in the foster care system need a home – some foster children need a home for a while, yet some foster children are legally free for adoption and need a forever home now. Who knows? One just might become your forever son or daughter.