This week, renowned adoption advocate, Russell Moore, discussed how not every Christian should adopt:
For years, I’ve called Christian churches and families to our James 1:27 mandate to care for widows and orphans in their distress, to live out the adoption we’ve received in the gospel by adopting and fostering children. At the same time, I’ve maintained that, while every Christian is called to care for orphans and widows, not every Christian is called to adopt or foster. As a matter of fact, there are many who, and I say this emphatically, should not.
He goes on to say:
…every adoption, every orphan, represents a tragedy. Someone was killed, someone left, someone was impoverished, or someone was diseased. Wrapped up in each situation is some kind of hurt, and all that accompanies that. That’s the reason there really is no adoption that is not a “special needs” adoption; you just might not know on the front end what those special needs are.
I certainly agree with this, and even go on to say that every child is a “special needs” child. Just like us, no child is perfect and will have unique gifts and abilities.
Sometimes parents can throw their expectations onto a child, setting the child to continually be a disappointment when they don’t live up to those expectations. We all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, even parents. Some parents have unrealistic expectations of how a child should talk, act, and be. A child’s traits can be positive: strong-willed (determined), ADHD (energetic), clinginess (affectionate):
…we need Christians ready to care for real orphans, with all the brokenness and risk that comes with it.
If what you like is the idea of a baby who fulfills your needs and meets your expectations, just buy a cat. Decorate the nursery, if you’d like. Dress it up in pink or blue, and take pictures. And be sure to have it declawed.
Dr. Moore has written the book, Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families & Churches, a highly regarded book calling Christians to adopt children. Another purpose of the book is to help equip Christian families going through the process.
I have not read this book, have you? What are your thoughts?
Have you entered this week’s giveaway from PBS Kids?
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
I have not read that book, but will definitely add it to the list! Thanks for making me aware! I am a big believer that as Christians we are ALL called to care for orphans and widows, in some way, shape, form, or fashion. However, I think it would be very naive to say that everyone is called to adopt. That being said, I do believe that the “God didn’t CALL me to…” line can become a big excuse for many, when in fact we are just plain SCARED. I guess it’s like that in every area of lives though…saying we fully surrender to the Lord, but then closing our ears when He seeks to guide us. I am the biggest abuser of that. May we all seek the Lord fully and listen to His will in every area of our lives!
Check out what Kylee recently posted..Dorm Life, Roommates, and Working Out.
Twitter: Foster2Forever
October 13, 2011 at 1:06 pm
You are right. Fear can prevent us from doing great things for Him. Thanks for sharing!
(have you entered the PBS Kids giveaway? Your little siblings would probably enjoy it.)
What I think is funny though is that even biological children have “special needs”. So you have no idea what you are getting when you have a child either. But some people just can’t love a child that is not born to them.
What I think is really sad is the fact that we have people right now mad at us for adopting outside of the US. How they can believe that God does not love all is children is beyond me. Some of these children are in such horrendous places too.
So even those who cannot adopt can still help those who are willing to. But sometimes I wish more people would open their eyes to what a blessing it really can be.
Check out what Katrina recently posted..When God Wraps His Arms Around You – The Fundraiser
Twitter: Foster2Forever
October 23, 2011 at 6:06 pm
My sister has 3 kids that each have “special needs”, so any child could have needs. When adopting outside the U.S., you could be saving a life. In the U.S., orphans will have a place to live, food and health care. However, in Africa, if a child has HIV – that is a death sentence since there would be no health care for the child. I respect you for taking care of “the least of these”.
I’ve not read the book but I agree. I do believe that ALL Christians are called to help. Not all should adopt. If you are trying to “save a poor orphan”, don’t do it.
There is much work to be done, and more need to build their families through adoption. It is hard work but worth it if you have the right heart.
Twitter: Foster2Forever
October 14, 2011 at 8:09 pm
The right heart is definitely the key to adoption.
Twitter: Foster2Forever
October 23, 2011 at 6:12 pm
We had one foster child whose previous foster mom called her names when she got mad at her. That foster parent didn’t have the right heart to parent, even just for a while. My book reading list is getting L-O-N-G!!!
I loved these thoughts (saw them on facebook)….because it is true!
Sometimes we fantasize about our soon to be adopted child….or our foster child becoming our adopted child soon….and our eyes are filled with dreams of perfection or a comparison to our other children already in the home.
I can say – we have adopted only infants and toddlers, we have adopted all the different ways possible…..we now have 8 children in our home. AND THEY ARE ALL DIFFERENT IN THEIR NEEDS!!!!! Some most people would classify as “normal” whatever that is. Some people would definitely say are “special needs”. BUT REALITY is that all our children are special needs because although adoption is a wonderous miracle, it comes with LOSS. Not just any loss, but that of the deepest level!
I PRAY DAILY for people to step up to take care of God’s Children. Whether that is supporting others in the church, neighborhood, or overseas!!! I also pray for more people to “get real” about the NEED for adoption and fostering!! It is GREAT! BUT I know that there are sooo many NOT WILLING because they say- well I could maybe but there is a list of reasons I don’t want to. SAD
By the way- his book is AMAZING! With a deep scriptural look at adoption. The only one I have seen that is closest to reality.
Twitter: Foster2Forever
October 14, 2011 at 8:18 pm
Thanks, Dawn! I will definitely put Dr. Moore’s book on my list. My reading list is getting quite long!
Twitter: Foster2Forever
October 23, 2011 at 6:28 pm
My thoughts exactly on how some parents’ set unrealistic expectations for their children (adopted or not). I feel as though I haven’t stepped up enough – our large church doesn’t have an orphan ministry. Now I will HAVE to read this book. I hear a soft calling….
I just ordered this book, should be here today. Very excited to read it as I have been reading articles of his for a few years now. I totally agree with what he is saying (even blogged about it too). This has to be about the children, not about some agenda, but pure ministry. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on it as well.
Twitter: djohnson135
November 2, 2011 at 5:17 pm
So well put! I have not read the book but will put it on my list. Without a shadow of a doubt I know that I was called to adopt medically fragile children. I am also not naive enough to think that every Christian out there should and I respect that. I do think though that being scared is sometimes another way of saying that it is too inconvenient. My thing is this, maybe you are not called to adopt but that does not mean that you cannot volunteer at a children’s home/hospital, mentor a child, something. It is all about praying for the Lord to show you what He has planned for your life and then helping you have the courage to do it.